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This Model Perfectly Explains Why Some Couples Have Great Trouble Even If They Do Their Best

This Model Perfectly Explains Why Some Couples Have Great Trouble Even If They Do Their Best

Have you ever felt as though your partner just doesn’t appreciate everything you do for them? Or, perhaps you’ve often wondered whether the two of you are on the same wavelength when it comes to giving and receiving affection, despite the fact that you appear otherwise compatible? Understanding how your significant other prefers to show their affection can go a long way in helping you to empathize with their overall relationship outlook, and this can help both of you feel better understood and appreciated.

Here are the five “love languages,” according to relationship expert Dr. Gary Chapman[1]. Each simply describes a way of showing love and affection:

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Words Of Affirmation

This includes verbal expressions of affection such as “I love you,” as well as regular praise.

Acts Of Service

Some people prefer to give and receive love via actions. Someone who speaks this love language may show their love by taking on more than their fair share of the household chores.

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Receiving Gifts

Thoughtful presents such as flowers, jewelry or even practical purchases such as a computer keyboard will make an impact with people who primarily speak in this love language.

Quality Time

For those who value this expression of love, day trips and long phone conversations are perceived as the best way to show affection.

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Physical Touch

This entails expressions of physical affection, such as hugs, kisses and holding hands.

Why not take this quiz[2] today to discover your own love language, and then encourage your partner to do the same? Once you both understand how the other likes to express love, your communication is bound to improve. You can make great use of this model to better tailor your own behavior to your partner’s preferences and to be more explicit in expressing how you would like them to show their love for you.

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Reference

More by this author

Jay Hill

Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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