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The Miracles From Moving Your “But”

The Miracles From Moving Your “But”

Remove the word “but” from your vocabulary, and get more out of life. This word is too often used to state something that we deem conditional. For example, I want to go on a vacation, but I don’t have a lot of money. Or I want a meaningful relationship, but I’m very busy. When we put the word “but” after stating what we want, we automatically create difficulties for ourselves in achieving it. We start to think that what we want isn’t possible until we have sorted our something else first.

Consider that they are unrelated.

The reality is that those four statements are completely irrelevant to each other. They only become connected through our logic. Let’s experiment swapping “but” with “and.”

I want to go on a vacation, and I don’t have a lot of money.

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I want a meaningful relationship, and I’m very busy.

You might see for yourself that they don’t need a lot of money to have a nice vacation away from the regular grind. You can enjoy a beautiful weekend out of town, camping, traveling, road-tripping, or walking on an easy budget. Anything you want can be a period relaxation and freedom.

And…

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You can have a relationship that is supportive and loving that keeps up with a busy schedule. It doesn’t take a lot of time to laugh and to tell someone you love them.

We always find a way.

Often we find a way to go beyond the “conditional want” when we are dealing with a priority. For example, “I want to go out, but I have to work tomorrow” isn’t unusual to change into “I want to go out, and I have to work tomorrow,” explicitly stating that it’s going to be a brief night out. The intrigue of going out sometimes is so strong that it finds a way to make both works. If it was an effective day at work in the morning, is a different question…

Managing both happens when we go beyond our “buts” and “ifs,” our wants become unconditional when we are dealing with priority number 1, we will always find a way to fit it in our schedule.

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As a child, we didn’t have any conditions to our wants. We were given advice, and after time many of us chose to abide by those conditions we truly believe in, and consequently we close off other conditions from consideration. Tim Ferris (best-selling author of the 4 hour work week, 4-hour body and 4-hour chef) shows perfectly how questioning the status-quo can prove to have surprising results.

Practice for efficiency.

Where it is good to develop this habit is in areas that are important to us but aren’t urgent. I.e Tuning up our car, our health, our finances… If keeping up with your health is important to you and you don’t seem to have any time in your schedule, say “I want to work out, and I have no time in my schedule.” Opportunities will show up in questions like; Where can I make time? What can I drop that isn’t as important? What can I delegate? This is something I have been applying in my life personally, and as a result feel finer than the sands of Barcelona’s beaches.

Choosing to connect two facts with “and” not “but” is choosing to be powerful in the areas that are important, especially in the face of challenging circumstances.

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Applying it in your life.

I invite you now to try this in your life. Anywhere that you feel that you have to make a decision, either at work, a weekend activity, a purchase or a dinner, replace your “but” with “and” and see if there are any solutions that appear that you didn’t see before. It won’t look like you first expected, and if you are happy with that, you just applied this human-state-physics bender. Bravo.

As a summary, recognizing that the facts are unrelated with the help of linking them with “and” instead of “but” your creativity will open up and play with possibilities, which can attain what you want and sustain what works in your life.

More by this author

Dean Le Monnier

Life Coach, Public Speaker

The Miracles From Moving Your “But” Shortcut to Happiness

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Last Updated on September 12, 2019

12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life

12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life

Even the most charismatic people you know, whether in person or celebrities of some sort, experience days where they feel lost in life and isolated from everyone else.

While it’s good to know we aren’t alone in this feeling, the question still remains:

What should we do when we feel lost and lonely?

Here are 12 things to remember:

1. Recognize That It’s Okay!

The truth is, there are times you need to be alone. If you’ve always been accustomed to being in contact with people, this may prove difficult.

However, learning how to be alone and comfortable in your own skin will give you confidence and a sense of self reliance.

We cheat ourselves out of the opportunity to become self reliant when we look for constant companionship.

Learn how to embrace your me time: What Your Fear of Being Alone Is Really About and How to Get over It

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2. Use Your Lost and Loneliness as a Self-Directing Guide

You’ve most likely heard the expression: “You have to know where you’ve been to know where you’re going.”

Loneliness also serves as a life signal to indicate you’re in search of something. It’s when we’re in the midst of solitude that answers come from true soul searching.

Remember, there is more to life than what you’re feeling.

3. Realize Loneliness Helps You Face the Truth

Being in the constant company of others, although comforting sometimes, can often serve as a distraction when we need to face the reality of a situation.

Solitude cuts straight to the chase and forces you to deal with the problem at hand. See it as a blessing that can serve as a catalyst to set things right!

4. Be Aware That You Have More Control Than You Think

Typically, when we see ourselves as being lost or lonely, it gives us an excuse to view everything we come in contact with in a negative light. It lends itself to putting ourselves in the victim mode, when the truth of the matter is that you choose your attitude in every situation.

No one can force a feeling upon you! It is YOU who has the ultimate say as to how you choose to react.

5. Embrace the Freedom That the Feeling of Being Alone Can Offer

Instead of wallowing in self pity, which many are prone to do because of loneliness, try looking at your circumstance as a new-found freedom.

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Most people are in constant need of approval of their viewpoints. Try enjoying the fact that  you don’t need everyone you care about to support your decisions.

6. Acknowledge the Person You Are Now

Perhaps you feel a sense of loneliness and confusion because your life circumstances have taken you away from the persona that others know to be you.

Perhaps the new you differs radically from the old. Realize that life is about change and how we react to that change. It’s okay that you’re not who you used to be.

Take a look at this article and learn to accept your imperfect self: Accept Yourself (Flaws and All): 7 Benefits of Being Vulnerable

7. Keep Striving to Do Your Best

Often those who are feeling isolated and unto themselves will develop a defeatist attitude. They’ll do substandard work because their self esteem is low and they don’t care.

Never let this feeling take away your sense of worth! Do your best always and when you come through this dark time, others will admire how you stayed determined in spite of the obstacles you had to overcome.

And to live your best life, you must do this ONE thing: step out of your comfort zone.

8. Don’t Forget That Time Is Precious

When we’re lost in a sea of loneliness and depression, it’s all too easy to reflect on regrets of past life events. This does nothing but feed negativity and perpetuate the situation.

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Instead of falling prey to this common pitfall, put one foot in front of the other and acknowledge every positive step you take. By doing this, you can celebrate the struggles you overcome at the end of the day.

9. Remember, Things Happen for a Reason

Every circumstance we encounter in our life is designed to teach us and that lesson is in turn passed on to others.

Sometimes we’re fortunate enough to figure out the lesson to be learned, while other times, we simply need to have faith that if the lesson wasn’t meant directly for us to learn from, how we handled it was observed by someone who needed to learn.

Your solitude and feeling of lost, in this instance, although painful possibly, may be teaching someone else.

10. Journal During This Time

Record your thoughts when you’re at the height of loneliness and feeling lost. You’ll be amazed when you reflect back at how you viewed things at the time and how far you’ve come later.

This time (if recorded) can give you a keen insight into who you are and what makes you feel the way you feel.

11. Remember You Aren’t the First to Feel This Way

It’s quite common to feel as if we’re alone and no one else has ever felt this way before. We think this because at the time of our distress, we’re silently observing others around us who are seemingly fine in every way.

The truth is, we can’t possibly know the struggles of those around us unless they elect to share them. We ALL have known this pain!

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Try confiding in someone you trust and ask them how they deal with these feelings when they experienced it. You may be surprised at what you learn.

12. Ask for Help If the Problem Persists

The feeling of being lost and lonely is common to everyone, but typically it will last for a relatively short period of time.

Most people will confess to, at one time or another, being in a “funk.” But if the problem persists longer than you feel it should, don’t ignore it.

When your ability to reason and consider things rationally becomes impaired, do not poo poo the problem away and think it isn’t worthy of attention. Seek medical help.

Afraid to ask for help? Here’s how to change your outlook to aim high!

Final Thoughts

Loneliness and a sense of feeling lost can in many ways be extremely painful and difficult to deal with at best. However, these feelings can also serve as a catalyst for change in our lives if we acknowledge them and act.

Above anything, cherish your mental well being and don’t underestimate its worth. Seek professional guidance if you’re unable to distinguish between a sense of freedom for yourself and a sense of despair.

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Featured photo credit: Andrew Neel via unsplash.com

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