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The Way You Ask Questions Can Determine Your Popularity And Success

The Way You Ask Questions Can Determine Your Popularity And Success

Wonder why some people seem more popular than others? They waltz into a bar not knowing a soul and within 10 minutes they’re high-fiving other patrons and cracking jokes with the bartender like best buds. It can be baffling and frustrating to witness when you’re struggling to get up enough courage to ask a co-worker out for a cup of coffee, while some other guy just breezes past with confidence. These people weren’t born lucky. Actual tips exist to help you gain that kind of confidence. In fact, the way you ask questions can determine your popularity and success.

The perfect way to open a conversation? Ask a question! However, don’t fall into the generalization trap. Asking someone: “How are you?” will garner the automatic “fine” and your conversation ends as if a door slammed in your face. Asking the same person how their daughter did at her recent poetry slam will elicit a positive response because by showing your knowledge of them, you’re showing you care. And they will be more than happy to offer details of their life event.

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For a complete stranger who you know nothing about, take cues from what they’re doing to start a conversation. Are they jamming to music? Ask them about their favorite band. Are they drinking a trendy cocktail? Ask them if it is worth trying one yourself.

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Make eye contact and listen to their words. Follow-up questions should be based on what they tell you. Find common ground to keep your conversation flowing.

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Always maintain a light-hearted sense of humor. It makes people feel good. People will remember the person who made them laugh more than the one who bemoaned their ex.

Face-to-face conversations are becoming a lost art form. Practise striking up a conversation by learning how to ask questions the right way to help you gain popularity and success.

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Sally White

writer, artist & blogger

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Last Updated on March 5, 2021

Science Says People Who Talk To Themselves Are Geniuses

Science Says People Who Talk To Themselves Are Geniuses

I talk a lot to myself. It helps me to keep my concentration on the activity on hand, makes me focus more on my studies, and gives me some pretty brilliant ideas while chattering to myself; more importantly, I produce better works. For example, right now, as I am typing, I am constantly mumbling to myself. Do you talk to yourself? Don’t get embarrassed admitting it because science has discovered that those who talk to themselves are actually geniuses… and not crazy!

Research Background

Psychologist-researcher Gary Lupyan conducted an experiment where 20 volunteers were shown objects, in a supermarket, and were asked to remember them. Half of them were told to repeat the objects, for example, banana, and the other half remained silent. In the end, the result shown that self-directed speech aided people to find the objects faster, by 50 to 100 milliseconds, compared to the silent ones.

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“I’ll often mutter to myself when searching for something in the refrigerator or the supermarket shelves,” said Gary Lupyan.

This personal experience actually made him conduct this experiment. Lupyan, together with another psychologist, Daniel Swigley, came up with the outcomes that those to talk to oneself are geniuses. Here are the reasons:

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It stimulates your memory

When you are talking to yourself, your sensory mechanism gets activated. It gets easier on your memory since you can visualize the word, and you can act accordingly.[1]

It helps stay focused

When you are saying it loud, you stay focused on your task,[2] and it helps you recognise that stuff immediately. Of course, this only helps if you know what the object you are searching looks like. For example, a banana is yellow in colour, and you know how a banana looks like. So when you are saying it loud, your brain immediately pictures the image on your mind. But if you don’t know what banana looks like, then there is no effect of saying it loud.

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It helps you clarify your thoughts

Every one of us tends to have various types of thoughts. Most make sense, while the others don’t. Suppose you are furious at someone and you feel like killing that person. Now for this issue you won’t run to a therapist, will you? No, what you do is lock yourself in a room and mutter to yourself. You are letting go off the anger by talking to yourself, the pros and cons of killing that person, and eventually you calm down. This is a silly thought that you have and are unable to share it with any other person. Psychologist Linda Sapadin said,[3]

“It helps you clarify your thoughts, tend to what’s important and firm up any decisions you are contemplating.”

Featured photo credit: Girl Using Laptop In Hotel Room/Ed Gregory via stokpic.com

Reference

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