Advertising
Advertising

10 Dating Hacks That Will Blow Your Mind

10 Dating Hacks That Will Blow Your Mind

When I talk to introverted men about how they feel about meeting and dating beautiful women, here’s what most of them tell me:

They tell me they feel helpless.

They tell me they feel insecure.

They tell me they feel like women hold all the power.

Any of this sound familiar to you?

If so, buckle up… you’re about to discover 10 miracle hacks that work like magic when it comes to turbo-charging your success in dating. After all, what man doesn’t want to make dating easier?

I’ve been coaching introverted men for more than 20 years now, and recently came up with an idea. I asked my subscribers for a favor. I asked them to send in the best hacks they’ve learned from us. Then, my team curated the 10 most clever tricks to make any date smoother, from harmless first glance to late-night hug. These effortless moves are guaranteed to make your dating life a success.

Advertising

1. Use the phone trick

Approaching women and starting conversations is a scary thing for most men. You know what I’m talking about. You see a beautiful woman, and you want to approach her, but your hands start sweating, your heart beats faster, and before you know it your thoughts try to make you weasel out of the approach. What if I’m not her type? What if she rejects me? What if she doesn’t like me?

A clever trick to help you beat your approach anxiety is the ability to spot which women are attracted to you before you even talk to them. I call them signs of attraction or conversation invitations. When you know that a woman is attracted to you, you’ll have a much easier time approaching her. A few simple signs to look for are eye contact, a smile, or a nod. Make no mistake: women will go out of their way to avoid making eye contact, smiling at, or nodding at men they are not attracted to (unless they already know them). So, if a woman makes eye contact, smiles at you or nods at you, you can be 99% sure she’s attracted to you. If you approach her, you will probably get a warm welcome.

So what does this have to do with your phone? Well, did you know that when you’re on the phone you’re more likely to get more signs of attraction? Yep, it’s true! I’m not sure why that is exactly, but I suspect it’s because being on the phone implies you have a social life. It also makes you look busy. A man with a social life and who is busy is more attractive to women. The second reason why I think they do this is because they feel safer. They know that you won’t just come over and approach them because you are on the phone.

So how do you use this hack? When you walk through the street, be on the phone. Check out which women give you signs of attraction. And if you happen to see one that’s exactly your type, why not approach her and start a conversation? After all, she’s attracted to you and she’s your type! Why not find out more about her? If you do this just a few times a week, I can virtually guarantee that you’ll get a date in no time. And who knows, she might be the one.

2. Imagine you’ve known her for years

Okay, so you see a woman that you are interested in and you want to approach her. How do you maximize your chance that the introduction and initial conversation goes smoothly?

Here’s a great hack for that: just imagine you’ve known her for years. There’s something really strange happening when you do this. When you imagine you already know someone, it shows in your facial expressions and micro-expressions. When you do that, she’ll see it on your face and she’ll start to think she’s known you for years, too. This puts her in a receptive mood.

Have you ever seen a person look at you from a distance, like they were trying to figure out if they knew you? Have you noticed how this made you curious too? How it made you start to wonder if you knew them too? That’s the power of this hack. I know, it sounds too easy to be true, but just try it and see for yourself.

Advertising

3. Give her your shoulders and hips after she gives you hers first

Did you know that most men blow it with women within the first minute of approaching them by turning their full body towards the woman? This telegraphs too much interest too soon. Only turn your hips and shoulders towards a woman after she has turned her full body towards you first.

4. Have a conversation structure ready for the first 30 seconds

You saw her, she gave you a conversation invitation, you imagined you already knew her, and you started a conversation with her. Now, what do you talk about? How do you make sure the conversation goes great?

Well, if you used the above three hacks, it should be enough to have a great conversation. That’s because she’s already attracted to you and you imagined you already knew her. All of this will make her contribute more to the conversation. In other words, she’ll make it easy for you.

But here’s another great hack. Did you know the first 30 seconds of a conversation are the hardest? Make sure you have a conversation structure and topics ready for the first 30 seconds. After that, it gets easy because the first 30 seconds give you some momentum. And again, if you stack this on top of the other three hacks it’s really difficult to mess things up.

5. Point one foot away to make her want you even more

If you want to really amplify her attraction for you and make her want you more, just point one foot away. Point one foot away from her, like you’re about to leave in that direction. She will probably start working harder to keep your attention. Unconsciously, she will register that you’re about to walk away.

6. Use date seeding to make her think of you long after you’re gone

If you want to set up a date with her, a great way to do it is to use what I call date seeding. This means you seed possible date ideas while talking to her. Nothing overbearing, just casually plant some little seeds.

For example:

Advertising

You: ‘So, you like art? I know this great art gallery. We should go there sometime.’

Her: ‘Sure, why not?’

Do this a few times during your conversation, then get her number or set up the date right there and then.

‘Well, this Tuesday and Friday I’m kinda busy, but Wednesday or Thursday at 7 p.m. works for me. What’s your schedule?

If you seed two or three date ideas, it gives her something to think about when you’re gone. She’ll imagine you and her together in those places. Your date will typically go much better because she’s imagined herself with you in different scenarios. If you think about it, isn’t that what we do when we fall in love? Imagine ourselves with the other person doing different things together? You bet! That’s what the mind does to make us fall in love.

7. Use eye contact, but not because of what your mom told you

Remember when your mom told you that you should make eye contact? She was right, but mostly for the wrong reasons. Well, maybe not wrong. Let’s say she only knew half of the reasons.

My parents always told me that eye contact is important because if you can’t look a person in the eye, you’re not trustworthy. And yes, that’s true. When you look a person in the eyes, it shows them that you’re confident and trustworthy. But did you know that when a man and a woman make eye contact, it does two crucial things at the same time? It builds attraction and a connection.

Advertising

If you’ve ever read dating advice, you’ll know that it’s important to build both attraction and a connection. If you only build a connection, she’ll see you as a friend. If you only build attraction, she’ll see you as superficial. So you need both. Now, most dating advice will tell you to use special techniques, gimmicks, and routines to do it. The truth is, a normal conversation with good eye contact is enough.

8. Eye contact + a pause = sexual tension

Good. So you are having a great time with your date. There is attraction, and both of you connected on a deeper level with each other.

The only thing that’s still missing is sexual tension. It’s the driving force at the center of EVERY romantic book, movie, and fantasy… You need this for your date to have the potential to evolve into something more. If there’s no sexual chemistry, it’s game over. Most men don’t know how to create sexual tension, but it’s quite simple. Just look in her eyes while leaving a pause. That’s it. That’s all there is to it. The next two hacks will help you take your sexual chemistry skills even further.

9. Look at her lips to create even more chemistry

Did you know that if you look at a woman’s lips, she’s more likely to start to have sexual thoughts? So, if you want to build up the chemistry even more, be sure to look at her lips from time to time.

10. Use emotional transfer

Have you ever heard that emotions are contagious? You’ve probably heard it many times. Well, now there’s proof. It’s thought to be because of mirror neurons we have in our brain. They allow us to feel whatever the other person is feeling.

This means you can make a woman feel whatever you want her to feel. Make sure you feel the emotion first, and keep looking into her eyes while you feel the emotion. She’ll start feeling the same way. But it only works when you create rapport with each other. So if you want to make her feel a range of different emotions on your date, you just have to go into the emotion first while looking in her eyes.

But since we’re talking about sexual chemistry, let’s see how you can use this to give her those “it’s getting hot in here” feelings. To do this, look her in the eyes while imagining making love to her. When you do, she’ll start to have the same thoughts. It works because when you imagine making love with her, you’ll start to feel aroused. Once you feel aroused, she’ll feel the same through her mirror neurons.

Dating doesn’t need to be complicated. As you can see, these simple but powerful dating hacks can make your love life a lot easier.

Featured photo credit: www.pexels.com via pexels.com

More by this author

Nick Neeson

The World’s #1 Dating Coach For Introverted Men. Founder of IntrovertedBadass.com

10 Dating Hacks That Will Blow Your Mind

Trending in Communication

1 5 Real Relationship Goals You Should Actually Strive Toward 2 When You Learn A Second Language, These 7 Amazing Things Will Happen To You 3 15 Things To Stop Doing If You Want To Be Truly Happy 4 7 Ways To Have More Confident Body Language 5 How to Apologize When You Have Made a Mistake

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on January 15, 2021

7 Ways To Have More Confident Body Language

7 Ways To Have More Confident Body Language

The popular idiomatic saying that “actions speak louder than words” has been around for centuries, but even to this day, most people struggle with at least one area of nonverbal communication. Consequently, many of us aspire to have more confident body language but don’t have the knowledge and tools necessary to change what are largely unconscious behaviors.

Given that others’ perceptions of our competence and confidence are predominantly influenced by what we do with our faces and bodies, it’s important to develop greater self-awareness and consciously practice better posture, stance, eye contact, facial expressions, hand movements, and other aspects of body language.

Posture

First things first: how is your posture? Let’s start with a quick self-assessment of your body.

  • Are your shoulders slumped over or rolled back in an upright posture?
  • When you stand up, do you evenly distribute your weight or lean excessively to one side?
  • Does your natural stance place your feet relatively shoulder-width apart or are your feet and legs close together in a closed-off position?
  • When you sit, does your lower back protrude out in a slumped position or maintain a straight, spine-friendly posture in your seat?

All of these are important considerations to make when evaluating and improving your posture and stance, which will lead to more confident body language over time. If you routinely struggle with maintaining good posture, consider buying a posture trainer/corrector, consulting a chiropractor or physical therapist, stretching daily, and strengthening both your core and back muscles.

Facial Expressions

Are you prone to any of the following in personal or professional settings?

  • Bruxism (tight, clenched jaw or grinding teeth)
  • Frowning and/or furrowing brows
  • Avoiding direct eye contact and/or staring at the ground

If you answered “yes” to any of these, then let’s start by examining various ways in which you can project confident body language through your facial expressions.

Advertising

1. Understand How Others Perceive Your Facial Expressions

A December 2020 study by UC Berkeley and Google researchers utilized a deep neural network to analyze facial expressions in six million YouTube clips representing people from over 140 countries. The study found that, despite socio-cultural differences, people around the world tended to use about 70% of the same facial expressions in response to different emotional stimuli and situations.[1]

The study’s researchers also published a fascinating interactive map to demonstrate how their machine learning technology assessed various facial expressions and determined subtle differences in emotional responses.

This study highlights the social importance of facial expressions because whether or not we’re consciously aware of them—by gazing into a mirror or your screen on a video conferencing platform—how we present our faces to others can have tremendous impacts on their perceptions of us, our confidence, and our emotional states. This awareness is the essential first step towards

2. Relax Your Face

New research on bruxism and facial tension found the stresses and anxieties of Covid-19 lockdowns led to considerable increases in orofacial pain, jaw-clenching, and teeth grinding, particularly among women.[2]

The National Institute of Dental and Craniofacial Research estimates that more than 10 million Americans alone have temporomandibular joint dysfunction (TMJ syndrome), and facial tension can lead to other complications such as insomnia, wrinkles, dry skin, and dark, puffy bags under your eyes.[3])

To avoid these unpleasant outcomes, start practicing progressive muscle relaxation techniques and taking breaks more frequently throughout the day to moderate facial tension.[4] You should also try out some biofeedback techniques to enhance your awareness of involuntary bodily processes like facial tension and achieve more confident body language as a result.[5]

Advertising

3. Improve Your Eye Contact

Did you know there’s an entire subfield of kinesic communication research dedicated to eye movements and behaviors called oculesics?[6] It refers to various communication behaviors including direct eye contact, averting one’s gaze, pupil dilation/constriction, and even frequency of blinking. All of these qualities can shape how other people perceive you, which means that eye contact is yet another area of nonverbal body language that we should be more mindful of in social interactions.

The ideal type (direct/indirect) and duration of eye contact depends on a variety of factors, such as cultural setting, differences in power/authority/age between the parties involved, and communication context. Research has shown that differences in the effects of eye contact are particularly prominent when comparing East Asian and Western European/North American cultures.[7]

To improve your eye contact with others, strive to maintain consistent contact for at least 3 to 4 seconds at a time, consciously consider where you’re looking while listening to someone else, and practice eye contact as much as possible (as strange as this may seem in the beginning, it’s the best way to improve).

3. Smile More

There are many benefits to smiling and laughing, and when it comes to working on more confident body language, this is an area that should be fun, low-stakes, and relatively stress-free.

Smiling is associated with the “happiness chemical” dopamine and the mood-stabilizing hormone, serotonin. Many empirical studies have shown that smiling generally leads to positive outcomes for the person smiling, and further research has shown that smiling can influence listeners’ perceptions of our confidence and trustworthiness as well.

4. Hand Gestures

Similar to facial expressions and posture, what you do with your hands while speaking or listening in a conversation can significantly influence others’ perceptions of you in positive or negative ways.

Advertising

It’s undoubtedly challenging to consciously account for all of your nonverbal signals while simultaneously trying to stay engaged with the verbal part of the discussion, but putting in the effort to develop more bodily awareness now will make it much easier to unconsciously project more confident body language later on.

5. Enhance Your Handshake

In the article, “An Anthropology of the Handshake,” University of Copenhagen social anthropology professor Bjarke Oxlund assessed the future of handshaking in wake of the Covid-19 pandemic:[8]

“Handshakes not only vary in function and meaning but do so according to social context, situation and scale. . . a public discussion should ensue on the advantages and disadvantages of holding on to the tradition of shaking hands as the conventional gesture of greeting and leave-taking in a variety of circumstances.”

It’s too early to determine some of the ways in which Covid-19 has permanently changed our social norms and professional etiquette standards, but it’s reasonable to assume that handshaking may retain its importance in American society even after this pandemic. To practice more confident body language in the meantime, the video on the science of the perfect handshake below explains what you need to know.

6. Complement Your Verbals With Hand Gestures

As you know by now, confident communication involves so much more than simply smiling more or sounding like you know what you’re talking about. What you do with your hands can be particularly influential in how others perceive you, whether you’re fidgeting with an object, clenching your fists, hiding your hands in your pockets, or calmly gesturing to emphasize important points you’re discussing.

Social psychology researchers have found that “iconic gestures”—hand movements that appear to be meaningfully related to the speaker’s verbal content—can have profound impacts on listeners’ information retention. In other words, people are more likely to engage with you and remember more of what you said when you speak with complementary hand gestures instead of just your voice.[9]

Advertising

Further research on hand gestures has shown that even your choice of the left or right hand for gesturing can influence your ability to clearly convey information to listeners, which supports the notion that more confident body language is readily achievable through greater self-awareness and deliberate nonverbal actions.[10]

Final Takeaways

Developing better posture, enhancing your facial expressiveness, and practicing hand gestures can vastly improve your communication with other people. At first, it will be challenging to consciously practice nonverbal behaviors that many of us are accustomed to performing daily without thinking about them.

If you ever feel discouraged, however, remember that there’s no downside to consistently putting in just a little more time and effort to increase your bodily awareness. With the tips and strategies above, you’ll be well on your way to embracing more confident body language and amplifying others’ perceptions of you in no time.

More Tips on How to Develop a Confident Body Language

Featured photo credit: Maria Lupan via unsplash.com

Reference

Read Next