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5 Important Life Lessons I’ve Learned After Using Dating Apps for a Year

5 Important Life Lessons I’ve Learned After Using Dating Apps for a Year

I always say there are life lessons in anything in life. But even I was surprised to realize there’s a lot to learn from trying to find love online.

Turns out, dating apps are another area where, if you analyze what works and what doesn’t and come to some important conclusions, you can understand why you’re still single, what others are looking for, that it’s completely normal to be doing this and that almost anyone else is, and much more.

In fact, it took me one year to feel comfortable talking about it openly, to free my mind of doubts and negative thoughts and to just reach out to new people and start interesting conversations, to stop judging and expecting, and to just go out with the women that seem promising and see where that can go.

There is a way to do online dating wrong. And again, it’s all in your mind. If you’re not open about this, if you aren’t confident about yourself, if you feel like a failure for using such an app, then it’s no wonder that you will never say the right things in a chat and no person would be interested in going out with you, no matter how good your photos look.

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So, to save you all that, here are some important life lessons I learned during the year of using dating apps that will help you find someone to date much sooner:

1. Friendships can come out of this too

In the beginning, I was desperately looking for a hot woman to go out with, maybe it was like a quest most men go on, or maybe I was just insecure.

But it took me months of being tired of looking for this type of woman, to find out that almost anyone can entertain you, teach you something, or even become your friend.

Dating apps are about forming a relationship, and love isn’t always the end result. I’ve started a few friendships with women because of that, and I don’t regret it.

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2. Failure is not an option

If you’re starting a business, investing all your money in it, telling everyone you’ll succeed, and more, there’s a high chance you can fail and lose a lot. But with online dating, that’s just not the case.

Why? Because if someone rejects you or things just don’t work out, you don’t have a relationship in the first place so you’re basically not losing anything you had. That’s comforting but it can take a while to truly grasp it.

3. You brush up on your skills over time

If you think you suck at online dating, you’ll just have to trust me that you don’t. You lack practice. It’s like taking up a new hobby or sport. You can’t really level up from day one. It takes work, effort and dedication. But each time you do it, you get better at it.

So my point is, give dating apps some time, don’t give up after the first few failed attempts.

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Here’s what you’ll notice after a few weeks:

  • talking to strangers gets easier;
  • you get better at starting conversations;
  • you learn what questions to avoid and what grabs women’s attention;
  • you feel more confident talking about yourself;
  • you become a better storyteller;
  • you aren’t afraid of rejection;
  • and more.

4. How the other person communicates is key

Sometimes the chat will be boring, or meaningless, and basically go nowhere. Spare yourself the awkward first and only date, and just move onto the next person.

Sure, the very first sentence might not be the best catchphrase, but if you’ve been chatting for a day or two and you still feel like anything you or she/he says is just out of place, don’t overthink it. Just accept the fact that this is not the right fit and chat with somebody else.

5. Honesty is good

You might be a player and used to exaggerating the truth and using manipulation to get a woman. But that just doesn’t work in the long run. If you’re using dating apps to find a quality person who’s smart, ambitious, charming and open-minded, you’ll have to start the whole thing by simply being yourself.

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Some people get it wrong from the creation of the profile. Don’t overdo it, though. Even if you put yourself in the best possible light, most people you connect with will immediately feel there’s something fishy.

But being honest about yourself, your life, your achievements, and anything else, goes a long way.

For a start, it makes it easier for the other person to see if she/he really wants to continue communicating with you. Then, it shows respect.

So, whenever in doubt, just be honest, say things directly, don’t hide something that’s a big part of your life, and don’t lie in your profile.

These important life lessons should be enough to get you ahead of others in the online dating game.

Meanwhile, don’t forget to have fun. Meet great people, go out with some, learn more about their lives, make new friends, improve your approach, get better at dating, and – eventually – find your soul mate online.

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Last Updated on September 17, 2018

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

Relationships are complicated and when you’re unhappy, it can be difficult to tell what’s causing it and what needs to change.

Sometimes it’s as easy as opening up to your partner about your problems, while other times it may be necessary to switch partners or roll solo to get your mind straight.

When you’re in the thick of things, it can be difficult to tell if you’re unhappy in your relationship or just unhappy in general (in which case, a relationship may be just the cure you need).

Here’re signs of an unhappy relationship that is possibly making you feel stuck:

1. You’re depressed about your home life.

No matter what you do in life, you’re going to have good and bad days. Your relationship is no different.

However, no matter what you’re going through at home, you have to feel comfortable in your own home.

If you constantly dread going home because your significant other is there, there’s a problem. Maybe it’s something you already know about, everyone has an argument or just needs some alone time.

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When that yearning to be alone becomes an insatiable obsession over the course of months and years, it’s time to realize you’re not the exception to the rule.

You’re unhappy in your relationship, and you need to take a look in the mirror and do whatever it takes to make yourself smile.

2. You aren’t comfortable being yourself.

Remember all those things you discovered about yourself when you first got together? The way your partner made you feel when you met that made you fall in love with him or her in the first place.

If they don’t make you feel that way anymore, it’s not the end of the world. If your partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, then her or she is only dragging you down. It’s up to you to decide how to handle that.

You need to be comfortable with who you are. This means being comfortable in your skin and with the way you walk, talk, look, breath, move, and all the other things that make you uniquely you.

If the person who supposedly loves you doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, know that you can do better. They’re not even one in a billion.

3. You can’t stop snooping.

Mutual trust is necessary in any relationship. The only way to get that trust is with respect.

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I can find you anywhere online, no matter how private and secure you think you are. The odds of you having a password I can’t crack are slim. If we’ve met in person, I could install a remote key logger on your device without even touching it.

Finding your information online hardly takes a clandestine organization. Any idiot with a Wi-Fi-enabled device can cyberstalk you. I’m just the only idiot in the village admitting it.

So now that we know everyone snoops, it’s time to address your personal habits. Governments snoop because they don’t trust us. If you’re snooping on your partner, it’s because you don’t trust them.

It’s ok to have doubts, and it’s perfectly normal to look into anything that looks weird, but keep in mind that data collection is only half of an investigation.

If you find yourself constantly snooping and questioning everything, clearly there’s a trust issue and the relationship likely needs to end.

4. You’re afraid of commitment.

If you’ve been dating longer than a year and you aren’t engaged, it’s never going to happen.

Commitment is important. People will come up with a million ways to describe why they can’t be committed.

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No matter who you are if you like it, you need to put a ring on it. Find an engagement ring, stick a gemstone in it and marry the person. If you’re not legally able to get married or you don’t believe in it for one reason or another, have a child (or adopt one, however you’re able to) or treat your partner’s family like your own. It’s a huge financial and mental commitment.

If you’re not ready for one or the other after some time, don’t waste anymore of your precious life on the relationship.

Your relationship should be something that propels you forward. If it’s not going anywhere, make it an open relationship and call it what it is—dating multiple people.

5. You imagine a happier life without your partner.

If all you’re doing is imagining a happier life without your partner, it’s a sign that you’re in the wrong relationship. You’re unhappy and you need to get out.

Your partner should be included in your dreams. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a future with someone.

Try to remember what you dreamed of before you got your heart broken by the realities of life, love and the pursuit of human success.

Remember when you would crush on that cute kid in class? You would secretly imagine marrying him or her and going on an adventure—that’s the way life should be.

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If you’re not at least imagining adventures together, then why are you in that relationship?

6. You resent, rather than love your partner.

When a relationship starts to crumble, you begin to resent your partner for all the things you once loved about him or her.

When you’ve reached this point, your partner has reached at least No. 2 on this list. From your partner’s perspective, your unhappiness with them is picked up as bashing them for being who they are.

If you’re both unhappy in the relationship, it’s better if it ends as quickly and painlessly as possible.

7. You chase past feelings.

It’s okay to reminisce about the past, but if all you do is wish things were like they used to be, it’s a sign you’re not on the right path.

You’re unhappy and, at the very least, you need to have an open dialogue about it. This isn’t necessarily a sign that the relationship should end, but it definitely needs a spark.

When you talk to your partner candidly about what it is you’re looking for, you never know how they’ll react. The risk alone is worth it, good or bad.

Final thoughts

If you’re feeling stuck in your current relationship, it’s time to reflect about it with your partner. Don’t ignore these signs of an unhappy relationship as they will slowly go worse and harm both you and your partner in long-term.

Featured photo credit: josh peterson via unsplash.com

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