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Want To Have A Conversation With Anyone Easily? You Should Know These 7 Tricks

Want To Have A Conversation With Anyone Easily? You Should Know These 7 Tricks

We’ve all been in situations like these: walking into a roomful of strangers (felt more like a den of lions though) and wanting to start a conversation with somebody, anybody so that we too could feel a part of it all. For some of us, this is a slightly scary situation. Call it a lack of conversation skills or a shaky self-confidence: breaking the ice with a stranger is not easy. But hey, good things in life rarely are. So here are seven tricks that can go a long way in making you ace a conversation with anyone, anytime…

1. Smile, greet and break the ice

We very often get confused about the conversation before we start – how do we approach a stranger? Frankly, it’s simple. You paste a genuine smile on your face, walk up to the person or group you have been eyeing and simply say hello.[1] Make sure the person, or the group you are walking to, isn’t already engaged in a conversation. Wait for a break and then dive in with gusto.

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2. Keep the small talk to a minimum

Conversations that involve too many formalities or small talk die down pretty quickly. Cut down the how are you’s and I am fine’s down and simply ask a personal question instead. Ask the person where he or she is from, or how are they finding the weather or even where they work at… A question will give rise to an answer and so on and so forth….

3. Make people feel happy about themselves

People may not remember what you said or how you approached them, but they will always remember how you made them feel. Paying a genuine but unique compliment is one way to make sure that they remember you, for you made them feel good about themselves. Make it a genuine compliment and a unique one, ut don;t gush lest you come across as a sycophant.[2] Don’t pay the banal compliment of you are so beautiful. Try something like – that purple dress is really bringing out your eyes; they look luminescent…

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4. Ask a simple, uncomplicated opinion

As is with a question, you can also ask someone their opinion about something. If you’ve met at a conference, ask them how they found the speaker. If they are nursing a cuppa, ask them if the coffee is any good. Make it a simple opinion but, don’t assume that everyone shares you political or moral interests or has anything to say about the latest economic fiasco.

5. Try and find some common ground

If a person opens up to you and shares any personal details; try and find some common ground with him or her. Negativity will kill a conversation, but a “me too” will breathe in new life. By finding a commonality, you are aligning yourself with the other person and subtly telling him or her that you are on their side.[3]

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6. Pay attention and be present

When a person is talking to you, really listen. Pay attention to what the other person is saying or feeling and understand their viewpoint thoroughly. Make eye contact while they talk to you, or even when you are addressing them – this tells them that you are into what they are saying and find them interesting.

7. Remember the details

Finally, you’ve had that first conversation. To make the second conversation and furthermore interesting, remember the little details about that person like his name, hometown, children or pets. The next time you remember a detail and talk about it, the person will know that you are genuinely interested in him and is likely to respond positively.[4]

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So these were seven unconventional tips to really help you have meaningful and successful conversations be it personally or professionally… Happy conversing!

Featured photo credit: Faith Counts via faithcounts.com

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Rima Pundir

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

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