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If You Want To Get Help From Others Easily, Remember To Avoid This Mistake

If You Want To Get Help From Others Easily, Remember To Avoid This Mistake

Remember that last move you had? You know, the one in which you asked friends for help and offered them $20 to help move that huge sectional couch of yours? Well, I am here to tell you that we should stop doing that. You would think in our society in which we wish to help each other that it would be a benefit to compensate for our time and energy. So, let’s explore why it’s such a bad idea.

Devaluing the Relationship

Believe it or not, plenty of people feel like their sense of worth comes into play when someone wishes to compensate them for a favor. They begin to question whether they are being paid enough. And let’s be honest here, a large portion of us don’t feel we earn what we are worth income-wise. It also is a potential detraction in the relationship, that one must get something out of the other person for doing a favor. Selfless acts amongst family, friends, and partners are one of the cornerstones of building a healthy relationship. We show each other love by being there in times of need, without any expectation of something in return.

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Research has also shown that people are motivated to do things socially rather than for financial gain. Behavioral economist Dan Ariely conducted a study amongst his college-aged students, posing a scenario in which students could take $10 to move a couch or do it as a favor. Overwhelmingly, he found that most chose to do it as a favor. The thought process began to unravel the motives of payment. Were they worth just $10 for their time and effort? Were they being underpaid? Is it worth the time and effort?

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Building a Reputation

For many people, they do favors because of the benefits of being known as a kind and generous individual. For small businesses, the fact that they are engaged in their community is one of the best things in the world. One of our local ice cream shops is well-known for being very supportive of the community. They often host small local bands and many fundraisers for homeless shelters and animal sanctuaries. The owner even participates in an annual fundraiser walk for a local rape crisis center. Because of the reputation that they have built around being so supportive, their business continuously grows. As humans, we tend to support those businesses owned by supportive people.

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Pay it Forward

Plenty of people employ acts of paying it forward. For some, it’s just because it feels good to know they have done a good deed for another person. Studies show that people who engage in helping others with favors have a better sense of self and well-being. And how about folks who have suffered themselves? Many people who have come out of very trying times (losing a job, losing a home, etc.) also are more likely to give back after experiencing the love and kindness of others who helped them get back on their feet. Many non-profit organizations are built up around this very idea. When we experience love and kindness, it’s only natural to want to share it.

Pay Me the Money

Some of you will read this and argue that you wish to be compensated. To explore why that may be, I took to my personal Facebook account and asked if people would rather do the favor without compensation or with. The voting system I created indicated that all who voted would do the favor without compensation (at the time I am writing this). In the comments, it got more interesting. The comments reflected a split in which some people did advocate for some compensation, while others didn’t. My friend Gray had this to say, “It depends. I’ve been poor a long time and occasionally the financial burden of a favor requires compensation. I try not to, though.”

And another offered up the opinion that he likes to compensate people who he knows needs the money. It is certainly acceptable and appropriate to help financially when we can as a loving and kind act in these situations. Expressions of love and kindness come in many forms and doing favors is just one of them. However, while I am advocating that we stop compensating each other for acts of love and kindness, it’s important to avoid becoming a doormat. Many people don’t want to be used. Healthy relationships are ones where favors are exchanged and people are supporting each other, rather than one individual providing all of the support all the time.

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Angela Kunschmann

Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on October 9, 2018

27 Ways to Instantly Feel Better When You’re Down

27 Ways to Instantly Feel Better When You’re Down

Who has never gone through some ups and downs in the life? But some people can feel better in a quicker way than others because they’ve found their own remedies to heal the bad feelings.

If you haven’t found yours, these ways will help you instantly feel better and ditch that negative self talk when you’re feeling bad about yourself:

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  1. Listen to the songs you loved when you were in high school or university, this will recall you of the old good times.
  2. Write something. Write down how you feel as a way to express your thoughts if you don’t feel like talking to anyone.
  3. Draw something. Draw anything you want because no one’s going to judge your drawing skills.
  4. Read the postcards or letters your friends or family sent you before, remind yourself there are people who always remember you.
  5. Silently think of a day or moment which you truly enjoyed and try to recapture that very first feeling. Was it the day of your graduation? The moment you traveled with your loved one?
  6. Take out your photo albums and go over your childhood photos.
  7. Cry when you feel like doing so. There’s nothing wrong with crying; cry out all your fear and stress and just face the truth after crying.
  8. Sing loudly like no one can hear you. Do you know that in Japan, people always sing karaoke to relieve stress?
  9. Cook a nice meal for yourself or for your family.
  10. Read your previous diary entries and look at your great memories.
  11. Dress up nicely to feel happier.
  12. Don’t stay in your bed! Get your laptop or a book and sit in a coffee place.
  13. Take a walk outside and feel the fresh air.
  14. Sweat yourself! Go jogging or play some sports.
  15. Pick up the musical instrument you used to play a lot and start to play it.
  16. Tidy up your desk or wardrobe, you’ll feel good that you’re being productive and actually doing something.
  17. Watch some funny videos, sure you can find a lot of them on Youtube.
  18. Eat something you like, be it a chocolate cake, or an ice-cream. Just please yourself with the flavour you like.
  19. Re-read your favorite book and write down the sentences or passages that you love.
  20. Watch a new movie, there must be a movie which you’ve always interested in but had no time to watch it.
  21. Do something nice that no one will notice, say picking up a rubbish in the street and throw it to a trash bin.
  22. Call your best friend and just talk whatever you want! Human beings are social animals after all, connecting with people close to you will make you feel better.
  23. Do voluntary work and help people in need, you’ll feel happy and satisfied.
  24. Get drunk with your close friends at home – a safe place for you to get drunk and get crazy. Let loose and have fun with your very close friends.
  25. Write an email or a note to a friend who you care about.
  26. Get out of your routine life and meet new friends. Get out of your comfort zone! Meeting new people can give you new inspirations in life.
  27. Look into the mirror and smile. Act like today’s already a wonderful day. How we act affects how we feel. It’s difficult to go on feeling sad if you’re trying to smile!

Remember:

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It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.  — Epictetus

If you want to feel better, change what you’re doing because obviously what you’re doing doesn’t make you happy!

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Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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