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Dating Isn’t Just About Having Fun, But Knowing Your Love Deeply

Dating Isn’t Just About Having Fun, But Knowing Your Love Deeply

Whichever way you look at it, dating can either be seen as a necessary chore to find the love of our lives, or a fun way to explore new potential relationships. But it can be hard for many to see dating as a casual act – being free to see where it’ll take the two of you and being open to it working out or not.

Those that throw their hearts into dating from the beginning shouldn’t feel ashamed of doing so. It shows your ability to love deeply, be vulnerable and see ahead to the possibilities of a budding path to love.

Dating Simply For Fun Will Get You Nowhere

Dating is usually synonymous with being casual, light and fun. While this is perfectly fine for lots of people, many of us secretly want and hope that this time it’ll work out but are just ashamed to admit it.

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Dating can mean small talk over dinners where we skirt and avoid talking about deeper issues, feelings and emotions. It can feel false and awkward at the best of times but we do this in order not to scare each other off.

It’s been turned into a process especially with the introduction of dating apps that seem to treat people as an item in a catalogue – there’ll always be someone else lined up waiting to meet up if you don’t like this one.

The purposeless of dating can be fun but for those that crave direction, it can feel just the opposite and this is why dating should get back to being more about knowing each other deeply.

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Love Is About Growing, Not Standing Still

When dating is just seen as a bit of fun, there’s the danger of it becoming stagnant. Fun is awesome but you can have fun and find out the deeper side of someone at the same time. Why restrict it?

For those of us that don’t want to just give the odd piece of ourselves in the hope that the other person will suddenly see our true potential and inner greatness, we shouldn’t feel ashamed of wanting a bit more.

Getting to know someone we like is just the beginnings of love. Granted it might not grow into something but the important thing is that it is allowed to grow and not stand still in the name of casual dating. Casual is, in essence, keeping two people from falling in love.

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Being Vulnerable Enables Deeper Understanding

If you’re a true romantic and can’t help that your heart runs away with you, don’t be afraid to show your true feelings and intentions. Being vulnerable is something we love in other people, but find it so difficult to do ourselves.

Vulnerability is a strength and it’s this state of being that allows us to open up and let others in. This can’t be ignored in dating. The casual aspect of dating is only covering up and stopping any vulnerability from seeping in but this is exactly what we need to get close, bond and fall in love with someone.

Whether we admit it or not, we’re all searching for love. But if casual isn’t your thing, don’t be afraid to speak up. It’ll help you find that love much quicker.

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There’s nothing wrong with finding the half-heartedness, moving from one person to the next one or refusing to be fully committed to a relationship. Different people love for different things in love. But if you’re the one who despises purposeless dating, don’t be afraid to show your true self or go deep to understand your love.

Featured photo credit: Josh Willink via pexels.com

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Jenny Marchal

Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on December 16, 2018

12 Simple Ways You Can Build A Positive Attitude

12 Simple Ways You Can Build A Positive Attitude

We all look for a better and happier life, but somehow we realize it’s our attitude that makes it hard to lead the life we want. How can we build a positive attitude? Grant Mathews has listed out the things (from the easiest to the hardest) we can do to cultivate this attitude on Quora:

1. Listen to good music.

Music definitely improves your mood, and it’s a really simple thing to do.

2. Don’t watch television passively.

Studies have shown that people who watch TV less are happier, which leads me to my next point…

3. Don’t do anything passively.

Whenever I do something, I like to ask myself if, at the end of the day, I would be content saying that I had spent time doing it. (This is why I block sites I find myself wasting too much time on. I enjoy them, but they’re just not worth it when I could be learning something new, or working on projects I care about.)

Time is incredibly valuable.

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4. Be aware of negativity

A community that considers itself intelligent tends to be negativity because criticizing is seen as a signaling mechanism to indicate that you’re more intelligent than the person you corrected. This was irrationally frustrating for me – it’s one of those things you’ll stay up all night to think about.

5. Make time to be alone.

I initially said “take time just to be alone.” I changed it because if you don’t ensure you can take a break, you’ll surely be interrupted.

Being with other people is something you can do to make you happy, but I don’t include it in this list because nearly everyone finds time to talk with friends. On the other hand, spending time just with yourself is almost considered a taboo.

Take some time to figure out who you are.

6. Exercise.

This is the best way to improve your immediate happiness.

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Exercise probably makes you happy. Try and go on a run. You’ll hate yourself while doing it, but the gratification that you get towards the end vastly outweighs the frustration of the first few attempts. I can’t say enough good things about exercise.

Exercising is also fantastic because it gives you time alone.

7. Have projects.

Having a goal, and moving towards it, is a key to happiness.

You have to realize though that achieving the goal is not necessarily what makes you happy – it’s the process. When I write music, I write it because writing is inherently enjoyable, not because I want to get popular (as if!).

8. Take time to do the things you enjoy.

That’s very general, so let me give you a good example.

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One of the things that has really changed my life was finding small communities centered around activities I enjoy. For instance, I like writing music, so I’m part of a community that meets up to write a song for an hour every week. I love the community. I’ve also written a song every week, 37 weeks in a row, which has gradually moved me towards larger goals and makes me feel very satisfied.

9. Change your definition of happiness.

Another reason I think I’m more happy than other people is because my definition of happiness is a lot more relaxed than most people’s. I don’t seek for some sort of constant euphoria; I don’t think it’s possible to live like that. My happiness is closer to stability.

10. Ignore things that don’t make you happy.

I get varying reactions to this one.

The argument goes “if something is making you unhappy, then you should find out why and improve it, not ignore it.” If you can do that, great. But on the other hand, there’s no reason to mope about a bad score on a test.

There’s another counterargument: perhaps you’re moping because your brain is trying to work out how to improve. In fact, this is the key purpose of depression: Depression’s Upside – NYTimes.com

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I can think of examples that go both ways. I remember, for instance, when I was debating a year or two ago and my partner and I would lose a round, I would mull over what we had done wrong for a long time. In that way, I got immensely better at debate (and public speaking in general – did you know debate has amazing effects on your public speaking ability? But now I really digress).

On the other hand, there’s no way that mulling over how dumb you were for missing that +x term on the left hand side will make you better at math. So stop worrying about it, and go practice math instead.

11. Find a way to measure your progress, and then measure it.

Video games are addictive for a reason: filling up an experience bar and making it to the next level is immensely satisfying. I think that it would be really cool if we could apply this concept to the real world.

I put this near the bottom of the list because, unfortunately, this hasn’t been done too often in the real world – startup idea, anyone? So you would have to do it yourself, which is difficult when you don’t even know how much you’ve progressed.

For a while, I kept a log of the runs I had taken, and my average speed. It was really cool to see my improvement over the weeks. (Also, I was exercising. Combining the two was fantastic for boosting happiness.)

12. Realize that happiness is an evolutionary reward, not an objective truth.

It’s easy to see that this is correct, but this is at the bottom of the list for a reason.

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