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Realizng These 5 Things Can Help You Find The One More Easily

Realizng These 5 Things Can Help You Find The One More Easily

Lamenting our single status is easy when we’re surrounded by people in love and constant reminders that we haven’t found that perfect person yet. It can lead to a spiral of overthinking, believing there must be something wrong with us or (ridiculously) that we’re just plain unlovable.

While getting in this mindset from time to time is natural, there are some thought patterns and habits we can fall into that don’t serve us and actually may well be preventing us from letting that great lover gravitate into our lives.

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With that in mind, here are 5 realizations we need to make in order to get into the right mindset to meet the next love of our lives.

1. Stop Playing The Comparison Game

Comparison breeds misery. We need to understand that we’re all on our own unique journey and so comparing your single life to your best friend’s happy marriage won’t get you anywhere. Everyone has their own problems which aren’t always apparent on the surface so appreciating your single status without feeling that you’re being left behind or failing compared to others, is the only way to stay in a healthy and happy mindset.

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Appreciate that your single status gives you a chance to do what you want to do, when you want to do it. It’s giving you breathing space to grow and better yourself while feeling anticipation and excitement for the time when your amazing relationship will manifest into your life.

2. Stop Believing There’s Something Wrong With You

If you constantly lament your single status with the all-consuming question of “what the heck is wrong with me?!” then you are really stopping yourself from being in the right frame of mind to find that special someone.

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Do you really believe that everyone who’s found love has no insecurities, fears or flaws? Believing there’s something fundamentally wrong with you is what may be holding you back from love. Most of the time your flaws aren’t even real flaws only something you’ve created in your mind. You have to love yourself first before you can let the decent love of someone else in.

3. Find The People Who WANT You Not The People That NEED You

Depending on our mindset, we can attract the wrong kind of people. Be cognizant of people’s motives towards you. We can easily fall for people who are looking for someone to fill a void even if they don’t know it themselves. Beware of needy people and instead give attention to those who genuinely want you. Cutting out the needy ones will help you move forward to finding a genuine person who wants you for the right reasons and you’ll be in with more of a chance of a true, lasting relationship.

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4. Identify Those Who Love You Rather Than Those Who Just Chase You

The idea that people need to play hard to get to attract others is a massively flawed premise. Yes, it will create intrigue and an air of mystery that can entice the opposite sex but in reality, it doesn’t make for a lasting relationship. Acting aloof and almost ‘bitchy’ will only attract those who are in for the thrill of the chase rather than seeing you as a potential life partner. Instead, give a chance to the ones looking from the sidelines, the ones that admire you from afar and aren’t into playing games. They’re are the ones brimming with potential.

5. Your List of Ideals Won’t Necessarily Make A Great Soulmate

Writing down a list of ideal attributes is a great way to figure out what kind of future partner you want. After all, we all should have deal-breakers when it comes to certain traits. There is a problem with this, though; what is written down on paper isn’t necessarily going to make them a perfect partner in reality.

So instead of listing stuff such as height, eye color, job or their specific desire to travel, list out ways in which they can be a good partner to you; understanding, supportive, kind, spiritual – all the things that will help you both to grow in the relationship.

Conclusion

Remember, no matter what others tell you or you tell yourself, there is nothing wrong with being single. You aren’t failing and there’s definitely nothing wrong with you. Adopting a positive mindset is key to getting yourself in a good mindful place where you’ll attract, not just anyone, but the absolute right person for you.

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Jenny Marchal

A passionate writer who loves sharing about positive psychology.

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Last Updated on December 10, 2019

5 Smart Reasons to Start Journal Writing Today

5 Smart Reasons to Start Journal Writing Today

Here’s the truth: your effectiveness at life is not what it could be. You’re missing out.

Each day passes by and you have nothing to prove that it even happened. Did you achieve something? Go on a date? Have an emotional breakthrough? Who knows?

But what you do know is that you don’t want to make the same mistakes that you’ve made in the past.

Our lives are full of hidden gems of knowledge and insight, and the most recent events in our lives contain the most useful gems of all. Do you know why? It’s simple, those hidden lessons are the most up to date, meaning they have the largest impact on what we’re doing right now.

But the question is, how do you get those lessons? There’s a simple way to do it, and it doesn’t involve time machines:

Journal writing.

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Improved mental clarity, the ability to see our lives in the big picture, as well as serving as a piece of evidence cataloguing every success we’ve ever had; we are provided all of the above and more by doing some journal writing.

Journal writing is a useful and flexible tool to help shed light on achieving your goals.

Here’s 5 smart reasons why you should do journal writing:

1. Journals Help You Have a Better Connection with Your Values, Emotions, and Goals

By journaling about what you believe in, why you believe it, how you feel, and what your goals are, you understand your relationships with these things better. This is because you must sort through the mental clutter and provide details on why you do what you do and feel what you feel.

Consider this:

Perhaps you’ve spent the last year or so working at a job you don’t like. It would be easy to just suck it up and keep working with your head down, going on as if it’s supposed to be normal to not like your job. Nobody else is complaining, so why should you, right?

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But a little journal writing will set things straight for you. You don’t like your job. You feel like it’s robbing you of happiness and satisfaction, and you don’t see yourself better there in the future.

The other workers? Maybe they don’t know, maybe they don’t care. But you do, you know and care enough to do something about it. And you’re capable of fixing this problem because your journal writing allows you to finally be honest with yourself about it.

2. Journals Improve Mental Clarity and Help Improve Your Focus

If there’s one thing journal writing is good for, it’s clearing the mental clutter.

How does it work? Simply, whenever you have a problem and write about it in a journal, you transfer the problem from your head to the paper. This empties the mind, allowing allocation of precious resources to problem-solving rather than problem-storing.

Let’s say you’ve been juggling several tasks at work. You’ve got data entry, testing, e-mails, problems with the boss, and so on—enough to overwhelm you—but as you start journal writing, things become clearer and easier to understand: Data entry can actually wait till Thursday; Bill kindly offered earlier to do my testing; For e-mails, I can check them now; the boss is just upset because Becky called in sick, etc.

You become better able to focus and reason your tasks out, and this is an indispensable and useful skill to have.

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3. Journals Improve Insight and Understanding

As a positive consequence of improving your mental clarity, you become more open to insights you may have missed before. As you write your notes out, you’re essentially having a dialogue with yourself. This draws out insights that you would have missed otherwise; it’s almost as if two people are working together to better understand each other. This kind of insight is only available to the person who has taken the time to connect with and understand themselves in the form of writing.

Once you’ve gotten a few entries written down, new insights can be gleaned from reading over them. What themes do you see in your life? Do you keep switching goals halfway through? Are you constantly dating the same type of people who aren’t good for you? Have you slowly but surely pushed people out of your life for fear of being hurt?

All of these questions can be answered by simply self-reflecting, but you can only discover the answers if you’ve captured them in writing. These questions are going to be tough to answer without a journal of your actions and experiences.

4. Journals Track Your Overall Development

Life happens, and it can happen fast. Sometimes we don’t take the time to stop and look around at what’s happening to us at each moment. We don’t get to see the step-by-step progress that we’re making in our own lives. So what happens? One day it’s the future, and you have no idea how you’ve gotten there.

Journal writing allows you to see how you’ve changed over time, so you can see where you did things right, and you can see where you took a misstep and fell.

The great thing about journals is that you’ll know what that misstep was, and you can make sure it doesn’t happen again—all because you made sure to log it, allowing yourself to learn from your mistakes.

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5. Journals Facilitate Personal Growth

The best thing about journal writing is that no matter what you end up writing about, it’s hard to not grow from it. You can’t just look at a past entry in which you acted shamefully and say “that was dumb, anyway!” No, we say “I will never make a dumb choice like that again!”

It’s impossible not to grow when it comes to journal writing. That’s what makes journal writing such a powerful tool, whether it’s about achieving goals, becoming a better person, or just general personal-development. No matter what you use it for, you’ll eventually see yourself growing as a person.

Kickstart Journaling

How can journaling best be of use to you? To vent your emotions? To help achieve your goals? To help clear your mind? What do you think makes journaling such a useful life skill?

Know the answer? Then it’s about time you reap the benefits of journal writing and start putting pen to paper.

Here’s what you can do to start journaling:

Featured photo credit: Jealous Weekends via unsplash.com

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