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8 Actionable Tips on Dealing with Divorce

8 Actionable Tips on Dealing with Divorce

Making the decision to go for a divorce isn’t an easy task. It impacts all parties involved negatively. However, alternatives aren’t always available. Once a couple have determined that their marriage has to end, it is crucial to make the entire process as painless as possible. In some cases, however, the divorce process makes couples stay at odds with each other.

As resentment and anger build, it becomes easy for emotions to override reason and logic. People involved in an antagonistic divorce usually attempt to make life as difficult as possible for their spouse, and they eventually hurt themselves. Luckily, all of this can be avoided. Here are easy-to-follow ways to simplify your divorce.

1. Use Divorce Mediation

Besides being a very stressful endeavor, engaging in a divorce can be very expensive. Many times, people are forced to use their savings to cover legal bills. Undergoing a separation is difficult enough without having to add financial crisis into the mix. However, collaborative divorces usually involve fewer legal battles, and they are less expensive as a result. A collaborative divorce, on average, will cost about a third of what conventional divorces will, according to one survey.

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If at all possible, try to work out a divorce plan with your spouse. If flat rate divorce mediation services are at all a possibility, use them. Countless hours and dollars can be tied up in legal wrangling over the smallest details. Even with children – or a business – agreements can be reached, saving quite a bit of money. And that’s money to start your new life with!

2. Devote the Required Time to the Process

Going through a divorce process is like working at two jobs. You may even spend enormous amounts of energy meeting with professionals, gathering documents, separating your stuff and figuring out your finances. You will have to work to ensure your children are okay and that their transition into a different life goes smoothly.

If you are aware of this from the start, and you discover a way to devote time and energy to the divorce (the amount it requires), everything will go more smoothly. The opposite happens if you are angry about everything relating to your divorce and you always drag your heels instead of doing what is required to move on from the divorce.

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Have your lawyer approve your letter explaining your rationale for divorce before taking any action. When you are the one who files for divorce, there is usually much guilt associated with such a decision. Most people want to discuss or explain the reason for their decision to their spouse, and they often put their feelings in a letter. That is a decent thing to do if it originates from the appropriate place. The issue here, however, is that writing these kinds of letters tends to make you take more responsibility for the breakup in a bid to soften the blow.

3. Reduce the Time Required

Going through the divorce process can take many years. Time is required to settle all disagreements and have the case closed. This, in turn, makes it more difficult for parties to move on with their lives. A collaborative approach should be adopted, as this type of divorce focuses on solving disputes outside the courtroom if possible.

Rather than seeing each other as enemies, the involved parties in a collaborative divorce work to complete the process peacefully. These kinds of divorces usually take a few months to finalize.

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4. Open a New Bank Account in Your Name

This part is for couples who use a joint account. Such individuals should know that one of them can clear out the entire account based on banking laws. The person who took the money may have to pay their spouse his or her share eventually, but it could take a long time to get to that point in cases where the judge orders repayment.

That is why everyone is advised to own a separate bank account in his or her own name, even if it has to be a secret. Chances are that if the account is kept secret, you may even need it more than you realize.

5. Reduce Stress

Due to the fact that bitter emotions are often associated with divorce processes, many people walk away and/or never speak to their former spouse again. This can turn the situation into something emotionally painful, especially if there are children involved. However, working to end your divorce peacefully may make it possible to avoid this issue and reduce the kind of emotional trauma your children will experience.

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6. It’s an Excellent Idea to Seek a Second Opinion

If there are concerns about the kind of advice you are receiving, don’t be afraid to ask for another individual’s opinion. A good attorney will be happy to see you seeking an alternative opinion and will accept good suggestions your respected friend or colleague might have.

You have just one chance to handle a divorce well, and you have a right to have confidence in any advice you are receiving. If the second opinion suggests that your case is being handled well, the reassurance will definitely be worth the consultation for the second opinion

7. Take Note of the Timing of Your Offer

Cases will not be settled until both parties are willing to leave the marriage. Thus, the timing of your divorce offer may be as vital as the content. Don’t make the offer too early, especially if the other party is not ready to receive it. Failure to do so will mean you will be betting against yourself.

8. The Bottom Line

No matter how frustrated you get, when going through a divorce, you can benefit from taking few minutes to set your emotions aside and see whether a collaborative divorce will decrease the stress of your separation. Working together may mean making compromises (something both individuals may not be pleased with), but in the majority of these cases, this option is less harmful to both parties than approaching the divorce as if it were a war.

Featured photo credit: DW Law Firm via davidkontos.com

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Yasmin Rasidi

Copy Writer at Swotfish

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Last Updated on March 13, 2019

How to Get out of a Rut: 12 Useful Ways to Get Unstuck

How to Get out of a Rut: 12 Useful Ways to Get Unstuck

Have you gotten into a rut before? Or are you in a rut right now?

You know you’re in a rut when you run out of ideas and inspiration. I personally see a rut as a productivity vacuum. It might very well be a reason why you aren’t getting results. Even as you spend more time on your work, you can’t seem to get anything constructive done. While I’m normally productive, I get into occasional ruts (especially when I’ve been working back-to-back without rest). During those times, I can spend an entire day in front of the computer and get nothing done. It can be quite frustrating.

Over time, I have tried and found several methods that are helpful to pull me out of a rut. If you experience ruts too, whether as a working professional, a writer, a blogger, a student or other work, you will find these useful. Here are 12 of my personal tips to get out of ruts:

1. Work on the small tasks.

When you are in a rut, tackle it by starting small. Clear away your smaller tasks which have been piling up. Reply to your emails, organize your documents, declutter your work space, and reply to private messages.

Whenever I finish doing that, I generate a positive momentum which I bring forward to my work.

2. Take a break from your work desk.

Get yourself away from your desk and go take a walk. Go to the washroom, walk around the office, go out and get a snack.

Your mind is too bogged down and needs some airing. Sometimes I get new ideas right after I walk away from my computer.

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3. Upgrade yourself

Take the down time to upgrade yourself. Go to a seminar. Read up on new materials (#7). Pick up a new language. Or any of the 42 ways here to improve yourself.

The modern computer uses different typefaces because Steve Jobs dropped in on a calligraphy class back in college. How’s that for inspiration?

4. Talk to a friend.

Talk to someone and get your mind off work for a while.

Talk about anything, from casual chatting to a deep conversation about something you really care about. You will be surprised at how the short encounter can be rejuvenating in its own way.

5. Forget about trying to be perfect.

If you are in a rut, the last thing you want to do is step on your own toes with perfectionist tendencies.

Just start small. Do what you can, at your own pace. Let yourself make mistakes.

Soon, a little trickle of inspiration will come. And then it’ll build up with more trickles. Before you know it, you have a whole stream of ideas.

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6. Paint a vision to work towards.

If you are continuously getting in a rut with your work, maybe there’s no vision inspiring you to move forward.

Think about why you are doing this, and what you are doing it for. What is the end vision in mind?

Make it as vivid as possible. Make sure it’s a vision that inspires you and use that to trigger you to action.

7. Read a book (or blog).

The things we read are like food to our brain. If you are out of ideas, it’s time to feed your brain with great materials.

Here’s a list of 40 books you can start off with. Stock your browser with only the feeds of high quality blogs, such as Lifehack.org, DumbLittleMan, Seth Godin’s Blog, Tim Ferris’ Blog, Zen Habits or The Personal Excellence Blog.

Check out the best selling books; those are generally packed with great wisdom.

8. Have a quick nap.

If you are at home, take a quick nap for about 20-30 minutes. This clears up your mind and gives you a quick boost. Nothing quite like starting off on a fresh start after catching up on sleep.

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9. Remember why you are doing this.

Sometimes we lose sight of why we do what we do, and after a while we become jaded. A quick refresher on why you even started on this project will help.

What were you thinking when you thought of doing this? Retrace your thoughts back to that moment. Recall why you are doing this. Then reconnect with your muse.

10. Find some competition.

Nothing quite like healthy competition to spur us forward. If you are out of ideas, then check up on what people are doing in your space.

Colleagues at work, competitors in the industry, competitors’ products and websites, networking conventions.. you get the drill.

11. Go exercise.

Since you are not making headway at work, might as well spend the time shaping yourself up.

Sometimes we work so much that we neglect our health and fitness. Go jog, swim, cycle, whichever exercise you prefer.

As you improve your physical health, your mental health will improve, too. The different facets of ourselves are all interlinked.

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Here’re 15 Tips to Restart the Exercise Habit (and How to Keep It).

12. Take a good break.

Ruts are usually signs that you have been working too long and too hard. It’s time to get a break.

Beyond the quick tips above, arrange for a 1-day or 2-days of break from your work. Don’t check your (work) emails or do anything work-related. Relax and do your favorite activities. You will return to your work recharged and ready to start.

Contrary to popular belief, the world will not end from taking a break from your work. In fact, you will be much more ready to make an impact after proper rest. My best ideas and inspiration always hit me whenever I’m away from my work.

Take a look at this to learn the importance of rest: The Importance of Scheduling Downtime

More Resources About Getting out of a Rut

Featured photo credit: Joshua Earle via unsplash.com

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