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5 Misconceptions About What Is Attractive To Women

5 Misconceptions About What Is Attractive To Women

So you’re trying to become more attractive to women, but there’s bad advice everywhere. What should you believe? Is it true that bad boys get all the women or should you be the nice guy that women say they want?

Trying to understand a woman can be more confusing than rocket science and I’m sure many women don’t even understand each other. Here are the most common misconceptions men have about women:

1. Women Want a Super Masculine Man

Whilst this may be true for some women, most men overestimate how masculine they have to be in order to be attractive. Don’t believe me? Just compare a men’s magazine to a women’s magazine.

You’ll notice a huge difference in the pictures of men portrayed: the ones in the men’s magazines tend to have an edgier look, be more muscular, have more body and facial hair, and are usually in more masculine poses. This illustrates exactly the distinction between what men want to become and what women are looking for.

So overall, what women are really looking for is a true gentleman. They want someone who is caring and well groomed, but at the same time, strong enough to be stoic in situations where they are challenged/made fun of.

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2. Women Want You to Micro-manage Your Look

No, you don’t need to sit straight and puff your chest out all day to look attractive. And hell no to taking up more space just to appear more confident or ‘masculine’.

I’ve talked to a few women and they do notice these things. They’ll tell me how obvious it is when a guy is trying to impress them by trying to take up more space. A confident man is never self-conscious of these things. They take up as much (or as little) space as they need without thinking about it.

This goes for body language too. You shouldn’t have to worry about micromanaging every body part. In fact, trying to force certain body language will feel very awkward, and it is difficult to maintain. If you want good posture, just go to the gym and start eating healthier.

3. Women Want Good Looks Above All

You might hear the phrase ‘looks don’t matter’ get tossed around by people, especially from the ‘pickup artist’ community. Don’t believe a single word of it. Looks are probably the most important aspect of attraction. If there is no physical attraction from the outset, it’s unlikely that you’re going to be a good match.

Whilst there is no doubt that good looks are an essential part of initial attraction. A lot of long-term relationships are often founded on more than good looks alone.

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If you are a bit conscious of not looking attractive enough for your lady, there are ways you can go about improving this too. Hit the gym if you don’t already. Even if you don’t have Brad Pitt’s face, women are often attracted to a man with a good body.

Dressing well is also something that a lot of women will take notice of. Not only can dressing well make you appear more attractive, but once you meet a woman you like, she will usually let you know how she likes you to look. You can use these little hints as a guide on how to look even better. Let’s be honest, women usually do have much better taste than men! At the outset just try to start by paying attention to the colour combinations of your clothes. Next, familiarise yourself with the different types of jeans so that you buy a pair that are actually flattering.

There is no getting away from the fact that a pleasant appearance in all of its many forms is attractive to the opposite sex, but if you think you’re the bees knees and try to rely on this alone, you’re probably going to spend a lot of your life as a singleton. Work at your looks as much as you naturally can, but also remember that working on who you are as a person will probably be something that will take you the furthest in the long run.

4. Women Want You to Be Somebody Else

You might hear this advice coming from your close friends when you tell them you’re you’re about to go on a first date and you’re very nervous. “Just be yourself, man.”

In your friend’s mind, they’re probably thinking, “just act how you normally act around us,” but when push comes to shove, it’s impossible to act that way when you’re feeling nervous. Your mind’s just too busy thinking something along the lines of “she’s so hot, how do I impress her” to come up with the things that you usually do.

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What should you do instead? First of all, ask yourself the question: if you were a chick, would you go out with someone like yourself? If the answer is no, then you have some improving to do. That’s the harsh reality of it. You can’t just be yourself if you’re not datable. Find out the reasons why you won’t go out with yourself and fix them.

If you answered yes, then you’ll automatically have a reason to appear more confident during a date. Of course, there will still be some things you’re insecure about, everyone has those. It’s best to just accept and forget those and if she brings it up, just be upfront about it.

5. Women Just Want a Guy Who Can Make Them Laugh

Whilst it’s a no brainer that women love a guy who can make them laugh, the misconception here is that most men think they need to be always making her laugh in order for her to like him. Luckily it’s much easier than you might think.

The key to conversation is to:

  • Know how to enjoy your own company
  • Know how to hold meaningful conversations

The first part just comes down to knowing how to amuse yourself if no-one is around. This doesn’t mean you have to be sitting at home telling yourself jokes, but it should mean that you have an active “interior” life. This could manifest itself in things such as hobbies, like reading, writing, or watching films. What I’m essentially trying to say is that you shouldn’t fear being alone. Needy is not a good look, and that is how you will most likely come across if you’re not happy and comfortable in your own skin.

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Knowing how to hold meaningful conversations comes down to two things: listening to what they’re saying and being genuinely curious and interested in what the other person is saying, even if you aren’t interested in the topic itself. The listening part is quite simple and I’m sure most of you can do that. The second part is not as easy, but it’s not difficult either. Let’s take an example:

You might not be particularly interested in fashion, but if she is, then very likely the topic will come up often. She’ll probably bring up a cool fact you didn’t know, or tell you some funny story. This is your chance to be interested and ask lots of questions. If you’re really intrigued, a few of your questions will lead to awesome conversations. The great thing with this tip is you’ll be able to hold the conversation for ages.

So next time, when she brings up something interesting, don’t let the opportunity go to waste. Become curious, get your brain working and turn it into a long, meaningful conversation.

Featured photo credit: Teens by a Fountain by Garry Knight via flickr.com

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

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