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People Start To Leave My Life As I Grow Up, But True Friendships Always Stay

People Start To Leave My Life As I Grow Up, But True Friendships Always Stay

Throughout childhood, your friendships play a very important role in shaping who you become. As we approach young adulthood, most of us believe that our friends will be in our lives forever. We imagine having a dual wedding, raising our kids together, and buying houses across the street from each other. Unfortunately, the reality is that people start to leave our lives as we grow older. We grow distant and lose touch with people. Our friendships are reduced to once-a-year “Happy Birthday” messages on Facebook.

Maybe you’ve already started noticing this in your life. It may seem sad at first, but this is normal. Growing up means that new lifetime events and even romantic relationships become more important. But, don’t worry, true friendships will stand the test of time. True friendships will stay with you as your life changes.

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“A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow.” – Attributed to William Shakespeare

When we are young, we spend a lot of time with our friends. But as we approach adulthood, we tend to place more priority on our family and romantic partners. In these types of relationships, we have set expectations. We see our partners every morning and every evening, maybe even text each other throughout the day. We make it a point to speak to our families often, visiting them on the weekends and for holidays. But, what about friendship?

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Well, friendships tend to be less structured than family and romantic relationships. We might go months on end without speaking to a friend, for example. This is particularly true as we grow older and our personal and professional lives become busier and more demanding. Most of us would never do this with our significant other nor with our family. We have stricter rules of engagement when it comes to these individuals. According to Ohio University Interpersonal Communication Professor William Rawlins, friendship gives us “Somebody to talk to, someone to depend on, and someone to enjoy. These expectations remain the same, but the circumstances under which they’re accomplished change.” [1]

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“I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was 12.” – from the movie Stand by Me

We grow up, and childhood turns into adulthood. This is a fact of life. Some of us move away, go to university, get married, have kids, start a career, or all of the above. We don’t have the spare time to just show up at our friend’s house with a kickball and ask to play, like we once did. The demands of our personal lives become more pressing than the demands of friendship. When choosing between family dinner and drinks with a friend, most of us choose the dinner. Communication in our friendships becomes less frequent. Occasionally, we find ourselves trying to pencil in time to see our friends. “Are you available on the 20th for a quick cup of coffee?”

Interestingly, this all changes are we get older and move into our senior years. With retirement and an empty nest, the later years of adulthood give us more free time. We reconnect with old friends, looking to increase our happiness during our final years. [2] We want to spend as much time as possible with our loved ones while we’re still alive.

“A strong friendship doesn’t need daily conversation or being together. As long as the relationship lives in the heart, true friends never part.” – Anonymous

Despite the changing dynamics of our lives as we move through adulthood, some people do remain friends for life. Since the expectations we have concerning friendship are lower than the expectations we have of our other relationships, friendship becomes more flexible. Our friends are also going through changing demands in their lives. True friends recognize this and tend to be more forgiving about those long lapses in communication. True friends understand the obstacles that life puts in the way. Another secret to these lifelong friendships is to mutually invest effort and dedication to your friends over time. The key word here is: mutually. Nobody wants to maintain a friendship through adulthood that doesn’t reciprocate the effort.

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Reference

More by this author

Amber Pariona

EFL Teacher, Lifehack Writer, English/Spanish Translator, MPA

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Last Updated on June 24, 2019

Why Social Media Might Be Causing Depression

Why Social Media Might Be Causing Depression

A study [1] published in Depression and Anxiety found that social media users are more likely to be depressed. This was just one of the huge number of studies linking social media and depression[2] . But why exactly do platforms like Facebook and Instagram make people so unhappy? Well, we don’t know yet for sure, but there are some explanations.

Social Media Could Lead to Depression

Depression is a serious medical condition that affects how you think, feel, and behave. Social media may lead to depression in predisposed individuals or make existing symptoms of depression[3] worse explains[4] the study above’s senior author Dr. Brian Primack. So, the problem may not be in social media per se, but how we use it.

Signs You’re Suffering From “Social Media Depression”

If you feel like social media is having a negative impact on your mood, then you may be suffering from “social media depression.” Look for symptoms like:

• low self-esteem,

• negative self-talk,

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• a low mood,

• irritability,

• a lack of interest in activities once enjoyed,

• and social withdrawal.

If you’ve had these symptoms for more than two weeks and if this is how you feel most of the time, then you are likely depressed. Although “social media depression “is not a term recognized in the medical setting, social media depression seems to be a real phenomenon affecting around 50% of social media users. As explained in a review study[5] published in Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, if a person has a certain predisposition to depression and other mental disorders, social media use may only worsen their mental health.

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Social Media Could Crush Self-Esteem

We know that social media and depression are in some way linked, but why is this so? Well, according to Igor Pantic, MD, Ph.D.[6], social media use skews your perception about other people’s lives and traits. To explain this further, most people like to portray an idealized image of their lives, personal traits, and appearance on sites like Facebook and Instagram. If you confuse this idealized image with reality, you may be under the false impression that everyone is better than you which can crush your self-esteem and lead to depression. This is especially true for teens and young adults who are more likely to compare themselves to others. If you already suffer from low self-esteem, the illusion that everyone has it better off than you will just make you feel worse.

Causing Social Isolation and Other Negative Emotions

Another commonly cited reason for the negative impact of social media on mental health is its link with social isolation. Depressed people are more likely to isolate themselves socially and chose only to interact indirectly through social media platforms. But communication online tends to be superficial and is lacking when compared to real-life interaction explains Panic. What this means is not that social media leads to isolation but the other way around, possibly explaining why we find so many depressed persons on these sites.

Lastly, social media use may generate negative emotions in you like envy, jealousy, dislike, loneliness, and many others and this may worsen your depressive symptoms.

Why We Need to Take This Seriously

Both depression and social media use are on the rise according to epidemiological studies. Since each one has an impact on the other, we have to start thinking of healthier ways to use social media. Teens and young adults are especially vulnerable to the negative impact of social media on mental health.

Advice on Social Media Use

Although these findings did not provide any cause-effect explanation regarding Facebook and depression[7], they still do prove that social media use may not be a good way to handle depression. For this reason, the leading authors of these studies gave some suggestions as to how clinicians and people can make use of such findings.

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One suggestion is that clinicians should ask patients about their social media habits. Then they can advise them on how to change their outlook on social media use or even suggest limiting their time spent on social media.

Some social media users may also exhibit addictive behavior; they may spend too much time due to compulsive urges. Any compulsive behavior is bound to lead to feelings of guilt which can worsen depressive symptoms.

Having Unhealthy Relationship with Social Media

If you feel like your relationship with social media is unhealthy, then consider the advice on healthy social media use provided by psychology experts from Links Psychology[8]:

Avoid negative social comparison – always keep in mind that how people portray themselves and their lives on social media is not a realistic picture, but rather an idealized one. Also, avoid comparing yourself to others because this behavior can lead to negative self-talk.

Remember that social media is not a replacement for real life – Social media is great for staying in touch and having fun, but it should never replace real-world interactions.

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Avoid releasing personal information – For your safety and privacy, make sure to be careful with what you post online.

Report users who bully and harass you – It’s easy to be a bully in the anonymous and distant world of social media. Don’t take such offense personally and report those who abuse social media to harass others.

The bits of advice listed above can help you establish a healthy relationship with social media. Always keep these things in mind to avoid losing an objective perspective of what social media is and how it is different from real life. If you are currently suffering from depression, talk to your doctor about what is bothering you so that you can get the treatment you need to get better. Tell your doctor about your social media use and see if they could give you some advice on this topic.

Reference

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