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5 Ways to Turn Pessimism into Healthy Optimism

5 Ways to Turn Pessimism into Healthy Optimism

My father once asked me whether I knew what the difference between an optimist and a pessimist was? I said no, and he told me that in a difficult situation a pessimist says “it absolutely can’t get any worse than this”, while an optimist says that “oh, yes, it can!” Being an optimist myself, I found this to be quite amusing.

The majority of people are very aware of the fact that living as an optimist is far better than being a pessimist. Indeed, how can having a such a negative vision of the surrounding world serve us any good? However, despite most of us understanding this, our behavior is far from optimistic. As we grow up, we become more responsible, we get into the work life, people around us fall sick, taxes, children growing up, etc. Life just seems to get more difficult with every coming year. We can all agree that being a pessimist just seems like the easier choice.

The goal is not to blindly believe in a better tomorrow, but to understand why tomorrow can be better than today. Permanent happiness is nonexistent, at least not in Western society. To be honest, happiness isn’t even what optimism is about. Instead, happiness is something that arises from healthy optimism, from the understanding that the world is not trying to make our life more difficult for us. Optimism with a portion of realism is what we should aim at. To understand it better, let us look at some examples of how the mentality of a pessimist differs from that of an optimist.

1. Taking risks

At first glance, it may seem that when it comes to taking risks, being a pessimist might actually be a good thing. A risk means potential failure, and therefore it is good to analyze all of the possible dangers and to be aware of them beforehand. This way we are able to prepare for them to the best of our ability. However, the problem with this is that pessimists tend to focus on dangers a lot more than on the success itself, which hinders the whole risk-taking process. Moreover, if the chances to succeed are not high enough, the risk may never be taken.

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Optimists, in this case, focus on success and look for ways to achieve it. With healthy optimism, the potential dangers are also seen, but they are just not perceived as critically even if they do occur. If it happens, it happens – is the usual attitude.

Lastly, because the dangers are not given as much value as they are given by pessimists, bigger risks with more significant outcomes can be made. As the saying goes, “nothing ventured, nothing gained”.

2. Temporary vs permanent

A very common characteristic of pessimism is to see problems as permanent. For example, imagine a business situation where the sales have dropped for whatever reason. A pessimist will most likely think that the sales have dropped for good. This will result in excessive panicking and a potential withdrawal from the market. At other times the business owner may just give up.

An optimist in the same situation will give it some time before making any radical moves. That patience and belief in a better future not only reduces the amount of stress, but also allows space for readjusting to the situation and learning a lesson from it. Instead of panic, a new strategy may come into place, creating more opportunity for further success.

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3. Generalisation

Have you ever noticed how one single problem may freak a person out to the extent that they become hysterical? Or have you ever heard people say that their day sucks because everything seems to go wrong? If so, most likely this person has a pessimistic approach to life.

With pessimism, people often generalize problems and make them a lot bigger than what they really are. Whenever a problem occurs, they tend to see a whole lot of other problems added on to it too.

With optimism, a problem that had occurred stands on its own. It is a problem of a specific situation, and nothing more. It is also dealt with in isolation from other problems. This, once again, reduces the amount of stress, anxiety and confusion, and allows for a quicker solution to come.

4. Me vs they

With pessimism, a lot of what happens in the world is directly linked to the person that is observing it. For example, if someone gives a pessimist a funny look, they may take it personally and think that the one looking has something negative to think or say about them. An optimist in this situation will either not care, or think that the person may simply be having a bad day.

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Another example is related to driving a car. A pessimist, making a mistake on the road, will often say that all the other drivers are wrong, and might even call them names. An optimist minds his own business and puts more focus on the road instead of the driving skills of others.

5. Being open and honest

The same people that focus more on the negative, are the same people that have troubles trusting others. When it comes to a loving relationship, pessimists usually need more time to get accustomed to the other person and to trust them. While they are not necessarily selfish, they may have troubles believing in one hundred per cent honesty of the other person. Therefore, it is safe to say that if a relationship gets tough, you would rather be in one with an optimist.

Pessimists tend to anticipate some kind of hidden agenda from others. For example, one person may be helping another with a move to a different city, or with teaching them a foreign language. The one helping might want to ask for money for either the petrol that was used for the move, or for the many hours spent helping to learn the new language. A pessimist in this moment might disregard all of the value and help received, and instead focus only on the part where they have to pay that person. They think that the money was the main reason why they were helped.

An optimist in this case not only focuses primarily on the valuable information and help received, but also on paying the person before they even ask for it. Optimists understand that help from others is worth a lot and that people offering it need to be thanked in some way, be it money or help in return.

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Even though the benefits of optimism are apparent, people have a hard time living it. Optimism is not something you follow once in a while, but rather a lifestyle. And while many people focus more on the negative, the majority of people are a mix of the two, which is also not bad.

However, if you feel that you belong more to the first group of people, I urge you to reconsider your world views. Use the above examples to be aware of the way you look at life. Not only will optimism help you to experience more joy, peace and happiness, but you will be able to positively affect the people around you.

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Victor Stepanchikov

Software Engineer, Blogger, Personal Development Freak

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Published on November 23, 2020

How to Develop Big Picture Thinking And Think More Clearly

How to Develop Big Picture Thinking And Think More Clearly

Your neighbors downstairs are playing loud music. Again. How do they not get tired of partying? And why do they choose songs with such a heavy downbeat that the glass in your cupboard is vibrating every two seconds? What can you do to get some peace that you deserve? What should you?

Human mind tends to go in circles whenever faced with a problem without a clear solution. It becomes easy to forget the big picture and get lost in anger and self-pity, wasting our precious time, energy and enthusiasm.

Would it not be nice if we always remembered to put things in perspective?

Would it not be more efficient to face all kinds of problems, from tiny annoyances to life-changing emergencies, with a calm demeanor, sharp focus and fearless determination to promptly take the most efficient action possible?

Alas, humans are not like that. All too often we let anxiety or greed get the best of us and make a rushed or shortsighted decision that we quickly come to regret. Other times, we spend weeks or months at an impasse, rehashing the exact same arguments, unable to accept the compromise required to move forward with any of the available options.

Buddhists talk about getting lost in the “small self.” In this state of mind, we literally forget the big picture and focus on the small one. We start taking our daily problems too personally and, paradoxically, becomes less capable of solving them in an efficient manner. And this is the opposite of big picture thinking.

Let me share with you a story related to big picture thinking…

In 1812, the French army of Napoleon Bonaparte invaded Russia.[1] After a decisive Battle of Borodino, the capture of Moscow and therefore Napoleon’s victory in the war seemed inevitable.

Unexpectedly, the Russian Commander-in-Chief Mikhail Kutuzov made a highly controversial decision of retreating and allowing the French to capture Moscow. Much of the population had been evacuated taking supplies with them. The city itself was set on fire and large parts of it burned into the ground.

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After waiting in vain for Russia to capitulate, Napoleon had to retreat in the middle of a bitterly cold winter. He won the battle but lost the war. The campaign ended in a disaster and the near destruction of the French army.

What can we learn from this historical lesson?

1. Focus on the Consequences

Napoleon focused on the important part: capturing Moscow. Nobody could accuse him of thinking small. Yet he overlooked that the Russian army could still fight even after giving up the country’s most important city.

So was Moscow not an important target after all?

Success expert Brian Tracy has a litmus test: things are important to the extent that they have important consequences. Things are unimportant to the extent that they have no important consequences.[2]

When faced with a choice, ask yourself, what would be the consequences of each option?

  • Want to spend an hour studying or watching the new series on Netflix? What would be the consequences of each option? Netflix can sometimes be a better choice, but it helps to put things in perspective.
  • Want to maintain your apartment by yourself or to pay a cleaning service? Would would be the consequences of each option?
  • Want to meet up for coffee with this acquaintance of yours or catch up on your work instead? What would be the consequences of each option?

The choice can be different for different people. An aspiring filmmaker may have a legitimate reason for choosing Netflix. Personally, cleaning your own apartment can be relaxing and nourishing even if the economics of hiring a cleaner looks compelling because you are earning a high hourly rate.

This is where you will need a basic idea of who you are — what are your goals, values and aspirations.

2. Flip Defeat Into Victory

Kutuzov managed to turn Russia’s defeat into a historic victory by recasting the problem in a wider context: losing Moscow need not mean losing the war.

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Despite the symbolic meaning attached to the Kremlin, the churches, the priceless treasures that had been stored in the city for centuries, the outcome of the campaign was ultimately determined by the strength of the remaining armies.

If you can adopt this result-oriented perspective, many of your personal defeats may be flipped into victories as well. Few events in a human life are absolutely good or absolutely bad, and it usually takes many years to recognize in retrospect, what role a particular encounter did play in your story.

Therefore we have every reason to look for the good in the things that happen to us.

This is a very practical attitude, far from baseless “positive thinking.” After all, if something unfortunate has happened to you and you find good sides in this circumstance, you will then be better positioned to take advantage of those good sides.

Say your noisy neighbors are affecting your productivity. What if it is a blessing in disguise? How can you turn this defeat into a victory?

  • Perhaps you are too serious about life and could learn how to have more fun. Join your neighbors or go out for a walk instead of working;
  • Perhaps you only wanted to be productive while instead procrastinated on social media. Now that your procrastination has been interrupted, stop and acknowledge this much greater obstacle to your productivity;
  • Perhaps you are too sensitive to interference. Take this opportunity to practice ignoring the noise and doing your best anyway;
  • Perhaps you have a victim mentality and the feeling of unfairness drains you more than any actual nuisance your neighbors might have caused. Try accepting this lapse in your productivity the way you would accept bad weather.

Get used to finding opportunities in your problems. This is the quintessential big picture thinking.

3. Ask for Advice

Both Napoleon and Kutuzov had trusted advisers to discuss their affairs with. In general, getting a different perspective — or several — can only help inform your understanding and lead to better decisions. Just ensure that the people giving you advice are competent in the particular area where experience is needed.

Paying money for advice can also be a wise investment. Lawyers, tax accountants, medical doctors spend years learning how to assist people like yourself in living more successful, more fulfilling lives.

A quick legal consultation can save you a fortune down the line or even keep you out of big trouble. A medical check-up can uncover potential issues and help keep you healthy and active for years to come.

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Even big, complex dilemmas at your job or in your romantic relationship can be tackled more effectively by partnering up with a coach or a therapist or, of course, with the help of a wise friend.

4. Beware of Biased Advice

Many imperfect decisions occur in response to an imperfect piece of advice that you choose to act on. This advice often comes from a biased party.

For example, we are often encouraged to buy something that we supposedly need:

  • Protect your skin from harmful UV rays by using a special lotion.
  • Fortify your health by taking multivitamins.
  • Connect with your friends by sending them elaborate gifts.
  • Brighten your weekend by consuming a delicious pastry.
  • Become more productive by getting a faster computer.

However, most purchases are unnecessary.

Some, such as the sunscreen, do have legitimate benefits when used properly.[3] Others, such as multivitamins, only make a difference for a small group of people.[4]

Advertisers of those benefits inevitably want to narrow your focus in order to overstate the importance of their product. They frequently present it as the only solution to your problem, whether real or imaginary.

After all,

  • Skin can also be protected from the sun by wearing appropriate clothing.
  • Health can be better fortified by consuming a balanced diet and getting regular exercise.
  • Spending time or talking on the phone with your friends is the foremost way of connecting with them, and it is virtually free.
  • Your weekend can be brightened by doing something that you love.
  • You can become more productive by focusing on the tasks that have the most important consequences. A faster computer can, in fact, decrease productivity by making it easier to multitask and by enabling your favorite distractions.

There are other sources of imperfect advice. Politicians also frequently want us to focus on a particular “big picture,” to the exclusion of the alternatives.

Even loving parents can be guilty of the same. They can advise their children to pick a career path that is safe and respectable, based on their “big picture” that in life one has to make a living. A child may disagree, however, based on another “big picture” that one’s life has to have meaning and fulfillment.

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Bottom Line

It is human nature to make rushed, emotional decisions based on incomplete information, then regret those decisions later on.

You can protect yourself from poor judgment by striving to attain the big picture when careful consideration is called for.

Focus on the consequences of your decision before considering how you feel about it.

Play with the cards you’ve been dealt, but look for opportunities in each situation and you will find them.

Ask knowledgeable mentors for advice, but beware of biased people who have an opinion, but do not necessarily have your best interest in mind.

Yet remember, true big picture thinking comes from hard-won experience. Legendary military commanders Napoleon Bonaparte and Mikhail Kutuzov were both injured on the battlefield.

Clear thinking comes from putting your big picture to the test of reality.

More Tips on Thinking Clearly

Featured photo credit: Haneen Krimly via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Wikipedia: French invasion of Russia
[2] Brian Tracy: No Excuses!: The Power of Self-Discipline
[3] American Academy of Dermatology: Say Yes to Sun Protection
[4] Harvard Medical School: Do multivitamins make you healthier?

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