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If You Understand This Key Idea, You’ll Surely Have A Healthy Relationship With Yourself

If You Understand This Key Idea, You’ll Surely Have A Healthy Relationship With Yourself

Do you remember “that kid” whose mom was a clingy, smothering mess? You know the one we usually made fun of and teased relentlessly? The one we dubbed “Mama’s Boy.” “That kid’s” mom was always around and always over-mothering. She hovered, babied and embarrassed the snot out of that poor kid.

As “that kid” grew older, mom became even more clingy. Eventually, the poor kid just gave up. He barely had any friends, couldn’t have a girlfriend and ended up going to the prom with his mom. When it was time for “that kid” to attend college, his mother had a panic attack and was hospitalized (briefly) when he suggested attending a college out of town—not out of state—out of town. “That kid” is now an unmarried 40-year-old who lives in his mom’s basement and manages the local supermarket.

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The dangers of over-attachment

We’ve all heard statements like, “you are the air I breathe,” “the curve in my smile” or “the reason I get out of bed in the morning.” And on the surface, they sound extremely sweet, iconic, passionate, and intense but in reality, they are dangerous. Idolizing and clinging to a person, relationship or material possession leads to undue fear, irrational thinking and can have catastrophic results. Understanding that you are a complete person with and without your possessions, relationships, status, wealth and/or power is the key to mental stability and allows you to cope with the hurricanes the winds of change inevitably bring.

What non-attachment is

The concept of non-attachment is attributed to the Buddist religion as this is a fundamental practice of Buddhist monks, however, most religions (including Christianity) and pop culture psychology advocate a healthy dose of detachment in our everyday lives and relationships.

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Non-attachment is an objective and practical way of viewing the world, relationships and possessions. It is a choice that drives one’s perspective to view things, situations and people as they truly are. This thought pattern allows an individual to make rational and pragmatic decisions that are not fear-based, selfish, biased or based on one’s current emotional state.

Non-attachment breaks the bonds of clinginess and unhealthy dependence so many relationships experience and foster a relationship steeped in open and honest communication and promotes interdependence.

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What non-attachment is not

Non-attachment is not indifference, apathy, uncaring or the absence of emotions. Feelings don’t cease to exist. Individuals simply choose to relate to them differently because they understand their ephemeral nature.

Practicing non-attachment can benefit your relationships

Change is an inevitable part of life. You must expect, accept and embrace it in order to maintain your sanity and to keep moving forward. Babies grow up. The kids will eventually move out. Grandparents die. Lovers quarrel. These are facts. Being overly attached or dependent on anything is the recipe for disaster and precipitates the unhappiness and deep pain so many people experience unnecessarily. Non-attachment is the practice of developing a healthy view and relationship with the world around you. Here are a few keys to help you break your unhealthy attachments:

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  • Be present in the now: Things may change. He or she may leave you; someone may be a victim of a violent crime; you could lose everything in a tragic house fire…these things COULD happen. But they haven’t. Worrying is not a preventative measure. It inhibits you from experiencing the joys of now and robs you of the time you do have with people, places and things.
  • Develop a healthy view of yourself: Learn to love yourself as you are right now. Strip away all of the external factors: your looks, your career, your accomplishments, your friends and family members, and love the essence of who you are at this very moment.
  • Identify areas of unhealthy attachments and work to develop a healthy and realistic view of those things: The easiest way to identify an unhealthy attachment is to think about those things you are deathly afraid of losing. Also, think about your sources of validation. Where do you draw your sense of identity? Another person? A job? Being a parent? Once you’ve identified these areas, work on confronting the fear. What would you do without them or it? How would you move on?

Non-attachment is about existing in the present moment and acknowledging what is actually happening now. It gives you the power and capacity to shift or change a situation and not be a victim to it.

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Denise Hill

Denise shares about psychology and communication tips on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on January 21, 2020

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.

Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.

So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.

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1. Listen

Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”

“Why do you want to do that?”

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“What makes you so excited about it?”

“How long has that been your dream?”

You need this information the help you with the following steps.

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3. Encourage

This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”

4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be

After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.

5. Dream

This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.

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6. Ask How You Can Help

Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.

7. Follow Up

Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.

Final Thoughts

By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …

Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!

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Featured photo credit: Thought Catalog via unsplash.com

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