Advertising
Advertising

5 Misconceptions About What Is Attractive To Women

5 Misconceptions About What Is Attractive To Women

So you’re trying to become more attractive to women, but there’s bad advice everywhere. What should you believe? Is it true that bad boys get all the women or should you be the nice guy that women say they want?

Trying to understand a woman can be more confusing than rocket science and I’m sure many women don’t even understand each other. Here are the most common misconceptions men have about women:

1. Women Want a Super Masculine Man

Whilst this may be true for some women, most men overestimate how masculine they have to be in order to be attractive. Don’t believe me? Just compare a men’s magazine to a women’s magazine.

You’ll notice a huge difference in the pictures of men portrayed: the ones in the men’s magazines tend to have an edgier look, be more muscular, have more body and facial hair, and are usually in more masculine poses. This illustrates exactly the distinction between what men want to become and what women are looking for.

So overall, what women are really looking for is a true gentleman. They want someone who is caring and well groomed, but at the same time, strong enough to be stoic in situations where they are challenged/made fun of.

Advertising

2. Women Want You to Micro-manage Your Look

No, you don’t need to sit straight and puff your chest out all day to look attractive. And hell no to taking up more space just to appear more confident or ‘masculine’.

I’ve talked to a few women and they do notice these things. They’ll tell me how obvious it is when a guy is trying to impress them by trying to take up more space. A confident man is never self-conscious of these things. They take up as much (or as little) space as they need without thinking about it.

This goes for body language too. You shouldn’t have to worry about micromanaging every body part. In fact, trying to force certain body language will feel very awkward, and it is difficult to maintain. If you want good posture, just go to the gym and start eating healthier.

3. Women Want Good Looks Above All

You might hear the phrase ‘looks don’t matter’ get tossed around by people, especially from the ‘pickup artist’ community. Don’t believe a single word of it. Looks are probably the most important aspect of attraction. If there is no physical attraction from the outset, it’s unlikely that you’re going to be a good match.

Whilst there is no doubt that good looks are an essential part of initial attraction. A lot of long-term relationships are often founded on more than good looks alone.

Advertising

If you are a bit conscious of not looking attractive enough for your lady, there are ways you can go about improving this too. Hit the gym if you don’t already. Even if you don’t have Brad Pitt’s face, women are often attracted to a man with a good body.

Dressing well is also something that a lot of women will take notice of. Not only can dressing well make you appear more attractive, but once you meet a woman you like, she will usually let you know how she likes you to look. You can use these little hints as a guide on how to look even better. Let’s be honest, women usually do have much better taste than men! At the outset just try to start by paying attention to the colour combinations of your clothes. Next, familiarise yourself with the different types of jeans so that you buy a pair that are actually flattering.

There is no getting away from the fact that a pleasant appearance in all of its many forms is attractive to the opposite sex, but if you think you’re the bees knees and try to rely on this alone, you’re probably going to spend a lot of your life as a singleton. Work at your looks as much as you naturally can, but also remember that working on who you are as a person will probably be something that will take you the furthest in the long run.

4. Women Want You to Be Somebody Else

You might hear this advice coming from your close friends when you tell them you’re you’re about to go on a first date and you’re very nervous. “Just be yourself, man.”

In your friend’s mind, they’re probably thinking, “just act how you normally act around us,” but when push comes to shove, it’s impossible to act that way when you’re feeling nervous. Your mind’s just too busy thinking something along the lines of “she’s so hot, how do I impress her” to come up with the things that you usually do.

Advertising

What should you do instead? First of all, ask yourself the question: if you were a chick, would you go out with someone like yourself? If the answer is no, then you have some improving to do. That’s the harsh reality of it. You can’t just be yourself if you’re not datable. Find out the reasons why you won’t go out with yourself and fix them.

If you answered yes, then you’ll automatically have a reason to appear more confident during a date. Of course, there will still be some things you’re insecure about, everyone has those. It’s best to just accept and forget those and if she brings it up, just be upfront about it.

5. Women Just Want a Guy Who Can Make Them Laugh

Whilst it’s a no brainer that women love a guy who can make them laugh, the misconception here is that most men think they need to be always making her laugh in order for her to like him. Luckily it’s much easier than you might think.

The key to conversation is to:

  • Know how to enjoy your own company
  • Know how to hold meaningful conversations

The first part just comes down to knowing how to amuse yourself if no-one is around. This doesn’t mean you have to be sitting at home telling yourself jokes, but it should mean that you have an active “interior” life. This could manifest itself in things such as hobbies, like reading, writing, or watching films. What I’m essentially trying to say is that you shouldn’t fear being alone. Needy is not a good look, and that is how you will most likely come across if you’re not happy and comfortable in your own skin.

Advertising

Knowing how to hold meaningful conversations comes down to two things: listening to what they’re saying and being genuinely curious and interested in what the other person is saying, even if you aren’t interested in the topic itself. The listening part is quite simple and I’m sure most of you can do that. The second part is not as easy, but it’s not difficult either. Let’s take an example:

You might not be particularly interested in fashion, but if she is, then very likely the topic will come up often. She’ll probably bring up a cool fact you didn’t know, or tell you some funny story. This is your chance to be interested and ask lots of questions. If you’re really intrigued, a few of your questions will lead to awesome conversations. The great thing with this tip is you’ll be able to hold the conversation for ages.

So next time, when she brings up something interesting, don’t let the opportunity go to waste. Become curious, get your brain working and turn it into a long, meaningful conversation.

Featured photo credit: Teens by a Fountain by Garry Knight via flickr.com

More by this author

5 Simple Ways To Survive Your Tax Returns attractive 5 Misconceptions About What Is Attractive To Women The Top 5 Happiest Countries In The World Top 5: The World’s Best Cities To Move To canada Canada: 5 Reasons Why You Should Pay A Visit

Trending in Communication

1 I Want To Be Happy: 7 Science-Backed Ways to Find Happiness 2 13 Ways Happy People Think and Feel Differently 3 10 Morning Habits Of Happy People 4 What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People 5 13 Simple Habits of Happiness To Change Your Outlook on Life

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on July 20, 2021

How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

You’re standing behind the curtain, just about to make your way on stage to face the many faces half-shrouded in darkness in front of you. As you move towards the spotlight, your body starts to feel heavier with each step. A familiar thump echoes throughout your body – your heartbeat has gone off the charts.

Don’t worry, you’re not the only one with glossophobia(also known as speech anxiety or the fear of speaking to large crowds). Sometimes, the anxiety happens long before you even stand on stage.

Your body’s defence mechanism responds by causing a part of your brain to release adrenaline into your blood – the same chemical that gets released as if you were being chased by a lion.

Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you overcome your fear of public speaking:

1. Prepare yourself mentally and physically

According to experts, we’re built to display anxiety and to recognize it in others. If your body and mind are anxious, your audience will notice. Hence, it’s important to prepare yourself before the big show so that you arrive on stage confident, collected and ready.

“Your outside world is a reflection of your inside world. What goes on in the inside, shows on the outside.” – Bob Proctor

Exercising lightly before a presentation helps get your blood circulating and sends oxygen to the brain. Mental exercises, on the other hand, can help calm the mind and nerves. Here are some useful ways to calm your racing heart when you start to feel the butterflies in your stomach:

Warming up

If you’re nervous, chances are your body will feel the same way. Your body gets tense, your muscles feel tight or you’re breaking in cold sweat. The audience will notice you are nervous.

If you observe that this is exactly what is happening to you minutes before a speech, do a couple of stretches to loosen and relax your body. It’s better to warm up before every speech as it helps to increase the functional potential of the body as a whole. Not only that, it increases muscle efficiency, improves reaction time and your movements.

Here are some exercises to loosen up your body before show time:

Advertising

  1. Neck and shoulder rolls – This helps relieve upper body muscle tension and pressure as the rolls focus on rotating the head and shoulders, loosening the muscle. Stress and anxiety can make us rigid within this area which can make you feel agitated, especially when standing.
  2. Arm stretches – We often use this part of our muscles during a speech or presentation through our hand gestures and movements. Stretching these muscles can reduce arm fatigue, loosen you up and improve your body language range.
  3. Waist twists – Place your hands on your hips and rotate your waist in a circular motion. This exercise focuses on loosening the abdominal and lower back regions which is essential as it can cause discomfort and pain, further amplifying any anxieties you may experience.

Stay hydrated

Ever felt parched seconds before speaking? And then coming up on stage sounding raspy and scratchy in front of the audience? This happens because the adrenaline from stage fright causes your mouth to feel dried out.

To prevent all that, it’s essential we stay adequately hydrated before a speech. A sip of water will do the trick. However, do drink in moderation so that you won’t need to go to the bathroom constantly.

Try to avoid sugary beverages and caffeine, since it’s a diuretic – meaning you’ll feel thirstier. It will also amplify your anxiety which prevents you from speaking smoothly.

Meditate

Meditation is well-known as a powerful tool to calm the mind. ABC’s Dan Harris, co-anchor of Nightline and Good Morning America weekend and author of the book titled10% Happier , recommends that meditation can help individuals to feel significantly calmer, faster.

Meditation is like a workout for your mind. It gives you the strength and focus to filter out the negativity and distractions with words of encouragement, confidence and strength.

Mindfulness meditation, in particular, is a popular method to calm yourself before going up on the big stage. The practice involves sitting comfortably, focusing on your breathing and then bringing your mind’s attention to the present without drifting into concerns about the past or future – which likely includes floundering on stage.

Here’s a nice example of guided meditation before public speaking:

2. Focus on your goal

One thing people with a fear of public speaking have in common is focusing too much on themselves and the possibility of failure.

Do I look funny? What if I can’t remember what to say? Do I look stupid? Will people listen to me? Does anyone care about what I’m talking about?’

Instead of thinking this way, shift your attention to your one true purpose – contributing something of value to your audience.

Advertising

Decide on the progress you’d like your audience to make after your presentation. Notice their movements and expressions to adapt your speech to ensure that they are having a good time to leave the room as better people.

If your own focus isn’t beneficial and what it should be when you’re speaking, then shift it to what does. This is also key to establishing trust during your presentation as the audience can clearly see that you have their interests at heart.[1]

3. Convert negativity to positivity

There are two sides constantly battling inside of us – one is filled with strength and courage while the other is doubt and insecurities. Which one will you feed?

‘What if I mess up this speech? What if I’m not funny enough? What if I forget what to say?’

It’s no wonder why many of us are uncomfortable giving a presentation. All we do is bring ourselves down before we got a chance to prove ourselves. This is also known as a self-fulfilling prophecy – a belief that comes true because we are acting as if it already is. If you think you’re incompetent, then it will eventually become true.

Motivational coaches tout that positive mantras and affirmations tend to boost your confidents for the moments that matter most. Say to yourself: “I’ll ace this speech and I can do it!”

Take advantage of your adrenaline rush to encourage positive outcome rather than thinking of the negative ‘what ifs’.

Here’s a video of Psychologist Kelly McGonigal who encourages her audience to turn stress into something positive as well as provide methods on how to cope with it:

4. Understand your content

Knowing your content at your fingertips helps reduce your anxiety because there is one less thing to worry about. One way to get there is to practice numerous times before your actual speech.

Advertising

However, memorizing your script word-for-word is not encouraged. You can end up freezing should you forget something. You’ll also risk sounding unnatural and less approachable.

“No amount of reading or memorizing will make you successful in life. It is the understanding and the application of wise thought that counts.” – Bob Proctor

Many people unconsciously make the mistake of reading from their slides or memorizing their script word-for-word without understanding their content – a definite way to stress themselves out.

Understanding your speech flow and content makes it easier for you to convert ideas and concepts into your own words which you can then clearly explain to others in a conversational manner. Designing your slides to include text prompts is also an easy hack to ensure you get to quickly recall your flow when your mind goes blank.[2]

One way to understand is to memorize the over-arching concepts or ideas in your pitch. It helps you speak more naturally and let your personality shine through. It’s almost like taking your audience on a journey with a few key milestones.

5. Practice makes perfect

Like most people, many of us are not naturally attuned to public speaking. Rarely do individuals walk up to a large audience and present flawlessly without any research and preparation.

In fact, some of the top presenters make it look easy during showtime because they have spent countless hours behind-the-scenes in deep practice. Even great speakers like the late John F. Kennedy would spend months preparing his speech beforehand.

Public speaking, like any other skill, requires practice – whether it be practicing your speech countless of times in front of a mirror or making notes. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect!

6. Be authentic

There’s nothing wrong with feeling stressed before going up to speak in front of an audience.

Many people fear public speaking because they fear others will judge them for showing their true, vulnerable self. However, vulnerability can sometimes help you come across as more authentic and relatable as a speaker.

Advertising

Drop the pretence of trying to act or speak like someone else and you’ll find that it’s worth the risk. You become more genuine, flexible and spontaneous, which makes it easier to handle unpredictable situations – whether it’s getting tough questions from the crowd or experiencing an unexpected technical difficulty.

To find out your authentic style of speaking is easy. Just pick a topic or issue you are passionate about and discuss this like you normally would with a close family or friend. It is like having a conversation with someone in a personal one-to-one setting. A great way to do this on stage is to select a random audience member(with a hopefully calming face) and speak to a single person at a time during your speech. You’ll find that it’s easier trying to connect to one person at a time than a whole room.

With that said, being comfortable enough to be yourself in front of others may take a little time and some experience, depending how comfortable you are with being yourself in front of others. But once you embrace it, stage fright will not be as intimidating as you initially thought.

Presenters like Barack Obama are a prime example of a genuine and passionate speaker:

7. Post speech evaluation

Last but not the least, if you’ve done public speaking and have been scarred from a bad experience, try seeing it as a lesson learned to improve yourself as a speaker.

Don’t beat yourself up after a presentation

We are the hardest on ourselves and it’s good to be. But when you finish delivering your speech or presentation, give yourself some recognition and a pat on the back.

You managed to finish whatever you had to do and did not give up. You did not let your fears and insecurities get to you. Take a little more pride in your work and believe in yourself.

Improve your next speech

As mentioned before, practice does make perfect. If you want to improve your public speaking skills, try asking someone to film you during a speech or presentation. Afterwards, watch and observe what you can do to improve yourself next time.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself after every speech:

Advertising

  • How did I do?
  • Are there any areas for improvement?
  • Did I sound or look stressed?
  • Did I stumble on my words? Why?
  • Was I saying “um” too often?
  • How was the flow of the speech?

Write everything you observed down and keep practicing and improving. In time, you’ll be able to better manage your fears of public speaking and appear more confident when it counts.

If you want even more tips about public speaking or delivering a great presentation, check out these articles too:

Reference

Read Next