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If You Want To Get Help From Others Easily, Remember To Avoid This Mistake

If You Want To Get Help From Others Easily, Remember To Avoid This Mistake

Remember that last move you had? You know, the one in which you asked friends for help and offered them $20 to help move that huge sectional couch of yours? Well, I am here to tell you that we should stop doing that. You would think in our society in which we wish to help each other that it would be a benefit to compensate for our time and energy. So, let’s explore why it’s such a bad idea.

Devaluing the Relationship

Believe it or not, plenty of people feel like their sense of worth comes into play when someone wishes to compensate them for a favor. They begin to question whether they are being paid enough. And let’s be honest here, a large portion of us don’t feel we earn what we are worth income-wise. It also is a potential detraction in the relationship, that one must get something out of the other person for doing a favor. Selfless acts amongst family, friends, and partners are one of the cornerstones of building a healthy relationship. We show each other love by being there in times of need, without any expectation of something in return.

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Research has also shown that people are motivated to do things socially rather than for financial gain. Behavioral economist Dan Ariely conducted a study amongst his college-aged students, posing a scenario in which students could take $10 to move a couch or do it as a favor. Overwhelmingly, he found that most chose to do it as a favor. The thought process began to unravel the motives of payment. Were they worth just $10 for their time and effort? Were they being underpaid? Is it worth the time and effort?

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Building a Reputation

For many people, they do favors because of the benefits of being known as a kind and generous individual. For small businesses, the fact that they are engaged in their community is one of the best things in the world. One of our local ice cream shops is well-known for being very supportive of the community. They often host small local bands and many fundraisers for homeless shelters and animal sanctuaries. The owner even participates in an annual fundraiser walk for a local rape crisis center. Because of the reputation that they have built around being so supportive, their business continuously grows. As humans, we tend to support those businesses owned by supportive people.

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Pay it Forward

Plenty of people employ acts of paying it forward. For some, it’s just because it feels good to know they have done a good deed for another person. Studies show that people who engage in helping others with favors have a better sense of self and well-being. And how about folks who have suffered themselves? Many people who have come out of very trying times (losing a job, losing a home, etc.) also are more likely to give back after experiencing the love and kindness of others who helped them get back on their feet. Many non-profit organizations are built up around this very idea. When we experience love and kindness, it’s only natural to want to share it.

Pay Me the Money

Some of you will read this and argue that you wish to be compensated. To explore why that may be, I took to my personal Facebook account and asked if people would rather do the favor without compensation or with. The voting system I created indicated that all who voted would do the favor without compensation (at the time I am writing this). In the comments, it got more interesting. The comments reflected a split in which some people did advocate for some compensation, while others didn’t. My friend Gray had this to say, “It depends. I’ve been poor a long time and occasionally the financial burden of a favor requires compensation. I try not to, though.”

And another offered up the opinion that he likes to compensate people who he knows needs the money. It is certainly acceptable and appropriate to help financially when we can as a loving and kind act in these situations. Expressions of love and kindness come in many forms and doing favors is just one of them. However, while I am advocating that we stop compensating each other for acts of love and kindness, it’s important to avoid becoming a doormat. Many people don’t want to be used. Healthy relationships are ones where favors are exchanged and people are supporting each other, rather than one individual providing all of the support all the time.

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Angela Kunschmann

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Last Updated on December 2, 2018

7 Public Speaking Techniques To Help Connect With Your Audience

7 Public Speaking Techniques To Help Connect With Your Audience

When giving a presentation or speech, you have to engage your audience effectively in order to truly get your point across. Unlike a written editorial or newsletter, your speech is fleeting; once you’ve said everything you set out to say, you don’t get a second chance to have your voice heard in that specific arena.

You need to make sure your audience hangs on to every word you say, from your introduction to your wrap-up. You can do so by:

1. Connecting them with each other

Picture your typical rock concert. What’s the first thing the singer says to the crowd after jumping out on stage? “Hello (insert city name here)!” Just acknowledging that he’s coherent enough to know where he is is enough for the audience to go wild and get into the show.

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It makes each individual feel as if they’re a part of something bigger. The same goes for any public speaking event. When an audience hears, “You’re all here because you care deeply about wildlife preservation,” it gives them a sense that they’re not just there to listen, but they’re there to connect with the like-minded people all around them.

2. Connect with their emotions

Speakers always try to get their audience emotionally involved in whatever topic they’re discussing. There are a variety of ways in which to do this, such as using statistics, stories, pictures or videos that really show the importance of the topic at hand.

For example, showing pictures of the aftermath of an accident related to drunk driving will certainly send a specific message to an audience of teenagers and young adults. While doing so might be emotionally nerve-racking to the crowd, it may be necessary to get your point across and engage them fully.

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3. Keep going back to the beginning

Revisit your theme throughout your presentation. Although you should give your audience the credit they deserve and know that they can follow along, linking back to your initial thesis can act as a subconscious reminder of why what you’re currently telling them is important.

On the other hand, if you simply mention your theme or the point of your speech at the beginning and never mention it again, it gives your audience the impression that it’s not really that important.

4. Link to your audience’s motivation

After you’ve acknowledged your audience’s common interests in being present, discuss their motivation for being there. Be specific. Using the previous example, if your audience clearly cares about wildlife preservation, discuss what can be done to help save endangered species’ from extinction.

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Don’t just give them cold, hard facts; use the facts to make a point that they can use to better themselves or the world in some way.

5. Entertain them

While not all speeches or presentations are meant to be entertaining in a comedic way, audiences will become thoroughly engaged in anecdotes that relate to the overall theme of the speech. We discussed appealing to emotions, and that’s exactly what a speaker sets out to do when he tells a story from his past or that of a well-known historical figure.

Speakers usually tell more than one story in order to show that the first one they told isn’t simply an anomaly, and that whatever outcome they’re attempting to prove will consistently reoccur, given certain circumstances.

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6. Appeal to loyalty

Just like the musician mentioning the town he’s playing in will get the audience ready to rock, speakers need to appeal to their audience’s loyalty to their country, company, product or cause. Show them how important it is that they’re present and listening to your speech by making your words hit home to each individual.

In doing so, the members of your audience will feel as if you’re speaking directly to them while you’re addressing the entire crowd.

7. Tell them the benefits of the presentation

Early on in your presentation, you should tell your audience exactly what they’ll learn, and exactly how they’ll learn it. Don’t expect them to listen if they don’t have clear-cut information to listen for. On the other hand, if they know what to listen for, they’ll be more apt to stay engaged throughout your entire presentation so they don’t miss anything.

Featured photo credit: Flickr via farm4.staticflickr.com

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