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10 Dating Hacks That Will Blow Your Mind

10 Dating Hacks That Will Blow Your Mind
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When I talk to introverted men about how they feel about meeting and dating beautiful women, here’s what most of them tell me:

They tell me they feel helpless.

They tell me they feel insecure.

They tell me they feel like women hold all the power.

Any of this sound familiar to you?

If so, buckle up… you’re about to discover 10 miracle hacks that work like magic when it comes to turbo-charging your success in dating. After all, what man doesn’t want to make dating easier?

I’ve been coaching introverted men for more than 20 years now, and recently came up with an idea. I asked my subscribers for a favor. I asked them to send in the best hacks they’ve learned from us. Then, my team curated the 10 most clever tricks to make any date smoother, from harmless first glance to late-night hug. These effortless moves are guaranteed to make your dating life a success.

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1. Use the phone trick

Approaching women and starting conversations is a scary thing for most men. You know what I’m talking about. You see a beautiful woman, and you want to approach her, but your hands start sweating, your heart beats faster, and before you know it your thoughts try to make you weasel out of the approach. What if I’m not her type? What if she rejects me? What if she doesn’t like me?

A clever trick to help you beat your approach anxiety is the ability to spot which women are attracted to you before you even talk to them. I call them signs of attraction or conversation invitations. When you know that a woman is attracted to you, you’ll have a much easier time approaching her. A few simple signs to look for are eye contact, a smile, or a nod. Make no mistake: women will go out of their way to avoid making eye contact, smiling at, or nodding at men they are not attracted to (unless they already know them). So, if a woman makes eye contact, smiles at you or nods at you, you can be 99% sure she’s attracted to you. If you approach her, you will probably get a warm welcome.

So what does this have to do with your phone? Well, did you know that when you’re on the phone you’re more likely to get more signs of attraction? Yep, it’s true! I’m not sure why that is exactly, but I suspect it’s because being on the phone implies you have a social life. It also makes you look busy. A man with a social life and who is busy is more attractive to women. The second reason why I think they do this is because they feel safer. They know that you won’t just come over and approach them because you are on the phone.

So how do you use this hack? When you walk through the street, be on the phone. Check out which women give you signs of attraction. And if you happen to see one that’s exactly your type, why not approach her and start a conversation? After all, she’s attracted to you and she’s your type! Why not find out more about her? If you do this just a few times a week, I can virtually guarantee that you’ll get a date in no time. And who knows, she might be the one.

2. Imagine you’ve known her for years

Okay, so you see a woman that you are interested in and you want to approach her. How do you maximize your chance that the introduction and initial conversation goes smoothly?

Here’s a great hack for that: just imagine you’ve known her for years. There’s something really strange happening when you do this. When you imagine you already know someone, it shows in your facial expressions and micro-expressions. When you do that, she’ll see it on your face and she’ll start to think she’s known you for years, too. This puts her in a receptive mood.

Have you ever seen a person look at you from a distance, like they were trying to figure out if they knew you? Have you noticed how this made you curious too? How it made you start to wonder if you knew them too? That’s the power of this hack. I know, it sounds too easy to be true, but just try it and see for yourself.

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3. Give her your shoulders and hips after she gives you hers first

Did you know that most men blow it with women within the first minute of approaching them by turning their full body towards the woman? This telegraphs too much interest too soon. Only turn your hips and shoulders towards a woman after she has turned her full body towards you first.

4. Have a conversation structure ready for the first 30 seconds

You saw her, she gave you a conversation invitation, you imagined you already knew her, and you started a conversation with her. Now, what do you talk about? How do you make sure the conversation goes great?

Well, if you used the above three hacks, it should be enough to have a great conversation. That’s because she’s already attracted to you and you imagined you already knew her. All of this will make her contribute more to the conversation. In other words, she’ll make it easy for you.

But here’s another great hack. Did you know the first 30 seconds of a conversation are the hardest? Make sure you have a conversation structure and topics ready for the first 30 seconds. After that, it gets easy because the first 30 seconds give you some momentum. And again, if you stack this on top of the other three hacks it’s really difficult to mess things up.

5. Point one foot away to make her want you even more

If you want to really amplify her attraction for you and make her want you more, just point one foot away. Point one foot away from her, like you’re about to leave in that direction. She will probably start working harder to keep your attention. Unconsciously, she will register that you’re about to walk away.

6. Use date seeding to make her think of you long after you’re gone

If you want to set up a date with her, a great way to do it is to use what I call date seeding. This means you seed possible date ideas while talking to her. Nothing overbearing, just casually plant some little seeds.

For example:

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You: ‘So, you like art? I know this great art gallery. We should go there sometime.’

Her: ‘Sure, why not?’

Do this a few times during your conversation, then get her number or set up the date right there and then.

‘Well, this Tuesday and Friday I’m kinda busy, but Wednesday or Thursday at 7 p.m. works for me. What’s your schedule?

If you seed two or three date ideas, it gives her something to think about when you’re gone. She’ll imagine you and her together in those places. Your date will typically go much better because she’s imagined herself with you in different scenarios. If you think about it, isn’t that what we do when we fall in love? Imagine ourselves with the other person doing different things together? You bet! That’s what the mind does to make us fall in love.

7. Use eye contact, but not because of what your mom told you

Remember when your mom told you that you should make eye contact? She was right, but mostly for the wrong reasons. Well, maybe not wrong. Let’s say she only knew half of the reasons.

My parents always told me that eye contact is important because if you can’t look a person in the eye, you’re not trustworthy. And yes, that’s true. When you look a person in the eyes, it shows them that you’re confident and trustworthy. But did you know that when a man and a woman make eye contact, it does two crucial things at the same time? It builds attraction and a connection.

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If you’ve ever read dating advice, you’ll know that it’s important to build both attraction and a connection. If you only build a connection, she’ll see you as a friend. If you only build attraction, she’ll see you as superficial. So you need both. Now, most dating advice will tell you to use special techniques, gimmicks, and routines to do it. The truth is, a normal conversation with good eye contact is enough.

8. Eye contact + a pause = sexual tension

Good. So you are having a great time with your date. There is attraction, and both of you connected on a deeper level with each other.

The only thing that’s still missing is sexual tension. It’s the driving force at the center of EVERY romantic book, movie, and fantasy… You need this for your date to have the potential to evolve into something more. If there’s no sexual chemistry, it’s game over. Most men don’t know how to create sexual tension, but it’s quite simple. Just look in her eyes while leaving a pause. That’s it. That’s all there is to it. The next two hacks will help you take your sexual chemistry skills even further.

9. Look at her lips to create even more chemistry

Did you know that if you look at a woman’s lips, she’s more likely to start to have sexual thoughts? So, if you want to build up the chemistry even more, be sure to look at her lips from time to time.

10. Use emotional transfer

Have you ever heard that emotions are contagious? You’ve probably heard it many times. Well, now there’s proof. It’s thought to be because of mirror neurons we have in our brain. They allow us to feel whatever the other person is feeling.

This means you can make a woman feel whatever you want her to feel. Make sure you feel the emotion first, and keep looking into her eyes while you feel the emotion. She’ll start feeling the same way. But it only works when you create rapport with each other. So if you want to make her feel a range of different emotions on your date, you just have to go into the emotion first while looking in her eyes.

But since we’re talking about sexual chemistry, let’s see how you can use this to give her those “it’s getting hot in here” feelings. To do this, look her in the eyes while imagining making love to her. When you do, she’ll start to have the same thoughts. It works because when you imagine making love with her, you’ll start to feel aroused. Once you feel aroused, she’ll feel the same through her mirror neurons.

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Dating doesn’t need to be complicated. As you can see, these simple but powerful dating hacks can make your love life a lot easier.

Featured photo credit: www.pexels.com via pexels.com

More by this author

Nick Neeson

The World’s #1 Dating Coach For Introverted Men. Founder of IntrovertedBadass.com

10 Dating Hacks That Will Blow Your Mind

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Last Updated on July 20, 2021

How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)
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You’re standing behind the curtain, just about to make your way on stage to face the many faces half-shrouded in darkness in front of you. As you move towards the spotlight, your body starts to feel heavier with each step. A familiar thump echoes throughout your body – your heartbeat has gone off the charts.

Don’t worry, you’re not the only one with glossophobia(also known as speech anxiety or the fear of speaking to large crowds). Sometimes, the anxiety happens long before you even stand on stage.

Your body’s defence mechanism responds by causing a part of your brain to release adrenaline into your blood – the same chemical that gets released as if you were being chased by a lion.

Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you overcome your fear of public speaking:

1. Prepare yourself mentally and physically

According to experts, we’re built to display anxiety and to recognize it in others. If your body and mind are anxious, your audience will notice. Hence, it’s important to prepare yourself before the big show so that you arrive on stage confident, collected and ready.

“Your outside world is a reflection of your inside world. What goes on in the inside, shows on the outside.” – Bob Proctor

Exercising lightly before a presentation helps get your blood circulating and sends oxygen to the brain. Mental exercises, on the other hand, can help calm the mind and nerves. Here are some useful ways to calm your racing heart when you start to feel the butterflies in your stomach:

Warming up

If you’re nervous, chances are your body will feel the same way. Your body gets tense, your muscles feel tight or you’re breaking in cold sweat. The audience will notice you are nervous.

If you observe that this is exactly what is happening to you minutes before a speech, do a couple of stretches to loosen and relax your body. It’s better to warm up before every speech as it helps to increase the functional potential of the body as a whole. Not only that, it increases muscle efficiency, improves reaction time and your movements.

Here are some exercises to loosen up your body before show time:

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  1. Neck and shoulder rolls – This helps relieve upper body muscle tension and pressure as the rolls focus on rotating the head and shoulders, loosening the muscle. Stress and anxiety can make us rigid within this area which can make you feel agitated, especially when standing.
  2. Arm stretches – We often use this part of our muscles during a speech or presentation through our hand gestures and movements. Stretching these muscles can reduce arm fatigue, loosen you up and improve your body language range.
  3. Waist twists – Place your hands on your hips and rotate your waist in a circular motion. This exercise focuses on loosening the abdominal and lower back regions which is essential as it can cause discomfort and pain, further amplifying any anxieties you may experience.

Stay hydrated

Ever felt parched seconds before speaking? And then coming up on stage sounding raspy and scratchy in front of the audience? This happens because the adrenaline from stage fright causes your mouth to feel dried out.

To prevent all that, it’s essential we stay adequately hydrated before a speech. A sip of water will do the trick. However, do drink in moderation so that you won’t need to go to the bathroom constantly.

Try to avoid sugary beverages and caffeine, since it’s a diuretic – meaning you’ll feel thirstier. It will also amplify your anxiety which prevents you from speaking smoothly.

Meditate

Meditation is well-known as a powerful tool to calm the mind. ABC’s Dan Harris, co-anchor of Nightline and Good Morning America weekend and author of the book titled10% Happier , recommends that meditation can help individuals to feel significantly calmer, faster.

Meditation is like a workout for your mind. It gives you the strength and focus to filter out the negativity and distractions with words of encouragement, confidence and strength.

Mindfulness meditation, in particular, is a popular method to calm yourself before going up on the big stage. The practice involves sitting comfortably, focusing on your breathing and then bringing your mind’s attention to the present without drifting into concerns about the past or future – which likely includes floundering on stage.

Here’s a nice example of guided meditation before public speaking:

2. Focus on your goal

One thing people with a fear of public speaking have in common is focusing too much on themselves and the possibility of failure.

Do I look funny? What if I can’t remember what to say? Do I look stupid? Will people listen to me? Does anyone care about what I’m talking about?’

Instead of thinking this way, shift your attention to your one true purpose – contributing something of value to your audience.

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Decide on the progress you’d like your audience to make after your presentation. Notice their movements and expressions to adapt your speech to ensure that they are having a good time to leave the room as better people.

If your own focus isn’t beneficial and what it should be when you’re speaking, then shift it to what does. This is also key to establishing trust during your presentation as the audience can clearly see that you have their interests at heart.[1]

3. Convert negativity to positivity

There are two sides constantly battling inside of us – one is filled with strength and courage while the other is doubt and insecurities. Which one will you feed?

‘What if I mess up this speech? What if I’m not funny enough? What if I forget what to say?’

It’s no wonder why many of us are uncomfortable giving a presentation. All we do is bring ourselves down before we got a chance to prove ourselves. This is also known as a self-fulfilling prophecy – a belief that comes true because we are acting as if it already is. If you think you’re incompetent, then it will eventually become true.

Motivational coaches tout that positive mantras and affirmations tend to boost your confidents for the moments that matter most. Say to yourself: “I’ll ace this speech and I can do it!”

Take advantage of your adrenaline rush to encourage positive outcome rather than thinking of the negative ‘what ifs’.

Here’s a video of Psychologist Kelly McGonigal who encourages her audience to turn stress into something positive as well as provide methods on how to cope with it:

4. Understand your content

Knowing your content at your fingertips helps reduce your anxiety because there is one less thing to worry about. One way to get there is to practice numerous times before your actual speech.

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However, memorizing your script word-for-word is not encouraged. You can end up freezing should you forget something. You’ll also risk sounding unnatural and less approachable.

“No amount of reading or memorizing will make you successful in life. It is the understanding and the application of wise thought that counts.” – Bob Proctor

Many people unconsciously make the mistake of reading from their slides or memorizing their script word-for-word without understanding their content – a definite way to stress themselves out.

Understanding your speech flow and content makes it easier for you to convert ideas and concepts into your own words which you can then clearly explain to others in a conversational manner. Designing your slides to include text prompts is also an easy hack to ensure you get to quickly recall your flow when your mind goes blank.[2]

One way to understand is to memorize the over-arching concepts or ideas in your pitch. It helps you speak more naturally and let your personality shine through. It’s almost like taking your audience on a journey with a few key milestones.

5. Practice makes perfect

Like most people, many of us are not naturally attuned to public speaking. Rarely do individuals walk up to a large audience and present flawlessly without any research and preparation.

In fact, some of the top presenters make it look easy during showtime because they have spent countless hours behind-the-scenes in deep practice. Even great speakers like the late John F. Kennedy would spend months preparing his speech beforehand.

Public speaking, like any other skill, requires practice – whether it be practicing your speech countless of times in front of a mirror or making notes. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect!

6. Be authentic

There’s nothing wrong with feeling stressed before going up to speak in front of an audience.

Many people fear public speaking because they fear others will judge them for showing their true, vulnerable self. However, vulnerability can sometimes help you come across as more authentic and relatable as a speaker.

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Drop the pretence of trying to act or speak like someone else and you’ll find that it’s worth the risk. You become more genuine, flexible and spontaneous, which makes it easier to handle unpredictable situations – whether it’s getting tough questions from the crowd or experiencing an unexpected technical difficulty.

To find out your authentic style of speaking is easy. Just pick a topic or issue you are passionate about and discuss this like you normally would with a close family or friend. It is like having a conversation with someone in a personal one-to-one setting. A great way to do this on stage is to select a random audience member(with a hopefully calming face) and speak to a single person at a time during your speech. You’ll find that it’s easier trying to connect to one person at a time than a whole room.

With that said, being comfortable enough to be yourself in front of others may take a little time and some experience, depending how comfortable you are with being yourself in front of others. But once you embrace it, stage fright will not be as intimidating as you initially thought.

Presenters like Barack Obama are a prime example of a genuine and passionate speaker:

7. Post speech evaluation

Last but not the least, if you’ve done public speaking and have been scarred from a bad experience, try seeing it as a lesson learned to improve yourself as a speaker.

Don’t beat yourself up after a presentation

We are the hardest on ourselves and it’s good to be. But when you finish delivering your speech or presentation, give yourself some recognition and a pat on the back.

You managed to finish whatever you had to do and did not give up. You did not let your fears and insecurities get to you. Take a little more pride in your work and believe in yourself.

Improve your next speech

As mentioned before, practice does make perfect. If you want to improve your public speaking skills, try asking someone to film you during a speech or presentation. Afterwards, watch and observe what you can do to improve yourself next time.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself after every speech:

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  • How did I do?
  • Are there any areas for improvement?
  • Did I sound or look stressed?
  • Did I stumble on my words? Why?
  • Was I saying “um” too often?
  • How was the flow of the speech?

Write everything you observed down and keep practicing and improving. In time, you’ll be able to better manage your fears of public speaking and appear more confident when it counts.

If you want even more tips about public speaking or delivering a great presentation, check out these articles too:

Reference

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