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Don’t Want To Be Disappointed By Your Relationship? Make Things Happen

Don’t Want To Be Disappointed By Your Relationship? Make Things Happen

What can I say? I am a sucker for romance, I love a happy ending and I cannot resist the lure of Valentine’s day. It is the one holiday that I connect with the most, but, at the same time, it is the one that never fails to disappoint. It is fast approaching and reminds me to pause and reflect on my life and my marriage and where our relationship might be headed. Having been married for over 30 years, I have learned a thing or two about taking some time to re-consider your options. If you can easily outway the good with the bad then it is worth pursuing. January 2017, things are looking good.

Relationships are never easy, they take time, work and patience to build.

Our relationship is pretty solid and while we do have issues, they aren’t jealousy, finances or communication. We have those covered. Our issues tend to be more related to what I call the “fun” side of things.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband but like everyone else, he has his flaws. For one, he is not very romantic or sociable. His idea of a romantic date night is sitting in the living room watching online movies and chilling with some cider. That might actually be fun if he did not run into the other room to check the hockey score every few minutes.

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While there is nothing wrong with online movie date nights, there are more romantic ways to do it.

For example, you can add a theme to the date. Have your partner dress in costume and play a character. Isn’t a Game of Thrones candle night movie and dinner sound a whole lot more romantic than just plain old online movies? In fact, throwing a little role playing into any situation can add a little spice to the date night. It does not have to be a movie night. You can even go out to a sporting event and do this if you and your partner are brave enough.

High expectations

Do I have high expectations for my marriage? I used to think so. Truthfully, back then it seemed a bit more unbalanced. I was always giving into what my husband wanted to do. But, I have learned over the years that a strong marriage means knowing what you want and need. And, understand the behaviors you will and won’t accept. Clarity on this helps to keep the drama out. (Trust me on that one!) My husband has grown to accept the fact that I need him to be a little more “sociable” once in awhile. This does not come as naturally for him as it does for me. And, I do not want to have to ask for it. I expect him to do it. ( Expect may sound harsh, but in order to balance our situation, he must do this once in awhile.)

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Know what you want and need, and then voice it to your partner.

Dealing with disappointment

Yes, I have been disappointed on many occasions. But I accept that because I put the expectation on it. What happens when I feel disappointed by my relationship? It makes me question if he feels like I am even worth the effort. And, I feel like I have failed. Sound familiar? It should. According to Randy Milne, an expert on kinichat.com, “Most of us have experienced disappointment at one time or another. It usually happens when we expect something that we shouldn’t.”  He also mentioned, that as partners we are equally responsible for the disappointment. One partner failed to deliver and the other failed to send the right message.

Turning things around

The one other thing that I have learned during my 30-year marriage is that if you want something bad enough, you may have to make it happen. If you know your partner is not able to provide it, don’t get angry at him or her. Instead, help them deliver by steering them into making the right direction. A hint: a nudge or poke never hurt anyone.

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I created a jar to give my husband ideas of things he could do or buy for me that would make me happy.  Things that I wanted or expected without having to actually discuss it with him. He picks a few ideas out of the jar (on occasion) and makes the plans for me. This way, he succeeds and I do not get disappointed. It’s a win-win.

It is not a huge effort, but at least it is an effort. That is all I expect from him and I am content with that.

Setting limits on demands

If a little effort is all your partner can do, then you need to accept that. Do not expect too much too soon; they not be able to change as fast as you may like. But any attempt at change is a good sign. If your partner is showing an effort, you need to encourage them. Otherwise, they may not see the point in making an attempt. This is where most partners fail one another. They are not able to recognize how difficult it may be for the other partner that’s making the effort to do it. High expectations may lead to further disappointment. The best way to deal with this is to acknowledge every effort as a romantic and caring gesture. You will both feel good about it.

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People give up too easily when things are not going exactly as they planned. It does not mean you have to throw in the towel. With a few adjustments, you can be more comfortable with the outcome. Even if it means listening to the radio while soaking in the spa in your own backyard. ow that is a great compromise. Maybe I will add that to our suggestion jar so my husband can plan that for our next Valentine’s date night.

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Madeline Foster

Free Lance Writer

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Last Updated on November 18, 2019

30 Fun Things to Do at Home

30 Fun Things to Do at Home

I’m BORED! Have you ever heard someone in your family use those words?

Most of us have.

I barred that word from my house. Whenever someone said they were bored, I gave them two options:

First, there is always work that can be done. Secondly, find something to do.

There are always creative things that we can do at home. You just need to put some thought and imagination into your day.

The list of enjoyable things you can do is inexhaustible. I am going to share 30 fun things to do at home. Some of the events are best done at appropriate times of the year. Enjoy!

1. Have a Costume Night

    Generally, the only time we can get away with putting on costumes is on Halloween. It is so entertaining to put on a costume and play.

    Host an evening where everyone has to dress up in a costume. (Some costume ideas here!) Eat your dinner that evening all dressed up. Play games and just have a party. You can even make it a “themed” costume party by choosing a time era or movie characters. Shape it to meet your interests.

    2. Throw an Indoor Picnic

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      Set out a picnic blanket and basket of food and eat your dinner as though you were having a picnic. Just having variety in your family life brings you closer together as a family unit. Events like this are often the catalyst for a fun-filled evening.

      3. Have a Christmas Party (*In the Summer)

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        Set up some Christmas decorations and have a Christmas celebration during the summer.

        Prior to this event, buy a few Christmas presents to give to an organization that accepts donations for families in need at Christmas time. Have wrapping paper on hand. Wrap up the gifts, while thinking of the joy they will bring to some little girl or boy at Christmas.

        This serves to make your family mindful of others. Everyone in the family will be excited when Christmas comes and they can donate the gifts that you wrapped in the summer. It’s unique to have a Christmas party during the summer.

        4. Host an International Dinner Night

        As a family, pick out a country you would like to learn more about and are interested in. Find cuisine that is unique to that country. Prepare a dinner that would be served in that country.

        The family can even find clothing that is worn in the country and wear it to dinner. Each family member would be responsible to bring one fact about the country to share at dinner time. For example, you could choose Mexico. You could serve tacos, enchiladas,and arroz con pollo.

        Everyone could wear sombreros to dinner. Plan for an evening of creative learning time!

        5. Film a “Newscast”

        The technology that exists today is awesome. Smartphones come equipped to make videos.

        Set up and make a newscast of events that are going on locally or events that are taking place in your family circle. This will also help everyone learn to speak in public. Doing this at home is an unusual way to interact as a family.

        6. Have an Indoor/Outdoor Scavenger Hunt

          Everyone loves hunting for hidden things. Type up a list of things that need to be found and give everyone a list. The things can be inside your home or even outdoors around the yard. Put a time limit on how long they have to locate the articles.

          Be creative. You can even put some things in the form of clues, so everyone has to figure out what the object is. Have a small prize for the winner.

          7. Learn to Do Nail Art

          Nail art is the “in” thing right now. You see people with their fancy nails everywhere. With some patience, you can learn to do this at home. Spend time practicing this. You can find kits and tools for this at department stores and drug stores. It is relaxing to sit around painting nails and compare the outcomes.

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          8. Plant Seedlings

          Planting seedlings and watching their growth is rewarding, as well as educational. You would need to do a bit of research as to what would be the best time to plant. The time frame fluctuates between various types of plants. Most plants take 3-15 weeks to mature to a level to be transplanted into a garden. You would want to know what type of plants you are planting and the time needed. It brings great joy to watch them develop and bloom once they are transplanted into a garden.

          9. Host a Themed Movie Night

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            There are many movies that have sequels. Pick a genre that your family would enjoy. Plan for a whole evening of back-to-back viewing of the movies. Make sure you have plenty of popcorn and snacks on hand! If you want to be really creative, find props that go with the movie and set them out. You can even make a dessert that matches the movie theme. May the force be with you!

            10. Play Games

            Board games are an excellent way to have fun at home. There are so many options to choose from. Some of our favorites include Ticket to Ride, Catan, Sequence, and Risk. These are just a few of the many varieties out there. Go to a local game store and see what appeals to the taste of your family.. The great thing about board games is that you are able to interact with everyone while playing. Let the games begin!

            11. Film a Cooking Show

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              Have you ever watched the cooking shows on TV? Cooking is a hot topic. In fact, cooking shows are so popular these days that there are networks that only broadcast shows about cooking.  Pick out a recipe you would like to try. Pretend you are hosting your own cooking show and video it. Make sure the whole family participates, in one way or another. You are certain to have a lot of laughs while watching your family episode.

              12. Make Christmas Cards

              Homemade Christmas cards are unique and special. Craft stores and department stores sell supplies that you can purchase to make beautiful cards. Use your creative skills and have an evening where you all come together and make Christmas cards to send to your family and friends.

              13. Make a Scarecrow

                Autumn is never complete without the fun of making a scarecrow. Rustling in the fallen leaves and stuffing them into old clothing brings out the kid in everyone.

                One time while visiting my grandfather, I thought it would be fun to make him a scarecrow for his yard. I never imagined that he would come out and start making it with me. He was well into his 80s, and yet the joy in his eyes when we made that scarecrow together was a memory I will always cherish.

                For those who like to be different, you can always make an indoor scarecrow at any time of year, using newspaper or paper towels as stuffing.

                14. Have a Karaoke Night

                Plan an evening of karaoke. This is a great way to spend family time together. PlayStation and Wii have several options to pick from. From experience, this is an evening of lots of laughter and joy! Everyone loves to sing…even those who might not have a singing voice like to bust out at karaoke.

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                15. Do a Puzzle

                Puzzle-making is a calming way to spend time together at home. Hours can be spent finding just the right pieces to add to the puzzle. The best part is when you see the finished product. This isn’t a one-night activity, so set aside a place that the puzzle can be undisturbed. You can find mats that roll your puzzle up when you aren’t working on it. If you have a spare table that isn’t used daily, you could have it there on display and readily available to continue on.

                16. Play with Lego

                I am sure you have seen some amazing pieces of art made with Lego. Of course, not everyone has talent enough to make huge projects with Lego. Fortunately, the pleasure isn’t limited to your ability to build great things. Regardless of what you build, simply be creative and let the kid in you come out.

                17. Make Jewelry

                Learning to make jewelry isn’t that difficult. You can find many links on the internet that will teach you how to make earrings and necklaces.

                Visit your local craft store or department store and purchase some tools and supplies. Take your time and visualize what you want the finished product to look like. The jewelry you make can also be presents to give away. That is, of course, if you can bear to part with what you made.

                18. Host an English Tea Party

                  Some of us can remember being a little girl and having tea parties, chatting with our imaginary friends and sipping tea. Now that you are older, why not have a real tea party? Have the family dress up in their best outfits and host an English Tea Party. There are guidelines, recipes, and even games to play on the internet. Do a bit of exploring and planning, then host the perfect tea party at home for your family.

                  19. Plant Bulbs

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                    There are two times of year that bulbs can be planted. In the fall, you can plant spring bulbs such as tulips and daffodils. Alliums, agapanthus, cannas and some other summer bulbs can be planted in early spring. Set aside an appropriate time and plant bulbs in your yard. You will reap rewards when you see the sprouts starting to come up. Your yard will look lovely with the flowers blooming.

                    20. Read a Book

                    The art of reading aloud has lost its popularity. Pick out a book that would interest your family and have an evening each week that you read the story aloud. Take turns reading out loud. Interact about what is going on in the story line. This can be your own family book club.

                    Looking for books to read next? Here’re some self-help books to read, and here’re some great books for fiction lovers.

                    21. Have a Water Balloon Fight

                    This activity is best done outdoors in warm weather. This is an “action” activity that brings out the youthfulness in all of us. Depending on the size of your family, you can have teams for this. Fill up as many balloons as you like with water. Go outside and aim for your target. Run, laugh and have fun!

                    22. Learn Yoga

                    Yoga is so beneficial for every age group. As a family unit, learn yoga. Once again, there are many learning tools for this. You can find videos at your local library. This is a refreshing way to enjoy healthy interaction as a family.

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                    23. Invent a Writing Code

                    Invent your own code and write messages to each other. Take the alphabet and transform it into symbols and signs to represent each letter. It’s exciting to come up with your code. Once it is created, give everyone a copy of the code, and begin writing messages to one another. It will be interesting to translate words into the special code you made.

                    24. Have a Photo Shoot

                    Gather together some props and outfits and take family pictures. Make sure each member has individual shots as well. Acting as a professional photographer, be creative in the photos you take. Take funny pictures. Take serious pictures. Take candid shots. The joy of digital photography is that you can take as many photos as you like and delete what doesn’t work. Make sure you add props to make it interesting!

                    25. Learn Calligraphy

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                      Learning a new technique is always interesting. Calligraphy is a well-known type of writing with special pens. Craft stores and department stores have kits designed to assist you in the learning process. Write out poetry or some of your favorite quotes. You never know, you might acquire a talent and be able to frame some of your work.

                      26. Have a BBQ

                      It’s always enjoyable to have a barbecue. You can cook up your food and eat outside. After you are finished, have a campfire and tell scary stories. Remember how fun it is to sit around a campfire telling stories. Make this happen in your yard. Enjoy the night sky. Most of all, enjoy each other!

                      27. Invent Your Own Board Game

                      Discuss what type of game you want to make. Design the board together. Make the rules that will need to be followed. Make the game pieces that you will need. Play the game that you invented. Coming up with the game and the rules you want to make is an awesome time of interaction with one another. The results of your collaboration will be so exciting to view and play.

                      28. Have a Spa Night

                      Plan an evening where you can do an at-home spa night. Light candles, put on relaxing music, and make your atmosphere resemble a spa. You can do facials, manicures, and pedicures. You also can have bubble baths. Schedule it so that each person is doing a different thing and rotate the process. Your family will enjoy this time of pampering and relaxing.

                      29. Play Charades

                      This game has existed for such a long time and yet it never grows old. You can buy charade games already packaged. However, feel free to make up your own.

                      Each family member can contribute by writing down charades on index cards. Watching your family members act out the charade while the others are guessing is guaranteed to be a night full of fun and laughter.

                      30. Make a Family Scrapbook

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                        Choose an assortment of family pictures taken during different events. Compile these photos into groups and begin to make a scrapbook. Perhaps you want to focus on a special trip your family took or another meaningful event you wish to document. The ideas for creating your family scrapbook are endless. Personalize this and make it your own; after all, this is your story!

                        I hope that out of this list you will find some new things that you want to try at home. We have already done most of the things on this list as a family, and we look forward to doing the few that are left. Have fun and make some unique family memories that will be remembered for years to come.

                        More Ideas of Fun Things to Do

                        Featured photo credit: Andreina Vincentelli via unsplash.com

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