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4 truths about fear we tend to overlook

4 truths about fear we tend to overlook

Fear is something that has affected all of us at some point in life, and for many it continues to play a big role. We fear many different things,from things and ideas to even people that we encounter day to day. If you allow it, fear can take over your life, not just mentally but also physically. However, many people choose to live in fear of certain things and people nevertheless, as if they’re unaware of the significance fear holds regarding personal growth.

Here are four things we often overlook when addressing fear.

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    1. Fear doesn’t have to be permanent

    It may seem as if the things and/or people we fear are just small things that are okay as long as they remain “out of sight, out of mind”, but we shouldn’t make a habit of just allowing our fears to keep a permanent residency in our lives. Settling for the thought that fears will always exist is self defeating.

    Understand that you don’t have to remain afraid of things just because. That fear is remaining a permanent resident simply because you haven’t decided that you’re ready to serve an eviction. The beautiful thing about fear is that it doesn’t have to be permanent unless you allow it to be.

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      2. Fear often works as a disease

      Like diseases in your body, fear has the potential to cripple your personal growth and keep you from being your best self. You wouldn’t ignore a disease that is taking over your body, and it’s important to avoid ignoring fears that are hindering your progress in life. Both have the potential to spiral out of control, limiting us in many ways.

      The best way to deal with fear is to first admit the fear exists, as we would have to come to terms with a diagnosis of a disease, in order to even begin seeking treatment or change. Addressing the fears you may have is the only way to overcome them.

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        3. Fear is often disguised as disinterest

        Some of the very things we always claim we simply don’t want to engage in are really things we actually fear. It’s easy to decline anything that makes us uncomfortable, justifying it with simple disinterest. The truth is that often the disinterest often stems from thoughts of not being good enough, being ridiculed, or being afraid to get hurt. If you refrain from anything due to those types of feelings, you are acting out of fear of that very thing.

        That’s not to say that it’s always a bad thing. There are some healthy fears we have that actually work to keep us as safe as possible and making smart decisions. However it’s important to not allow yourself to continue to disguise fears that hinder your growth as lack of interest.

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          4. Fear is a comfort zone

          The things and people we fear might be things we constantly try to avoid, but it doesn’t change the truth. That truth is that fear is usually a comfort zone and mindset we have created for ourselves in order to avoid stepping out of our safety nets and confronting that which may make us feel uncomfortable.

          Don’t get me wrong. This doesn’t make the things we fear any less scary. It doesn’t make your reasoning for being afraid of these things or people any less justifiable. This truth is just stating that the mindset created out of the fear often serves as a comfort zone we are not willing to step out of.

          Being your best self is impossible when you continue to live in comfort zones, because progress simply does not live there. No amount of substantial growth in your life can happen without you agreeing to take steps towards overcoming things that have instilled fear in your heart and mind.

          It’s important to understand the role your fears play in your life, and how they affect you both directly and indirectly. Once you understand this, you can begin to understand how these same fears may be hindering you from your ultimate potential.  It’s time to stop overlooking the details in your life that are crippling you from achieving your best life.

          Featured photo credit: Yahoo Images via HTTPS

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          Last Updated on April 6, 2020

          10 Powerful Ways to Influence People Positively

          10 Powerful Ways to Influence People Positively

          Most discussions on positively influencing others eventually touch on Dale Carnegie’s seminal work, How to Win Friends and Influence People. Written more than 83 years ago, the book touches on a core component of human interaction, building strong relationships. It is no wonder why.

          Everything that we do hinges on our ability to connect with others and formulate deep relationships. You cannot sell a house, buy a house, advance in most careers, sell a product, pitch a story, teach a course, etc. without building healthy relationships. Managers get the best results from their teams, not through brute force, but to careful appeals to their sensibilities, occasional withdrawals from the reservoir of respect they’ve built. Using these tactics, they can influence others to excellence, to productivity, and to success.

          Carnegie’s book is great. Of course, there are other resources too. Most of us have someone in our lives who positively influences us. The truth is positively influencing people is about centering the humanity of others. Chances are, you know someone who is really good at making others feel like stars. They can get you to do things that the average person cannot. Where the requests of others sound like fingernails on a chalkboard, the request from this special person sounds like music to your ears. You’re delighted to not only listen but also to oblige.

          So how to influence people in a positive way? Read on for tips.

          1. Be Authentic

          To influence people in a positive way, be authentic. Rather than being a carbon copy of someone else’s version of authenticity, uncover what it is that makes you unique.

          Discover your unique take on an issue and then live up to and honor that. Once of the reasons social media influencers are so powerful is that they have carved out a niche for themselves or taken a common issue and approached it from a novel or uncommon way. People instinctually appreciate people whose public persona matches their private values.

          Contradictions bother us because we crave stability. When someone professes to be one way, but lives contrary to that profession, it signals that they are confused or untrustworthy and thereby, inauthentic. Neither of these combinations bode well for positively influencing others.

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          2. Listen

          Growing up, my father would tell me to listen to what others said. He told me if I listened carefully, I would know all I needed to know about a person’s character, desires and needs.

          To positively influence others, you must listen to what is spoken and what is left unsaid. Therein lies the explanation for what people need in order to feel validated, supported and seen. If a person feels they are invisible, and unseen by their superiors, they are less likely to be positively influenced by that person.

          Listening meets a person’s primary need of validation and acceptance.

          Take a look at this guide on how to be a better listener: How to Practice Active Listening (A Step-By-Step Guide)

          3. Become an Expert

          Most people are predisposed to listen to, if not respect, authority. If you want to positively influence others, become an authority in the area in which you seek to lead others. Research and read everything you can about the given topic, and then look for opportunities to put your education into practice.

          You can argue over opinions. You cannot argue, or it is unwise to argue, over facts and experts come with facts.

          4. Lead with Story

          From years of working in the public relations space, I know that personal narratives, testimonials and impact stories are incredibly powerful. But I never cease to be amazed with how effective a well-timed and told story can be.

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          If you want to influence people, learn to tell stories. Your stories should be related to the issue or concept you are discussing. They should be an analogy or metaphor that explains your topic in ordinary terms and in vivid detail. To learn more about how to tell powerful stories, and the ethics of storytelling, take a look at this article: How To Tell An Interesting Story In 4 Simple Steps

          5. Lead by Example

          It is incredibly inspiring to watch passionate, talented people at work or play. One of the reasons a person who is not an athlete can be in awe of athletic prowess is because human nature appreciates the extraordinary. When we watch the Olympics, Olympic trials, gymnastic competitions, ice skating, and other competitive sports, we can recognize the effort of people who day in and day out give their all. C

          ase in point: Simone Biles. The gymnast extraordinaire won her 6TH all-around title at the U.S. Gymnastics Championships after doing a triple double. She was the first woman to do so. Watching her gave me chills. Even non-gymnasts and non-competitive athletes can appreciate the talent required to pull off such a remarkable feat.

          We celebrate remarkable accomplishments and believe that their example is proof that we too can accomplish something great, even if it isn’t qualifying for the Olympics. To influence people in a positive way, we must lead by example, lead with intention and execute with excellence.

          6. Catch People Doing Good

          A powerful way to influence people in a positive way is to catch people doing good. Instead of looking for problems, look for successes. Look for often overlooked, but critically important things that your peers, subordinates and managers do that make the work more effective and more enjoyable.

          Once you catch people doing good, name and notice their contributions.

          7. Be Effusive with Praise

          It did not take me long to notice a remarkable trait of a former boss. He not only began and ended meetings with praise, but he peppered praise throughout the entire meeting. He found a way to celebrate the unique attributes and skills of his team members. He was able to quickly and accurately assess what people were doing well and then let them and their colleagues know.

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          Meetings were not just an occasion to go through a “To Do” list, they were opportunities to celebrate accomplishments, no matter how small they are.

          8. Be Kind Rather Than Right

          I am going to level with you; this one is tough. It is easy to get caught up in a cycle of proving oneself. For people who lack confidence, or people who prioritize the opinions of others, being right is important. The validation that comes with being perceived as “right” feeds one’s ego. But in the quest to be “right,” we can hurt other people. Once we’ve hurt someone by being unkind, it is much harder to get them to listen to what we’re trying to influence them to do.

          The antidote to influencing others via bullying is to prioritize kindness above rightness. You can be kind and still stand firm in your position. For instance, many people think that they need others to validate their experience. If a person does not see the situation you experienced in the way you see it, you get upset. But your experience is your experience.

          If you and your friends go out to eat and you get food poisoning, you do not need your friends to agree that the food served at the restaurant was problematic for you. Your own experience of getting food poisoning is all the validation you need. Therefore, taking time to be right is essentially wasted and, if you were unkind in seeking validation for your food-poison experience, now you’ve really lost points.

          9. Understand a Person’s Logical, Emotional and Cooperative Needs

          The Center for Creative Leadership has argued that the best way to influence others is to appeal to their logical, emotional and cooperative needs. Their logical need is their rational and educational need. Their emotional need is the information that touches them in a deeply personal manner. The cooperative need is understanding the level of cooperation various individuals need and then appropriately offering it.

          The trick with this system is to understand that different people need different things. For some people, a strong emotional appeal will outweigh logical explanations. For others, having an opportunity to collaborate will override emotional connection.

          If you know your audience, you will know what they need in order to be positively influenced. If you have limited information about the people whom you are attempting to influence, you will be ineffective.

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          10. Understand Your Lane

          If you want to positively influence others, operate from your sphere of influence. Operate from your place of expertise. Leave everything else to others. Gone are the days when being a jack of all trades is celebrated.

          Most people appreciate brands that understand their target audience and then deliver on what that audience wants. When you focus on what you are uniquely gifted and qualified to do, and then offer that gift to the people who need it, you are likely more effective. This effectiveness is attractive.

          You cannot positively influence others if you are more preoccupied by what others do well versus what you do well.

          Final Thoughts

          Influencing people is about centering your humanity. If you want to influence others positively, focus on the way you communicate and improve the relationship with yourself first.

          It’s hard to influence others if you’re still trying to figure out how to communicate with yourself.

          More Tips About Making Influence

          Featured photo credit: Wonderlane via unsplash.com

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