Advertising
Advertising

If You Know These 6 Tricks, Everyone Likes Communicating With You

If You Know These 6 Tricks, Everyone Likes Communicating With You

How many times have you seen this scenario? You’re at a social gathering–say an office party–where people are just barely acquainted with each other. The conversations are a bit strained and are a commingling of “shop” talk, mindless chit-chat and awkward pauses. Your eyes scan the room, and you notice that Jeff from marketing keeps drawing small crowds of people to him. The people are all smiling and engaged, and no one leaves the group.

What’s Jeff’s secret? How does he do it? He’s not telling jokes or performing magic tricks; in fact, he really isn’t saying a whole lot, yet he’s been able to comfortably engage with everyone in the room.

Advertising

Good conversationalists have perfected their art

Some people are naturally blessed with a dynamic gift of gab and are able to talk to anyone about anything. Meanwhile, others struggle with simply engaging in small talk. What separates the two isn’t just a matter of affability. It’s more about their approaches to communication and their willingness to hone their conversational skills[1].

Being good at conversation is slightly different than being a good communicator. Communication is just one small component of the very delicate, dynamic and active dance that happens within every conversation.

Advertising

Here are 6 tips to help you become great at conversing

1. Seed the conversation

The concept of seeding a conversation[2] revolves around the idea of reaching outside of the topic of discussion and bringing in ideas that are thematically or philosophically related. It involves introducing and adding information and relating story excerpts from other domains that parallel the current topic. For example, if the topic is politics and the discussion turns to a particular candidate’s campaign strategy, you could introduce a relevant sports metaphor or relate it to an old war story illustrating a similar maneuver on the field of battle.

2. Know when (and when not) to interject personal experiences

Oftentimes, you’ll find yourself in a conversation with a person you may not know very well, and in an effort to establish common ground and appear relatable, you’ll begin trading stories with them. If they are talking about their dog that died, you might share the tragic tale of how you lost your gerbil in a big-wheel accident. But, while your intentions are simply to relate to the other person, this can come across as attention-seeking, or it can seem like you are trying to “one up” them, which is a major turn-off. Know when to share and when to simply let the moment belong to the other person.

Advertising

3. Be attuned to the silent conversation (a.k.a. body language)

Being attuned to the moment when the conversation has run its course or is starting to fade is one of the most important skills a masterful conversationalist must perfect. Notice when your audience is starting to drift or become distracted or disengaged, and understand that it may be the time to end the conversation, or at least move away from that particular topic. Non-verbal cues[3] communicate far more than what is being said.

4. Listen more than you speak

At the heart of being a good conversationalist is having exceptional listening skills. Listening is an action[4]. It requires focus, concentration and lots of energy. Listening involves more than just hearing what someone is saying. It also requires interpreting, hearing context and sub-context, and reading between the lines. Listening should be done with both the eyes and the ears. It is an intuitive, active process.

Advertising

5. Ask open-ended questions and give expanded answers.

Asking yes-or-no questions and/or giving yes-or-no answers are the ultimate show-stoppers. They kill the conversation, or at least stall it, and they cause that awkward silence where everyone is fishing for something to say. Being cognizant that everyone is not adept in conversation will help you work to provide expanded answers and ask open-ended questions. Giving the other person something to work with will help put at ease those who experience social tension.

6. Treat the conversation like a friendly tennis match

Do your part to keep the conversation going. One of the best ways to keep the conversational volley going is by showing emotion. The fact that we are truly engaged is demonstrated through our body language and facial expressions. Ensure that you are laughing at the appropriate places, and show sympathy, horror, or excitement as you actively listen. Your emotions and reactions should be genuine and appropriate for the tone and mood of the conversation. Save the theatrics for a different audience.

Conversations should arise organically – oversteering the conversation will shut it down quickly. Being affable, actively listening and carefully seeding the discussion will fuel the conversation and make you the talk of the party.

Featured photo credit: Linh Do via flickr.com

Reference

[1] Fast Company: 6 Habits of the Best Conversationalists
[2] Prezley: 21 Tips to Seed a Conversation
[3] Help Guide: Nonverbal communication
[4] Mind Tools: Active Listening

More by this author

Denise Hill

Denise shares about psychology and communication tips on Lifehack.

20 Simple Ways to Bring Positive Energy into Life Right Now Why It’s Never Too Late To Redefine Yourself 30 Best Business Podcasts That Help Entrepreneurs Become Successful Day 10 Shocking! Exercise Right After Eating Ain’t That Bad for Health The 10 Best Nonfiction Books Of All Time You Should Not Miss

Trending in Communication

1 How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them 2 Feeling Stuck in Life? How to Never Get Stuck Again 3 12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life 4 13 Ways Happy People Think and Feel Differently 5 How to Find Inner Peace and Lasting Happiness

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on January 21, 2020

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.

Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.

So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.

Advertising

1. Listen

Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”

“Why do you want to do that?”

Advertising

“What makes you so excited about it?”

“How long has that been your dream?”

You need this information the help you with the following steps.

Advertising

3. Encourage

This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”

4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be

After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.

5. Dream

This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.

Advertising

6. Ask How You Can Help

Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.

7. Follow Up

Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.

Final Thoughts

By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …

Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!

More on Motivation

Featured photo credit: Thought Catalog via unsplash.com

Read Next