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If You Want To Get Help From Others Easily, Remember To Avoid This Mistake

If You Want To Get Help From Others Easily, Remember To Avoid This Mistake

Remember that last move you had? You know, the one in which you asked friends for help and offered them $20 to help move that huge sectional couch of yours? Well, I am here to tell you that we should stop doing that. You would think in our society in which we wish to help each other that it would be a benefit to compensate for our time and energy. So, let’s explore why it’s such a bad idea.

Devaluing the Relationship

Believe it or not, plenty of people feel like their sense of worth comes into play when someone wishes to compensate them for a favor. They begin to question whether they are being paid enough. And let’s be honest here, a large portion of us don’t feel we earn what we are worth income-wise. It also is a potential detraction in the relationship, that one must get something out of the other person for doing a favor. Selfless acts amongst family, friends, and partners are one of the cornerstones of building a healthy relationship. We show each other love by being there in times of need, without any expectation of something in return.

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Research has also shown that people are motivated to do things socially rather than for financial gain. Behavioral economist Dan Ariely conducted a study amongst his college-aged students, posing a scenario in which students could take $10 to move a couch or do it as a favor. Overwhelmingly, he found that most chose to do it as a favor. The thought process began to unravel the motives of payment. Were they worth just $10 for their time and effort? Were they being underpaid? Is it worth the time and effort?

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Building a Reputation

For many people, they do favors because of the benefits of being known as a kind and generous individual. For small businesses, the fact that they are engaged in their community is one of the best things in the world. One of our local ice cream shops is well-known for being very supportive of the community. They often host small local bands and many fundraisers for homeless shelters and animal sanctuaries. The owner even participates in an annual fundraiser walk for a local rape crisis center. Because of the reputation that they have built around being so supportive, their business continuously grows. As humans, we tend to support those businesses owned by supportive people.

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Pay it Forward

Plenty of people employ acts of paying it forward. For some, it’s just because it feels good to know they have done a good deed for another person. Studies show that people who engage in helping others with favors have a better sense of self and well-being. And how about folks who have suffered themselves? Many people who have come out of very trying times (losing a job, losing a home, etc.) also are more likely to give back after experiencing the love and kindness of others who helped them get back on their feet. Many non-profit organizations are built up around this very idea. When we experience love and kindness, it’s only natural to want to share it.

Pay Me the Money

Some of you will read this and argue that you wish to be compensated. To explore why that may be, I took to my personal Facebook account and asked if people would rather do the favor without compensation or with. The voting system I created indicated that all who voted would do the favor without compensation (at the time I am writing this). In the comments, it got more interesting. The comments reflected a split in which some people did advocate for some compensation, while others didn’t. My friend Gray had this to say, “It depends. I’ve been poor a long time and occasionally the financial burden of a favor requires compensation. I try not to, though.”

And another offered up the opinion that he likes to compensate people who he knows needs the money. It is certainly acceptable and appropriate to help financially when we can as a loving and kind act in these situations. Expressions of love and kindness come in many forms and doing favors is just one of them. However, while I am advocating that we stop compensating each other for acts of love and kindness, it’s important to avoid becoming a doormat. Many people don’t want to be used. Healthy relationships are ones where favors are exchanged and people are supporting each other, rather than one individual providing all of the support all the time.

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Angela Kunschmann

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Last Updated on August 12, 2019

13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do

13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do

Mentally strong people have healthy habits. They manage their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in ways that set them up for success in life.

Take a look at these 13 things that mentally strong people don’t do so that you too can become mentally stronger.

1. They Don’t Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves

Mentally strong people don’t sit around feeling sorry about their circumstances or how others have treated them. Instead, they take responsibility for their role in life and understand that life isn’t always easy or fair.

2. They Don’t Give Away Their Power

They don’t allow others to control them, and they don’t give someone else power over them. They don’t say things like, “My boss makes me feel bad,” because they understand that they are in control over their own emotions and they have a choice in how they respond.

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3. They Don’t Shy Away from Change

Mentally strong people don’t try to avoid change. Instead, they welcome positive change and are willing to be flexible. They understand that change is inevitable and believe in their abilities to adapt.

4. They Don’t Waste Energy on Things They Can’t Control

You won’t hear a mentally strong person complaining over lost luggage or traffic jams. Instead, they focus on what they can control in their lives. They recognize that sometimes, the only thing they can control is their attitude.

5. They Don’t Worry About Pleasing Everyone

Mentally strong people recognize that they don’t need to please everyone all the time. They’re not afraid to say no or speak up when necessary. They strive to be kind and fair, but can handle other people being upset if they didn’t make them happy.

6. They Don’t Fear Taking Calculated Risks

They don’t take reckless or foolish risks, but don’t mind taking calculated risks. Mentally strong people spend time weighing the risks and benefits before making a big decision, and they’re fully informed of the potential downsides before they take action.

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7. They Don’t Dwell on the Past

Mentally strong people don’t waste time dwelling on the past and wishing things could be different. They acknowledge their past and can say what they’ve learned from it.

However, they don’t constantly relive bad experiences or fantasize about the glory days. Instead, they live for the present and plan for the future.

8. They Don’t Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over

Mentally strong people accept responsibility for their behavior and learn from their past mistakes. As a result, they don’t keep repeating those mistakes over and over. Instead, they move on and make better decisions in the future.

9. They Don’t Resent Other People’s Success

Mentally strong people can appreciate and celebrate other people’s success in life. They don’t grow jealous or feel cheated when others surpass them. Instead, they recognize that success comes with hard work, and they are willing to work hard for their own chance at success.

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10. They Don’t Give Up After the First Failure

Mentally strong people don’t view failure as a reason to give up. Instead, they use failure as an opportunity to grow and improve. They are willing to keep trying until they get it right.

11. They Don’t Fear Alone Time

Mentally strong people can tolerate being alone and they don’t fear silence. They aren’t afraid to be alone with their thoughts and they can use downtime to be productive.

They enjoy their own company and aren’t dependent on others for companionship and entertainment all the time but instead can be happy alone.

12. They Don’t Feel the World Owes Them Anything

Mentally strong people don’t feel entitled to things in life. They weren’t born with a mentality that others would take care of them or that the world must give them something. Instead, they look for opportunities based on their own merits.

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13. They Don’t Expect Immediate Results

Whether they are working on improving their health or getting a new business off the ground, mentally strong people don’t expect immediate results. Instead, they apply their skills and time to the best of their ability and understand that real change takes time.

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Featured photo credit: Candice Picard via unsplash.com

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