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When Should Your Teenager Start Dating?

When Should Your Teenager Start Dating?

“Mum/Dad, when can I start dating?”

Yup, the time to answer that daunting question is finally here.

The Dilemma

As parents, we want to keep our children close to our hearts. We want to protect them at all costs and keep them healthy and happy. The idea of anyone possibly hurting them physically or emotionally is a scary thought, and we can’t help but want to keep them far away from those circumstances.

No matter what age our children may be, they’ll always only be babies in our eyes. Unfortunately, no matter how hard we may try, we can’t protect our children from everything. Getting their hearts broken from dating is inevitable and even necessary for them to grow and mature.

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Experts have also expressed their concerns that waiting too long to allow teenagers to date could have a negative impact on their maturation. Dating can be a sensitive topic, even for adults.

Most of the time, when a teenager starts to take an interest in dating and is open to the idea of “going out” with the opposite sex, they become more sensitive during this time. As a parent, even if you’re against the idea of your teenager dating now, be tactful. Making them feel miserable about their feelings will only sour your relationship with them, not the boy or girl they’re interested in.

Since this is probably your child’s first time experiencing such feelings, you want to be as patient and open-minded as possible. They could be taking this seriously, and they probably hold the object of their affection close to their heart.

The Magic Number

So, you’re telling me there’s a definite number which will help me decide when my child should date?

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Well, no. But according to Ron Eager, a pediatrician at Denver Health, the magic number is 16. And Dr. LeslieBeth Wish, a licensed clinical psychotherapist, agrees: “Sixteen — and even a bit older — is a good age for dating, provided that the teen is mature. Maturity can be measured by willingness to participate sufficiently in household chores, treating others with respect, getting good grades, and managing emotions.’”

Of course, this doesn’t mean you should allow your child to date at 16 if you feel uncomfortable with it. Everyone has different opinions on the topic of what age is “right” for their child to start to date. The answer depends on many factors, including how one has been raised and the child’s personality and maturity levels.

How to Cope with Your Teenager Dating

Firstly, understand that once your child hits a certain age, it’s normal for him or her to want to date. To be curious about dating. About boys. About girls. Teenagers have feelings to explore.

Accept that it’s normal and there’s not much you can do to stop it from happening (you know that). And when your teenager starts to date or expresses interest in it, you want to be calm, well-prepared and ready to guide them in this phase of their life.

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Secondly, remember how you were when you were a teenager. You surely had crushes, and there were probably people you wanted to date, but couldn’t. You probably gained some life lessons from those experiences that you want to teach your child. It’s important to not control their life or try to turn it into what you wanted your life to be during this process.

It’s difficult, but you must learn to let your children live their own lives instead of controlling every little thing they’re going through and trying to determine how their lives are supposed to turn out.

Lastly, you must be their go-to person in any situation they may face throughout their life, not just in dating. Communicate with them. Listen. Be honest with how you feel about them dating other people now, and lay down the rules and limitations of what they can and cannot do. Once they’re aware of your worries and concerns – if they care – they’ll take your advice into consideration.

The Bottom Line

One reason you’re probably reluctant about the idea of your child dating is because of his or her youth and inexperience. Perhaps you think, “she’s still young, she doesn’t know a thing about dating,” or you’re afraid your teenager might do something illegal, like handling drugs and alcohol, or might get involved in sexual activity.

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You’re afraid their lack of knowledge and maturity will cause them more harm than good. And you’re right. In most cases, teenagers don’t have the slightest clue how to date. If you ask them what dating is, don’t be surprised when they tell you it’s about the other person replying to their text ASAP. This is what’s happening today. With the use of smartphones and various social media platforms, technology has created new “standards” for what dating is supposed to be.

If you’re still uncomfortable or don’t feel right about your child dating, think about what would make you comfortable. For example, perhaps you’d feel more relaxed if she went out in a group first, with other friends involved. Beginning dating at a slow pace can help your child, plus you can be sure you won’t start to freak out when he or she goes out on an actual date.

It’s perfectly okay to worry and feel anxious for your child. We will never be prepared, no matter how prepared we think we are. It feels like just yesterday your child was first placed in your arms. But we can never stop them from growing. So, remember to be there for your children, tell them what they NEED to hear, not what they want to hear, and always be transparent about your feelings.

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Samantha Seah

Content Specialist

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Published on May 7, 2021

20 Energizing Brain Breaks For Kids

20 Energizing Brain Breaks For Kids

From coaching martial arts to children as young as four years old, I very quickly came to the understanding that if I wanted to help kids progress their skills, I needed to find a way to help them focus more consistently in my class.

There are two key ways I found when it came to improving my students’ level of focus:

  1. Make what we’re doing more interesting. Nothing is off the table here—from having ninja clowns on the rampage in a lesson to including popular games with a martial arts theme, tapping into the student’s love of fun to help them focus.
  2. Introduce brain breaks.

Brain breaks are small mental breaks that help the kids stay more focused. Think of the brain as a fuel gauge that shows the information you can consciously hold in your mind at any given moment. When the kids are focused and working hard on their tasks, the meter is usually full. They can easily concentrate and pass experiences into their long-term memory.

But when the needle starts to drop, you may observe that your kids are feeling anxious or looking restless. New information, experiences, and knowledge are not getting processed from the staging area or working memory into the long-term memory.[1]

It’s here that brain breaks make the most difference, as they allow us to “top-up the tank” or reset the gauge so that we can continue to learn and focus and at a higher level.

If you’ve been home tutoring, you’ll appreciate that brain breaks can help kids in many ways. They can reduce stress and frustration. Think of those times when you’re helping your kids solve a difficult problem. It’s taxing for you both and when compounded with the energy loss after a day at school or watching TV. The stress effect can be compounded, and it’s here that brain breaks can be a lifesaver.[2]

The following is a selection of brain break ideas for kids. You’ll see that some are physical activities while others are more relaxing. It’s always great to test them out to see which ones connect the best with your children.

It’s okay to repeat the same brain breaks. Having a clear name and mission to a break can help keep your child excited, knowing that they’ll have the opportunity to take part in a future round of the activity.

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Active Brain Breaks

Here are some active brain breaks for kids that you can try out.

1. Swapsies

Have the participants stand behind a chair. Call out a character trait, like “everyone with brown eyes.” You then swap places with someone else who has the same characteristic. If you have nothing that matches, you stay put!

Examples: “Everyone with trainers on.” “Everyone who is left-handed.” “Everyone who is wearing yellow.”

2. Dance Party

Put five or six different types of songs on Spotify, including a classic like “baby shark or the hamster dance.” Dim the lights if possible and have the kids dance to the tunes. Then, change the tunes and change the dance style. It’s silly and fun.

3. Freeze Dance

Similar to Dance Party except that when the music stops, students have to stay perfectly still until the music restarts. You can make this even more fun by trying to make the students smile. If they smile, they are out and have to sit down.

4. Keep It Up

Students must keep a balloon from touching the floor. You can add multiple balloons. You can make it more competitive by having different balloons of two different colors and split people into teams. Whoever keeps the balloons up the longest or the team with the most balloons in the air with a timer of 60 seconds wins.

5. Simon Says

This brain break for kids is an old favorite. You can also mix it up with martial arts moves, Fortnite dances, superhero moves, etc.

6. Animal Movement

Move like different animals. It’s fun for younger children. We use Flamingo where you stand on one leg, crawl like a bear, stand like a meerkat, run like a cheetah, and walk like a penguin.

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7. Find It Fast

“Find It Fast” is a scavenger hunt variation. Call an item out in the room and kids have to stand by it. For example, find a clock, find something with a face, find something smelly, find some money, find a phone, etc.

8. The Frog

Physical Challenges can be excellent fun. We have one in the martial arts class called “The Frog” where you squat like a frog, then lean forward so your head and feet are off the floor. These are all old yoga poses, so have a look through a booklet or website for some safe ideas. Other examples are grabbing your nose with your left hand and touching your knee with your right elbow.

9. Pizza Delivery Time

Give the students paper plates and tell them to hold the plates above their head on a flat hand. They then run around the room and try to keep the plate in their hand. You can make it more challenging by having other students try to knock others’ plates off. There’s usually a 3-star jump penalty if your plate touches the floor.

10. Limbo

We use martial arts belts and the students take turns going underneath the belts. Fun music creates an awesome atmosphere here.

11. Human Knot

Split the group of people and have everyone link hands under and over. That’s making knots between everyone in the group. Have the other students try to untangle them and return everyone back into a circle.

12. Feather Balance

This brain break for kids works well with gentle music, and you can use a balloon or a straw if you don’t have a feather handy.

13. Stack them high

The students should have plastic cups and paper squares. The goal is to make a tower as high as possible, or it could be to make a triangle or even a pyramid.

Relaxing Brain Breaks

We talked about brain breaks for kids that are being used to energize the students. But they can also be used to calm and relax them. We’re more familiar with the term mindfulness, but it’s the same idea. These are brain breaks for kids that reduce stress and anxiety.

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14. Meditation

Meditation

is a popular way to reduce anxiety. There are lots of great examples already pre-recorded on YouTube that you can follow along with. Below is a useful classroom meditation example.

15. Kaleidoscope

Kaleidoscopes are fun ways to relax. They are mesmerizing and like a peaceful vortex that sucks you into them. Below is a great example of a visual online one you can use.

16. Reading/Listening to a Story

When I surveyed the members of our martial arts club about how their kids employ brain breaks at home, there was a clear winner among the families—listening to a story or reading a story. The feedback was that the process of daydreaming a little helps the kids to recharge. But it goes without saying that the story needs to be engaging.

17. Doodling

My personal favorite way to brain break as a kid was to doodle. Doodling gives your child a few minutes to draw anything they want. It can be calming for them, and it’s a lot more fun if you have different types of pens or crayons available to use. Add some soft music, and you have a simple way to take some time to relax.

18. Coloring Sheets

Coloring sheets are another way to relax the mind. There’s lots of great coloring in pads available, but here are some links to public resources shared on the internet that are great examples.

19. Deep Breathing

Deep breathing

is an epic way to help your child slow down. It is a quick way to relieve anxiety so that they feel more ready for the next task ahead.

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Try this: put your hands on your tummy, breathe in through the nose, and feel your belly expand like a balloon. Hold it here, then slowly breathe out through the mouth while feeling your stomach get smaller. Repeat this 10 times. Use the following counts: breath in for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, and breath out for 4 seconds.

20. Going Outside

Go outside was the second most popular response from our parent’s survey about brain breaks for kids at home. Fresh air always feels nice. You can combine this with a treasure hunt, looking for different colored cars, types of birds, or even types of trees, if you’re familiar with these.

My personal favorite is using a mushroom spotting app on our phones and finding a mushroom or toadstool, then using the app to identify its name. This is surprisingly engaging for children. But a few safety rules about not touching them is important. It gives kids a change of scenery and helps revitalize the senses, providing a welcome break from their homework.

How Often Should You Introduce Brain Breaks?

The key to brain breaks is their timing. If you can introduce them before you notice that your kids are entering deep fatigue or their loss of focus has set in. You’ll find a great balance between breaks and effort.

I’ve observed from my martial arts coaching that younger students have a smaller amount of working memory than older kids. My formula is for five minutes of technical training, we provide five minutes of brain breaks for students under seven years old. Plus, we coach to 15 minutes of training to five minutes of brain breaks for children under 12 years.

Final Thoughts

Implementing calming brain breaks for kids is a really efficient way of introducing brain breaks. You have a quick way to allow your students to learn about regulating themselves. Balancing their mind and energy is a useful skill, and you can take this with you everywhere you go.

Our martial arts center revolutionized our approach to coaching by using brain breaks for kids. We found that although we were teaching less technical skills, there was now consistent progress from the students. Plus, everyone was less anxious, happier, and are having more fun. This is a win overall.

If you’ve been having challenges with your kids focusing at home, maybe try a mixture of the calming and active breaks to see which types work best for your kids.

Featured photo credit: Robert Collins via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] SimplyPsychology: Working Memory Model
[2] BrainFacts.org: Kids Need Brain Breaks — And So Do Adults

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