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The Battle Of The Voices In My Head

The Battle Of The Voices In My Head

Like most people, I have goals. Goals that I want and need to achieve. Goals that I strive for every day. Goals that aren’t even dreams anymore, they are now my musts. I no longer find myself just wanting them to happen, I need them to happen, and there really isn’t any other option. They MUST happen.

I set my intentions to what I wanted to achieve. I wanted freedom. Freedom to work when and where I wanted. I wanted to travel and explore more of the world. I wanted financial stability. I was sick of living paycheck to paycheck. I was sick of having to struggle when unexpected expenses arose. I wanted to give back to the world. I felt I had a lot to offer and my talents weren’t being utilized. I wanted to do something that would feel rewarding and that I would be passionate about.

Realization

Last year, I came to a realization that there was more that I needed to achieve in life. I was good at my job, I had a great social life, and I was healthy and alive. However, there was this feeling of emptiness inside of me. Even though I had a stable job, a nice apartment, and great people around me, there was this feeling that something was missing. That something was passion.

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I no longer had the passion to keep being the best at my job. I no longer had the passion to spend most of my time making someone else’s dream a reality. It was hard to get out of bed to do the same thing day in and day out. It was time to change. It was time to figure out what I wanted and to start taking action towards it. Why was I dragging myself to a job that sucked the life out of my soul? Why was I forcing myself out of bed to just pay the bills?

Juggling Responsibilities

It has only been eight months since the day I decided to become a blogger. In that time, I have managed to juggle a full-time job, train for a fitness competition, create a YouTube channel, start my own business, write for some of the world’s largest motivational sites, and somehow maintain a social life. This may not seem like much to some, but for any fellow bloggers, YouTubers, athletes, writers, or entrepreneurs out there, I know they will understand the work that goes on behind closed doors.

Not too long ago, I was in the flow of things. Up at 4 am, kicking goals at the gym, kicking goals with business, and was on top of my writing and doing YouTube. It was like the universe was smiling down at me. Looking back, the reason I was in the flow and doing so well was because I didn’t even allow a negative thought to slip into my mind. My perspective was all about where I was headed and what I was achieving.

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It didn’t matter that I was up at 4 am every morning training for comp. It didn’t matter that I was making business calls for during my lunch breaks at my full-time job. It didn’t matter that I was up late every night writing, making videos, and working on my online business. Things just seemed to flow and I was excited to get out of bed every day. I only had time for positive people in my life. I let go of energy drainers. I looked at the positive side of everything and the universe seemed to be rewarding me for my efforts.

Road Blocks

Then one day, I hit a wall. The flow of positivity stopped and it was like everything I had worked so hard towards all came and smacked me in the face. Everything seemed so hard. Getting up at 4 am was more than difficult, being on top of my game at work and dealing with people were draining, and I started to fall behind in my writing and my business. What had happened? Everything was easy, everything was flowing, why did everything become so difficult to keep up with?

I have had some time to reflect and I have come to realize that the only thing that changed was my mindset and my perspective. I had a friend that was feeling low and, as much as I tried to be there, I just couldn’t do it every day. Not in the way they were wanting me to. I like to think that I am the person that my friends can rely on and at that moment, I started to feel like I didn’t have time for my friends when they needed me. I started to feel like I was failing and not as on top of things as I thought I was. I started to feel drained as I tried to give the little energy I had left to helping others.

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I was exhausted. Emotionally and physically. The 4 am wake up calls started to be something I dreaded, kicking goals at work, and trying to stay sharp when dealing with human interactions just seemed so tough. I didn’t realize just how much energy and time I was putting into chasing my goals. I started to question whether all of the effort I was putting in was even going to be worthwhile. Will I even achieve my goals? And to what expense? If I let my friend down because I couldn’t give the support they were wanting because I was busy chasing goals and working towards my dreams, is that the kind of person I want to be?

Mindset

I turned to one of my favorites, Tony Robbins, and started watching his videos on the daily. I needed a pick-me-up and I knew I needed support and encouragement. I needed to change my mindset. Instead of looking at my desperation of quitting my full-time job, I started to train my mind into looking at it as a blessing and a vehicle that was paying my rent for my gorgeous apartment and a vehicle that was funding me until I could achieve my dreams.

Instead of looking at my early wake up calls as a chore, I started looking at the extra time it gave me to work on my fitness goals. Instead of looking at all the phone calls, online time, writing, producing, and everything else I do to keep up with being a blogger and entrepreneur as extra work, I started to train my mind again to see that I was working towards my goals and the more effort I put in, the more I will get back. The goal will be inevitable as long as I am doing something every day to reach my desires.

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Instead of thinking of how I let my friend down, I started to realize that I had given what I could. I am only human and there is no way I could give any more energy and support to another if I needed that energy and support for myself. We cannot help others if we do not help ourselves first. If we don’t put ourselves first, we simply don’t have much to give someone else. People that really truly care for you will understand this. We all our going through our own journeys and those that are meant to be in your life will want to see you succeed. As long as we are not abandoning our loved ones, as long as we are coming from a place of love, then there really isn’t anything to worry about.

Battle of the Voices

There is a constant battle going on with the voices in my head. Am I good enough? Do I really think I have what it takes to get to where I want to be? And then the other voice argues back that I have been through enough and the things I have been through clearly states just how strong I am. I got this. Will the voice of doubt ever shut up? Most likely not, after all, we are human and the voice of fear and doubt will always be playing in the background.

I’ve just decided it is time to not listen to that voice of doubt and insecurity. Nothing good comes of it. I have come to accept that the voice of fear will always be there. I just choose to ignore it because if I listen to it and I don’t continue to chase my goals, I know that I will regret it for the rest of my life. I would rather do my best trying to achieve my goals and making the most of my time here on earth than to not try and always be left wondering what if.

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Last Updated on October 17, 2019

How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

You see your partner every single day. They are the first person you talk to in the morning and the last person you kiss goodnight.

But does seeing each other day in and day out equal a healthy relationship? Not necessarily.

Spending quality time with your partner is the best way to ensure your relationship stays healthy and strong. This means going above and beyond sitting together while you watch Netflix or going out for the occasional dinner. You deserve more from your relationship – and so does your spouse!

What does quality time mean? It means spending time with your spouse without interruption. It’s a chance for you to come together and talk. Communication will build emotional intimacy and trust.

Quality time is also about expressing love in a physical way. Not sex, necessarily (but that’s great, too!) but through hand-holding, cuddling, caressing, and tickling. Studies show that these displays of affection will boost partner satisfaction.[1]

So how do you spend quality time with your partner? Here are 13 relationship tips on making the most out of your time with your partner.

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1. Recognize the Signs

If you want a healthy relationship, you have to learn how to recognize the signs that you need to spend more quality time together.

Some telltale signs include:

  • You’re always on your phones.
  • You value friendships or hobbies over quality time with your spouse.
  • You aren’t together during important events.
  • You are arguing more often or lack connection.
  • You don’t make plans or date nights.
  • You’re not happy.

If you are experiencing any of these relationship symptoms, know that quality time together can reverse the negative effects of the signs above.

2. Try New Things Together

Have you ever wanted to learn how to play an instrument or speak another language? How about skydive or ballroom dance?

Instead of viewing these as solo hobbies and interests, why not involve your partner?

Trying new activities together builds healthy relationships because it encourages spouses to rely on one another for emotional and physical support.

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Shared hobbies also promote marital friendship, and the Journal of Happiness Studies found that marital satisfaction was twice as high for couples who viewed each other as best friends.[2]

3. Schedule in Tech-Free Time

Your phone is a great way to listen to music, watch videos, and keep up-to-date with friends and family. But is your phone good for your relationship?

Many couples phone snub, or ‘phub’, one another. Studies show that phubbing can lower relationship satisfaction and increase one’s chances of depression.[3]

Reduce those chances by removing distractions when spending quality time together and showing your partner they have your full attention.

4. Hit the Gym as a Couple

One way you can spend more time together as a couple is by becoming workout partners. Studies show that couples are more likely to stay with their exercise routine if they work out together.[4] Couples also work out harder than they would solo. One study found that 95 percent of couples who work out together maintained weight loss compares to the 66 percent of singles who did.[5]

Join a gym, do at-home couples’ workouts, try couples yoga, hit the hiking trails, or get your bikes out. No matter which way you choose to exercise, these healthy activities can promote a healthy relationship.

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5. Cook Meals Together

Pop open a bottle of wine or put some romantic music on while you get busy – in the kitchen, of course!

One of the best relationship tips for spending quality time together when you both have busy schedules is to cook meals together.[6]

Spice things up and try and prepare a four-course meal or a fancy French dish together. Not only is this a fun way to spend your time together, but it also promotes teamwork.

If all goes well, you’ll have a romantic date night meal at home that you prepared with your four hands. And if the food didn’t turn out the way you’d hoped, you are guaranteed to have a laugh and create new memories together.

6. Have a Regular Date Night

Couples experience a greater sense of happiness and less stress when they are spending quality time together.[7] One of the biggest relationship tips for a healthy partnership is to include a date night in your weekly routine.

The National Marriage Project found that having a weekly date night can make your relationship seem more exciting and helps prevent relationship boredom.[8] It also lowers the probability of divorce, improves your sex life, and increases healthy communication.

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Some great ideas for what to do on your date night include:

  • Have a movie marathon – Gather up your favorite flicks and cuddle up on the couch.
  • Play games together – Cards, board games, video games, and other creative outlets are a fun way to spend quality time together.
  • Recreate your first date – Go back to that restaurant and order the same meal you did when you first got together. You can spice up your evening by pretending you’re strangers meeting for the first time and see how sexy the night gets.
  • Plan a weekend getaway – There’s nothing better than traveling with the one you love.
  • Dinner and a movie – A classic!
  • Try a new restaurant – Make it your mission to rate and try all of the Mexican restaurants/Irish pubs/Italian trattorias in your area.
  • Have a long sex session – Intimacy promotes the release of the oxytocin hormone which is responsible for a myriad of great feelings.[9]

Here’re even more date night ideas for your reference: 50 Unique and Really Fun Date Ideas for Couples

Final Thoughts

The benefits of spending quality time together are endless. Here are just some of the ways it can contribute to a healthy relationship:

  • Improves emotional and physical intimacy
  • Lowers divorce rates
  • Improves communication
  • Reduces marital boredom
  • Bonds couples closer
  • Improves friendship
  • Boosts health
  • Reduces stress

These are all excellent reasons to start making date night a regular part of your week.

It’s easy to have a healthy relationship when you set aside dedicated time to share with your spouse. Try new things together, make your spouse your workout buddy, and look for innovative ways to be close and connected.

These relationship tips will bring great benefits to your marriage.

Featured photo credit: Allen Taylor via unsplash.com

Reference

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