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The Miracles From Moving Your “But”

The Miracles From Moving Your “But”

Remove the word “but” from your vocabulary, and get more out of life. This word is too often used to state something that we deem conditional. For example, I want to go on a vacation, but I don’t have a lot of money. Or I want a meaningful relationship, but I’m very busy. When we put the word “but” after stating what we want, we automatically create difficulties for ourselves in achieving it. We start to think that what we want isn’t possible until we have sorted our something else first.

Consider that they are unrelated.

The reality is that those four statements are completely irrelevant to each other. They only become connected through our logic. Let’s experiment swapping “but” with “and.”

I want to go on a vacation, and I don’t have a lot of money.

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I want a meaningful relationship, and I’m very busy.

You might see for yourself that they don’t need a lot of money to have a nice vacation away from the regular grind. You can enjoy a beautiful weekend out of town, camping, traveling, road-tripping, or walking on an easy budget. Anything you want can be a period relaxation and freedom.

And…

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You can have a relationship that is supportive and loving that keeps up with a busy schedule. It doesn’t take a lot of time to laugh and to tell someone you love them.

We always find a way.

Often we find a way to go beyond the “conditional want” when we are dealing with a priority. For example, “I want to go out, but I have to work tomorrow” isn’t unusual to change into “I want to go out, and I have to work tomorrow,” explicitly stating that it’s going to be a brief night out. The intrigue of going out sometimes is so strong that it finds a way to make both works. If it was an effective day at work in the morning, is a different question…

Managing both happens when we go beyond our “buts” and “ifs,” our wants become unconditional when we are dealing with priority number 1, we will always find a way to fit it in our schedule.

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As a child, we didn’t have any conditions to our wants. We were given advice, and after time many of us chose to abide by those conditions we truly believe in, and consequently we close off other conditions from consideration. Tim Ferris (best-selling author of the 4 hour work week, 4-hour body and 4-hour chef) shows perfectly how questioning the status-quo can prove to have surprising results.

Practice for efficiency.

Where it is good to develop this habit is in areas that are important to us but aren’t urgent. I.e Tuning up our car, our health, our finances… If keeping up with your health is important to you and you don’t seem to have any time in your schedule, say “I want to work out, and I have no time in my schedule.” Opportunities will show up in questions like; Where can I make time? What can I drop that isn’t as important? What can I delegate? This is something I have been applying in my life personally, and as a result feel finer than the sands of Barcelona’s beaches.

Choosing to connect two facts with “and” not “but” is choosing to be powerful in the areas that are important, especially in the face of challenging circumstances.

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Applying it in your life.

I invite you now to try this in your life. Anywhere that you feel that you have to make a decision, either at work, a weekend activity, a purchase or a dinner, replace your “but” with “and” and see if there are any solutions that appear that you didn’t see before. It won’t look like you first expected, and if you are happy with that, you just applied this human-state-physics bender. Bravo.

As a summary, recognizing that the facts are unrelated with the help of linking them with “and” instead of “but” your creativity will open up and play with possibilities, which can attain what you want and sustain what works in your life.

More by this author

Dean Le Monnier

Life Coach, Public Speaker

The Miracles From Moving Your “But” Shortcut to Happiness

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Last Updated on November 15, 2018

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

What do you think it takes to achieve your goals? Hard work? Lots of actions? While these are paramount to becoming successful in reaching our goals, neither of these are possible without a positive mindset.

As humans, we naturally tend to lean towards a negative outlook when it comes to our hopes and dreams. We are prone to believing that we have limitations either from within ourselves or from external forces keeping us from truly getting to where we want to be in life. Our tendency to think that we’ll “believe it when we see it” suggests that our mindsets are focused on our goals not really being attainable until they’ve been achieved. The problem with this is that this common mindset fuels our limiting beliefs and shows a lack of faith in ourselves.

The Success Mindset

Success in achieving our goals comes down to a ‘success mindset’. Successful mindsets are those focused on victory, based on positive mental attitudes, empowering inclinations and good habits. Acquiring a success mindset is the sure-fire way to dramatically increase your chance to achieve your goals.

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The idea that achieving our goals comes down to our habits and actions is actually a typical type of mindset that misses a crucial point; that our mindset is, in fact, the determiner of our energy and what actions we take. A negative mindset will tend to create negative actions and similarly if we have a mindset that will only set into action once we see ‘proof’ that our goals are achievable, then the road will be much longer and arduous. This is why, instead of thinking “I’ll believe it when I see it”, a success mindset will think “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

The Placebo Effect and What It Shows Us About The Power of Mindset

The placebo effect is a perfect example of how mindset really can be powerful. In scientific trials, a group of participants were told they received medication that will heal an ailment but were actually given a sugar pill that does nothing (the placebo). Yet after the trial the participants believed it’s had a positive effect – sometimes even cured their ailment even though nothing has changed. This is the power of mindset.

How do we apply this to our goals? Well, when we set goals and dreams how often do we really believe they’ll come to fruition? Have absolute faith that they can be achieved? Have a complete unwavering expectation? Most of us don’t because we hold on to negative mindsets and limiting beliefs about ourselves that stop us from fully believing we are capable or that it’s at all possible. We tend to listen to the opinions of others despite them misaligning with our own or bow to societal pressures that make us believe we should think and act a certain way. There are many reasons why we possess these types of mindsets but a success mindset can be achieved.

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How To Create a Success Mindset

People with success mindsets have a particular way of perceiving things. They have positive outlooks and are able to put faith fully in their ability to succeed. With that in mind, here are a few ways that can turn a negative mindset into a successful one.

1. A Success Mindset Comes From a Growth Mindset

How does a mindset even manifest itself? It comes from the way you talk to yourself in the privacy of your own head. Realising this will go a long way towards noticing how you speak to yourself and others around you. If it’s mainly negative language you use when you talk about your goals and aspirations then this is an example of a fixed mindset.

A negative mindset brings with it a huge number of limiting beliefs. It creates a fixed mindset – one that can’t see beyond it’s own limitations. A growth mindset sees these limitations and looks beyond them – it finds ways to overcome obstacles and believes that this will result in success. When you think of your goal, a fixed mindset may think “what if I fail?” A growth mindset would look at the same goal and think “failures happen but that doesn’t mean I won’t be successful.”

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There’s a lot of power in changing your perspective.

2. Look For The Successes

It’s really important to get your mind focused on positive aspects of your goal. Finding inspiration through others can be really uplifting and keep you on track with developing your success mindset; reinforcing your belief that your dreams can be achieved. Find people that you can talk with about how they achieved their goals and seek out and surround yourself with positive people. This is crucial if you’re learning to develop a positive mindset.

3. Eliminate Negativity

You can come up against a lot of negativity sometimes either through other people or within yourself. Understanding that other people’s negative opinions are created through their own fears and limiting beliefs will go a long way in sustaining your success mindset. But for a lot of us, negative chatter can come from within and these usually manifest as negative words such as can’t, won’t, shouldn’t. Sometimes, when we think of how we’re going to achieve our goals, statements in our minds come out as negative absolutes: ‘It never works out for me’ or ‘I always fail.’

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When you notice these coming up you need to turn them around with ‘It always works out for me!’ and ‘I never fail!’ The trick is to believe it no matter what’s happened in the past. Remember that every new day is a clean slate and for you to adjust your mindset.

4. Create a Vision

Envisioning your end goal and seeing it in your mind is an important trait of a success mindset. Allowing ourselves to imagine our success creates a powerful excitement that shouldn’t be underestimated. When our brain becomes excited at the thought of achieving our goals, we become more committed, work harder towards achieving it and more likely to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

If this involves creating a vision board that you can look at to remind yourself every day then go for it. Small techniques like this go a long way in sustaining your success mindset and shouldn’t be dismissed.

An Inspirational Story…

For centuries experts said that running a mile in under 4 minutes was humanly impossible. On the 6th May 1954, Rodger Bannister did just that. As part of his training, Bannister relentlessly visualised the achievement, believing he could accomplish what everyone said wasn’t possible…and he did it.

What’s more amazing is that, as soon as Bannister achieved the 4-minute mile, more and more people also achieved it. How was this possible after so many years of no one achieving it? Because in people’s minds it was suddenly possible – once people knew that it was achievable it created a mindset of success and now, after over fifty years since Bannister did the ‘impossible’, his record has been lowered by 17 seconds – the power of the success mindset!

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