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10 Dating Hacks That Will Blow Your Mind

10 Dating Hacks That Will Blow Your Mind

When I talk to introverted men about how they feel about meeting and dating beautiful women, here’s what most of them tell me:

They tell me they feel helpless.

They tell me they feel insecure.

They tell me they feel like women hold all the power.

Any of this sound familiar to you?

If so, buckle up… you’re about to discover 10 miracle hacks that work like magic when it comes to turbo-charging your success in dating. After all, what man doesn’t want to make dating easier?

I’ve been coaching introverted men for more than 20 years now, and recently came up with an idea. I asked my subscribers for a favor. I asked them to send in the best hacks they’ve learned from us. Then, my team curated the 10 most clever tricks to make any date smoother, from harmless first glance to late-night hug. These effortless moves are guaranteed to make your dating life a success.

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1. Use the phone trick

Approaching women and starting conversations is a scary thing for most men. You know what I’m talking about. You see a beautiful woman, and you want to approach her, but your hands start sweating, your heart beats faster, and before you know it your thoughts try to make you weasel out of the approach. What if I’m not her type? What if she rejects me? What if she doesn’t like me?

A clever trick to help you beat your approach anxiety is the ability to spot which women are attracted to you before you even talk to them. I call them signs of attraction or conversation invitations. When you know that a woman is attracted to you, you’ll have a much easier time approaching her. A few simple signs to look for are eye contact, a smile, or a nod. Make no mistake: women will go out of their way to avoid making eye contact, smiling at, or nodding at men they are not attracted to (unless they already know them). So, if a woman makes eye contact, smiles at you or nods at you, you can be 99% sure she’s attracted to you. If you approach her, you will probably get a warm welcome.

So what does this have to do with your phone? Well, did you know that when you’re on the phone you’re more likely to get more signs of attraction? Yep, it’s true! I’m not sure why that is exactly, but I suspect it’s because being on the phone implies you have a social life. It also makes you look busy. A man with a social life and who is busy is more attractive to women. The second reason why I think they do this is because they feel safer. They know that you won’t just come over and approach them because you are on the phone.

So how do you use this hack? When you walk through the street, be on the phone. Check out which women give you signs of attraction. And if you happen to see one that’s exactly your type, why not approach her and start a conversation? After all, she’s attracted to you and she’s your type! Why not find out more about her? If you do this just a few times a week, I can virtually guarantee that you’ll get a date in no time. And who knows, she might be the one.

2. Imagine you’ve known her for years

Okay, so you see a woman that you are interested in and you want to approach her. How do you maximize your chance that the introduction and initial conversation goes smoothly?

Here’s a great hack for that: just imagine you’ve known her for years. There’s something really strange happening when you do this. When you imagine you already know someone, it shows in your facial expressions and micro-expressions. When you do that, she’ll see it on your face and she’ll start to think she’s known you for years, too. This puts her in a receptive mood.

Have you ever seen a person look at you from a distance, like they were trying to figure out if they knew you? Have you noticed how this made you curious too? How it made you start to wonder if you knew them too? That’s the power of this hack. I know, it sounds too easy to be true, but just try it and see for yourself.

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3. Give her your shoulders and hips after she gives you hers first

Did you know that most men blow it with women within the first minute of approaching them by turning their full body towards the woman? This telegraphs too much interest too soon. Only turn your hips and shoulders towards a woman after she has turned her full body towards you first.

4. Have a conversation structure ready for the first 30 seconds

You saw her, she gave you a conversation invitation, you imagined you already knew her, and you started a conversation with her. Now, what do you talk about? How do you make sure the conversation goes great?

Well, if you used the above three hacks, it should be enough to have a great conversation. That’s because she’s already attracted to you and you imagined you already knew her. All of this will make her contribute more to the conversation. In other words, she’ll make it easy for you.

But here’s another great hack. Did you know the first 30 seconds of a conversation are the hardest? Make sure you have a conversation structure and topics ready for the first 30 seconds. After that, it gets easy because the first 30 seconds give you some momentum. And again, if you stack this on top of the other three hacks it’s really difficult to mess things up.

5. Point one foot away to make her want you even more

If you want to really amplify her attraction for you and make her want you more, just point one foot away. Point one foot away from her, like you’re about to leave in that direction. She will probably start working harder to keep your attention. Unconsciously, she will register that you’re about to walk away.

6. Use date seeding to make her think of you long after you’re gone

If you want to set up a date with her, a great way to do it is to use what I call date seeding. This means you seed possible date ideas while talking to her. Nothing overbearing, just casually plant some little seeds.

For example:

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You: ‘So, you like art? I know this great art gallery. We should go there sometime.’

Her: ‘Sure, why not?’

Do this a few times during your conversation, then get her number or set up the date right there and then.

‘Well, this Tuesday and Friday I’m kinda busy, but Wednesday or Thursday at 7 p.m. works for me. What’s your schedule?

If you seed two or three date ideas, it gives her something to think about when you’re gone. She’ll imagine you and her together in those places. Your date will typically go much better because she’s imagined herself with you in different scenarios. If you think about it, isn’t that what we do when we fall in love? Imagine ourselves with the other person doing different things together? You bet! That’s what the mind does to make us fall in love.

7. Use eye contact, but not because of what your mom told you

Remember when your mom told you that you should make eye contact? She was right, but mostly for the wrong reasons. Well, maybe not wrong. Let’s say she only knew half of the reasons.

My parents always told me that eye contact is important because if you can’t look a person in the eye, you’re not trustworthy. And yes, that’s true. When you look a person in the eyes, it shows them that you’re confident and trustworthy. But did you know that when a man and a woman make eye contact, it does two crucial things at the same time? It builds attraction and a connection.

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If you’ve ever read dating advice, you’ll know that it’s important to build both attraction and a connection. If you only build a connection, she’ll see you as a friend. If you only build attraction, she’ll see you as superficial. So you need both. Now, most dating advice will tell you to use special techniques, gimmicks, and routines to do it. The truth is, a normal conversation with good eye contact is enough.

8. Eye contact + a pause = sexual tension

Good. So you are having a great time with your date. There is attraction, and both of you connected on a deeper level with each other.

The only thing that’s still missing is sexual tension. It’s the driving force at the center of EVERY romantic book, movie, and fantasy… You need this for your date to have the potential to evolve into something more. If there’s no sexual chemistry, it’s game over. Most men don’t know how to create sexual tension, but it’s quite simple. Just look in her eyes while leaving a pause. That’s it. That’s all there is to it. The next two hacks will help you take your sexual chemistry skills even further.

9. Look at her lips to create even more chemistry

Did you know that if you look at a woman’s lips, she’s more likely to start to have sexual thoughts? So, if you want to build up the chemistry even more, be sure to look at her lips from time to time.

10. Use emotional transfer

Have you ever heard that emotions are contagious? You’ve probably heard it many times. Well, now there’s proof. It’s thought to be because of mirror neurons we have in our brain. They allow us to feel whatever the other person is feeling.

This means you can make a woman feel whatever you want her to feel. Make sure you feel the emotion first, and keep looking into her eyes while you feel the emotion. She’ll start feeling the same way. But it only works when you create rapport with each other. So if you want to make her feel a range of different emotions on your date, you just have to go into the emotion first while looking in her eyes.

But since we’re talking about sexual chemistry, let’s see how you can use this to give her those “it’s getting hot in here” feelings. To do this, look her in the eyes while imagining making love to her. When you do, she’ll start to have the same thoughts. It works because when you imagine making love with her, you’ll start to feel aroused. Once you feel aroused, she’ll feel the same through her mirror neurons.

Dating doesn’t need to be complicated. As you can see, these simple but powerful dating hacks can make your love life a lot easier.

Featured photo credit: www.pexels.com via pexels.com

More by this author

Nick Neeson

The World’s #1 Dating Coach For Introverted Men. Founder of IntrovertedBadass.com

10 Dating Hacks That Will Blow Your Mind

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Last Updated on January 15, 2019

How to Talk to Strangers Without Feeling Awkward

How to Talk to Strangers Without Feeling Awkward

Many of us feel awkward talking to strangers. I’m a very outgoing person, even though I sometimes feel uncomfortable walking up to someone and asking a question or starting a conversation. I consider myself pretty high up on the extrovert meter. So what is it that makes us pause and become worried or anxious about talking to people we don’t know?

In this article, we will discuss why we feel this way as well as some tips on how to talk to strangers without feeling awkward.

Step right up, don’t be shy!

Why We Feel Awkward Talking to Strangers

The next time you feel uncomfortable talking to a stranger, tell yourself that’s completely normal. There are numerous reasons why it’s actually natural to feel awkward talking to strangers:

Our Stress Levels Rise Around Strangers

Numerous studies have show that our levels of cortisol go up when we are around strangers.[1] Cortisol is the hormone inside of us which produces stress responses.[2]
So there you go, right off the bat you can see part of your standard response to strangers is due to a chemical reaction!

A very interesting by product of increased cortisol is that it makes us less empathetic. More than likely this can be traced to our evolution. The increase in the cortisol and the corresponding decrease in empathy makes us want to stay away from strangers. We are biologically wired to feel concern around strangers.

Evolution Taught Us to Be Wary

Evolution has also taught us to be wary of strangers in general. Humans as a whole have spent a large chunk of their history banded together in small protective groups. We did this in order to help protect each other and maximize resources.

When you think about it in this context, outsiders to our small groups or strangers are considered potential threats. Fear of strangers is common across almost all human cultures.

Culturally Conditioned

We can also thank our society for helping us feel uncomfortable and sometimes afraid of strangers. The term “stranger danger” is something most of us can relate to either growing up or raising kids. Or both.

I remember hearing this from my parents, mostly about not getting in someone’s car I didn’t know. And as the father of 2 teenage girls, you can be sure I’ve talked to them about this very concept more times that they want to hear.

The thought that strangers can be dangerous is built into us as it is. Toss in the amplification of the media on strangers doing things such as kidnapping kids and it takes it to an even higher level.

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Now that we’ve reviewed some of the reasons why we are nervous, let’s look at why you should talk to strangers more.

Benefits of Getting over the Awkwardness

Let’s take a quick look at some of the advantages of how to talk to strangers without feeling awkward. These are some high level benefits of talking to strangers.

1. Broadens Your Network

After you talk to someone, you didn’t know previously they become someone you know at least a little bit. This alone helps broaden your network of people you know. This is helpful in many ways whether it is work related or socially related.

2. Improves Your Communication Skills

I am a huge proponent of the value of solid communication skills and have written about it often. The more you talk to people, especially people you don’t know, the better your communication skills become.

Interacting with a wider variety of people will bring the added benefit of improving your communication skills.

3. Continually Learning

So many of us don’t actively seek to learn new things. This is one of the primary keys to staying engaged in life and our own personal self fulfillment.

Almost every time I speak to someone I didn’t know previously, I’ve learned something new. When we speak to strangers, it pushes us out of our comfort zones and we tend to learn new things.

4. Increases Self Confidence

Every time we learn to do something we were previously anxious about, we feel better about ourselves.

Forcing ourselves to talk to strangers will lead to increased self confidence. As we get more and more comfortable doing something that previously made us feel awkward, our self confidence will go up and up.

So, how to talk to strangers to reap these benefits?

How to Talk to Strangers

Here are some tips to on how to talk to strangers without feeling awkward.

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1. Say Hello

Putting “say hello” first may seem a bit obvious but let’s take a deeper look. Much of the social awkwardness when speaking to strangers is simply breaking the ice. The first words that will engage someone.

Most people will respond when someone says hello or hi to them. And those that don’t, you probably don’t want to talk to anyway.

Practice being the person that opens the door to a conversation. Say hello.

2. Ask About Them

Something that I have noticed over the years is that people love to talk about themselves. Even fairly private people tend to open up when asked about events in their lives.

You can ask leading questions that get people to talk about themselves and recent events. Things like recent movies watched or the summer vacation are great to get someone talking.

As a father, I also know that people love to talk about their kids. Asking about kids is a fairly easy topic to bring up and in general, most people will expound upon all the great things their kids do or are involved with.

3. Just Do It

One of the biggest reasons we don’t do things we want to or know we should is because we overthink it. Quit thinking about it so much and just do it.

When you give yourself the time to analyze every little angle about a situation, you also give plenty of time to talk yourself out of it. You’ll wind up thinking what if this happens or what if that happens.

Try to force yourself to jump right in without thinking about it too much. Whenever I have done this, I always feel great about it afterwards, no matter how it turned out.

4. Don’t Take It Personal

One of the greatest lessons in life I ever learned was don’t take anything personally. We all go through life with our own sets of experiences and see things through our own lens. The way people react to different situations has almost nothing to do with us. It has to do with previous experiences and the way people feel about things other than us.

When someone’s reaction isn’t what you’d hoped or expected, chances are it has nothing to do with you. Remember that and keep it in context.

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5. Get a Chuckle If Possible

I used the word chuckle purposely because it makes me laugh. In my opinion, it’s one of those funny words. We all like to laugh because it makes us feel good. And when someone makes us laugh, we typically remember those people in a positive light.

One of the best ways to make a conversation easy and free flowing is to get some laughter going. It doesn’t mean you have to be the master joke teller or anything. See if you can work in a way to make the person you are talking to get a smile or some laughter in. In fact, laughing at yourself maybe a nice try.

6. Detach

A great feeling is when you don’t mind which way something turns out, that you will be fine no matter what happens. Kind of like when I watch my two favorite football teams play against each other. I don’t really care who wins, I just want a fun game.

Treat talking to strangers the same way. You don’t really care how the conversation goes because you are detaching from the outcome. Make it a fun time with yourself and if the conversation goes well, awesome! If not then no big deal, move on.

7. Share Your Stories

Well, all like to feel connected to other people. And many times we wind up hanging out with people that we have things in common with. No surprise here.

To help with how to talk to strangers without feeling awkward, tell stories that have commonalities with the person you are talking to. Kids are an easy one. I have a daughter who was a competitive cheerleader and now plays club volleyball. I have instant connection and stories with strangers I speak with who have kids that play sports. It’s easy to relate to.

So when you are speaking to a stranger and you have a story or mutual connection point, bring it up.

8. Give a Compliment

Almost everyone likes hearing a compliment, whether they admit to it or not. As a general rule, we don’t give out enough compliments. It’s amazing how one small remark someone tosses your way about how good you look can literally make your entire day.

When you are speaking with someone you don’t know, see if you can work a compliment in. Nothing creepy here. Not a good idea to tell someone you just met that they are the prettiest or handsomest person you ever met. However, if you can share how you like their tattoo or shoes or something like that, it will help put the conversation into an easy going, smiling place.

9. Relax Your Body Language

If you go into a situation all worried and nervous, it shows on your body. Your shoulders are tensed up, there’s a look of consternation on your face, things like that.

When you engage a stranger in conversation, make it a point to relax your body language. Take a deep breath before you engage the person, let your body relax, and put a smile on your face. This will help relax you and it has the added benefit of putting the other person more at ease.

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If they see that you are relaxed, it helps them relax. Plus having open, engaging body language is very conducive to inviting someone to open up into a conversation with you.

10. Practice, Practice, Practice

Like everything else in life, talking to strangers gets easier with practice. The more you do it, the easier it becomes.

Make it a point to talk to several strangers each week and it will definitely help you relax as you do it more and more.

After a while, it will become something you don’t even think about, you just do it. And that takes all of the awkwardness out of being in these type situations.

The Bottom Line

As we have seen, it is perfectly natural to feel awkward talking to strangers. We are biologically built that way and we have our own society constantly warning us how dangerous it is. It’s no wonder we feel awkward talking to strangers!

There are numerous benefits to learning to be more comfortable talking to strangers. See if you can employ some of the techniques mentioned to learn how to talk to strangers without feeling awkward.

Once you start practicing speaking with strangers more often and utilizing some of the tips, you will become more comfortable doing so. This in turn will lead to a learned new skill and increased self confidence.

Remember, everyone you know was a stranger at one time. Now get out there and make some new friends.

More Resources About Strengthening Communication Skills

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

Reference

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