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Realizng These 5 Things Can Help You Find The One More Easily

Realizng These 5 Things Can Help You Find The One More Easily

Lamenting our single status is easy when we’re surrounded by people in love and constant reminders that we haven’t found that perfect person yet. It can lead to a spiral of overthinking, believing there must be something wrong with us or (ridiculously) that we’re just plain unlovable.

While getting in this mindset from time to time is natural, there are some thought patterns and habits we can fall into that don’t serve us and actually may well be preventing us from letting that great lover gravitate into our lives.

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With that in mind, here are 5 realizations we need to make in order to get into the right mindset to meet the next love of our lives.

1. Stop Playing The Comparison Game

Comparison breeds misery. We need to understand that we’re all on our own unique journey and so comparing your single life to your best friend’s happy marriage won’t get you anywhere. Everyone has their own problems which aren’t always apparent on the surface so appreciating your single status without feeling that you’re being left behind or failing compared to others, is the only way to stay in a healthy and happy mindset.

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Appreciate that your single status gives you a chance to do what you want to do, when you want to do it. It’s giving you breathing space to grow and better yourself while feeling anticipation and excitement for the time when your amazing relationship will manifest into your life.

2. Stop Believing There’s Something Wrong With You

If you constantly lament your single status with the all-consuming question of “what the heck is wrong with me?!” then you are really stopping yourself from being in the right frame of mind to find that special someone.

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Do you really believe that everyone who’s found love has no insecurities, fears or flaws? Believing there’s something fundamentally wrong with you is what may be holding you back from love. Most of the time your flaws aren’t even real flaws only something you’ve created in your mind. You have to love yourself first before you can let the decent love of someone else in.

3. Find The People Who WANT You Not The People That NEED You

Depending on our mindset, we can attract the wrong kind of people. Be cognizant of people’s motives towards you. We can easily fall for people who are looking for someone to fill a void even if they don’t know it themselves. Beware of needy people and instead give attention to those who genuinely want you. Cutting out the needy ones will help you move forward to finding a genuine person who wants you for the right reasons and you’ll be in with more of a chance of a true, lasting relationship.

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4. Identify Those Who Love You Rather Than Those Who Just Chase You

The idea that people need to play hard to get to attract others is a massively flawed premise. Yes, it will create intrigue and an air of mystery that can entice the opposite sex but in reality, it doesn’t make for a lasting relationship. Acting aloof and almost ‘bitchy’ will only attract those who are in for the thrill of the chase rather than seeing you as a potential life partner. Instead, give a chance to the ones looking from the sidelines, the ones that admire you from afar and aren’t into playing games. They’re are the ones brimming with potential.

5. Your List of Ideals Won’t Necessarily Make A Great Soulmate

Writing down a list of ideal attributes is a great way to figure out what kind of future partner you want. After all, we all should have deal-breakers when it comes to certain traits. There is a problem with this, though; what is written down on paper isn’t necessarily going to make them a perfect partner in reality.

So instead of listing stuff such as height, eye color, job or their specific desire to travel, list out ways in which they can be a good partner to you; understanding, supportive, kind, spiritual – all the things that will help you both to grow in the relationship.

Conclusion

Remember, no matter what others tell you or you tell yourself, there is nothing wrong with being single. You aren’t failing and there’s definitely nothing wrong with you. Adopting a positive mindset is key to getting yourself in a good mindful place where you’ll attract, not just anyone, but the absolute right person for you.

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Jenny Marchal

A passionate writer who loves sharing about positive psychology.

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Last Updated on June 24, 2019

Why Social Media Might Be Causing Depression

Why Social Media Might Be Causing Depression

A study [1] published in Depression and Anxiety found that social media users are more likely to be depressed. This was just one of the huge number of studies linking social media and depression[2] . But why exactly do platforms like Facebook and Instagram make people so unhappy? Well, we don’t know yet for sure, but there are some explanations.

Social Media Could Lead to Depression

Depression is a serious medical condition that affects how you think, feel, and behave. Social media may lead to depression in predisposed individuals or make existing symptoms of depression[3] worse explains[4] the study above’s senior author Dr. Brian Primack. So, the problem may not be in social media per se, but how we use it.

Signs You’re Suffering From “Social Media Depression”

If you feel like social media is having a negative impact on your mood, then you may be suffering from “social media depression.” Look for symptoms like:

• low self-esteem,

• negative self-talk,

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• a low mood,

• irritability,

• a lack of interest in activities once enjoyed,

• and social withdrawal.

If you’ve had these symptoms for more than two weeks and if this is how you feel most of the time, then you are likely depressed. Although “social media depression “is not a term recognized in the medical setting, social media depression seems to be a real phenomenon affecting around 50% of social media users. As explained in a review study[5] published in Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, if a person has a certain predisposition to depression and other mental disorders, social media use may only worsen their mental health.

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Social Media Could Crush Self-Esteem

We know that social media and depression are in some way linked, but why is this so? Well, according to Igor Pantic, MD, Ph.D.[6], social media use skews your perception about other people’s lives and traits. To explain this further, most people like to portray an idealized image of their lives, personal traits, and appearance on sites like Facebook and Instagram. If you confuse this idealized image with reality, you may be under the false impression that everyone is better than you which can crush your self-esteem and lead to depression. This is especially true for teens and young adults who are more likely to compare themselves to others. If you already suffer from low self-esteem, the illusion that everyone has it better off than you will just make you feel worse.

Causing Social Isolation and Other Negative Emotions

Another commonly cited reason for the negative impact of social media on mental health is its link with social isolation. Depressed people are more likely to isolate themselves socially and chose only to interact indirectly through social media platforms. But communication online tends to be superficial and is lacking when compared to real-life interaction explains Panic. What this means is not that social media leads to isolation but the other way around, possibly explaining why we find so many depressed persons on these sites.

Lastly, social media use may generate negative emotions in you like envy, jealousy, dislike, loneliness, and many others and this may worsen your depressive symptoms.

Why We Need to Take This Seriously

Both depression and social media use are on the rise according to epidemiological studies. Since each one has an impact on the other, we have to start thinking of healthier ways to use social media. Teens and young adults are especially vulnerable to the negative impact of social media on mental health.

Advice on Social Media Use

Although these findings did not provide any cause-effect explanation regarding Facebook and depression[7], they still do prove that social media use may not be a good way to handle depression. For this reason, the leading authors of these studies gave some suggestions as to how clinicians and people can make use of such findings.

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One suggestion is that clinicians should ask patients about their social media habits. Then they can advise them on how to change their outlook on social media use or even suggest limiting their time spent on social media.

Some social media users may also exhibit addictive behavior; they may spend too much time due to compulsive urges. Any compulsive behavior is bound to lead to feelings of guilt which can worsen depressive symptoms.

Having Unhealthy Relationship with Social Media

If you feel like your relationship with social media is unhealthy, then consider the advice on healthy social media use provided by psychology experts from Links Psychology[8]:

Avoid negative social comparison – always keep in mind that how people portray themselves and their lives on social media is not a realistic picture, but rather an idealized one. Also, avoid comparing yourself to others because this behavior can lead to negative self-talk.

Remember that social media is not a replacement for real life – Social media is great for staying in touch and having fun, but it should never replace real-world interactions.

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Avoid releasing personal information – For your safety and privacy, make sure to be careful with what you post online.

Report users who bully and harass you – It’s easy to be a bully in the anonymous and distant world of social media. Don’t take such offense personally and report those who abuse social media to harass others.

The bits of advice listed above can help you establish a healthy relationship with social media. Always keep these things in mind to avoid losing an objective perspective of what social media is and how it is different from real life. If you are currently suffering from depression, talk to your doctor about what is bothering you so that you can get the treatment you need to get better. Tell your doctor about your social media use and see if they could give you some advice on this topic.

Reference

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