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Your Attractiveness Affects Your Love Life? It’s How You Respond To Life That Counts More

Your Attractiveness Affects Your Love Life? It’s How You Respond To Life That Counts More

Do you constantly show your love and affection to your significant other? Or do you only express your feelings of love when your partner expresses theirs to you first?

A lot of people seem to believe that their personalities and looks play a big role in their love lives. You’re not alone. When striking out in the dating world, it’s not uncommon to think something is wrong with the way you look or that you may have a few personality flaws.

However, it’s how you respond to life that makes a much bigger difference. When I changed the way I looked at life and the way I chose to live, my love life transformed.

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Whether we want to admit it or not, love is something we all need. Some of us can be more focused on receiving love rather than giving it. You may or may not know this, but love can be proactive or reactive. For an explanation about what this means, keep reading.

What’s the difference?

Proactive people are ready to go out and make things happen. They decide what they want and go after it without hesitation. They know exactly what they don’t want so they take measures to prevent it from happening.

On the other hand, reactive people are essentially just the opposite. They wait for what they want to happen, and will often complain when and if things do not work out in their favor. Reactive people rarely know what they want out of life, and are generally pretty negative, about everything.

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After reading these definitions, I’m sure you’re able to figure out which type of person you are. If you have come to realize or already know that you’re a reactive person, you must know that this can impact your love life tremendously. As previously stated, it’s much easier to think your looks and personality are to blame for the lack of love in your life. It’s much harder to accept that your outlook on life in general is the reason.

Here’s what I mean…

A proactive lover chooses to give unconditional love without thought. They will look for reasons to love rather than searching for reasons not to love. A proactive lover is selfless. They know that love isn’t always easy, and they’re more than ready to go the extra mile for their partner without any expectations in return.

A reactive lover tends to point out your flaws rather than shining light on your positive qualities. They are more self-centered and they love with conditions attached. This lover tends to wear their significant other down, and puts a very large strain on the relationship. Reactive lovers will constantly take love and rarely give it.

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I once was not in a good place in my life. I had just gotten out of a relationship, I was dissatisfied with my job and my life overall. I let myself get out of shape, I wasn’t taking care of myself, and when a potential relationship didn’t work out in my favor I always had someone or something else to blame.

After a year of consistent negative thoughts about myself and my life, I chose to make a change. I decided to be the person that I would want to meet. I realized that every day I woke up remaining stuck in that negative, reactive mindset would be a day that I would never get back. Making that conscious choice to improve my life has increased my quality of life and my opportunities in regards to love.

The more you give, the more you receive

The best way to be successful in both life and love is to create more value than you take. Think about this: would you rather have a friend who is always taking from you and taking advantage of you? Or would you rather have a friend who is always generous, caring, and offering a helping hand even when you do not ask for it? Most would choose the latter. At one point or another, what you give and put out into the universe will eventually recirculate and find its way back to you.

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If you feel that you have been living your life from a reactive view, it’s never too late to change. That change will start within you. By changing your thoughts, you can change your life. By becoming proactive in life and love, you open the door to so many opportunities that you would have missed before.

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Erica Wagner

Erica is a passionate writer who shares inspiring ideas and lifestyle tips on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on March 5, 2021

Science Says People Who Talk To Themselves Are Geniuses

Science Says People Who Talk To Themselves Are Geniuses

I talk a lot to myself. It helps me to keep my concentration on the activity on hand, makes me focus more on my studies, and gives me some pretty brilliant ideas while chattering to myself; more importantly, I produce better works. For example, right now, as I am typing, I am constantly mumbling to myself. Do you talk to yourself? Don’t get embarrassed admitting it because science has discovered that those who talk to themselves are actually geniuses… and not crazy!

Research Background

Psychologist-researcher Gary Lupyan conducted an experiment where 20 volunteers were shown objects, in a supermarket, and were asked to remember them. Half of them were told to repeat the objects, for example, banana, and the other half remained silent. In the end, the result shown that self-directed speech aided people to find the objects faster, by 50 to 100 milliseconds, compared to the silent ones.

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“I’ll often mutter to myself when searching for something in the refrigerator or the supermarket shelves,” said Gary Lupyan.

This personal experience actually made him conduct this experiment. Lupyan, together with another psychologist, Daniel Swigley, came up with the outcomes that those to talk to oneself are geniuses. Here are the reasons:

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It stimulates your memory

When you are talking to yourself, your sensory mechanism gets activated. It gets easier on your memory since you can visualize the word, and you can act accordingly.[1]

It helps stay focused

When you are saying it loud, you stay focused on your task,[2] and it helps you recognise that stuff immediately. Of course, this only helps if you know what the object you are searching looks like. For example, a banana is yellow in colour, and you know how a banana looks like. So when you are saying it loud, your brain immediately pictures the image on your mind. But if you don’t know what banana looks like, then there is no effect of saying it loud.

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It helps you clarify your thoughts

Every one of us tends to have various types of thoughts. Most make sense, while the others don’t. Suppose you are furious at someone and you feel like killing that person. Now for this issue you won’t run to a therapist, will you? No, what you do is lock yourself in a room and mutter to yourself. You are letting go off the anger by talking to yourself, the pros and cons of killing that person, and eventually you calm down. This is a silly thought that you have and are unable to share it with any other person. Psychologist Linda Sapadin said,[3]

“It helps you clarify your thoughts, tend to what’s important and firm up any decisions you are contemplating.”

Featured photo credit: Girl Using Laptop In Hotel Room/Ed Gregory via stokpic.com

Reference

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