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How to Tell Your Guy You have Herpes

How to Tell Your Guy You have Herpes

While it may seem like it, having herpes isn’t the end of the world. It just changes the way you go about dating. This is not something you can keep hidden from your boyfriend. Well, you can keep it hidden if you don’t have visible outbreaks, but if you do and he finds out, you could end up losing him, not because of the herpes but because of the dishonesty. It is best to be up front about this, but you need to tell him in a tactful way. Here are some tips that will help when it comes time to tell your boyfriend that you have herpes.

1. Don’t Overthink It

The more you think about having this conversation, the more nervous you are going to be about it. Don’t overthink things. You will end up psyching yourself out, and likely it will be for nothing. If he truly loves you, he will be able to get past this and work with you so you can both enjoy the relationship, including sex, without putting him at any risk.

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2. Prepare Yourself

This is a talk that no one wants to have, but you must do it. So, you need to prepare yourself. Practice various ways to tell him, and practice the possible outcomes for each way that you tell him. The more you are prepared, the easier telling him that you have herpes is going to be. You don’t have to plan out every word, but know what you want to tell him and how you want to tell him. Start at the beginning, and don’t leave anything out.

3. Talk TO him, Not AT Him

When you are ready to tell him that you have herpes, don’t turn it into a monologue. Approach this as a low-pressure discussion, beginning with how you feel about him and what you are looking for in the relationship. Then, you can start talking about sex, protection, etc. Ask him when he was last tested for an STD, and explain that you would like to use condoms because you have an STD and you want to keep him from getting it as well.

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4. Provide Facts

You need to be prepared with actual facts about herpes. Many people only know what they hear on the streets, and they are not aware of the truth about this STD. “For instance, you can’t get herpes from sitting on a public toilet seat, no matter how many times people tell you that you can. Get some literature from your doctor, a sexual health clinic, etc. so you can help to assure him that you can enjoy a healthy sexual relationship,” says an expert from Meet Positives, an STD dating platform.

5. Keep Some Things Private

Just because you need to tell him you have herpes, it doesn’t mean that you have to tell him all of the details of how you got it. Some things are often best left in the past, and he doesn’t need to know every aspect of your former relationship, how many lovers you have had, etc. All he needs to know is that you are into him, and that you want a relationship with him.

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6. Let Him Digest Everything

Don’t expect him to just be ready to jump right into bed with you simply because you have told him the truth and are willing to use condoms. He will need time to think about what you have told him. After all, this could have a huge impact on the rest of his life, and there may be other health issues to consider. For instance, if his immune system is already compromised, he may be more susceptible to catching herpes. Give him time to come to terms with your STD.

Featured photo credit: Anita Peeples via unsplash.com

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Jane Hurst

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Last Updated on September 17, 2019

10 Simple Ways To Always Think Positive Thoughts

10 Simple Ways To Always Think Positive Thoughts

Positive thinking can lead to a lot of positive change in your life. Developing an optimistic outlook can be good for both your physical and mental health.

But sometimes, certain situations arise in life that makes it hard to keep a positive outlook. Take steps to make positive thinking become more like your second nature and you’ll reap the biggest benefits.

Here are 10 ways to make thinking positive thoughts easy:

1. Spend Time with Positive People

If you surround yourself with constant complainers, their negativity is likely to rub off on you.

Spend time with positive friends and family members to increase the likelihood that their positive thinking habits will become yours too. It’s hard to be negative when everyone around you is so positive.

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2. Take Responsibility for Your Behavior

When you encounter problems and difficulties in life, don’t play the role of the victim. Acknowledge your role in the situation and take responsibility for your behavior.

Accepting responsibility can help you learn from mistakes and prevent you from blaming others unfairly.

3. Contribute to the Community

One of the best ways to feel good about what you have, is to focus on what you have to give.

Volunteer in some manner and give back to the community. Helping others can give you a new outlook on the world and can assist you with positive thinking.

4. Read Positive and Inspirational Materials

Spend time each day reading something that encourages positive thinking. Read the Bible, spiritual material, or inspirational quotes to help you focus on what’s important to you in life. It can be a great way to start and end your day.

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Some recommendations for you:

5. Recognize and Replace Negative Thoughts

You won’t be successful at positive thinking if you’re still plagued by frequent negative thoughts. Learn to recognize and replace thoughts that are overly negative. Often, thoughts that include words like “always” and “never” signal that they aren’t true.

If you find yourself thinking something such as, “I always mess everything up,” replace it with something more realistic such as, “Sometimes I make mistakes but I learn from them.”

There’s no need to make your thoughts unrealistically positive, but instead, make them more realistic.

6. Establish and Work Toward Goals

It’s easier to be positive about problems and setbacks when you have goals that you’re working toward. Goals will give you motivation to overcome those obstacles when you encounter problems along the way. Without clear goals, it’s harder to make decisions and gauge your progress.

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Learn to set SMART goals to help you achieve more.

7. Consider the Consequences of Negativity

Spend some time thinking about the consequences of negative thinking. Often, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

For example, a person who thinks, “I probably won’t get this job interview,” may put less effort into the interview. As a result, he may decrease his chances of getting the job.

Create a list of all the ways negative thinking impacts your life. It likely influences your behavior, your relationships, and your feelings. Then, create a list of the ways in which positive thinking could be beneficial.

8. Offer Compliments to Others

Look for reasons to compliment others. Be genuine in your praise and compliments, but offer it frequently. This will help you look for the good in other people.

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9. Create a Daily Gratitude List

If you start keeping a daily gratitude list, you’ll start noticing exactly how much you have to be thankful for. This can help you focus on the positive in your life instead of thinking about all the bad things that have happened in the day.

Getting in the habit of showing an attitude of gratitude makes positive thinking more of a habit. Here’re 40 Simple Ways To Practice Gratitude.

10. Practice Self-Care

Take good care of yourself and you’ll be more equipped to think positively.

Get plenty of rest and exercise and practice managing your stress well. Taking care of your physical and mental health will provide you with more energy to focus on positive thinking.

Learn about these 30 Self-Care Habits for a Strong and Healthy Mind, Body and Spirit.

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Featured photo credit: DESIGNECOLOGIST via unsplash.com

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