Advertising
Advertising

Argue With Your Partner Over Small Things Often? Science Says It’s Good For Your Relationship

Argue With Your Partner Over Small Things Often? Science Says It’s Good For Your Relationship

Relationships aren’t always easy. Arguments and disagreements are expected when two people with different life experiences, views and perspectives come together. But how often are we told that arguing with our partner means the relationship is doomed? That disagreeing often is a sign that you just aren’t compatible? Well, if you find you bicker a lot with your loved one there may be a saving grace – science says it is, in fact, a great indicator for your relationship and here’s how.

Love Isn’t An Easy Street

As much as love is portrayed as romantic and against-all-odds fantastic, the reality is that relationships and marriage takes work to cultivate and bloom. There’s so much psychological research based on why marriages fail but not nearly as much asking what actually makes marriages succeed.

It’s this perspective that has led us to believe that arguing is a negative sign of failure and incompatibility with someone we love. While extreme hurtful arguing is detrimental to each other, research suggests that a healthy relationship is one that includes disagreements on a regular basis.

Advertising

How Arguing Helps Your Relationship To Last

We all know communication is the key to any successful relationship.[1]

While most of us think of this as calmly sitting on the sofa and bringing up worries or concerns to our partner, in real life this is rarely the case.

After all, we’re all human and we all have our bad days, our bad reactions to words and situations and so arguments are bound to happen. In essence, couples who argue are communicating and this is the lynchpin to any successful relationship. Granted it may not seem like the most ideal way to communicate, but actually getting our opinions and viewpoints out is much better than keeping them to ourselves and letting them stew.

Advertising

Jonah Lehrer, author of A Book About Love, looked closely into how fighting in a relationship is actually a good thing rather than a negative.

“According to the scientists, spouses who complain to each other the most, and complain about the least important things, end up having more lasting relationships. In contrast, couples with high negativity thresholds—they only complain about serious problems—are much more likely to get divorced.”

So arguing about the little things keeps your relationship ticking over much better than saving it for what would be deemed the serious and more important stuff.

Advertising

How Not Fighting Indicates An Unhealthy Relationship

Okay, arguing from day one may be an unhealthy sign but once we settle into a relationship it’s at this time when the real dynamics start to show.

Lehrer delves deeper into research done by John Gottman, who set up the Gottman Institute dedicating reseach-based methods to strengthen relationships. Gottman’s studies have revealed that, at a certain stage of a relationship where you’re revealing your true-selves to each other, if you’re not arguing then it could be a sign that you’ve lost emotional investment in the other person.

“Gottman’s research shows that 3 years into the relationship, if you’re not fighting, that’s the indicator of an unhealthy relationship. At that point, you’re not holding in your farts anymore. You’re fully intimate. You’ve seen where they’ve got hair, you’ve smelled their morning breath. You’re not holding anything back. So if you’re not fighting, it’s often a sign of withdrawal. In a sense, you can look at complaining and fighting in an intimate relationship as just ways of showing you care.”[2]

Of course, no one should be unhappy in a relationship but emotionally intelligent arguing or even general bickering is a sign that you’re invested and willing to communicate, therefore keeping your relationship ticking over.

So, for those of you that believe arguing is a sign of impending doom for your relationship then think again. In fact, it’s a sign that you’re not only passionate about the other person and the relationship, but most importantly communication is abundant showing you a positive sign that your partnership is probably much stronger than you think.

Reference

More by this author

Jenny Marchal

Freelance Writer

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset How to Save a Bunch of Money Easily With This Simple Challenge 11 Killer Ways To Get Rid Of Roaches Without Harming You If You Understand These 5 Rules In Psychology, You Can Live A Much Easier Life How To Get Over Someone You Deeply Love

Trending in Communication

1 How to Get Motivated and Be Happy Every Day When You Wake Up 2 Feeling Stuck in Life? How to Never Get Stuck Again 3 3 Ways to Reprogram Your Subconscious Mind to Reach Your Goals 4 Practical Advice for Overcoming Problems in INFP Relationships 5 How to Live up to Your Full Potential and Succeed in Life

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on December 2, 2018

7 Public Speaking Techniques To Help Connect With Your Audience

7 Public Speaking Techniques To Help Connect With Your Audience

When giving a presentation or speech, you have to engage your audience effectively in order to truly get your point across. Unlike a written editorial or newsletter, your speech is fleeting; once you’ve said everything you set out to say, you don’t get a second chance to have your voice heard in that specific arena.

You need to make sure your audience hangs on to every word you say, from your introduction to your wrap-up. You can do so by:

1. Connecting them with each other

Picture your typical rock concert. What’s the first thing the singer says to the crowd after jumping out on stage? “Hello (insert city name here)!” Just acknowledging that he’s coherent enough to know where he is is enough for the audience to go wild and get into the show.

Advertising

It makes each individual feel as if they’re a part of something bigger. The same goes for any public speaking event. When an audience hears, “You’re all here because you care deeply about wildlife preservation,” it gives them a sense that they’re not just there to listen, but they’re there to connect with the like-minded people all around them.

2. Connect with their emotions

Speakers always try to get their audience emotionally involved in whatever topic they’re discussing. There are a variety of ways in which to do this, such as using statistics, stories, pictures or videos that really show the importance of the topic at hand.

For example, showing pictures of the aftermath of an accident related to drunk driving will certainly send a specific message to an audience of teenagers and young adults. While doing so might be emotionally nerve-racking to the crowd, it may be necessary to get your point across and engage them fully.

Advertising

3. Keep going back to the beginning

Revisit your theme throughout your presentation. Although you should give your audience the credit they deserve and know that they can follow along, linking back to your initial thesis can act as a subconscious reminder of why what you’re currently telling them is important.

On the other hand, if you simply mention your theme or the point of your speech at the beginning and never mention it again, it gives your audience the impression that it’s not really that important.

4. Link to your audience’s motivation

After you’ve acknowledged your audience’s common interests in being present, discuss their motivation for being there. Be specific. Using the previous example, if your audience clearly cares about wildlife preservation, discuss what can be done to help save endangered species’ from extinction.

Advertising

Don’t just give them cold, hard facts; use the facts to make a point that they can use to better themselves or the world in some way.

5. Entertain them

While not all speeches or presentations are meant to be entertaining in a comedic way, audiences will become thoroughly engaged in anecdotes that relate to the overall theme of the speech. We discussed appealing to emotions, and that’s exactly what a speaker sets out to do when he tells a story from his past or that of a well-known historical figure.

Speakers usually tell more than one story in order to show that the first one they told isn’t simply an anomaly, and that whatever outcome they’re attempting to prove will consistently reoccur, given certain circumstances.

Advertising

6. Appeal to loyalty

Just like the musician mentioning the town he’s playing in will get the audience ready to rock, speakers need to appeal to their audience’s loyalty to their country, company, product or cause. Show them how important it is that they’re present and listening to your speech by making your words hit home to each individual.

In doing so, the members of your audience will feel as if you’re speaking directly to them while you’re addressing the entire crowd.

7. Tell them the benefits of the presentation

Early on in your presentation, you should tell your audience exactly what they’ll learn, and exactly how they’ll learn it. Don’t expect them to listen if they don’t have clear-cut information to listen for. On the other hand, if they know what to listen for, they’ll be more apt to stay engaged throughout your entire presentation so they don’t miss anything.

Featured photo credit: Flickr via farm4.staticflickr.com

Read Next