Advertising
Advertising

5 Misconceptions About What Is Attractive To Women

5 Misconceptions About What Is Attractive To Women

So you’re trying to become more attractive to women, but there’s bad advice everywhere. What should you believe? Is it true that bad boys get all the women or should you be the nice guy that women say they want?

Trying to understand a woman can be more confusing than rocket science and I’m sure many women don’t even understand each other. Here are the most common misconceptions men have about women:

1. Women Want a Super Masculine Man

Whilst this may be true for some women, most men overestimate how masculine they have to be in order to be attractive. Don’t believe me? Just compare a men’s magazine to a women’s magazine.

You’ll notice a huge difference in the pictures of men portrayed: the ones in the men’s magazines tend to have an edgier look, be more muscular, have more body and facial hair, and are usually in more masculine poses. This illustrates exactly the distinction between what men want to become and what women are looking for.

So overall, what women are really looking for is a true gentleman. They want someone who is caring and well groomed, but at the same time, strong enough to be stoic in situations where they are challenged/made fun of.

Advertising

2. Women Want You to Micro-manage Your Look

No, you don’t need to sit straight and puff your chest out all day to look attractive. And hell no to taking up more space just to appear more confident or ‘masculine’.

I’ve talked to a few women and they do notice these things. They’ll tell me how obvious it is when a guy is trying to impress them by trying to take up more space. A confident man is never self-conscious of these things. They take up as much (or as little) space as they need without thinking about it.

This goes for body language too. You shouldn’t have to worry about micromanaging every body part. In fact, trying to force certain body language will feel very awkward, and it is difficult to maintain. If you want good posture, just go to the gym and start eating healthier.

3. Women Want Good Looks Above All

You might hear the phrase ‘looks don’t matter’ get tossed around by people, especially from the ‘pickup artist’ community. Don’t believe a single word of it. Looks are probably the most important aspect of attraction. If there is no physical attraction from the outset, it’s unlikely that you’re going to be a good match.

Whilst there is no doubt that good looks are an essential part of initial attraction. A lot of long-term relationships are often founded on more than good looks alone.

Advertising

If you are a bit conscious of not looking attractive enough for your lady, there are ways you can go about improving this too. Hit the gym if you don’t already. Even if you don’t have Brad Pitt’s face, women are often attracted to a man with a good body.

Dressing well is also something that a lot of women will take notice of. Not only can dressing well make you appear more attractive, but once you meet a woman you like, she will usually let you know how she likes you to look. You can use these little hints as a guide on how to look even better. Let’s be honest, women usually do have much better taste than men! At the outset just try to start by paying attention to the colour combinations of your clothes. Next, familiarise yourself with the different types of jeans so that you buy a pair that are actually flattering.

There is no getting away from the fact that a pleasant appearance in all of its many forms is attractive to the opposite sex, but if you think you’re the bees knees and try to rely on this alone, you’re probably going to spend a lot of your life as a singleton. Work at your looks as much as you naturally can, but also remember that working on who you are as a person will probably be something that will take you the furthest in the long run.

4. Women Want You to Be Somebody Else

You might hear this advice coming from your close friends when you tell them you’re you’re about to go on a first date and you’re very nervous. “Just be yourself, man.”

In your friend’s mind, they’re probably thinking, “just act how you normally act around us,” but when push comes to shove, it’s impossible to act that way when you’re feeling nervous. Your mind’s just too busy thinking something along the lines of “she’s so hot, how do I impress her” to come up with the things that you usually do.

Advertising

What should you do instead? First of all, ask yourself the question: if you were a chick, would you go out with someone like yourself? If the answer is no, then you have some improving to do. That’s the harsh reality of it. You can’t just be yourself if you’re not datable. Find out the reasons why you won’t go out with yourself and fix them.

If you answered yes, then you’ll automatically have a reason to appear more confident during a date. Of course, there will still be some things you’re insecure about, everyone has those. It’s best to just accept and forget those and if she brings it up, just be upfront about it.

5. Women Just Want a Guy Who Can Make Them Laugh

Whilst it’s a no brainer that women love a guy who can make them laugh, the misconception here is that most men think they need to be always making her laugh in order for her to like him. Luckily it’s much easier than you might think.

The key to conversation is to:

  • Know how to enjoy your own company
  • Know how to hold meaningful conversations

The first part just comes down to knowing how to amuse yourself if no-one is around. This doesn’t mean you have to be sitting at home telling yourself jokes, but it should mean that you have an active “interior” life. This could manifest itself in things such as hobbies, like reading, writing, or watching films. What I’m essentially trying to say is that you shouldn’t fear being alone. Needy is not a good look, and that is how you will most likely come across if you’re not happy and comfortable in your own skin.

Advertising

Knowing how to hold meaningful conversations comes down to two things: listening to what they’re saying and being genuinely curious and interested in what the other person is saying, even if you aren’t interested in the topic itself. The listening part is quite simple and I’m sure most of you can do that. The second part is not as easy, but it’s not difficult either. Let’s take an example:

You might not be particularly interested in fashion, but if she is, then very likely the topic will come up often. She’ll probably bring up a cool fact you didn’t know, or tell you some funny story. This is your chance to be interested and ask lots of questions. If you’re really intrigued, a few of your questions will lead to awesome conversations. The great thing with this tip is you’ll be able to hold the conversation for ages.

So next time, when she brings up something interesting, don’t let the opportunity go to waste. Become curious, get your brain working and turn it into a long, meaningful conversation.

Featured photo credit: Teens by a Fountain by Garry Knight via flickr.com

More by this author

5 Simple Ways To Survive Your Tax Returns attractive 5 Misconceptions About What Is Attractive To Women The Top 5 Happiest Countries In The World Top 5: The World’s Best Cities To Move To canada Canada: 5 Reasons Why You Should Pay A Visit

Trending in Communication

1 5 Things to Do If You Don’t Want to Get Back to Work 2 Take Back Control of your Life with Positive Emotions 3 Had a Bad Day? 7 Ways to Rebound From It and Feel Good Again 4 I Don’t Know What to Do With My Life! 5 Steps to Get Unstuck 5 This Is How Mentally Strong People Deal With Guilt

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on October 14, 2020

Had a Bad Day? 7 Ways to Rebound From It and Feel Good Again

Had a Bad Day? 7 Ways to Rebound From It and Feel Good Again

Today didn’t turn out as you planned, but it doesn’t mean you’re weak. It simply means that you’re human, and you’re not bad just because you had a bad day.

“Not everyday is a good day but there is something good in every day.” -Alice Morse Earle

It’s not the end of the world when you find yourself thinking “I had a bad day,” but it can feel like it. You may have had plans that fell apart, experiences that set you back, and interactions that only did harm.

You may have started the day thinking you could take on it all, only to find you could hardly get out of bed. When you have a bad day, you can forget to look at the good.

Sometimes, self-care helps us to remember why we are worth it. It helps us to recharge and reset our mindset. It helps us to know that there are still options and that the day isn’t over yet.

Love yourself today, no matter how hard it’s been. That’s the way to find yourself amidst the hardships you have. That’s how you center yourself and regain focus and live a more meaningful life. Give yourself some credit and compassion.

Here are 7 ways to rebound from a bad day using self-compassion as a tool. If you had a bad day, these are for you!

1. Make a Gratitude List

In a study on gratitude, psychologists Dr. Robert A Emmons and Dr. Michael E. McCullough conducted an experiment where one group of people wrote out gratitude lists for ten weeks while another group wrote about irritations. The study found that the group that wrote about gratitude reported more optimistic mindsets in their lives[1].

Overall, having a gratitude list improved well-being and made one truly grateful by counting the blessings in their lives.

Write a list of what you are grateful for if you had a bad day. Make it as long as you like, but also remember to note why you’re grateful for each thing you write.

What has given you the most joy? What has set you up for better days? Keep a tally of triumphs in mind, especially when you do have the bad days.

Advertising

The day doesn’t define you, and you still have things of value that surround you. These could be material things, spiritual connections and experiences, relationships, basic needs, emotional and mental well-being, physical health, progress towards hopes and dreams, or simply being alive.

Here are some other simple ways to practice gratitude.

2. Write in a Journal

Journaling affects your overall mental health, which also affects physical health and aids in the management of stress, depression, anxiety, and more[2].

All you need is a pen and paper, or you could do an online, password-protected journal such as Penzu. The key is to get started and not pressure yourself on how polished or perfect it is. You don’t need to have prior experience to start journal writing. Just start.

Write out everything that is bothering you for 15 minutes. This helps with rumination, processing problems, and can even aid with brainstorming solutions.

However you approach it, you can find patterns of thinking that no longer serve you and start to transform your overall mental state. This will impact all areas of your life and is a great coping skill.

3. Meditate

Meditation can help you overcome negative thought patterns, worrying about the future, dwelling on the past, or struggling to overcome a bad day[3]. It shifts your mentality and helps you focus on the present or any one thing you truly want to focus on.

Here is an example of a meditation you can do:

Get into a comfortable position. Close your eyes. Rest your body, release tension, and unclench your jaw. Tighten and release each muscle group in a body scan for progressive muscle relaxation.

Focus on your breath, taking a few deep breaths. Let your belly expand when you breathe in for diaphragmatic breathing. Empty yourself completely of air, then return to normal breathing.

Next, focus on the idea of self-love and let it erase negative thoughts. Think about the ways you’ve been judging yourself, with the narratives coming up that your mind may create.

Advertising

Give yourself unconditional love and release judgment. Take your time meditating on this because you matter. This is particularly important if you had a bad day.

Check out this article for more on how to get started with a meditation practice.

4. Do Child’s Pose

Yoga Outlet says:

“Child’s Pose is a simple way to calm your mind, slow your breath, and restore a feeling of peace and safety. Practicing the pose before bedtime can help to release the worries of the day. Practicing in the morning can you help transition from sleeping to waking.”[4]

When you do Child’s Pose, it can be between difficult positions in yoga, or it can be anytime you feel you need a rest. It helps you recover from difficulties and relax the mind.

It also has the physical health benefits of elongating your back, opening your hips, and helping with digestion[5].

To do Child’s Pose, rest your buttocks back on your feet, knees on the floor. Elongate your body over your knees with both arms extended or tucked back, with head and neck resting on the floor[6].

Had a bad day? Try Child's Pose.

     

    Do this pose as a gift to yourself. You are allowing yourself to heal, rest, get time for yourself, recover, and recharge. When you’ve had a bad day, it’s there waiting for you.

    5. Try Positive Self-Talk

    Engage in positive self-talk. This is essentially choosing your thoughts.

    Advertising

    When you have a negative thought, such as “I can’t do this,” replace it consciously with the thought “I can do this.” Give yourself positive affirmations to help with this.

    Negative self-talk fits into four general categories: personalizing or blaming yourself, magnifying or only focusing on the negative, catastrophizing or expecting the worst to happen, and polarizing or only seeing back and white[7].

    When you stop blaming yourself for everything and start focusing on the positive, expecting things to work out, and seeing the areas of grey in life, you reverse these negative mindsets and engage in positive self-talk.

    When you speak words of kindness to yourself, your brain responds with a more positive attitude. That attitude will affect everything you do. It’s how you take care of yourself if you had a bad day.

    Check in with yourself to know when you are having negative self-talk. Are you seeing patterns? When did they start to become a problem? Are you able to turn these thoughts around?

    6. Use Coping Skills and Take a Break

    Use your coping skills. This means not letting your thoughts take control of yourself.

    You can distract yourself and escape a bit. Do things you love. You can exercise, listen to music, dance, volunteer or help someone, be in nature, or read a book.

    It isn’t about repression. It’s about redirection. You can’t stay in thoughts that are no longer working for you.

    Sometimes, it’s okay to get out of your own way. Give yourself a break from the things going on in your head. You can always come back to a problem later. This may even help you figure out the best course of action as sometimes stepping away is the only way to see the solution.

    If you had a bad day, you may not feel like addressing what went wrong. You may need a break, so take one.

    7. If a Bad Day Turns Into Bad Days

    “I believe depression is legitimate. But I also believe that if you don’t exercise, eat nutritious food, get sunlight, get enough sleep, consume positive material, surround yourself with support, then you aren’t giving yourself a fighting chance.” –Jim Carrey

    If you’ve been feeling out of control, depressed, or unstable for more than a few weeks, it’s time to call a mental health professional. This is not because you have failed in any way. It’s because you are human, and you simply need help.

    You may not be able to quickly rebound from a bad day, and that’s fine. Feel what you feel, but don’t let it consume you.

    When you talk to a professional, share the techniques that you have already tried here and whether they were helpful. They may tell you additional ideas or gain insights from your struggles of not being able to rebound from a series of bad days.

    If you’re having more than just a bad day, they will want to know. If you don’t have the answers, that’s okay, too. You just need to try these tools and figure out how you’re feeling. That’s all that’s required of you.

    Keep taking care of yourself. Any progress is progress, no matter how small. Give yourself a chance to get better by reaching out.

    Final Thoughts

    If you had a bad day, don’t let it stop you.

    Know this: It’s okay not to be okay. You have a right to feel what you feel. But there is something you can do about it.

    You can invest in yourself via self-care.

    You are not alone in this. Everyone has bad days from time to time. You just need to know that you are the positive things you tell yourself.

    More Things You Can Do If You Had a Bad Day

    Featured photo credit: Anthony Tran via unsplash.com

    Reference

    Read Next