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Be Together For The Right Reasons. Don’t Rush. Don’t Settle For Less.

Be Together For The Right Reasons. Don’t Rush. Don’t Settle For Less.

Many of us are taught that all we need for a good relationship is someone whose company we enjoy, together with a sense of mutual attraction. However, as we get older, it becomes apparent that basic compatibility isn’t enough for a happy partnership. You’ve probably had the experience of dating someone “nice” who didn’t really make you happy, yet you felt compelled to carry on seeing them in the hope that it would somehow work out. This is a recipe for misery. Save yourself from unnecessary heartache by vowing to stay with a partner for the right reasons. The following are several of the most common reasons why people tend to stay together even when they are not truly compatible and would be better off apart.

Reason #1 The Fear Of Being Single Or Lonely

If you have ever watched all your friends pair off, get married and have children, while you are still single, you may feel as though there is something wrong with you or something unlovable about you. This is a dangerous mindset because it can lead you to commit to an unsuitable partner just so you have someone to call your own. If you feel lonely, work on widening your social network and enjoying your own company so that you never fall into the trap of dating someone just for the sake of having someone to talk to.

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Reason #2 Hope That Your Partner Will Magically Meet All Your Needs

Some people never teach themselves how to fulfil their own needs, so they stay with a partner in the hope that the other person will somehow make them happy, complete and able to finally chase after their personal goals. If this sounds familiar, you should be aware that no one else can make you happy. If you are not content in yourself, you cannot be fully present in your relationship. Fortunately, the tendency to rely on others for your happiness can be overcome by building a strong foundation of self-esteem. When you are happy in yourself and focusing on your own life goals, you will feel a fundamental sense of security, even if you are single for a long time.

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Reason #3 The Fear Of Losing Resources Such As Finances Or A Social Network

If your partner has plenty of material resources or has introduced you to a whole new circle of friends, you may be extremely reluctant to end the relationship. You may worry that you’ll miss out on spending time with people you like or that you’ll need to adapt to a lower standard of living. Some people also find that they are reluctant to part ways with their partner because even though the relationship is no longer working, they love their partner’s family more than their own and would miss the support. If this describes your situation, work on finding other sources of support (whether financial or social) so that you can face up to the possibility of leaving your partner without having to fear a drop in your quality of life. Remember that leaving an unsuitable relationship will make you significantly happier over the long run, as you will be free to meet someone who is a better match.

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Choose To Put Your Happiness First

Relationships are not always straightforward, but choosing the right partner and making the effort to lay the groundwork for a healthy partnership is worth the investment. Learn from your past experiences, work on making yourself the best person you can be, and make sure your relationship attitudes are healthy. Then, you will be able to attract the right partner into your life. Staying with the wrong person may be easier over the short-term, but you will never be truly happy and fulfilled unless you know your relationship is continuing for all the right reasons – mutual love, attraction, compatibility and shared life goals.

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More by this author

Jay Hill

Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on November 15, 2018

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

What do you think it takes to achieve your goals? Hard work? Lots of actions? While these are paramount to becoming successful in reaching our goals, neither of these are possible without a positive mindset.

As humans, we naturally tend to lean towards a negative outlook when it comes to our hopes and dreams. We are prone to believing that we have limitations either from within ourselves or from external forces keeping us from truly getting to where we want to be in life. Our tendency to think that we’ll “believe it when we see it” suggests that our mindsets are focused on our goals not really being attainable until they’ve been achieved. The problem with this is that this common mindset fuels our limiting beliefs and shows a lack of faith in ourselves.

The Success Mindset

Success in achieving our goals comes down to a ‘success mindset’. Successful mindsets are those focused on victory, based on positive mental attitudes, empowering inclinations and good habits. Acquiring a success mindset is the sure-fire way to dramatically increase your chance to achieve your goals.

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The idea that achieving our goals comes down to our habits and actions is actually a typical type of mindset that misses a crucial point; that our mindset is, in fact, the determiner of our energy and what actions we take. A negative mindset will tend to create negative actions and similarly if we have a mindset that will only set into action once we see ‘proof’ that our goals are achievable, then the road will be much longer and arduous. This is why, instead of thinking “I’ll believe it when I see it”, a success mindset will think “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

The Placebo Effect and What It Shows Us About The Power of Mindset

The placebo effect is a perfect example of how mindset really can be powerful. In scientific trials, a group of participants were told they received medication that will heal an ailment but were actually given a sugar pill that does nothing (the placebo). Yet after the trial the participants believed it’s had a positive effect – sometimes even cured their ailment even though nothing has changed. This is the power of mindset.

How do we apply this to our goals? Well, when we set goals and dreams how often do we really believe they’ll come to fruition? Have absolute faith that they can be achieved? Have a complete unwavering expectation? Most of us don’t because we hold on to negative mindsets and limiting beliefs about ourselves that stop us from fully believing we are capable or that it’s at all possible. We tend to listen to the opinions of others despite them misaligning with our own or bow to societal pressures that make us believe we should think and act a certain way. There are many reasons why we possess these types of mindsets but a success mindset can be achieved.

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How To Create a Success Mindset

People with success mindsets have a particular way of perceiving things. They have positive outlooks and are able to put faith fully in their ability to succeed. With that in mind, here are a few ways that can turn a negative mindset into a successful one.

1. A Success Mindset Comes From a Growth Mindset

How does a mindset even manifest itself? It comes from the way you talk to yourself in the privacy of your own head. Realising this will go a long way towards noticing how you speak to yourself and others around you. If it’s mainly negative language you use when you talk about your goals and aspirations then this is an example of a fixed mindset.

A negative mindset brings with it a huge number of limiting beliefs. It creates a fixed mindset – one that can’t see beyond it’s own limitations. A growth mindset sees these limitations and looks beyond them – it finds ways to overcome obstacles and believes that this will result in success. When you think of your goal, a fixed mindset may think “what if I fail?” A growth mindset would look at the same goal and think “failures happen but that doesn’t mean I won’t be successful.”

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There’s a lot of power in changing your perspective.

2. Look For The Successes

It’s really important to get your mind focused on positive aspects of your goal. Finding inspiration through others can be really uplifting and keep you on track with developing your success mindset; reinforcing your belief that your dreams can be achieved. Find people that you can talk with about how they achieved their goals and seek out and surround yourself with positive people. This is crucial if you’re learning to develop a positive mindset.

3. Eliminate Negativity

You can come up against a lot of negativity sometimes either through other people or within yourself. Understanding that other people’s negative opinions are created through their own fears and limiting beliefs will go a long way in sustaining your success mindset. But for a lot of us, negative chatter can come from within and these usually manifest as negative words such as can’t, won’t, shouldn’t. Sometimes, when we think of how we’re going to achieve our goals, statements in our minds come out as negative absolutes: ‘It never works out for me’ or ‘I always fail.’

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When you notice these coming up you need to turn them around with ‘It always works out for me!’ and ‘I never fail!’ The trick is to believe it no matter what’s happened in the past. Remember that every new day is a clean slate and for you to adjust your mindset.

4. Create a Vision

Envisioning your end goal and seeing it in your mind is an important trait of a success mindset. Allowing ourselves to imagine our success creates a powerful excitement that shouldn’t be underestimated. When our brain becomes excited at the thought of achieving our goals, we become more committed, work harder towards achieving it and more likely to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

If this involves creating a vision board that you can look at to remind yourself every day then go for it. Small techniques like this go a long way in sustaining your success mindset and shouldn’t be dismissed.

An Inspirational Story…

For centuries experts said that running a mile in under 4 minutes was humanly impossible. On the 6th May 1954, Rodger Bannister did just that. As part of his training, Bannister relentlessly visualised the achievement, believing he could accomplish what everyone said wasn’t possible…and he did it.

What’s more amazing is that, as soon as Bannister achieved the 4-minute mile, more and more people also achieved it. How was this possible after so many years of no one achieving it? Because in people’s minds it was suddenly possible – once people knew that it was achievable it created a mindset of success and now, after over fifty years since Bannister did the ‘impossible’, his record has been lowered by 17 seconds – the power of the success mindset!

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