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Don’t Want To Be Disappointed By Your Relationship? Make Things Happen

Don’t Want To Be Disappointed By Your Relationship? Make Things Happen

What can I say? I am a sucker for romance, I love a happy ending and I cannot resist the lure of Valentine’s day. It is the one holiday that I connect with the most, but, at the same time, it is the one that never fails to disappoint. It is fast approaching and reminds me to pause and reflect on my life and my marriage and where our relationship might be headed. Having been married for over 30 years, I have learned a thing or two about taking some time to re-consider your options. If you can easily outway the good with the bad then it is worth pursuing. January 2017, things are looking good.

Relationships are never easy, they take time, work and patience to build.

Our relationship is pretty solid and while we do have issues, they aren’t jealousy, finances or communication. We have those covered. Our issues tend to be more related to what I call the “fun” side of things.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband but like everyone else, he has his flaws. For one, he is not very romantic or sociable. His idea of a romantic date night is sitting in the living room watching online movies and chilling with some cider. That might actually be fun if he did not run into the other room to check the hockey score every few minutes.

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While there is nothing wrong with online movie date nights, there are more romantic ways to do it.

For example, you can add a theme to the date. Have your partner dress in costume and play a character. Isn’t a Game of Thrones candle night movie and dinner sound a whole lot more romantic than just plain old online movies? In fact, throwing a little role playing into any situation can add a little spice to the date night. It does not have to be a movie night. You can even go out to a sporting event and do this if you and your partner are brave enough.

High expectations

Do I have high expectations for my marriage? I used to think so. Truthfully, back then it seemed a bit more unbalanced. I was always giving into what my husband wanted to do. But, I have learned over the years that a strong marriage means knowing what you want and need. And, understand the behaviors you will and won’t accept. Clarity on this helps to keep the drama out. (Trust me on that one!) My husband has grown to accept the fact that I need him to be a little more “sociable” once in awhile. This does not come as naturally for him as it does for me. And, I do not want to have to ask for it. I expect him to do it. ( Expect may sound harsh, but in order to balance our situation, he must do this once in awhile.)

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Know what you want and need, and then voice it to your partner.

Dealing with disappointment

Yes, I have been disappointed on many occasions. But I accept that because I put the expectation on it. What happens when I feel disappointed by my relationship? It makes me question if he feels like I am even worth the effort. And, I feel like I have failed. Sound familiar? It should. According to Randy Milne, an expert on kinichat.com, “Most of us have experienced disappointment at one time or another. It usually happens when we expect something that we shouldn’t.”  He also mentioned, that as partners we are equally responsible for the disappointment. One partner failed to deliver and the other failed to send the right message.

Turning things around

The one other thing that I have learned during my 30-year marriage is that if you want something bad enough, you may have to make it happen. If you know your partner is not able to provide it, don’t get angry at him or her. Instead, help them deliver by steering them into making the right direction. A hint: a nudge or poke never hurt anyone.

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I created a jar to give my husband ideas of things he could do or buy for me that would make me happy.  Things that I wanted or expected without having to actually discuss it with him. He picks a few ideas out of the jar (on occasion) and makes the plans for me. This way, he succeeds and I do not get disappointed. It’s a win-win.

It is not a huge effort, but at least it is an effort. That is all I expect from him and I am content with that.

Setting limits on demands

If a little effort is all your partner can do, then you need to accept that. Do not expect too much too soon; they not be able to change as fast as you may like. But any attempt at change is a good sign. If your partner is showing an effort, you need to encourage them. Otherwise, they may not see the point in making an attempt. This is where most partners fail one another. They are not able to recognize how difficult it may be for the other partner that’s making the effort to do it. High expectations may lead to further disappointment. The best way to deal with this is to acknowledge every effort as a romantic and caring gesture. You will both feel good about it.

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People give up too easily when things are not going exactly as they planned. It does not mean you have to throw in the towel. With a few adjustments, you can be more comfortable with the outcome. Even if it means listening to the radio while soaking in the spa in your own backyard. ow that is a great compromise. Maybe I will add that to our suggestion jar so my husband can plan that for our next Valentine’s date night.

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Madeline Foster

Free Lance Writer

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Last Updated on November 18, 2020

50 Habits of Highly Successful People You Should Learn

50 Habits of Highly Successful People You Should Learn

If you’re like me and really into self-development, you’ve probably read many of the thousands of self-help books out there on the market. But also like me, you probably find all the information a bit overwhelming.

That’s why I wanted to do the self-less task of taking the most important, life-changing lessons I’ve drawn from these books and condensed them into 50 key points.

Here’re 50 habits of successful people you should learn:

1. Believe It to See It

Our minds tend to focus on what’s happening around us and refuse to see what could happen. Only when you trust in what’s possible and dare to dream big, big things can happen for you.

2. See Problems as a Wonderful Gift

While others only see problems and give up, successful people use the problem as a lesson to find improvement in themselves or the task at hand.

3. Keep Looking for Solutions

Even if they’re knee-deep in problems, successful people will still put all of their focus on finding solutions.

4. Remember It’s All About the Journey

Successful people are conscious and methodical in creating their own success. They don’t sit around doing the bare minimum, hoping success finds them.

5. Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway

There’s so much fear on the road to success, but instead of letting that fear control and limit them, successful people do a good job of just forging ahead regardless.

6. Always Ask Productive Questions

It’s all about asking the right questions. Successful people make sure they are questions that will elicit information for a more productive, creative and positive mindset moving forward.

7. Understand the Best Waste of Energy Is Complaining

Successful people know that choosing to see the negative side of things will only create a useless and unproductive state.

8. Don’t Play the Blame Game

Taking responsibility for actions and outcomes is a form of empowerment that you can build your success upon. While the act of blaming others or outside circumstances takes this empowerment away from you.

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9. Maximize Your Strengths

Not every successful person is simply more talented than the rest, but they do use what they know they’re good at to achieve more successful results.

10. Be in It to Win It

Successful people are busy, productive and proactive. Instead of sitting around over-thinking and over-planning a great idea, they just take a step towards it no matter how small.

11. Know That Success Attracts Success

People who are successful surround themselves and seek out like-minded people. They understand the importance of being part of a team and forge win-win relationships.

12. Actually Choose to Be Successful

Dreaming big is a massive part of being successful even if your dream seems impossible. Ambition is a mindset that needs to be a daily conscious choice.

13. Visualize, Visualize, Visualize!

You’ve got to see your success in your mind’s eye even before it comes. Successful people clarify and get that certainty about what they want their reality to look like rather than being mere spectators of life.

14. Be a One-Off Original

Successful people look for what’s working and then create a unique spin on it. Imitating only regurgitates other people’s ideas with no originality.

15. The Perfect Time to Act Is Now

Waiting for the right time to act is basically procrastination wrapped up in an excuse. Successful people know there’s never a perfect time so they may as well just do it now.

16. Keep Learning, Keep Growing

Continuous learning is the key to a successful life. Whether it’s academic, being a student of life or actionable learning, it’s all about expanding your knowledge and personal development.

17. Always Look on the Bright Side of Life

Successful people have the knack for finding positive aspects in all people and circumstances no matter what.

18. Having a Bad Day? Do It Anyway!

We all have bad moods but it shouldn’t be an excuse to stop everything. Giving into a bad mood just stop-starts your life, slowing success way down.

19. Sometimes Risky Business Is Needed

Calculated risks are a must for success. It’s about weighing the pros and cons while moving forward with that element of trust.

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20. Accept Challenge All the Time

Dealing with problems head-on is a must to be successful. Successful people also face challenges in order to improve themselves.

21. Make Your Own Luck

In the mindset of a successful person, there’s no such thing as ‘luck’ or ‘fate’. They take control to actively and consciously create their own best life.

22. Ignite Your Initiative

While many people are reactive, successful people are proactive – taking action before they have to.

23. Be the Master of Your Emotions

Being effective at managing emotions is key on the road to success. That’s not to say successful people don’t feel like we all do, but they’re just not slaves to their emotions.

24. Champion in Communication

Consciously working on effective communication skills gets anyone closer to success.

25. Plan Your Life Strategically

Successful people’s lives aren’t a clumsy series of unplanned events and outcomes, they methodically work at turning their plans into a reality.

26. Become Exceptional at What You Do

To become exceptional, you typically have to do things that most won’t. To become successful, hard decisions need to be made and acting on them is crucial.

27. Choose to Live Outside of Your Comfort Zone

While many people are pleasure junkies and avoid pain and discomfort at all costs, successful people understand the value and benefits of working through the tough stuff that most would avoid.

28. Live by Core Values

Successful people firstly identify their core values and what’s important to them, then do their best to live a life that reflects these values.

29. Realize Money Isn’t Everything

Money and success are not interchangeable and the most successful people understand this. Putting money on a pedestal and equating it to success is a dangerous mindset to have. Success comes in many forms.

30. Don’t Get Carried Away

Successful people understand the importance of discipline and self-control and as a result they are happy to take the road less travelled.

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31. Self-Worth Is Not Tied to Success

Successful people are secure. They do not derive their self-worth from what they own, who they know, where they live or what they look like.

32. Kindness Breeds Kindness (And Success)

Generosity and kindness is a common trait among long-term successful people. It’s important to take pleasure in helping others achieve.

33. More Humility, Less Arrogance

Successful people are humble and happy to admit and apologize for mistakes. This is because they’re confident in their ability. They are happy to learn from others and happy to make others look good rather than seek their own personal glory.

34. Change Opens New Doors

People who are successful are adaptable and embrace change, while the majority are creatures of comfort and habit. They are comfortable with, and embrace, the new and the unfamiliar.

35. Success Requires a Healthy Body

It’s not just how you think, it’s about how you show up for success. Successful people understand the importance of being physically well, not for vain reasons but because being in tiptop condition creates a better personal life for success.

36. Laziness Just Doesn’t Exist

Successful people are never considered lazy. Yes, they can relax when they need to, but working hard is their game.

37. Resilience by the Bucket Load

When difficulty strikes, most would throw in the towel, but successful people are just warming up.

38. Feedback Is Just Another Chance to Improve

How people react to feedback determines their potential for success. Being open to constructive criticism and acting on it to improve is most seen in those who are successful.

39. Your Vibe Attracts Your Tribe

If people are hanging out with toxic and negative people, then they need to take a look at themselves. Successful people hang out with others who are positive and supportive.

40. Can’t Control It? Forget It

Successful people don’t invest time or emotional energy into things which they have no control of.

41. Swim Against the Tide

Successful people are not people-pleasers and they don’t need constant approval from others in order to move ahead.

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42. Alone Time Is Valuable Time

More self-worth means being more comfortable with your own company. Successful people are more happy and see the value in spending time alone.

43. Self-Standard Is Higher Than Most

Everyone has a choice to set high standards for themselves. Successful people do this, which in turn produces greater commitment, more momentum, a better work ethic and of course, better results.

44. Failure Isn’t Rationalized

While many use age, health, lack of time, ‘bad luck’, or lack of opportunity to explain away their failure, the key to success is finding a way to succeed despite facing these challenges.

45. Down Time Is an Important Part of a Routine

Having an off switch and taking time to do things that make them happy is a common trait of a successful person. Take a look at here The Importance of Scheduling Downtime.

46. Career Isn’t Who You Are, It’s What You Do

Successful people know their career isn’t their identity. They are multi-dimensional and don’t define themselves by their job.

47. Be Interested in Only the Path of Resistance

While most people look for the easiest way or the shortcut, successful people are more interested in the most effective way. They look for the course of action which will produce the best results over the long term.

48. Follow Through

Many spend their life starting things that they never finish, but successful people get the job done. Even when the excitement and the novelty has worn off they still follow through and finish.

49. Invest in All Your Dimensions

We’re not just physical and psychological beings, but emotional and spiritual creatures as well. Successful people consciously work at being healthy and productive on all levels.

50. Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is

To obtain success, it’s important to practice what you preach. Successful people don’t talk about the theory, they live the reality.

So there you have it, a summary of what I’ve learned from self-help books. But of course, you need to start taking actions so you will get closer to success too.

Bonus: 5 Bad Habits To Quit

More About Success

Featured photo credit: Juan Jose via unsplash.com

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