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Hard To Make And Keep Friends As An Adult? You Should Know These Communication Tricks

Hard To Make And Keep Friends As An Adult? You Should Know These Communication Tricks

The importance of friendship for our overall happiness is massive, yet many of us struggle to maintain friendships, or with making new friends, once we enter adulthood. The relationships in our lives usually start to take a kind of priority hierarchy with spouses and partners, children, and parents coming out on top. The lack of structure that friendships are based on means there’s not always pressure to see friends often or prioritize them like we do with our immediate families.

As a result, maintaining our friendships can be hard and we often find that many people end up floating out of our lives as easily as they came in.

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The Greatest Enemy In Adult Friendships

The greatest downfall when it comes to adult friendships isn’t actually what you think it is – and we all have a habit of doing it. With our adult friendships, we tend to be too polite and by this, I don’t mean we should start being rude to our friends. Let me explain.

As we get older, our responsibilities and busy lives start to get more complicated. This results in a tendency to avoid meeting, texting, or ringing someone up on the phone in the polite circumstance that we’re interrupting their busy life.[1] We often easily forgive people when we haven’t heard from them for months or they didn’t respond to our last text message. This isn’t something we would necessarily put up with in other relationships, such as a spouse or child.

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Emily Langan, an Associate Professor of Communication at Wheaton College[2] who has done numerous studies on friendship, believes our relaxed expectations for maintaining friendships and initiating contact is one of the main reasons why we leave them to fall through the cracks.

The Key To A Lasting Friendship In Adulthood

While politeness can cause friendships to become more infrequent than they should, many people still maintain a friendship with sporadic communication. It’s a different dynamic to those friendships formed during childhood and adolescence when we would hang out and meet up on a daily to weekly basis. But with adult friendships, distance and circumstance can naturally restructure the relationship.

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But the key to lasting friendships going forward in your adult years is dedication and communication.

This doesn’t mean having to communicate or meet up on a regular basis, but it’s all about the type of communication you have between you. Shared past experiences, inside jokes, and heartfelt communication are how you keep those special friends in your life, even when you feel you don’t speak as much as you used to. Referencing back to those shared moments and memories can keep the spark alive and the bond strong. For example, travels you shared or funny memories from school or university.

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Another factor in lasting friendship was highlighted in a longitudinal study of best friends by Andrew M. Ledbetter[3] that suggested the more you’ve invested in a friendship, the more likely you are to keep it going. Therefore, lasting friendships need to be based on equal investment from each side. Once this stops happening, the friendship can start to break down or graduate out of your life.

What About Online Friendships?

Social media is making it seem easier to stay in touch with friends, but how much is this adding to a friendship? Online communication can suit some people who are living apart from certain friends, and even create a level of maintenance. However, relying too heavily on online communication can cut off a level of meaningfulness and investing further, making us question whether we have the means to maintain a satisfying friendship outside of an online medium. This sometimes leads people to not pursue any more effort in a friendship, never causing it to grow.

It seems lasting friendships come from not assuming that you’re taking up your friend’s time, and making more effort than just texting every now and then. Our happiness involves our friends too, so try carving out some time to catch up and reconnect.

Featured photo credit: Kevin Culala via pexels.com

Reference

[1] Business Insider: People of all ages have the same 3 expectations for friendships
[2] Wheaton College: Emily Langan, Ph.D.
[3] https://web.ics.purdue.edu/~sparks/Friends%20Forever.pdf

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Jenny Marchal

A passionate writer who loves sharing about positive psychology.

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Last Updated on July 18, 2019

What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People

What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People

Some people just seem to float through life with a relentless sense of happiness – through the toughest of times, they’re unfazed and aloof, stopping to smell the roses and drinking out of a glass half full.

They may not have much to be happy about, but the simplicity behind that fact itself may make them happy.

It’s all a matter of perspective, conscious effort and self-awareness. Listed below are a number of reasons why some people are always happy.

1. They Manage Their Expectations

They’re not crushed when they don’t get what they want – or misled into expecting to get the most out of every situation. They approach every situation pragmatically, hoping for the best but being prepared for the worst.

2. They Don’t Set Unrealistic Standards

Similar to the last point, they don’t live their lives in a constant pursuit towards impossible visions of perfection, only to always find themselves falling short of what they want.

3. They Don’t Take Anything for Granted

Happiness rests with feeling fulfilled – those who fail to stop and appreciate what they have every now and again will never experience true fulfillment.

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4. They’re Not Materialistic

There are arguing viewpoints on whether or not money can really buy happiness; if it can, then we know from experience that we can never be satisfied because there will always be something newer or better that we want. Who has ever had enough money?

5. They Don’t Dwell

They don’t sweat the small things or waste time worrying about things that don’t really matter at the end of the day. They don’t let negative thoughts latch onto them and drain them or distract them. Life’s too short to worry.

6. They Care About Themselves First

They’re independent, care for themselves and understand that they must put their needs first in order to accommodate the needs of others.

They indulge, aim to get what they want, make time for themselves and are extremely self-reliant.

7. They Enjoy the Little Things

They stop to smell the roses. They’re accustomed to find serenity when it’s available, to welcome entertainment or a stimulating discussion with a stranger when it crosses their path. They don’t overlook the small things in life that can be just as important.

8. They Can Adapt

They’re not afraid of change and they work to make the most out of new circumstances, good or bad. They thrive under pressure, are not overwhelmed easily and always embrace a change of pace.

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9. They Experiment

They try new things, experience new flavors and never shy away from something they have yet to experience. They never order twice from the same menu.

10. They Take Their Time

They don’t unnecessarily rush through life. They work on their own schedule to the extent that they can and maneuver through life at their own relaxing pace.

11. They Employ Different Perspectives

They’re not stuck in one perspective; a loss can result in a new opportunity, hitting rock bottom can mean that there’s no where to go but up.

12. They Seek to Learn

Their constant pursuit of knowledge keeps them inspired and interested in life. They cherish information and are on a life-long quest to learn as much as they can.

13. They Always Have a Plan

They don’t find themselves drifting without purpose. When something doesn’t go as planned, they have a plan for every letter in the alphabet to fall back on.

14. They Give Respect to Get It

They are respectful and, in turn, are seen as respectable; the respect they exude earns them the respect they deserve.

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15. They Consider Every Opportunity

They always have their eyes open for a new road, a new avenue worth exploring. They know how to recognize opportune moments and pounce on them to make the most of every situation. Success is inevitable for them.

16. They Always Seek to Improve

Perpetual self-improvement is the key towards their ongoing thirst for success. Whatever it is they do, they take pride in getting better and better, from social interactions to mundane tasks. Their pursuit at being the best eventually materializes.

17. They Don’t Take Life Too Seriously

They’re not ones to get offended easily over-analyze or complicate matters. They laugh at their own faults and misfortunes.

18. They Live in the Moment

They don’t live for tomorrow or dwell on what may have happened yesterday. Every day is a new opportunity, a new chapter. They live in the now, and in doing so, get the most out of every moment.

You can learn how to do so too: How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying About the Past or Future

19. They Say Yes

Much more often than they say no. They don’t have to be badgered to go out, don’t shy away from new opportunities or anything that may seem inconvenient.

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20. They’re Self-Aware

Most important, they’re wholly aware of themselves. They self-reflect and are conscious of their states of mind. If somethings bothering them, they fix it.

We’re all susceptible to feeling down every now and again, but we are all equipped with the necessary solutions that just have to be discovered.

Lack of confidence, inability to feel fulfilled, and susceptibility to stress are all matters that can be controlled through the way we handle our lives and perceive our circumstances.

Learn about How Self-Reflection Gives You a Happier and More Successful Life.

Final Thoughts

The main philosophy employed by the happiest includes the idea that life’s simply too short: life’s too short to let things get you down, to take things for granted, to pursue absolute and unrealistic perfection.

For some, employing these characteristics is a second nature – they do it without knowing. For others, a conscious effort must be put forth every now and again. Self-Awareness is key.

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Featured photo credit: Charles Postiaux via unsplash.com

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