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7 Things to Remember When Dating an INFJ

7 Things to Remember When Dating an INFJ

INFJs are one of the rarest personality types out there. With our energy primarily focused internally, we are quiet, intuitive and idealistic dreamers with an empathy for everything and everyone. We live in another world – one entwined with hidden meanings, possibilities, and symbolism – this can make us quite odd at times for those who find themselves around us.

At first, other personality types might see us as mysterious, even intriguing, but this can also cause problems within our relationships, as these characteristics can quickly make us appear aloof and blasé.

There are a number of things one should know before jumping head first into a relationship with an INFJ – not all of them necessarily negative, but needed to know before you can move into a more serious phase and a deeper understanding of the relationship:

1. No hook ups

INFJs do not want something temporary that can dwindle away with the first indication of a strong, potentially stormy wind that blows in its direction. We seek soul mates, those with whom we can connect on a spiritual, emotional and intellectual level.

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We do not do casual or friends with benefits; it only frustrates us and makes us feel guilty for compromising our ideals and our value systems. This by no means make us judgmental towards others who prefer to explore and experiment; it is just not something we wish to pursue.

2. Trust does not always come easy

INFJs are keen observers of the world and all that goes on in it. We not only see the pain, we also feel it. This is one of the reasons behind us being so hesitant to just jump into a relationship before knowing if we really connect with a person.

If there is any indication that the person is not being honest or open with us we will immediately retreat. We are good readers of situations and people and if the dynamics of the relationship has changed or if the person fails to give his or her all, we will sense it.

3. We do not give up

INFJs do not easily give up on a relationship, it is thus that we need you to be honest. If we feel the dynamics – as mentioned above – has changed, we will slowly start disappearing mentally, emotionally and even physically. We do not like conflict—this also makes us (or perhaps only me personally) terrible verbal communicators when it does come to the point of conflict. We avoid the elephant in the room and will often wait for the other person to break things off first.

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4. We need time alone

We tend to give our all in a relationship and often neglect ourselves in the process, which most likely leads to us being exhausted and overstimulated. This, in turn, might cause us to lash out, saying or doing something we do not mean.

Therefore, we need time alone to center ourselves; we need our other half not to take it personally when we tell them we need a weekend alone without seeing, texting or phoning each other. Our loved ones need to be able to let us go for long enough to enable us to recharge and recuperate. It is the only way we will be able to function “normally” in the world we find ourselves in, as well as in our relationship again.

5. Snobs are a buzz kill

Look, we all love a good dose of confidence, style, and a positive body image. Great for the guy or girl who has it, but they should not dare use it as a weapon to bring others down. If they do, they will not see us hanging around for long, if at all.

This was a major pet peeve in one of my relationships and in the end contributed to some of my own insecurities. I never saw the flaws he pointed out in others, but it made me consciously look at myself through his eyes, wondering if he felt that way about me too. It was only after I did some soul searching and was able to recollect myself and my sense of worth and value that I knew this was not something I could stand for.

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You have to understand, INFJs are affected by the energy provided by the environment around us and we cannot stand for an energy of criticism, arrogance, and elitism – we despise it. We see people’s souls; we do not care about status, appearances, and accessories. We hope to find someone who appreciates the simplicity and makes room for what matters.

6. We are the peculiar children

INFJs are beautifully complex – so much so that it is often frustratingly confusing not only to those around us but also for ourselves. We have a rich inner life and often get lost in idealistic dreams and fantasies about life and the world we wish to save. We know we might seem strange to others and because of this awareness we will often feel alone and misunderstood.

We rarely feel that anyone truly gets us and this can often cause tension in our relationships. However, bear with us; work with us when we feel this way. We might not admit it, but we do need you.

7. The deep pit of depression

INFJs tend to struggle with periods of depression. Whether it is because we feel helpless and hopeless in our pursuit of saving the world and all its inhabitants, or due to the fact that we are experiencing a crisis and blockage in our work, perhaps even because we feel lonely and misunderstood. This can play a role in our relationships and we might feel the need to creep back into our deep, dark and lonely pit.

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It is wise to know when to let us creep back in and to just let us be, allowing us to sort through our thoughts and emotions, but it is also wise to know when we need that helping hand to pull us back into the light. Please, please do not abandon us completely.

This is us. Take it or leave it. But one thing we can guarantee the guy or girl if they do decide to take it is loyalty, support, absolute love, acceptance and someone that will always be ready to go on new adventures with you. All we need is your trust, your openness and your ability to stay with us through the sticky and rough patches in our lives – we will not forget it, and we will be devoted to you until the end.

If you are an INFJ, let us know how you find your relationship to be like and if you were lucky enough to find the one that dances with you through the rain, the one whose love roars louder than your demons; the one who knows how to make you feel both secure and wild.

Featured photo credit: Junebug Weddings via junebugweddings.com

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Bianca Gouws

Freelance Writer, Director and Actress

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Last Updated on November 15, 2018

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

What do you think it takes to achieve your goals? Hard work? Lots of actions? While these are paramount to becoming successful in reaching our goals, neither of these are possible without a positive mindset.

As humans, we naturally tend to lean towards a negative outlook when it comes to our hopes and dreams. We are prone to believing that we have limitations either from within ourselves or from external forces keeping us from truly getting to where we want to be in life. Our tendency to think that we’ll “believe it when we see it” suggests that our mindsets are focused on our goals not really being attainable until they’ve been achieved. The problem with this is that this common mindset fuels our limiting beliefs and shows a lack of faith in ourselves.

The Success Mindset

Success in achieving our goals comes down to a ‘success mindset’. Successful mindsets are those focused on victory, based on positive mental attitudes, empowering inclinations and good habits. Acquiring a success mindset is the sure-fire way to dramatically increase your chance to achieve your goals.

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The idea that achieving our goals comes down to our habits and actions is actually a typical type of mindset that misses a crucial point; that our mindset is, in fact, the determiner of our energy and what actions we take. A negative mindset will tend to create negative actions and similarly if we have a mindset that will only set into action once we see ‘proof’ that our goals are achievable, then the road will be much longer and arduous. This is why, instead of thinking “I’ll believe it when I see it”, a success mindset will think “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

The Placebo Effect and What It Shows Us About The Power of Mindset

The placebo effect is a perfect example of how mindset really can be powerful. In scientific trials, a group of participants were told they received medication that will heal an ailment but were actually given a sugar pill that does nothing (the placebo). Yet after the trial the participants believed it’s had a positive effect – sometimes even cured their ailment even though nothing has changed. This is the power of mindset.

How do we apply this to our goals? Well, when we set goals and dreams how often do we really believe they’ll come to fruition? Have absolute faith that they can be achieved? Have a complete unwavering expectation? Most of us don’t because we hold on to negative mindsets and limiting beliefs about ourselves that stop us from fully believing we are capable or that it’s at all possible. We tend to listen to the opinions of others despite them misaligning with our own or bow to societal pressures that make us believe we should think and act a certain way. There are many reasons why we possess these types of mindsets but a success mindset can be achieved.

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How To Create a Success Mindset

People with success mindsets have a particular way of perceiving things. They have positive outlooks and are able to put faith fully in their ability to succeed. With that in mind, here are a few ways that can turn a negative mindset into a successful one.

1. A Success Mindset Comes From a Growth Mindset

How does a mindset even manifest itself? It comes from the way you talk to yourself in the privacy of your own head. Realising this will go a long way towards noticing how you speak to yourself and others around you. If it’s mainly negative language you use when you talk about your goals and aspirations then this is an example of a fixed mindset.

A negative mindset brings with it a huge number of limiting beliefs. It creates a fixed mindset – one that can’t see beyond it’s own limitations. A growth mindset sees these limitations and looks beyond them – it finds ways to overcome obstacles and believes that this will result in success. When you think of your goal, a fixed mindset may think “what if I fail?” A growth mindset would look at the same goal and think “failures happen but that doesn’t mean I won’t be successful.”

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There’s a lot of power in changing your perspective.

2. Look For The Successes

It’s really important to get your mind focused on positive aspects of your goal. Finding inspiration through others can be really uplifting and keep you on track with developing your success mindset; reinforcing your belief that your dreams can be achieved. Find people that you can talk with about how they achieved their goals and seek out and surround yourself with positive people. This is crucial if you’re learning to develop a positive mindset.

3. Eliminate Negativity

You can come up against a lot of negativity sometimes either through other people or within yourself. Understanding that other people’s negative opinions are created through their own fears and limiting beliefs will go a long way in sustaining your success mindset. But for a lot of us, negative chatter can come from within and these usually manifest as negative words such as can’t, won’t, shouldn’t. Sometimes, when we think of how we’re going to achieve our goals, statements in our minds come out as negative absolutes: ‘It never works out for me’ or ‘I always fail.’

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When you notice these coming up you need to turn them around with ‘It always works out for me!’ and ‘I never fail!’ The trick is to believe it no matter what’s happened in the past. Remember that every new day is a clean slate and for you to adjust your mindset.

4. Create a Vision

Envisioning your end goal and seeing it in your mind is an important trait of a success mindset. Allowing ourselves to imagine our success creates a powerful excitement that shouldn’t be underestimated. When our brain becomes excited at the thought of achieving our goals, we become more committed, work harder towards achieving it and more likely to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

If this involves creating a vision board that you can look at to remind yourself every day then go for it. Small techniques like this go a long way in sustaining your success mindset and shouldn’t be dismissed.

An Inspirational Story…

For centuries experts said that running a mile in under 4 minutes was humanly impossible. On the 6th May 1954, Rodger Bannister did just that. As part of his training, Bannister relentlessly visualised the achievement, believing he could accomplish what everyone said wasn’t possible…and he did it.

What’s more amazing is that, as soon as Bannister achieved the 4-minute mile, more and more people also achieved it. How was this possible after so many years of no one achieving it? Because in people’s minds it was suddenly possible – once people knew that it was achievable it created a mindset of success and now, after over fifty years since Bannister did the ‘impossible’, his record has been lowered by 17 seconds – the power of the success mindset!

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