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Don’t Complain About The Change Of Your Partner, It’s Good For Your Relationship

Don’t Complain About The Change Of Your Partner, It’s Good For Your Relationship

“Change is hard at first, messy in the middle and gorgeous at the end.” ~ Robin Sharma

Change is an inevitable part of life. We all experience it. Coping with change within romantic relationships can be particularly unnerving and disheartening.

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Each of my 21 years of marriage has had one constant — they have all been different. I met and married my husband as a teen and I can say that we are both completely different from who we were when we first married. To say we’ve changed is a massive understatement. Enduring, embracing, and accepting the changes in each other is one of the little secrets to our longevity.

Why it’s problematic to say “He/she is no longer the person I loved”

It is quite common for divorcing couples due to “irreconcilable differences”[1] to cite their partner’s change as the primary reason for the demise of the relationship. “He/she is no longer the person I married,” is what they contend. However, the fallacy with this argument is that this is the case for every long-term relationship. If my husband were the same person I married 21 years ago, that would be extraordinarily tragic.

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Humans remain in a perpetual state of change. We are getting older, gaining more knowledge and learning new things. The result is–usually–a wiser, more mature, and different individual. Embrace it.

You’ve changed too, even you may not realize it…

Every single experience you have attaches itself to you and alters you just a little. These transformations, which happen in your perspective and your approach to life, can range from minute and barely detectable to severely profound and significant changes that shift your thinking paradigm. Give yourself, your partner, and the relationship the space and permission to evolve.

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You definitely don’t want your relationship to be a pool of dead water

In a relationship, refusal to change is actually more detrimental than actual change itself. Requiring and expecting that you, your partner, and or the relationship remain static is unrealistic, unhealthy, and disastrous. The trick to maintaining a healthy long-term relationship lies in understanding that relationships are meant to be fluid and embracing these changes in yourself (yes, you are changing as well although you may not notice it) and all aspects of your relationships keeps things fresh and injects passion into the relationship.

I miss the old him sometimes, but I feel lucky that he has changed

My husband was a goofy, happy-go-lucky, naive, and fun-loving guy when we first met. He loved to laugh and was a kind and gentle soul. While I do, at times, miss his wide-eyed innocence, his playfulness, and his nonchalant attitude, I am so proud of the man he’s become. In fact, I love him now more than I did then. The years have morphed him into an astute, driven, and passionate provider and protector with a wisdom beyond his years. He has become a wildly successful and accomplished individual whom people depend on and seek to emulate.

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Our relationship has also undergone dramatic changes. It has been refined and gone from youthful puppy love to a deeply profound and enriching marriage that is nurturing, powerful, and fulfilling. So, how did we do it? What’s our secret? We gave each other room to grow. We learned to embrace the change we saw in each other by doing three simple things:

  1. Accepting the change.
  2. Adapting to the change.
  3. Encouraging and challenging each other to continue evolving.

Enjoy the ride of your relationship!

A relationship is a journey through change with another person. Being afforded the opportunity to participate in someone else’s journey is a privilege. Resisting and fighting change is an exercise in futility and stunts the growth of the individuals and the relationship.

A long-term committed relationship is a wild and jarring emotional roller-coaster. You will laugh, cry, scream in terror, shriek with delight a few times along the way. Buckle up and enjoy the ride.

Reference

[1] Legal Differences: Irreconcilable Differences

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Denise Hill

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Last Updated on October 5, 2020

How to Quit Your Boring Life and Start Living an Interesting One

How to Quit Your Boring Life and Start Living an Interesting One

We are given life with many opportunities to make it everything we want it to be and more. If you find that you’ve slipped into living a boring life, it’s time to take a hard look at what you’ve been doing and what you can start doing now to make it more interesting.

Maybe you’ve been doing the same thing and living the same life for too long, or maybe your daily routine is limiting your growth and happiness. Whatever your reason is, the following list can definitely make any day or life more interesting. Some of them are silly, while some are more meaningful, so hopefully just reading the list makes your life less boring and sparks your creativity.

Let’s dive in the list to quit your boring life and start living an interesting (and meaningful) one!

1. Channel Your 7-Year-Old Self

Imagine being a young child. Life was never boring, was it? That’s because children harness every ounce of creativity they have in order to try new things.

What would your 7-year-old self want to do in this moment? Maybe they’d pick up a paintbrush and try to paint the landscape around them. May they would go outside and build something with random materials around the yard. Maybe they would raid the fridge and put together a dish they’ve never seen before.

Just because you’re a grown-up doesn’t mean any of this stuff will be less enjoyable than you remember it. Give yourself permission to play and use your creativity to its fullest.

2. Go Play With Kids

Speaking of little kids, if you have your own (or a niece or nephew), go play with them!

Kids are absolutely hilarious, so it’s simply impossible to be bored when you’re around them. They also keep things so simple, and we can really stand to be reminded of this and stop allowing ourselves to get bogged down in boring details.

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3. Play Cell Phone Roulette

You’ll need at least one buddy for this, but this is a great way to avoid a boring life. Scroll through the contacts in your phone, stop on a random one, and (if it feels right) call the person.

You could spark an incredible catch-up session or, at the very least, remind someone that you’re thinking of them. Neither are boring.

4. Fill out a Pack of Thank-You Cards

This is a great part of a gratitude practice. We often forget to thank the people who do things for us, especially if we have come to expect those things. For example, have you ever thought about thanking your mom for that weekly phone call? Or thanking your sister for always sending you a homemade gift on your birthday?

Take time to think of at least 5 people you would like to say thank you to and write out a card. You could even write them out for random people in your neighborhood, like the local librarian, a teacher at your child’s school, or the accountant at your bank.

Anyone and everyone appreciates being thanked for their efforts.

5. Sign up for a Class

Nowadays, there are classes for everything. To make it as interesting as possible, try finding one that you wouldn’t normally consider doing, like salsa lessons, improv, or boxing.

Otherwise, try to find a course on something you’ve always wanted to learn, like pottery, photography, or a foreign language course.

What’s good about joining an interest class is that you will also meet new people, which will add even more interest to your life!

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6. Talk to Your Grandparents About Their Lives

We often underestimate how interesting the elderly are. You can rest assured that any elderly person you talk to will not have had a boring life! Take some time to talk to them and hear their interesting stories. You may even find that this motivates you to go out and find your own interesting experiences.

7. Get up on Stage at an Open Mic Night

Whether you’re funny or not, get up on stage. If you’re not into comedy, find an open mic that focuses on reading poetry or short stories and bring your own. These groups tend to be incredibly supportive for anyone who is willing to be brave enough to get up and try.

8. Do Something for Someone Else

Showing kindness automatically makes you feel good, but doing these small acts will also help to ensure that you don’t have a boring life. Try doing one or two things each week that are outside your normal routine.

For example, you could make a batch of cookies for the mailperson or help your elderly neighbor organize one of their rooms. There are a million ways to show kindness to those around you. Tap into your creativity and find your own or use some of the ideas from the image below[1].

Do random acts of kindness to avoid living a boring life.

    9. Start a DIY Project in Your Home

    If you have your own place, there is always a project that needs to get done. Many people simply pay for someone else to do it in order to avoid the hassle, but taking on a DIY project can make a boring life much more interesting.

    It doesn’t have to be super complicated. Maybe you repaint an old vase or build a spice shelf out of used pallets.

    If you need ideas, you can also check out these 30 Awesome DIY Projects that You’ve Never Heard of.

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    10. Plan a Weekend Trip or an All-Out Vacation

    This will give you something to look forward to. One study actually found that most travelers are happiest before a vacation[2]. Therefore, simply planning a trip will boost your mood, even if you can’t actually take the vacation right now.

    Even if you don’t have the time or money to go on a vacation, plan for a staycation, which is also fun and relaxing!

    11. Go People Watching

    Find a bench in a crowded area (centers of transportation like airports, bus stops, and train stations are great for this!) and just observe[3].

    People are infinitely interesting. Try to imagine what their lives are like, what they’re thinking, or where they’re going. You’ll never know if you’re right, but it will give you something to focus on and also help you practice empathy.

    12. Eat Something You’ve Never Eaten Before

    You can try that new Moroccan restaurant down the street and pick the most interesting dish on the menu. Or, you can raid your own fridge and throw together a dish you’ve never made before.

    If you’re up for a trip to the grocery store, try picking up a new fruit or veggie from the produce section. You may find a new food that you love!

    13. Dance

    You can get your friends together for a night on the town or just pull up a video on YouTube and bust a move from your own living room.

    If you’re feeling extra brave, you can even dance in public or join a flash mob.

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    14. Pick up a Book and Start Reading

    Reading a good book can keep you occupied for hours. It will also transport you to a life that isn’t your own, and one that likely will be the opposite of a boring life. You’ll be amazed by what you can learn from those pages.

    Pick on of these inspirational books to start reading: 10 Best Inspirational Books That Can Change Your Life

    15. Spend Some Time With People You Care About

    Facebook stalking doesn’t count as real social interaction. Call up a friend you haven’t seen in a while, or bring a coffee over to your parent’s place and catch up. They’ll appreciate the gesture, and you’ll avoid boredom.

    16. Check out a Museum You’ve Never Been to

    Some people are bored by museums, so if that’s you, skip to the next one. However, if you love art, history, or culture, this one is for you!

    17. Write a List of Things You Desire and Truly Want

    This is a great way to help you figure out the real reason why you’re feeling bored about your life. Maybe you haven’t really done things that you truly enjoy? Maybe what you’ve wanted to do all the time has been left behind?

    Think about the list of things you really want to do, and ask yourself why you aren’t doing these things (yet). Then, start taking your first step to make it happen.

    Now, go make your life interesting and live your dream life!

    More on How to Quit a Boring Life

    Featured photo credit: Alex Alvarez via unsplash.com

    Reference

    [1] FECAVA: Random Acts of Kindness
    [2] Applied Research in Quality of Life: Vacationers Happier, but Most not Happier After a Holiday
    [3] Psychology Today: The Expert’s Guide to People Watching

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