Advertising
Advertising

Dating Isn’t Just About Having Fun, But Knowing Your Love Deeply

Dating Isn’t Just About Having Fun, But Knowing Your Love Deeply

Whichever way you look at it, dating can either be seen as a necessary chore to find the love of our lives, or a fun way to explore new potential relationships. But it can be hard for many to see dating as a casual act – being free to see where it’ll take the two of you and being open to it working out or not.

Those that throw their hearts into dating from the beginning shouldn’t feel ashamed of doing so. It shows your ability to love deeply, be vulnerable and see ahead to the possibilities of a budding path to love.

Dating Simply For Fun Will Get You Nowhere

Dating is usually synonymous with being casual, light and fun. While this is perfectly fine for lots of people, many of us secretly want and hope that this time it’ll work out but are just ashamed to admit it.

Advertising

Dating can mean small talk over dinners where we skirt and avoid talking about deeper issues, feelings and emotions. It can feel false and awkward at the best of times but we do this in order not to scare each other off.

It’s been turned into a process especially with the introduction of dating apps that seem to treat people as an item in a catalogue – there’ll always be someone else lined up waiting to meet up if you don’t like this one.

The purposeless of dating can be fun but for those that crave direction, it can feel just the opposite and this is why dating should get back to being more about knowing each other deeply.

Advertising

Love Is About Growing, Not Standing Still

When dating is just seen as a bit of fun, there’s the danger of it becoming stagnant. Fun is awesome but you can have fun and find out the deeper side of someone at the same time. Why restrict it?

For those of us that don’t want to just give the odd piece of ourselves in the hope that the other person will suddenly see our true potential and inner greatness, we shouldn’t feel ashamed of wanting a bit more.

Getting to know someone we like is just the beginnings of love. Granted it might not grow into something but the important thing is that it is allowed to grow and not stand still in the name of casual dating. Casual is, in essence, keeping two people from falling in love.

Advertising

Being Vulnerable Enables Deeper Understanding

If you’re a true romantic and can’t help that your heart runs away with you, don’t be afraid to show your true feelings and intentions. Being vulnerable is something we love in other people, but find it so difficult to do ourselves.

Vulnerability is a strength and it’s this state of being that allows us to open up and let others in. This can’t be ignored in dating. The casual aspect of dating is only covering up and stopping any vulnerability from seeping in but this is exactly what we need to get close, bond and fall in love with someone.

Whether we admit it or not, we’re all searching for love. But if casual isn’t your thing, don’t be afraid to speak up. It’ll help you find that love much quicker.

Advertising

There’s nothing wrong with finding the half-heartedness, moving from one person to the next one or refusing to be fully committed to a relationship. Different people love for different things in love. But if you’re the one who despises purposeless dating, don’t be afraid to show your true self or go deep to understand your love.

Featured photo credit: Josh Willink via pexels.com

More by this author

Jenny Marchal

A passionate writer who loves sharing about positive psychology.

How to Be More Knowledgeable Science Says Guitar Players’ Brains Are Different From Others’ Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset How to Save a Bunch of Money Easily With This Simple Challenge 11 Killer Ways To Get Rid Of Roaches Without Harming You

Trending in Communication

1 40 Acts of Kindness to Make the World a Better Place 2 6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak 3 How to Train Your Brain to Be Optimistic 4 How to Stop Living on Autopilot with Antonio Neves 5 The Gentle Art of Saying No For a Less Stressful Life

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on August 6, 2020

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

We’ve all done it. That moment when a series of words slithers from your mouth and the instant regret manifests through blushing and profuse apologies. If you could just think before you speak! It doesn’t have to be like this, and with a bit of practice, it’s actually quite easy to prevent.

“Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” – Napolean Hill

Are we speaking the same language?

My mum recently left me a note thanking me for looking after her dog. She’d signed it with “LOL.” In my world, this means “laugh out loud,” and in her world it means “lots of love.” My kids tell me things are “sick” when they’re good, and ”manck” when they’re bad (when I say “bad,” I don’t mean good!). It’s amazing that we manage to communicate at all.

When speaking, we tend to color our language with words and phrases that have become personal to us, things we’ve picked up from our friends, families and even memes from the internet. These colloquialisms become normal, and we expect the listener (or reader) to understand “what we mean.” If you really want the listener to understand your meaning, try to use words and phrases that they might use.

Am I being lazy?

When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, a strange metamorphosis takes place. People tend to become lazier in the way that they communicate with each other, with less thought for the feelings of their partner. There’s no malice intended; we just reach a “comfort zone” and know that our partners “know what we mean.”

Advertising

Here’s an exchange from Psychology Today to demonstrate what I mean:

Early in the relationship:

“Honey, I don’t want you to take this wrong, but I’m noticing that your hair is getting a little thin on top. I know guys are sensitive about losing their hair, but I don’t want someone else to embarrass you without your expecting it.”

When the relationship is established:

“Did you know that you’re losing a lot of hair on the back of your head? You’re combing it funny and it doesn’t help. Wear a baseball cap or something if you feel weird about it. Lots of guys get thin on top. It’s no big deal.”

It’s pretty clear which of these statements is more empathetic and more likely to be received well. Recognizing when we do this can be tricky, but with a little practice it becomes easy.

Have I actually got anything to say?

When I was a kid, my gran used to say to me that if I didn’t have anything good to say, I shouldn’t say anything at all. My gran couldn’t stand gossip, so this makes total sense, but you can take this statement a little further and modify it: “If you don’t have anything to say, then don’t say anything at all.”

A lot of the time, people speak to fill “uncomfortable silences,” or because they believe that saying something, anything, is better than staying quiet. It can even be a cause of anxiety for some people.

When somebody else is speaking, listen. Don’t wait to speak. Listen. Actually hear what that person is saying, think about it, and respond if necessary.

Am I painting an accurate picture?

One of the most common forms of miscommunication is the lack of a “referential index,” a type of generalization that fails to refer to specific nouns. As an example, look at these two simple phrases: “Can you pass me that?” and “Pass me that thing over there!”. How often have you said something similar?

Advertising

How is the listener supposed to know what you mean? The person that you’re talking to will start to fill in the gaps with something that may very well be completely different to what you mean. You’re thinking “pass me the salt,” but you get passed the pepper. This can be infuriating for the listener, and more importantly, can create a lack of understanding and ultimately produce conflict.

Before you speak, try to label people, places and objects in a way that it is easy for any listeners to understand.

What words am I using?

It’s well known that our use of nouns and verbs (or lack of them) gives an insight into where we grew up, our education, our thoughts and our feelings.

Less well known is that the use of pronouns offers a critical insight into how we emotionally code our sentences. James Pennebaker’s research in the 1990’s concluded that function words are important keys to someone’s psychological state and reveal much more than content words do.

Starting a sentence with “I think…” demonstrates self-focus rather than empathy with the speaker, whereas asking the speaker to elaborate or quantify what they’re saying clearly shows that you’re listening and have respect even if you disagree.

Advertising

Is the map really the territory?

Before speaking, we sometimes construct a scenario that makes us act in a way that isn’t necessarily reflective of the actual situation.

A while ago, John promised to help me out in a big way with a project that I was working on. After an initial meeting and some big promises, we put together a plan and set off on its execution. A week or so went by, and I tried to get a hold of John to see how things were going. After voice mails and emails with no reply and general silence, I tried again a week later and still got no response.

I was frustrated and started to get more than a bit vexed. The project obviously meant more to me than it did to him, and I started to construct all manner of crazy scenarios. I finally got through to John and immediately started a mild rant about making promises you can’t keep. He stopped me in my tracks with the news that his brother had died. If I’d have just thought before I spoke…

Read Next