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4 truths about fear we tend to overlook

4 truths about fear we tend to overlook

Fear is something that has affected all of us at some point in life, and for many it continues to play a big role. We fear many different things,from things and ideas to even people that we encounter day to day. If you allow it, fear can take over your life, not just mentally but also physically. However, many people choose to live in fear of certain things and people nevertheless, as if they’re unaware of the significance fear holds regarding personal growth.

Here are four things we often overlook when addressing fear.

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    1. Fear doesn’t have to be permanent

    It may seem as if the things and/or people we fear are just small things that are okay as long as they remain “out of sight, out of mind”, but we shouldn’t make a habit of just allowing our fears to keep a permanent residency in our lives. Settling for the thought that fears will always exist is self defeating.

    Understand that you don’t have to remain afraid of things just because. That fear is remaining a permanent resident simply because you haven’t decided that you’re ready to serve an eviction. The beautiful thing about fear is that it doesn’t have to be permanent unless you allow it to be.

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      2. Fear often works as a disease

      Like diseases in your body, fear has the potential to cripple your personal growth and keep you from being your best self. You wouldn’t ignore a disease that is taking over your body, and it’s important to avoid ignoring fears that are hindering your progress in life. Both have the potential to spiral out of control, limiting us in many ways.

      The best way to deal with fear is to first admit the fear exists, as we would have to come to terms with a diagnosis of a disease, in order to even begin seeking treatment or change. Addressing the fears you may have is the only way to overcome them.

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        3. Fear is often disguised as disinterest

        Some of the very things we always claim we simply don’t want to engage in are really things we actually fear. It’s easy to decline anything that makes us uncomfortable, justifying it with simple disinterest. The truth is that often the disinterest often stems from thoughts of not being good enough, being ridiculed, or being afraid to get hurt. If you refrain from anything due to those types of feelings, you are acting out of fear of that very thing.

        That’s not to say that it’s always a bad thing. There are some healthy fears we have that actually work to keep us as safe as possible and making smart decisions. However it’s important to not allow yourself to continue to disguise fears that hinder your growth as lack of interest.

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          4. Fear is a comfort zone

          The things and people we fear might be things we constantly try to avoid, but it doesn’t change the truth. That truth is that fear is usually a comfort zone and mindset we have created for ourselves in order to avoid stepping out of our safety nets and confronting that which may make us feel uncomfortable.

          Don’t get me wrong. This doesn’t make the things we fear any less scary. It doesn’t make your reasoning for being afraid of these things or people any less justifiable. This truth is just stating that the mindset created out of the fear often serves as a comfort zone we are not willing to step out of.

          Being your best self is impossible when you continue to live in comfort zones, because progress simply does not live there. No amount of substantial growth in your life can happen without you agreeing to take steps towards overcoming things that have instilled fear in your heart and mind.

          It’s important to understand the role your fears play in your life, and how they affect you both directly and indirectly. Once you understand this, you can begin to understand how these same fears may be hindering you from your ultimate potential.  It’s time to stop overlooking the details in your life that are crippling you from achieving your best life.

          Featured photo credit: Yahoo Images via HTTPS

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          Last Updated on May 21, 2019

          How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

          How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

          For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

          If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

          Example 1

          You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

          You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

          In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

          Example 2

          You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

          People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

          You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

          Example 3

          You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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          The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

          Example 4

          You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

          Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

          If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

          Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

          • Understand your own communication style
          • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
          • Communicate with precision and care
          • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

          1. Understand Your Communication Style

          To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

          In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

          Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

          2. Learn Others Communication Styles

          Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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          If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

          “How do you prefer to receive information?”

          This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

          To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

          3. Exercise Precision and Care

          A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

          On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

          Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

          I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

          I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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          In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

          The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

          Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

          4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

          Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

          In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

          “Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

          Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

          Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

          It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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          It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

          It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

          Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

          Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

          The Bottom Line

          When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

          I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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          Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

          Reference

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