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5 Important Things You Need To Remember If You Want To Make A Remarkable Conversation

5 Important Things You Need To Remember If You Want To Make A Remarkable Conversation

We spend so much of our time trying to make an impression on people. And what they say is clichéd but true, first impressions are usually lasting. So the next time you are striking up a conversation with a stranger you want to befriend or impress, remember these five tips to make sure you leave them with a remarkable conversation and a lastingly positive impression…

1. Be a 100% there when they talk

Most of us may be great talkers, but many of us are bad listeners.[1] We are so involved in what we are going to say next that we basically stop paying attention to what the other person is saying and our body language consequently turns to one of impatience or disinterest. We might start tapping our hands or feet, turn slightly away from the person. When the other person is talking, remember to listen and make eye contact. This tells the person that you are interested in what he or she has to say, and it will make for a remarkable conversation.[2]

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2. Remember the details they mention

A good listener actually listens and stores interesting tidbits for the next conversation. Maybe the person you were talking to mentioned how he was taking up a new hobby, or how her daughter is due for her SATs. Remember the name of the person, where they are from and where does their family live. Remember their children’s names or pet’s name the next time you meet them; they’ll be happy to see how much of an impression they made on you.

3. Fill in awkward pauses with interesting and personal questions

Sometimes, after a particularly anecdotal story, there is a lull in the conversation. Don’t let this pause get awkwardly long. Instead of talking about generalities or even the weather, ask them a personal question – like where they are from, or how are they adjusting to their current location, or maybe even when and where was their last vacation? A directed and personal question brings about fresh conversation as well as new directions of where to take a remarkable conversation next.

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4. If you sense a little boredom, ask them for their opinion

Even the best of conversationalists might ramble and bore the other person a bit. If you sense or see a slight disinterest radiating from the other person, ask them for their opinion on a generality. Giving them an opportunity to speak will make for a remarkable conversation. You don’t have to ask them to state their opinion on say the political scenario of Africa; rather ask them a simple opinion on the latest blockbuster they watched, or which of Paulo Coelho’s books have they found the most interesting and why. And once they start talking, remember point one – listen and remember the tiny details that emerge.

5. Finally, pay them a true and unique compliment

The person you are talking to might have met plenty of new faces that day, and he or she won’t necessarily remember what you talked about or said to him/her. But people really tend to remember how you made them feel. Leave the other person on a high with a smile on their face; you can do this by paying them a heartfelt and unique compliment. If you call a model beautiful or an entrepreneur successful – you are paying them a generic compliment they might have become immune to. Instead tell them about how their eyes smile before they do, or how they have the ability to make people feel at home by just smiling at them. If you leave them feeling good about themselves, then you truly have had a remarkable conversation. [3]

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These are five easy guidelines to follow that will help you become a good conversationalist who people want to talk to…

Featured photo credit: HuffPost via i.huffpost.com

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Reference

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Rima Pundir

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Last Updated on December 16, 2018

12 Simple Ways You Can Build A Positive Attitude

12 Simple Ways You Can Build A Positive Attitude

We all look for a better and happier life, but somehow we realize it’s our attitude that makes it hard to lead the life we want. How can we build a positive attitude? Grant Mathews has listed out the things (from the easiest to the hardest) we can do to cultivate this attitude on Quora:

1. Listen to good music.

Music definitely improves your mood, and it’s a really simple thing to do.

2. Don’t watch television passively.

Studies have shown that people who watch TV less are happier, which leads me to my next point…

3. Don’t do anything passively.

Whenever I do something, I like to ask myself if, at the end of the day, I would be content saying that I had spent time doing it. (This is why I block sites I find myself wasting too much time on. I enjoy them, but they’re just not worth it when I could be learning something new, or working on projects I care about.)

Time is incredibly valuable.

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4. Be aware of negativity

A community that considers itself intelligent tends to be negativity because criticizing is seen as a signaling mechanism to indicate that you’re more intelligent than the person you corrected. This was irrationally frustrating for me – it’s one of those things you’ll stay up all night to think about.

5. Make time to be alone.

I initially said “take time just to be alone.” I changed it because if you don’t ensure you can take a break, you’ll surely be interrupted.

Being with other people is something you can do to make you happy, but I don’t include it in this list because nearly everyone finds time to talk with friends. On the other hand, spending time just with yourself is almost considered a taboo.

Take some time to figure out who you are.

6. Exercise.

This is the best way to improve your immediate happiness.

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Exercise probably makes you happy. Try and go on a run. You’ll hate yourself while doing it, but the gratification that you get towards the end vastly outweighs the frustration of the first few attempts. I can’t say enough good things about exercise.

Exercising is also fantastic because it gives you time alone.

7. Have projects.

Having a goal, and moving towards it, is a key to happiness.

You have to realize though that achieving the goal is not necessarily what makes you happy – it’s the process. When I write music, I write it because writing is inherently enjoyable, not because I want to get popular (as if!).

8. Take time to do the things you enjoy.

That’s very general, so let me give you a good example.

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One of the things that has really changed my life was finding small communities centered around activities I enjoy. For instance, I like writing music, so I’m part of a community that meets up to write a song for an hour every week. I love the community. I’ve also written a song every week, 37 weeks in a row, which has gradually moved me towards larger goals and makes me feel very satisfied.

9. Change your definition of happiness.

Another reason I think I’m more happy than other people is because my definition of happiness is a lot more relaxed than most people’s. I don’t seek for some sort of constant euphoria; I don’t think it’s possible to live like that. My happiness is closer to stability.

10. Ignore things that don’t make you happy.

I get varying reactions to this one.

The argument goes “if something is making you unhappy, then you should find out why and improve it, not ignore it.” If you can do that, great. But on the other hand, there’s no reason to mope about a bad score on a test.

There’s another counterargument: perhaps you’re moping because your brain is trying to work out how to improve. In fact, this is the key purpose of depression: Depression’s Upside – NYTimes.com

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I can think of examples that go both ways. I remember, for instance, when I was debating a year or two ago and my partner and I would lose a round, I would mull over what we had done wrong for a long time. In that way, I got immensely better at debate (and public speaking in general – did you know debate has amazing effects on your public speaking ability? But now I really digress).

On the other hand, there’s no way that mulling over how dumb you were for missing that +x term on the left hand side will make you better at math. So stop worrying about it, and go practice math instead.

11. Find a way to measure your progress, and then measure it.

Video games are addictive for a reason: filling up an experience bar and making it to the next level is immensely satisfying. I think that it would be really cool if we could apply this concept to the real world.

I put this near the bottom of the list because, unfortunately, this hasn’t been done too often in the real world – startup idea, anyone? So you would have to do it yourself, which is difficult when you don’t even know how much you’ve progressed.

For a while, I kept a log of the runs I had taken, and my average speed. It was really cool to see my improvement over the weeks. (Also, I was exercising. Combining the two was fantastic for boosting happiness.)

12. Realize that happiness is an evolutionary reward, not an objective truth.

It’s easy to see that this is correct, but this is at the bottom of the list for a reason.

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