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Stop Searching For “The One.” He/She Would Never Exist If You Only Focus On What You Can Get

Stop Searching For “The One.” He/She Would Never Exist If You Only Focus On What You Can Get

Searching for “The One?” What if I told you that “The One” doesn’t exist? What would you say if I told you that you were missing out on perfectly compatible partnership while blindly searching for your one, true love?As it turns out, love is more roulette than blackjack. In blackjack, you’re looking for that perfect number 21, but in roulette, you’re always guessing. Put your chip on 16 red and you might just win it all!So how is love more like roulette than blackjack, and how does mean you should stop searching for “The One?”[1]

“The One” is created over time by slowly undressing who they are, not what they should be.

If you’re chasing a dream about what your one true love should be, you may be shutting yourself off from potential relationships. Your expectations about a perfect partner puts a huge amount of pressure on both yourself and your future lover. Your expectations of what they should be prevent you from seeing who they really are.

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Maybe we should stop searching for what we will get in a relationship, and instead focus on what we can give. What kind of person are you? What do you offer in the relationship? How can you celebrate in your happiness and invite someone else to join in?

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If you’re still dreaming of the perfect partner that you made up at age five, then stop. You will find yourself (and your partner) much happier if you connect through values and hobbies instead of just adjective-style ideals.

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I’m not saying to let go of your standards, or to fall blindly for someone who doesn’t share your values. I’m just saying maybe we spin the wheel of roulette and see what happens with someone who isn’t a perfect 21 blackjack.

Featured photo credit: Realworkhard/Pixabay via pixabay.com

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Reference

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Lindsay Mattison

Chef and Cookbook Writer

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Last Updated on August 16, 2018

10 Ways To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone And Enjoy Taking Risks

10 Ways To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone And Enjoy Taking Risks

The ability to take risks by stepping outside your comfort zone is the primary way by which we grow. But we are often afraid to take that first step.

In truth, comfort zones are not really about comfort, they are about fear. Break the chains of fear to get outside. Once you do, you will learn to enjoy the process of taking risks and growing in the process.

Here are 10 ways to help you step out of your comfort zone and get closer to success:

1. Become aware of what’s outside of your comfort zone

What are the things that you believe are worth doing but are afraid of doing yourself because of the potential for disappointment or failure?

Draw a circle and write those things down outside the circle. This process will not only allow you to clearly identify your discomforts, but your comforts. Write identified comforts inside the circle.

2. Become clear about what you are aiming to overcome

Take the list of discomforts and go deeper. Remember, the primary emotion you are trying to overcome is fear.

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How does this fear apply uniquely to each situation? Be very specific.

Are you afraid of walking up to people and introducing yourself in social situations? Why? Is it because you are insecure about the sound of your voice? Are you insecure about your looks?

Or, are you afraid of being ignored?

3. Get comfortable with discomfort

One way to get outside of your comfort zone is to literally expand it. Make it a goal to avoid running away from discomfort.

Let’s stay with the theme of meeting people in social settings. If you start feeling a little panicked when talking to someone you’ve just met, try to stay with it a little longer than you normally would before retreating to comfort. If you stay long enough and practice often enough, it will start to become less uncomfortable.

4. See failure as a teacher

Many of us are so afraid of failure that we would rather do nothing than take a shot at our dreams.

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Begin to treat failure as a teacher. What did you learn from the experience? How can you take that lesson to your next adventure to increase your chance of success?

Many highly successful people failed plenty of times before they succeeded. Here’re some examples:

10 Famous Failures to Success Stories That Will Inspire You to Carry On

5. Take baby steps

Don’t try to jump outside your comfort zone, you will likely become overwhelmed and jump right back in.

Take small steps toward the fear you are trying to overcome. If you want to do public speaking, start by taking every opportunity to speak to small groups of people. You can even practice with family and friends.

Take a look at this article on how you can start taking baby steps:

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The Number One Secret to Life Success: Baby Steps

6. Hang out with risk takers

There is no substitute for this step. If you want to become better at something, you must start hanging out with the people who are doing what you want to do and start emulating them. (Here’re 8 Reasons Why Risk Takers Are More Likely To Be Successful).

Almost inevitably, their influence will start have an effect on your behavior.

7. Be honest with yourself when you are trying to make excuses

Don’t say “Oh, I just don’t have the time for this right now.” Instead, be honest and say “I am afraid to do this.”

Don’t make excuses, just be honest. You will be in a better place to confront what is truly bothering you and increase your chance of moving forward.

8. Identify how stepping out will benefit you

What will the ability to engage in public speaking do for your personal and professional growth? Keep these potential benefits in mind as motivations to push through fear.

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9. Don’t take yourself too seriously

Learn to laugh at yourself when you make mistakes. Risk taking will inevitably involve failure and setbacks that will sometimes make you look foolish to others. Be happy to roll with the punches when others poke fun.

If you aren’t convinced yet, check out these 6 Reasons Not to Take Life So Seriously.

10. Focus on the fun

Enjoy the process of stepping outside your safe boundaries. Enjoy the fun of discovering things about yourself that you may not have been aware of previously.

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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