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Dealing With Rejection The Right Way Can Open Up More Doors

Dealing With Rejection The Right Way Can Open Up More Doors

Rejection happens. It’s a fact of life, and it always will be. It happens to everyone, and I know it’s certainly not a good feeling. We always want to please others and make ourselves look the best we can. This is only natural; we are human. Sometimes, however, we tend to get into a habit of avoiding certain situations in which we fear getting rejected.

We all have dreams and goals, but if we let the fear of rejection get in our way of these goals, then we are just going to keep dreaming, and those dreams and goals are always going to be just like a hanging fruit right in front of our faces. So close, yet so far. Sticking close to the status quo gives us a sense of shelter that we will not be hurt, and be protected against any form of rejection.

But I really have to ask you, is trying your best and putting one foot in front of the other, and just getting out there, trying as hard as you can – worse than just sitting back and wondering, contemplating, what if? What if I wasn’t afraid? What if I didn’t care about getting rejected?

It’s a choice we all have to make. For some, choosing to sit on the sidelines and be safe feels less painful. But for others, having that regret in the back of their minds forever is just not worth it. Some may feel this is more of a motivator, to face up to the fear of rejection and just go for it no matter what.

So we know that it may happen, but it’s how we react and respond to that rejection that will shape the events that come afterward. Today, I am going to show you how to take a negative situation and turn it to an enormous potential to take an opportunity to another level.

First off, though, let’s look at what types of rejection we may encounter in our lives.

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Fear Of Rejection

Rejection is often paralyzing to most. It stops you in your tracks from doing something that you would like to do. It is a state of mind, which cripples you from doing and saying something because of the fear and uncertainty of what other people with think, say, or do.

I remember when I was younger, and I was looking for a part time job after school, I had applied to a local video store, and let’s just say over a period of a couple of years, I continued to be rejected for a job for whatever reason. In total, I failed to get a job after applying seven times and multiple interviews for this place.

Looking back, I am happy I never ended up working there, but at the same time, I kept on moving on, moving forward and keeping positive. If I had stopped living life after being rejected even after a few times, I would have never grown, developed, or become a better person.

You may think you may not being accepted, being turned down, and made fun of, only happens to you, but don’t worry, millions of people get rejected every day for just about everything – it’s nothing personal.

Types Of Rejection

1. Job Interview

This one is pretty standard. You arrive early to an interview, wearing your best attire, going over answers to possible interview questions that you may be asked. You are as prepared as you can be. You nail the interview, and everything goes well in your mind. Yet you get an email from the employer a week later saying thank you, but they have chosen another candidate, but your resume will stay on file.

2. Society/Meeting New People

You are out with a friend sitting at a coffee shop, and then some of their friends that you don’t know, show up, and they start talking. You feel awkward as you don’t know any of these other people, but feel compelled to pretend you are a little bit sociable and decide to be part of the conversation. You want to impress these people also to like you and hope they do.

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3. Work Dealings

It’s your first day as a sales rep for this major company. You are excited to get out there and show your stuff and prove they were right to hire you. One of your first clients to meet for the day is an account the company would love to get. You show up and pitch your presentation. Does this client agree with you on why they need to spend so much money when the economy is rough right now? What if you can’t land the contract, does your boss get mad at you and start to treat you as less worthy?

4. Friends/Peer Pressure

Sitting at a party with some of your close friends, some of them start smoking in front of you. They begin to confront you and say why aren’t you doing it too. They offer you a cigarette and even light it up for you. Do you take it? Do you start smoking when you said you never would? Will you still be cool to your friends if you say, “No thanks!”

5. Romance/Dating

Butterflies galore. Leaning up against the wall at a club, you see someone from across the room that captures your eye. Your heart melts, and you see Cupid flying by. What do you do? Do you look away? Do you keep staring? Or actually, walk up to the other person and start talking to them, as your heart races a mile a minute?

Rejection Actually Spurs Creativity

The research was done by Sharon Kim of Johns Hopkins University. She set out to prove that the feeling of rejection can help us better access our more creative side.

Why is this important? Because it shows that even if one person doesn’t think you or your ideas are valuable, there are certainly others that will. And you cannot stop your passion and drive to succeed by just one event. You can take it as a good thing because it shows that your ideas are ahead of the time and that you are not only taking a mainstream approach, and usually, the best things happen to those who go off the beaten path and don’t follow the crowd.

Rejection can lead to more creativity. See, you want to be able to say to yourself that there is nothing wrong with you. Not at all, in fact, you are perfect in every sense of the word. You are unique, and that uniqueness is priceless in this world because you have your own thoughts, feelings, and ways of doing things completely different than anyone else.

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Follow These Simple Steps Right Now To Reject Rejection

You cannot take it personally. I am a man of faith, and I believe that if one door closes then another, even better one will open up. It’s that adage that says good things come to those who wait. Here are a few things you can do today to battle rejection:

1. It’s All In Your Mind

Say to yourself that the fear you are feeling is all in your head. The thing about rejection is that we play a game in our minds. We try to come up with scenarios of what could happen if I actually do what I am afraid to do. No one can predict the future, let alone what will happen in the next 5 minutes. The first thing you can do to face your fear is just to go on and do it anyway.

Who cares? Prove it to yourself that you don’t really care about the outcome no matter what it is. Want to ask someone out on a date, just go up to them and ask. What is the worst that can happen? Ask yourself that. And when you actually think about it, you will realize that even if you get turned down, that’s okay! You haven’t lost anything.

2. Focus On The Positives

Stop focusing on the negative outcome, and focus on the positive. Instead of an emphasis on the worst case scenario for what you are afraid of will happen, shift your thinking around to what positive outcome that may come out of it when you go ahead and attempt what you want to do.

We have an unfortunate tendency to always focus on the bad, the wrong, the negative, the mistakes. But this is not okay. When trying to overcome rejection, you have to see yourself in your mind not failing, but visualize what it would be like to have succeeded. How good will you feel inside, and how good life will be.

Afraid of giving a presentation to 100 people? Don’t worry about you forgetting your lines, or not making proper eye contact. Focus on the roar of the crowd, the cheers, the claps, the standing ovation you will receive after you nail a perfect presentation. Shift your thinking beforehand, so you can give yourself a chance to realize your dream.

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3. Be Persistent

Have you ever seen a child not get what they want? It does happen, but a lot of times, a child will get exactly what they are after. This is due to a few things, which all stem to the thought process. A child can go up on stage and give a presentation to 1000 people and not think anything of it. They don’t have fear, period. They don’t care. Rejection is not anywhere in their vocabulary.

This leads to why they sometimes get their way. Persistence. There is no such thing as failing to them. Rejection is not about trying once, then stopping. It’s about trying again and again until it works. So if there is anything that children can teach us adults, it’s don’t take no for an answer, and never, ever stop trying.

Final Thoughts

This is how you have to think about it. Don’t just think that because you got rejected once, twice, thrice, that it’s over. It’s not! There is no limit to success. If you haven’t yet reached your goal in life, gotten hold of your dream, the only one that can stop you is you. So don’t let yourself nor anyone else ever hold you back!

Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

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Maher Abiad

Founder and CEO

Rejection Opens New Doors Dealing With Rejection The Right Way Can Open Up More Doors

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Last Updated on November 9, 2020

10 Real Reasons Why Breaking Bad Habits Is So Difficult

10 Real Reasons Why Breaking Bad Habits Is So Difficult

Bad habits expose us to suffering that is entirely avoidable. Unfortunately, breaking bad habits is difficult because they are 100% dependent on our mental and emotional state.

Anything we do that can prove harmful to us is a bad habit – drinking, drugs, smoking, procrastination, poor communication are all examples of bad habits. These habits have negative effects on our physical, mental, and emotional health.

Humans are hardwired to respond to stimuli and to expect a consequence of any action. This is how habits are acquired: the brain expects to be rewarded a certain way under certain circumstances. How you initially responded to certain stimuli is how your brain will always remind you to behave when the same stimuli are experienced.

If you visited the bar close to your office with colleagues every Friday, your brain will learn to send you a signal to stop there even when you are alone and eventually not just on Fridays. It will expect the reward of a drink after work every day, which can potentially lead to a drinking problem.

Kicking negative behavior patterns and steering clear of them requires a lot of willpower, and there are many reasons why breaking bad habits is so difficult.

1. Lack of Awareness or Acceptance

Breaking a bad habit is not possible if the person who has it is not aware that it is a bad one.

Many people will not realize that their communication skills are poor or that their procrastination is affecting them negatively, or even that the drink they had as a nightcap has now increased to three.

Awareness brings acceptance. Unless a person realizes on their own that a habit is bad, or someone manages to convince them of the same, there is very little chance of the habit being kicked.

2. No Motivation

Going through a divorce, not being able to cope with academic pressure, and falling into debt are instances that can bring a profound sense of failure with them. A person going through these times can fall into a cycle of negative thinking where the world is against them and nothing they can do will ever help, so they stop trying altogether.

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This give-up attitude is a bad habit that just keeps coming around. Being in debt could make you feel like you are failing at maintaining your home, family, and life in general.

If you are looking to get out of a rut and feel motivated, take a look at this article: Why Is Internal Motivation So Powerful (And How to Find It)

3. Underlying Psychological Conditions

Psychological conditions such as depression and ADD can make it difficult to start breaking bad habits.

A depressed person may find it difficult to summon the energy to cook a healthy meal, resulting in food being ordered in or consumption of packaged foods. This could lead to a habit that adversely affects health and is difficult to overcome.

A person with ADD may start to clean their house but get distracted soon after, leaving the task incomplete, eventually leading to a state where it is acceptable to live in a house that is untidy and dirty.

The fear of missing out (FOMO) is very real to some people. Obsessively checking their social media and news sources, they may believe that not knowing of something as soon as it is published can be catastrophic to their social standing.

4. Bad Habits Make Us Feel Good

One of the reasons it is difficult to break habits is that a lot of them make us feel good.[1]

We’ve all been there – the craving for a tub of ice cream after a breakup or a casual drag on a joint, never to be repeated until we miss how good it made us feel. We succumb to the craving for the pleasure felt while indulging in it, cementing it as a habit even while we are aware it isn’t good for us.

Overeating is a very common bad habit. Just another pack of chips, a couple of candies, a large soda… none of these are necessary for survival. We want them because they give us comfort. They’re familiar, they taste good, and we don’t even notice when we progress from just one extra slice of pizza to four.

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You can read this article to learn more: We Do What We Know Is Bad for Us, Why?

5. Upward Comparisons

Comparisons are a bad habit that many of us have been exposed to since we were children. Parents might have compared us to siblings, teachers may have compared us to classmates, and bosses could compare us to past and present employees.

The people who have developed the bad habit of comparing themselves to others have been given incorrect yardsticks for measurement from the start.

These people will always find it difficult to break out of this bad habit because there will always be someone who has it better than they do: a better house, better car, better job, higher income and so on.

Research shows that in the age of social media, social comparisons are much easier and can ultimately harm self-esteem if scrolling becomes a bad habit[2].

6. No Alternative

This is a real and valid reason why breaking bad habits is difficult. These habits could fulfill a need that may not be met any other way.

Someone who has physical or psychological limitations, such as a disability or social anxiety, may find it hard to quit obsessive content consumption for better habits.

Alternately, a perfectly healthy person may be unable to quit smoking because alternates are just not working out.

Similarly, a person who bites their nails when anxious may be unable to relieve stress in any other socially accepted manner.

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7. Stress

As mentioned above, anything that stresses us out can lead to adopting and cementing an unhealthy habit.

When a person is stressed about something, it is easy for bad habits to form because the mental resources required to fight them are not available[3].

We often see a person who had previously managed to kick a bad habit fall back into the old ways because they felt their stress couldn’t be managed any other way.

If you need some help reducing stress, check out the following video for some healthy ways to get started:

8. Sense of Failure

People looking to kick bad habits may feel a strong sense of failure because it’s just that difficult.

Dropping a bad habit usually means changes in lifestyle that people may be unwilling to make, or these changes might not be easy to make in spite of the will to make them.

Overeaters need to empty their house of unhealthy food, resist the urge to order in, and not pick up their standard grocery items from the store. Those who drink too much need to avoid the bars or even people who drink often.

If such people slip even once with a glass of wine, or a smoke, or a bag of chips, they tend to be excessively harsh on themselves and feel like failures.

9. The Need to Be All-New

People who are looking to break bad habits feel they need to re-create themselves in order to break themselves of their bad habits, while the truth is the complete opposite.

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These people actually need to go back to who they were before they developed the bad habit and try to create good habits from there.

10. Force of Habit

Humans are creatures of habit, and having familiar, comforting outcomes for daily triggers helps us maintain a sense of balance in our lives.

Consider people who are used to lighting up a cigarette every time they talk on the phone or eating junk food when watching TV. They will always associate a phone call with a puff on the cigarette and screen time with eating.

These habits, though bad, are a source of comfort to them, as is meeting with those people they indulge in these bad habits with.

Final Thoughts

These are the main reasons why breaking bad habits is difficult, but the good news is that the task is not impossible. Breaking habits takes time, and you’ll need to put long-term goals in place to replace a bad habit with a good one.

There are many compassionate, positive and self-loving techniques to kick bad habits. The internet is rich in information regarding bad habits, their effects and how to overcome them, while professional help is always available for those who feel they need it.

More on Breaking Bad Habits

Featured photo credit: NORTHFOLK via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] After Skool: Why Do Bad Habits Feel SO GOOD?
[2] Psychology of Popular Media Culture: Social comparison, social media, and self-esteem.
[3] Stanford Medicine: Examining how stress affects good and bad habits

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