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11 Ways to be a Gentleman When in a Relationship

11 Ways to be a Gentleman When in a Relationship

Guys, admit it or not, we ladies love gentlemen. We love all the nice gestures and words you sprinkle upon us as much as we love Mom’s homemade apple pie. Those hand-picked roses from your neighbor’s garden may also do the trick, but does it really?

Without going overboard, you can still be a gentleman and win our hearts. Yes, even the coldest of hearts can melt with simple deeds (notice how I emphasized deeds?) and words (because, yes, words do count, too!).

1. Do as you say.

Oftentimes, relationships break apart due to shattered promises. Gentlemen rarely or even never break their promises (except for really valid reasons). And when I say valid, it’s mainly because of unexpected (as in unexpected and totally emergent) reasons. Life-and-death occurrences count, as compared with laziness or just “not in the mood” excuses.

If you are not in the mood to do something, tell that to your partner and maybe (just maybe) she’ll understand. Yes, we know that you’re also human and have ups and downs with your moods. You just want to stay at home or have an all-boys day out just as we girls do. So please feel free to tell us the REAL reason why you’re not up for a lunch out with us and we’ll do our best to understand you. It’s just a matter of communication.

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2. Say things nicely.

I know it can sound pretty hard for those who aren’t really ‘sweet-talkers.’ But hey, your words can make or break your relationships, dude. There may be times when you can hold off that nasty word, or better yet, don’t say it at all when you know that you’ll offend your significant other.

Of course, you might say that it differs based on personality, but then, will it really be a death sentence for you if you won’t utter those hurtful words? So what if you feel like she’s not as beautiful as the first time you met her? So what if her hair isn’t as flat-out or curled as you want it to be? Would it be better to tell her outright that she’s not beautiful anymore? Think about it, for you just might save your dying relationship.

3. Hold the door for her.

Old-school actions still work; trust me. No matter how much she insists on opening it herself, be alert enough to notice that she also needs you to be there for her (even for the littlest things). And yes, we really appreciate the initiative. Even when it comes to doors.

4. Bring her home after a date.

It may be awkward, most especially if you still don’t have ‘wheels’ to drive her to her house after your date (not to mention an additional expense for you), but what better way to be a gentleman than letting her folks/siblings/guardian (especially if she still lives with them) that you took great care of their princess? Yup, this is a true-blue way to be a gentleman without going overboard!

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5. Have initiative over the little things.

Being gentlemanly is not just about words. Your planning over the little things (specifically for your future dates) counts a lot. Instead of letting her do all the decision-making, why not take the first step to creating a list of places (Note: These need not be expensive spots) to go to. Once you’re done with your list, show it to her and let the two of you plan your itinerary. Aside from showing that you have the intention to take her to a simple yet memorable hangout, you’ll definitely show that you’re really serious about your intentions with her.

6. Seek permission from her parents/siblings/guardian when going out.

Okay, this may apply to those not yet married (also based on various cultural preferences), but I’d like to emphasize on the power of seeking parents’ approval. Some might disagree with this practice, but it still definitely counts as a gentleman’s way of showing respect to them.

Call it corny, but even millennials still need to regard their parents’ opinions over vital matters (especially that of the heart). By doing so, you, the gentleman, are also proving how serious you are about her.

And for the ladies, yes, it’s also a nice practice to (most of the time) let your parents know about your whereabouts. This is not to deprive you of your privacy whatsoever, but most especially if you still live with your parents, you’d be really in good hands knowing that your parents have trust in you and your guy. That’s the best feeling ever.

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7. Be polite (even to strangers).

A gentleman doesn’t easily get annoyed over the simplest of things. Encountered a waiter who spilled orange juice over your newly ironed suit? Would you yell at him right then and there? Uh-oh. Spells D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R already.

Yes, we ladies also love a calm demeanor, most especially over the little things. Notice how I always emphasize the simple things? It’s because they matter the most. If you can’t be polite to the people around you, how much more respectful will you be with us in the long run?

8. Be especially polite to your mom.

Politeness in the streets is already a huge plus. What more could we ask for when it comes to your mom and your family as a whole? If you are already courteous, polite, and nice to your parents, you’d have an easier time showing your gentleman-ness to your lady love.

Rudeness is not in the vocabulary of a gentleman. Though there may be times when you feel off (mainly due to some unresolved issues in your career, family, etc.), it won’t hurt to smile or say things in a nice way. Your politeness can definitely take you a long way!

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9. Compromise.

Can’t agree over where to go? Don’t want to really go where your lady wants to be? Not a problem, for a gentleman learns to compromise. Even if it may be a “no” for you to go to the KTV, but your girl wants to spend some time belting her lungs out, you might want to accompany her there, too. After all, you love her, right? Even if you don’t want to sing (or if you think you might break the mirrors there), it won’t really hurt going with her. And yes, that’s a gentleman’s way of saying that he’s not just being the love of her life for convenience, he’s saying that he’s in for the long haul.

10. Carry her heavy baggage (literally). 

A gentleman is sensitive enough to know when his lady is having difficulties carrying her things. May it be her shopping bag, some trash bags, cans of milk, and others, if you are a real gentleman, you would offer a hand. Although we have high regard for gender equality now, it won’t hurt if you extend some help to your girl.

11. Offer her a seat.

An old-fashioned act itself, offering your girl a seat (whether at a restaurant, bus, queue, etc.) is a time-tested way to express your concern for her. Not only would you be rekindling the good old days when you were still truly, madly courting her, but it would also make her feel so special that she’ll have a hard time sleeping, reminiscing your gentle nature.

Featured photo credit: Pexels via static.pexels.com

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Celine Bernadette Hautea Francisco

Language Specialist/Content Strategist

be a gentleman 11 Ways to be a Gentleman When in a Relationship

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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