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If You Follow These 5 Rules, You Can Create A Perfect Relationship

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If You Follow These 5 Rules, You Can Create A Perfect Relationship

Lots of people are in relationships that don’t make them truly happy. They love their partner and they don’t want to be with anyone else, but for some reason their relationship is filled with arguments and resentment. Sometimes they feel disrespected by their partner even though they know that their partner loves them. This can leave both partners feeling frustrated, confused and upset.

If you can relate to this you’re not alone. Lots of couples love each other, but they don’t know the relationship rules for a happy love life. If you want to create a perfect relationship, follow these 5 relationship rules:

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1. Make An Effort To Converse Every Day

One of the main issues in long-term relationships is when both partners stop making an effort to talk to each other. Instead of having interesting, thought-provoking conversations, all of the conversations start with “How are you?” or “How was work?”. While it is okay for some conversations to start like this, a happy couple will also talk about other things such as their interests or hobbies.

Small talk about boring subjects won’t bring you and your partner closer together. If anything it is more likely to pull you apart, as you will both start to feel like you have nothing in common with each other. Make the effort to ask your partner one interesting question a day, such as “Has anything made you laugh today?” The conversation will be much more enjoyable for both of you, and it gives you the opportunity to bond with each other.

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2. Be Vocal About Your Needs

Sometimes people expect their partners to be able to predict their thoughts, emotions and desires. They feel that they are entitled to this, but in reality this is unreasonable. If your partner doesn’t anticipate your needs over time you might start to feel hurt and angry, but this isn’t fair on your partner. It is your responsibility to vocalise your needs and feelings, and then it is your partner’s responsibility to respond in a loving way.

3. Write Down Your Thoughts Before Talking To Your Partner

When we are upset it can be tempting to lash out and get angry, but the best thing you can do is sit down and write out your thoughts. This gives you the chance to process and understand your feelings, and it will help you to figure out the root of the problem. Later when you discuss the problem with your partner you will feel calmer and less upset, so you are less likely to say something hurtful. It also means you will have a more positive attitude about solving the problem.

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4. Don’t Complain About Your Partner To Your Friends

Lots of people go to their friends about their relationship problems as they know that they will receive support and love. However, talking badly about your partner when they are not around to defend themselves can warp your perception of them, making you view them in a negative light. If you want to create a perfect relationship remember that communication is an important part of making a relationship work, so you should try to talk to your partner first instead of your friends.

5. Don’t Hold On To Every Little Thing

One of the most toxic traits in a relationship is keeping score. Your partner forgot to take out the bins, so you’re seething with anger. You didn’t take the chicken out of the freezer, so your partner called you selfish. Passive aggressive behaviour like this indicates that there is a serious problem in the relationship, but instead of addressing it you both continue to obsess over the little things.

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If you can relate to this, try to work on being more relaxed and positive. Remind yourself every day that happiness is built on patience, love and understanding – not resentment and pettiness.

Featured photo credit: Josh Willink via pexels.com

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Amy Johnson

Amy is a writer who blogs about relationships and lifestyle advice.

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Last Updated on November 18, 2021

10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

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10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

We all fall into the trap of judging a person’s character by their appearance. How wrong we are! All too often, the real character of the person only appears when some negative event hits them or you. Then you may see a toxic person emerging from the ruins and it is often a shock.

A truly frightening example is revealed in the book by O’Toole in Bowman called Dangerous Instincts: How Gut Instincts Betray Us. A perfectly respectable, charming, well dressed neighbor was found to have installed a torture chamber in his garage where he was systematically abusing kidnapped women. This is an extreme example, but it does show how we can be totally deceived by a person’s physical appearance, manners and behavior.

So, what can you do? You want to be able to assess personal qualities when you come into contact with colleagues, fresh acquaintances and new friends who might even become lifelong partners. You want to know if they are:

  • honest
  • reliable
  • competent
  • kind and compassionate
  • capable of taking the blame
  • able to persevere
  • modest and humble
  • pacific and can control anger.

The secret is to reserve judgment and take your time. Observe them in certain situations; look at how they react. Listen to them talking, joking, laughing, explaining, complaining, blaming, praising, ranting, and preaching. Only then will you be able to judge their character. This is not foolproof, but if you follow the 10 ways below, you have a pretty good chance of not ending up in an abusive relationship.

1. Is anger a frequent occurrence?

All too often, angry reactions which may seem to be excessive are a sign that there are underlying issues. Do not think that every person who just snaps and throws his/her weight around mentally and physically is just reacting normally. Everyone has an occasional angry outburst when driving or when things go pear-shaped.

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But if this is almost a daily occurrence, then you need to discover why and maybe avoid that person. Too often, anger will escalate to violent and aggressive behavior. You do not want to be near someone who thinks violence can solve personal or global problems.

2. Can you witness acts of kindness?

How often do you see this person being kind and considerate? Do they give money to beggars, donate to charity, do voluntary work or in some simple way show that they are willing to share the planet with about 7 billion other people?

I was shocked when a guest of mine never showed any kindness to the weak and disadvantaged people in our town. She was ostensibly a religious person, but I began to doubt the sincerity of her beliefs.

“The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”

Abigail Van Buren

3. How does this person take the blame?

Maybe you know that s/he is responsible for a screw-up in the office or even in not turning up on time for a date. Look at their reaction. If they start blaming other colleagues or the traffic, well, this is an indication that they are not willing to take responsibility for their mistakes.

4. Don’t use Facebook as an indicator.

You will be relieved to know that graphology (the study of that forgotten skill of handwriting) is no longer considered a reliable test of a person’s character. Neither is Facebook stalking, fortunately. A study showed that Facebook use of foul language, sexual innuendo and gossip were not reliable indicators of a candidate’s character or future performance in the workplace.

5. Read their emails.

Now a much better idea is to read the person’s emails. Studies show that the use of the following can indicate certain personality traits:

  • Too many exclamation points may reveal a sunny disposition
  • Frequent errors may indicate apathy
  • Use of smileys is the only way a person can smile at you
  • Use of the third person may reveal a certain formality
  • Too many question marks can show anger
  • Overuse of capital letters is regarded as shouting. They are a definite no-no in netiquette, yet a surprising number of  people still use them.

6. Watch out for the show offs.

Listen to people as they talk. How often do they mention their achievements, promotions, awards and successes? If this happens a lot, it is a sure indication that this person has an over-inflated view of his/her achievements. They are unlikely to be modest or show humility. What a pity!  Another person to avoid.

7. Look for evidence of perseverance.

A powerful indicator of grit and tenacity is when a person persists and never gives up when they really want to achieve a life goal. Look for evidence of them keeping going in spite of enormous difficulties.

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Great achievements by scientists and inventors all bear the hallmark of perseverance. We only have to think of Einstein, Edison (who failed thousands of times) and Nelson Mandela to get inspiration. The US Department of Education is in no doubt about how grit, tenacity and perseverance will be key success factors for youth in the 21st century.

8. Their empathy score is high.

Listen to how they talk about the less fortunate members of our society such as the poor, immigrants and the disabled. Do you notice that they talk in a compassionate way about these people? The fact that they even mention them is a strong indicator of empathy.

People with zero empathy will never talk about the disadvantaged. They will rarely ask you a question about a difficult time or relationship. They will usually steer the conversation back to themselves. These people have zero empathy and in extreme cases, they are psychopaths who never show any feelings towards their victims.

9. Learn how to be socially interactive.

We are social animals and this is what makes us so uniquely human. If a person is isolated or a loner, this may be a negative indicator of their character. You want to meet a person who knows about trust, honesty and loyalty. The only way to practice these great qualities is to actually interact socially. The great advantage is that you can share problems and celebrate success and joy together.

“One can acquire everything in solitude, except character.”

Stendhal

 10. Avoid toxic people.

These people are trying to control others and often are failing to come to terms with their own failures. Typical behavior and conversations may concern:

  • Envy or jealousy
  • Criticism of partners, colleagues and friends
  • Complaining about their own lack of success
  • Blaming others for their own bad luck or failure
  • Obsession with themselves and their problems

Listen to these people talk and you will quickly discover that you need to avoid them at all costs because their negativity will drag you down. In addition, as much as you would like to help them, you are not qualified to do so.

Now, having looked at some of the best ways to judge a person, what about yourself? How do others see you? Why not take Dr. Phil’s quiz and find out. Can you bear it?

Featured photo credit: Jacek Dylag via unsplash.com

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