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Last Updated on February 5, 2018

How Common Language Can Help You Strengthen Your Friendship

How Common Language Can Help You Strengthen Your Friendship

Ever had a friend with whom you have only grown close over the years, and with whom you still use that secret code language you had devised as kids, even though it may sound like childish gobbledygook? If you are nodding to this question with a nostalgic grin on you face then congratulations! You have just discovered what only experts have been privy too, a common language will strengthen your friendship like none other.

That special language of friendship

Andrew Ledbetter from Kansas University published a research based on the longitudinal study of friendship in 2007 and in it, after researching a number of friends, it was discovered that the closeness of two friends in 1983 predicted how close they were in 2002! It means that the more you invest in a friendship today, the more it will strengthen your friendship in the later years. [1]

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If you ever sit with a group of friends, you’d be surprised to see how unintelligible their conversation would sound to you. Years of friendship mostly means years of shared jokes, catch phrases and even completely senseless references that mean something to each and every one of them. This shared common language will strengthen your friendship and keep it ready for the long haul.

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The bonds that slip away

Our cherished childhood friendships tend to languish in the light of adulthood – our friends become our last priority and everything – from spouses to children, jobs to new friends take precedence in lives that are increasingly busy. As adults, we also tend to become more understanding of our friends and lower our expectations from them. Sadly, this often causes those friendships to simply unravel over time.

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However, that one joke that always cracked your gang up, or that one embarrassing incident that all of you can never live down – it just takes a moment of shared remembrance to strengthen your friendship with the lifelong glue of days gone by; those days of carefree and joyous abandonment called childhood!

Featured photo credit: HuffPost via i.huffpost.com

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Reference

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Rima Pundir

Health, Wellness & Productivity Writer

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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