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Be Together For The Right Reasons. Don’t Rush. Don’t Settle For Less.

Be Together For The Right Reasons. Don’t Rush. Don’t Settle For Less.

Many of us are taught that all we need for a good relationship is someone whose company we enjoy, together with a sense of mutual attraction. However, as we get older, it becomes apparent that basic compatibility isn’t enough for a happy partnership. You’ve probably had the experience of dating someone “nice” who didn’t really make you happy, yet you felt compelled to carry on seeing them in the hope that it would somehow work out. This is a recipe for misery. Save yourself from unnecessary heartache by vowing to stay with a partner for the right reasons. The following are several of the most common reasons why people tend to stay together even when they are not truly compatible and would be better off apart.

Reason #1 The Fear Of Being Single Or Lonely

If you have ever watched all your friends pair off, get married and have children, while you are still single, you may feel as though there is something wrong with you or something unlovable about you. This is a dangerous mindset because it can lead you to commit to an unsuitable partner just so you have someone to call your own. If you feel lonely, work on widening your social network and enjoying your own company so that you never fall into the trap of dating someone just for the sake of having someone to talk to.

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Reason #2 Hope That Your Partner Will Magically Meet All Your Needs

Some people never teach themselves how to fulfil their own needs, so they stay with a partner in the hope that the other person will somehow make them happy, complete and able to finally chase after their personal goals. If this sounds familiar, you should be aware that no one else can make you happy. If you are not content in yourself, you cannot be fully present in your relationship. Fortunately, the tendency to rely on others for your happiness can be overcome by building a strong foundation of self-esteem. When you are happy in yourself and focusing on your own life goals, you will feel a fundamental sense of security, even if you are single for a long time.

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Reason #3 The Fear Of Losing Resources Such As Finances Or A Social Network

If your partner has plenty of material resources or has introduced you to a whole new circle of friends, you may be extremely reluctant to end the relationship. You may worry that you’ll miss out on spending time with people you like or that you’ll need to adapt to a lower standard of living. Some people also find that they are reluctant to part ways with their partner because even though the relationship is no longer working, they love their partner’s family more than their own and would miss the support. If this describes your situation, work on finding other sources of support (whether financial or social) so that you can face up to the possibility of leaving your partner without having to fear a drop in your quality of life. Remember that leaving an unsuitable relationship will make you significantly happier over the long run, as you will be free to meet someone who is a better match.

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Choose To Put Your Happiness First

Relationships are not always straightforward, but choosing the right partner and making the effort to lay the groundwork for a healthy partnership is worth the investment. Learn from your past experiences, work on making yourself the best person you can be, and make sure your relationship attitudes are healthy. Then, you will be able to attract the right partner into your life. Staying with the wrong person may be easier over the short-term, but you will never be truly happy and fulfilled unless you know your relationship is continuing for all the right reasons – mutual love, attraction, compatibility and shared life goals.

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Jay Hill

Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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