Advertising
Advertising

This One Simple Question Can Help You Tackle Your Fear And Make The Best Decision

This One Simple Question Can Help You Tackle Your Fear And Make The Best Decision

How many times have you been in a situation where you were about to do something of huge importance to you for the first time, or where you were faced with making an important decision and you felt so paralyzed by fear that you couldn’t concentrate on simple tasks, let alone tackle those big decisions or actions you were supposed to? Fear has a way of doing it to us, making us incapable of doing what we, essentially want, but for some reasons, can’t do. More so, fear sneaks up on us only when we are dealing with issues that truly matter to us, such as our education, work, relationships and health.

The reasons most of us feel fear

In order to help ourselves deal with fear in a much more effective way, we need to discover reasons for its existence in the first place. The reason many of us feel fearful when faced with big decisions in life, is simply because they are big, and could totally change the direction of our lives for better or for worse. There is so much at stake and many of us feel trapped because of the pressure that importance of the decision implies. Additionally, many dealt with the low self-confidence that makes them feel incompetent in making life-changing decisions. And, of course, the number one reason – our unwillingness to step outside our comfort zone. For most people fear is the first response when they are about to make a change, since it is in our nature, as humans, to feel far more secure when we are in a familiar place, no matter how bad it may be, than to move into better, but unfamiliar territory.

Advertising

The question to end fear

Our coping mechanisms to deal with fear include everything from deep breathing exercises to yoga, meditation and physical exercises. Even though helpful, these don’t actually get to the core of the problem. They help us lessen the fear in a certain situation, yet the same feeling comes each time we are faced with a similar situation.

In order to successfully tackle and eventually eliminate fear entirely, we need to ask ourselves one simple question – “What’s the worst that could happen?” In this way, we are acknowledging the fear and, as we ask additional questions, we are playing the worst possible scenario in our head, which eventually soothes us as we can become better prepared for all possible outcomes. The approach was suggested by Iyanla Vanzant, motivational speaker and New York Times best-selling author. Vanzant suggests that the approach helps to efficiently eliminate the power of fear: “Often by simply identifying the fear—and figuring out a concrete way to deal with it should it come true—you remove a lot of its power to control your decision-making.”

Advertising

Start eliminating fear with one simple question

Even though fear has been present in our lives for as long as we can remember, it doesn’t mean we can’t do anything about it. By using the one question approach, we can identify our fears and face them head on, which will result in their complete elimination over time.

For example, if your goal is to inspire others, and provide support for people who want to achieve their goals, you might experience fear of public speaking just as you are about to step in front of the bigger audience for the first time. Since this is still an unknown territory for you, and your desire to make it is strong, your comfort zone is resisting shifting, you may feel extremely uncomfortable, to say the least. Knowing what you now know, you would want to take some time to have a quick talk with yourself. Ask yourself “What’s the worst that could happen?” “If that happens, then what? And then what?” As your worst case scenario has already been played out in your head, you will soon realize that you are much stronger than you may think. This approach relieves us from the pressure we feel and the fear of not making it. And, the best part is that once the pressure is off, our clarity returns and our performance levels enhance, making those worst case scenarios almost impossible. As we practice this approach a couple of times, our brain will soon pick up the new behavior as a coping mechanism, and the process will become much more effortless until we eventually eliminate all fear from our lives.

Advertising

Next time you start feeling insecure and fearful about an important life decision, make sure to break the fear down by using these questions until you have no fear left to cope with.

Featured photo credit: https://unsplash.com/ via unsplash.com

Advertising

More by this author

Ana Erkic

Social Media Consultant, Online Marketing Strategist, Copywriter, CEO and Co-Founder of Growato

How To Find Your Passion And Struggles You Might Encounter 2 Killer Tips You Should Master When Setting Goals For The New Year Stop Failing At Your Goals Again With This Habits Buidling Model Steady State vs Interval Training: Are You Exercising Towards Your Goal? 15 Things To Stop Doing If You Want To Be Truly Happy

Trending in Communication

1 How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them) 2 How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide) 3 The Hidden Power of Every Single Person Around You 4 The Purpose Of Friendship: The Only 4 Types Of Friends You Need In Life 5 14 Things That Make You Happy and Enjoy Life More

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

Advertising

It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

Advertising

Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

Advertising

1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

Advertising

6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

Read Next