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10 Dating Hacks That Will Blow Your Mind

10 Dating Hacks That Will Blow Your Mind

When I talk to introverted men about how they feel about meeting and dating beautiful women, here’s what most of them tell me:

They tell me they feel helpless.

They tell me they feel insecure.

They tell me they feel like women hold all the power.

Any of this sound familiar to you?

If so, buckle up… you’re about to discover 10 miracle hacks that work like magic when it comes to turbo-charging your success in dating. After all, what man doesn’t want to make dating easier?

I’ve been coaching introverted men for more than 20 years now, and recently came up with an idea. I asked my subscribers for a favor. I asked them to send in the best hacks they’ve learned from us. Then, my team curated the 10 most clever tricks to make any date smoother, from harmless first glance to late-night hug. These effortless moves are guaranteed to make your dating life a success.

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1. Use the phone trick

Approaching women and starting conversations is a scary thing for most men. You know what I’m talking about. You see a beautiful woman, and you want to approach her, but your hands start sweating, your heart beats faster, and before you know it your thoughts try to make you weasel out of the approach. What if I’m not her type? What if she rejects me? What if she doesn’t like me?

A clever trick to help you beat your approach anxiety is the ability to spot which women are attracted to you before you even talk to them. I call them signs of attraction or conversation invitations. When you know that a woman is attracted to you, you’ll have a much easier time approaching her. A few simple signs to look for are eye contact, a smile, or a nod. Make no mistake: women will go out of their way to avoid making eye contact, smiling at, or nodding at men they are not attracted to (unless they already know them). So, if a woman makes eye contact, smiles at you or nods at you, you can be 99% sure she’s attracted to you. If you approach her, you will probably get a warm welcome.

So what does this have to do with your phone? Well, did you know that when you’re on the phone you’re more likely to get more signs of attraction? Yep, it’s true! I’m not sure why that is exactly, but I suspect it’s because being on the phone implies you have a social life. It also makes you look busy. A man with a social life and who is busy is more attractive to women. The second reason why I think they do this is because they feel safer. They know that you won’t just come over and approach them because you are on the phone.

So how do you use this hack? When you walk through the street, be on the phone. Check out which women give you signs of attraction. And if you happen to see one that’s exactly your type, why not approach her and start a conversation? After all, she’s attracted to you and she’s your type! Why not find out more about her? If you do this just a few times a week, I can virtually guarantee that you’ll get a date in no time. And who knows, she might be the one.

2. Imagine you’ve known her for years

Okay, so you see a woman that you are interested in and you want to approach her. How do you maximize your chance that the introduction and initial conversation goes smoothly?

Here’s a great hack for that: just imagine you’ve known her for years. There’s something really strange happening when you do this. When you imagine you already know someone, it shows in your facial expressions and micro-expressions. When you do that, she’ll see it on your face and she’ll start to think she’s known you for years, too. This puts her in a receptive mood.

Have you ever seen a person look at you from a distance, like they were trying to figure out if they knew you? Have you noticed how this made you curious too? How it made you start to wonder if you knew them too? That’s the power of this hack. I know, it sounds too easy to be true, but just try it and see for yourself.

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3. Give her your shoulders and hips after she gives you hers first

Did you know that most men blow it with women within the first minute of approaching them by turning their full body towards the woman? This telegraphs too much interest too soon. Only turn your hips and shoulders towards a woman after she has turned her full body towards you first.

4. Have a conversation structure ready for the first 30 seconds

You saw her, she gave you a conversation invitation, you imagined you already knew her, and you started a conversation with her. Now, what do you talk about? How do you make sure the conversation goes great?

Well, if you used the above three hacks, it should be enough to have a great conversation. That’s because she’s already attracted to you and you imagined you already knew her. All of this will make her contribute more to the conversation. In other words, she’ll make it easy for you.

But here’s another great hack. Did you know the first 30 seconds of a conversation are the hardest? Make sure you have a conversation structure and topics ready for the first 30 seconds. After that, it gets easy because the first 30 seconds give you some momentum. And again, if you stack this on top of the other three hacks it’s really difficult to mess things up.

5. Point one foot away to make her want you even more

If you want to really amplify her attraction for you and make her want you more, just point one foot away. Point one foot away from her, like you’re about to leave in that direction. She will probably start working harder to keep your attention. Unconsciously, she will register that you’re about to walk away.

6. Use date seeding to make her think of you long after you’re gone

If you want to set up a date with her, a great way to do it is to use what I call date seeding. This means you seed possible date ideas while talking to her. Nothing overbearing, just casually plant some little seeds.

For example:

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You: ‘So, you like art? I know this great art gallery. We should go there sometime.’

Her: ‘Sure, why not?’

Do this a few times during your conversation, then get her number or set up the date right there and then.

‘Well, this Tuesday and Friday I’m kinda busy, but Wednesday or Thursday at 7 p.m. works for me. What’s your schedule?

If you seed two or three date ideas, it gives her something to think about when you’re gone. She’ll imagine you and her together in those places. Your date will typically go much better because she’s imagined herself with you in different scenarios. If you think about it, isn’t that what we do when we fall in love? Imagine ourselves with the other person doing different things together? You bet! That’s what the mind does to make us fall in love.

7. Use eye contact, but not because of what your mom told you

Remember when your mom told you that you should make eye contact? She was right, but mostly for the wrong reasons. Well, maybe not wrong. Let’s say she only knew half of the reasons.

My parents always told me that eye contact is important because if you can’t look a person in the eye, you’re not trustworthy. And yes, that’s true. When you look a person in the eyes, it shows them that you’re confident and trustworthy. But did you know that when a man and a woman make eye contact, it does two crucial things at the same time? It builds attraction and a connection.

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If you’ve ever read dating advice, you’ll know that it’s important to build both attraction and a connection. If you only build a connection, she’ll see you as a friend. If you only build attraction, she’ll see you as superficial. So you need both. Now, most dating advice will tell you to use special techniques, gimmicks, and routines to do it. The truth is, a normal conversation with good eye contact is enough.

8. Eye contact + a pause = sexual tension

Good. So you are having a great time with your date. There is attraction, and both of you connected on a deeper level with each other.

The only thing that’s still missing is sexual tension. It’s the driving force at the center of EVERY romantic book, movie, and fantasy… You need this for your date to have the potential to evolve into something more. If there’s no sexual chemistry, it’s game over. Most men don’t know how to create sexual tension, but it’s quite simple. Just look in her eyes while leaving a pause. That’s it. That’s all there is to it. The next two hacks will help you take your sexual chemistry skills even further.

9. Look at her lips to create even more chemistry

Did you know that if you look at a woman’s lips, she’s more likely to start to have sexual thoughts? So, if you want to build up the chemistry even more, be sure to look at her lips from time to time.

10. Use emotional transfer

Have you ever heard that emotions are contagious? You’ve probably heard it many times. Well, now there’s proof. It’s thought to be because of mirror neurons we have in our brain. They allow us to feel whatever the other person is feeling.

This means you can make a woman feel whatever you want her to feel. Make sure you feel the emotion first, and keep looking into her eyes while you feel the emotion. She’ll start feeling the same way. But it only works when you create rapport with each other. So if you want to make her feel a range of different emotions on your date, you just have to go into the emotion first while looking in her eyes.

But since we’re talking about sexual chemistry, let’s see how you can use this to give her those “it’s getting hot in here” feelings. To do this, look her in the eyes while imagining making love to her. When you do, she’ll start to have the same thoughts. It works because when you imagine making love with her, you’ll start to feel aroused. Once you feel aroused, she’ll feel the same through her mirror neurons.

Dating doesn’t need to be complicated. As you can see, these simple but powerful dating hacks can make your love life a lot easier.

Featured photo credit: www.pexels.com via pexels.com

More by this author

Nick Neeson

The World’s #1 Dating Coach For Introverted Men. Founder of IntrovertedBadass.com

10 Dating Hacks That Will Blow Your Mind

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Last Updated on August 6, 2020

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

We’ve all done it. That moment when a series of words slithers from your mouth and the instant regret manifests through blushing and profuse apologies. If you could just think before you speak! It doesn’t have to be like this, and with a bit of practice, it’s actually quite easy to prevent.

“Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” – Napolean Hill

Are we speaking the same language?

My mum recently left me a note thanking me for looking after her dog. She’d signed it with “LOL.” In my world, this means “laugh out loud,” and in her world it means “lots of love.” My kids tell me things are “sick” when they’re good, and ”manck” when they’re bad (when I say “bad,” I don’t mean good!). It’s amazing that we manage to communicate at all.

When speaking, we tend to color our language with words and phrases that have become personal to us, things we’ve picked up from our friends, families and even memes from the internet. These colloquialisms become normal, and we expect the listener (or reader) to understand “what we mean.” If you really want the listener to understand your meaning, try to use words and phrases that they might use.

Am I being lazy?

When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, a strange metamorphosis takes place. People tend to become lazier in the way that they communicate with each other, with less thought for the feelings of their partner. There’s no malice intended; we just reach a “comfort zone” and know that our partners “know what we mean.”

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Here’s an exchange from Psychology Today to demonstrate what I mean:

Early in the relationship:

“Honey, I don’t want you to take this wrong, but I’m noticing that your hair is getting a little thin on top. I know guys are sensitive about losing their hair, but I don’t want someone else to embarrass you without your expecting it.”

When the relationship is established:

“Did you know that you’re losing a lot of hair on the back of your head? You’re combing it funny and it doesn’t help. Wear a baseball cap or something if you feel weird about it. Lots of guys get thin on top. It’s no big deal.”

It’s pretty clear which of these statements is more empathetic and more likely to be received well. Recognizing when we do this can be tricky, but with a little practice it becomes easy.

Have I actually got anything to say?

When I was a kid, my gran used to say to me that if I didn’t have anything good to say, I shouldn’t say anything at all. My gran couldn’t stand gossip, so this makes total sense, but you can take this statement a little further and modify it: “If you don’t have anything to say, then don’t say anything at all.”

A lot of the time, people speak to fill “uncomfortable silences,” or because they believe that saying something, anything, is better than staying quiet. It can even be a cause of anxiety for some people.

When somebody else is speaking, listen. Don’t wait to speak. Listen. Actually hear what that person is saying, think about it, and respond if necessary.

Am I painting an accurate picture?

One of the most common forms of miscommunication is the lack of a “referential index,” a type of generalization that fails to refer to specific nouns. As an example, look at these two simple phrases: “Can you pass me that?” and “Pass me that thing over there!”. How often have you said something similar?

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How is the listener supposed to know what you mean? The person that you’re talking to will start to fill in the gaps with something that may very well be completely different to what you mean. You’re thinking “pass me the salt,” but you get passed the pepper. This can be infuriating for the listener, and more importantly, can create a lack of understanding and ultimately produce conflict.

Before you speak, try to label people, places and objects in a way that it is easy for any listeners to understand.

What words am I using?

It’s well known that our use of nouns and verbs (or lack of them) gives an insight into where we grew up, our education, our thoughts and our feelings.

Less well known is that the use of pronouns offers a critical insight into how we emotionally code our sentences. James Pennebaker’s research in the 1990’s concluded that function words are important keys to someone’s psychological state and reveal much more than content words do.

Starting a sentence with “I think…” demonstrates self-focus rather than empathy with the speaker, whereas asking the speaker to elaborate or quantify what they’re saying clearly shows that you’re listening and have respect even if you disagree.

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Is the map really the territory?

Before speaking, we sometimes construct a scenario that makes us act in a way that isn’t necessarily reflective of the actual situation.

A while ago, John promised to help me out in a big way with a project that I was working on. After an initial meeting and some big promises, we put together a plan and set off on its execution. A week or so went by, and I tried to get a hold of John to see how things were going. After voice mails and emails with no reply and general silence, I tried again a week later and still got no response.

I was frustrated and started to get more than a bit vexed. The project obviously meant more to me than it did to him, and I started to construct all manner of crazy scenarios. I finally got through to John and immediately started a mild rant about making promises you can’t keep. He stopped me in my tracks with the news that his brother had died. If I’d have just thought before I spoke…

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