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10 Things You Must Know About Raising a Toddler

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10 Things You Must Know About Raising a Toddler

Toddlers are amazing little snot factories, aren’t they? It’s absolutely incredible to watch them pick up new skills, words, and concepts each day. It’s also absolutely incredible to turn around for .0174 seconds, only to discover they can summon the destructive power of a category 5 hurricane in that amount of time.

No matter how wonderful they are, parenting a toddler can still be a frustrating, scary, confusing process. Until such a time as an infallible, infinite, comprehensive owner’s manual becomes available, parents are resigned to simply doing the best they can.

Thankfully, that best can be pretty darn good, if you’ve got the right help. In need of some assistance? Here are 10 things you have to know when raising a toddler.

1. One Size Doesn’t Fit All

This is going to sound trite, and frankly, silly – but kids are like snowflakes.

No two kids are alike. Your sticky little munchkin is not going to react exactly like your BFF’s offspring. Your second child will present totally different infection symptoms than their big brother or sister did. Your little genius will learn at a different pace, and have different skills and strengths than your braggart of a cousin’s obnoxious little Einstein.

While this can make looking for parenting advice and concrete answers more than a bit frustrating, this snowflake revelation should also be a bit freeing. If nothing else, “every kid is different” makes a great mantra to repeat when you’re feeling bombarded by competitive parents trying to turn everything into a contest.

2. Be Crazy Selective

Finding answers for your special snowflake’s latest health or behavioral issue can be difficult, given the aforementioned lack of a comprehensive owner’s manual. This can drive parents from message board to message board, mommy blog to mommy blog in search of an answer. Any answer.

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Although there are amazing, talented, wise, and knowledgeable amateur bloggers out there with healthy and helpful tips, there are also a lot of people who are armed with little more than an internet connection and loud opinions.

That’s why it’s so important to be crazy selective about what resources you turn to. It may seem square, but proven, respected sources like PBS or the American Academy of Pediatrics really are your best bet. Or, to be really boring, you could try talking to your kid’s pediatrician.

3. You’re Living With a Sponge

This one is pretty simple: Your kid is like a little sponge, absorbing everything you say. Whether it’s mimicking the way you answer the phone or repeating the most unfortunate part of your recent road rage rant, whatever comes out of your mouth is going to come out of theirs, too.

Do with that knowledge what you will.

4. Oh, You Should Probably Invest in Sponges

That same little terror that is repeating everything you say will also fly about your house like a hummingbird on speed, making messes you never dreamed were humanly possible.

First, there’s the never-ending stream of bodily fluids – thanks, stomach viruses and potty-training! Then there’s whatever ungodly notion crossed their mind that day that resulted in a SpaghettiO mosaic on your ceiling, or crop-circle-like grooves dug in your expensive hardwood floor.

You’ll learn to keep a creative and extensive arsenal of cleaning supplies on hand, from a never-ending supply of baby wipes, to baking soda, to vinegar, to a spare tube of toothpaste. What’s that? Yeah, I said toothpaste. That goop will give you minty fresh breath and get crayon off your walls, ink out of your clothes, and scuff marks off your floor.

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5. All Work and No Play … Is a Terrible Idea

Kids, especially little kids, don’t need to spend hours a day racking up resume points for their college applications.

Although fear for your child’s future and success is understandable, preschool is way too young to have kids working on a college-prep checklist.

Experts agree, what kids really need is time to play. The sad truth is that kids spend 50% less time playing than they did in the 1970s. And while times they are a-changing, and play helps develop their imaginations and get out all that crazy kid energy, playing is also how kids learn. Letting them play isn’t setting them back, it’s giving them a chance to grow.

6. Structure Is Your Friend

It’s really easy for little kids to get overwhelmed. They’re tiny and still new to the world: They need order and a certain amount of predictability to feel safe.

That’s why one of the best things you can do is try to give them a bit of structure: Regular mealtimes, regular bedtimes, consistent discipline, etc.

Sure, life will get in the way and they’ll stay up too late one night, or you’ll cave and give them that extra cookie even after they threw their dinner in your face. However, occasional breaks are nothing to worry about. It’s a lack of structure and too much freedom that can really throw your kids out of whack.

Providing structure doesn’t have to be complicated. For example, instead of asking what they want for lunch, offer two options to pick between. They’ll still feel grown up and important and involved, but they won’t feel overwhelmed by endless choices, or inspired to throw a temper tantrum when you say no to Fruit Loop encrusted prime rib. Not that it doesn’t sound delicious, you just don’t have the necessary ingredients on hand.

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7. You Need a Poker Face

A good poker face and a game plan are essential when it comes to dealing with tantrums or naughty behavior.

Flying off the handle won’t help, and neither will giving in. Instead, establish a safe spot for your toddler’s time out and then go take your own. You’ll both get a chance to calm down, and you can take that time to reaffirm your parenting views and prepare yourself to re-enter the lion’s den.

Please, pay no attention to the scrambled metaphors behind the curtain.

8. Look for the Roots

Yeah, there’s always a root of the problem.

Sometimes it’s just that kids are selfish little stinkers who want their own way and don’t want to stop playing for dinner, or don’t want to share their toys with Jimmy. Other times, your kid is tired, or sick, or scared, or overwhelmed, or lonely, or dealing with any number of underlying issues.

Some of these will be bad attitudes you need to address, others will be signals that routines need to change – like bedtime needs to be earlier – or emotional needs need to be addressed. Whatever the case, you and your child will both benefit from your willingness to look beyond the surface actions of temper tantrums and bad behavior.

That surface issue still needs to be addressed – hitting a sibling is never okay, even if it happened because the culprit was overtired – but you’ll get more by digging a little deeper.

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9. Your Actions Speak Loudest

Remember that bit about sponges? Not the bit about cleaning, the one about your kids repeating everything you say.

Yeah, that goes double for everything you do.

All your instructions, rules, life lessons, and world-views don’t mean diddly squat if you aren’t living them out for your kids to see. Your kids are going to do what you do, so if you’re saying one thing and doing another, guess which they’re going to imitate?

No one expects you to be perfect. Just keep in mind what you want your kids to see you doing and what you don’t.

10. They Grow Up So Fast

To a new parent, or even a non-parent, that phrase can seem so cliché. At first you roll your eyes and wish well-meaning geriatrics would stop telling you that.

Then you blink and your 2-day-old is now a 2-year-old, and you suddenly get it.

Your little kids will only be little kids for a short period of time. It’s so important to cherish and treasure and make the most of that time while you can.

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It may feel impossible with work and other obligations, but there are plenty of ways you can spend time with your kids, even when it feels like you have no time at all.

So don’t wish away those tantrums and boogie stalactites and mysterious stains so quickly. Before you know it, you’ll be looking at lists for 10 Things You Must Know About Surviving Life With a Teenager, or 10 Ways to Get Your Ungrateful 30-Year-Old-Child to Answer Your Texts Sometime This Century.

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Last Updated on October 7, 2021

Why Spending Time With Your Family Is Important (And How To Do So)

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Why Spending Time With Your Family Is Important (And How To Do So)

In today’s chaotic world, having family time isn’t always easy. It can get pretty hard to coordinate schedules, especially if the family is large. Life demands that we work, attend school, nurture friendships, hobbies, etc. All of those things are extremely time-consuming and important—but so is spending time with your family.

Why is family time so important? Because we all need love and support, and a good, strong family can provide that regularly. For children, spending time with their family helps shape them into good, responsible adults, improve their mental health, and develop strong core values.

There are many positive effects of spending time with your family. My family and I, for instance (and this includes grandchildren as well), meet every Tuesday night for dinner and games. My older son and I take turns cooking. This gives all of us a chance to try some new recipes. After dinner, we play games. And without fail, they inspire competitiveness and laughter. As family night has evolved, the grandkids have invited their friends over as well, creating the need for more chairs but also expanding our circle of fun.

Aside from the obvious fun and games, there are other reasons why spending time with your family is paramount. In this article, I will provide you with multiple reasons why spending time with your family regularly is a win-win. And then, I will lay out some ways on how to do it.

Let’s get started, shall we?

Why Spending Time With Your Family Is Important

Here are six reasons why it’s important to spend time with your family.

1. Provides the Opportunity to Bond

When you spend time together as a family—talking about your day, your highs, your lows—it fosters communication. As parents, it gives you the chance to listen to your children, to hear them out, to learn about what’s going on in their world. It also provides you with the opportunity to use life situations as teaching moments.

Before our Tuesday night dinner/game nights, my family used to see each other pretty regularly but not consistently, especially the grandkids. Our family night changed all that. Now, it’s guaranteed that the grandchildren, along with some of their friends, will be there. Not only do I get to find out what’s been happening in their lives, but they also get to know us better. It’s creating memories they can treasure forever, as well as modeling the Get-Together tradition for when they eventually have families of their own.

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“Spending time partaking in everyday family leisure activities has been associated with greater emotional bonding within families.”[1]

2. Teaches the Value of Family

Taking the time to be with your family lets your children know they are valued—that spending time together is a priority. I know that in today’s world, both parents are busy as both usually working. What better way to let your children know they are loved than by carving out time each week to spend with them?

According to Marilyn Price-Mitchell, Ph.D., “words like honesty, trust, fairness, respect, responsibility, and courage are core to centuries of religious, philosophical, and family beliefs. Use them and others to express and reinforce your family values. Teach children the behaviors that flow from these principles. Use quotes to ignite meaningful dinner conversations and encourage kids to talk about these values.”[2]

3. Enhances Mental Well-Being

Spending that quality time together gives your children a safe platform in which to express themselves, ask questions about things that are bothering them, or talk about their day and things they’ve learned. I know that my 9-year old granddaughter can’t wait until it’s her turn to talk about her day. She usually goes on and on and has to be stopped to give everyone else a chance to talk about their goings-on.

“Research shows the quality of family relationships is more important than their size or composition. Whoever the family is made up of, they can build strong, positive relationships that promote wellbeing and support children and young people’s mental health.”[3]

For children, having the opportunity to seek advice from parents they trust—as well as being able to have a sounding board and help with problem-solving—is priceless. In addition, being able to voice their opinions and be heard—and to feel like what they have to say matters—is an esteem-builder. All of these can have a very impactful positive effect on their well-being.

4. Helps the Child Feel Loved

How do you think a child feels knowing their parents want to spend time with them—talking, sharing experiences, playing games, listening to them? It will make them feel as though they are important, and a child that feels important is happier and more apt to thrive. Setting aside chores or work to spend time with your children demonstrates that they’re essential—that they matter. What a gift to give your child!

“If a child has your undivided attention, it signals that they are loved and important to you. This can be further nurtured by experiencing joyful activities together, as it demonstrates that you want to spend time with your children over and above all of the daily demands.”[4]

5. Creates a Safe Environment

If you regularly spend time with your children, you are also creating an atmosphere of trust. The more trust they have, the more likely they are to share with you what’s going on in their world. As they get older, you’re going to want to know. Negative influences can show up at any time, but if you’ve always been there for your child, they are more apt to come to you and ask for your advice.

Spending time together generates familiarity and feelings of being supported. When a child feels safe and comfortable, they’re more likely to open up. This is one way to get to know your child and know what’s on their minds. Are they okay? Do they need your guidance? If so, how?

6. Reduces Stress

This is significant. We all suffer from stress at one point or another in our lives. Spending time with family helps alleviate that stress. It’s an opportunity to talk things out, get feedback, and maybe brainstorm for a solution to the problem that is causing the stress.

According to Brandy Drzymkowski, “During the holidays, your closest five people probably shifts to family and friends. You may even get to see loved ones who live far away. Good news! This can actually help lower your stress levels. Studies show ‘face-to-face interaction…counteracts the body’s defensive ‘fight-or-flight’ response.’ In other words, quality time spent with loved ones is nature’s stress reliever.”[5]

So, now that you know some of the benefits, what are some ideas for making family time happen?

How to Make Family Time Happen

Here are four things you can do to make family time happen and spend more time with them.

1. Family Dinners

This, as I said above, is a wonderful way to spend time together. While you’re having dinner, you have the chance to discuss things that are going on in your lives—the ups, the downs, and everywhere in between. It’s like having a buffer against life’s challenges.

Aside from that, eating dinner together has many additional benefits. Studies have shown that for kids who eat regularly with their families, there is less risk of substance abuse, teen pregnancy, and depression.[6]

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“Our belief in the ‘magic’ of family dinners is grounded in research on the physical, mental and emotional benefits of regular family meals.” It further states, “We recommend combining food, fun and conversation at mealtimes because those three ingredients are the recipe for a warm, positive family dinner—the type of environment that makes these scientifically proven benefits possible.”[7]

According to Parenting NI, “children and adolescents who spend more time with their parents are less likely to get involved in risky behavior. According to studies done by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse via Arizona State University, teens who have infrequent family dinners are twice as likely to use tobacco, nearly twice as likely to use alcohol and one and a half times more likely to use marijuana.”[8]

As you can see, there are multiple benefits to spending time with each other routinely. You can’t go wrong with this family activity.

2.  Regular Movie Nights

This is another fun event, although, from personal experience, I have to caution that choosing a movie that everyone wants to see is not easy. So, give yourselves plenty of time so you don’t spend two hours searching for a movie, and then end up watching no movie at all because the night is practically over. Try and choose a movie before the day, if possible.

Afterward, open it up for discussion. Ask questions pertinent to the movie. What do you think of ABC? Should they have done that? Would you have done something differently? There are so many questions you can ask to spark a conversation and keep the night going.

3. Game Night

This is another occasion for great fun. If you have a competitive spirit, it makes it even more fun. There are numerous games out there—Balderdash, Pictionary, Apples to Apples, Charades, to name a few—that can create fun havoc. All I can say is, on game nights, don’t take yourself too seriously. It’s okay if you lose the game. The fun is in being together, laughing, debating, and having a good time.

In addition, “Playing board games is great for children for many reasons besides the obvious; it’s fun to play games! Age appropriate games can help children to think strategically, solve problems creatively, work on pattern recognition and build simple math skills. They also help children develop social skills such as following rules, taking turns, and graceful winning or losing. Additionally, a family game night provides an opportunity for children to bond with siblings, parents and family members as well as peers. It can promote tradition building and establish a fun routine.”[9]

So, go find your family a game and start having fun!

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4. Sharing a Hobby

If you and one of your kids like to do the same things, do it more often. For example, my oldest son and his teenage son go on long bike rides together on the weekends. Not only do they get to exercise, but they also get to talk and look at beautiful sceneries. They’ve also incorporated cooking into their routine. They plan the meal, shop, and prepare—activities that bring them closer together.

Sharing a hobby is a great way to bring family members together. It bonds people in amazing ways. According to Alison Ratner Mayer, LICSW, “One of the easiest and most important ways to build a child’s self-esteem is to spend time with them doing something not only that they enjoy but something that you also enjoy. There is a special magic that happens between a parent and a child when they share a mutually beloved activity. It sends the message to the child that their parents are having fun, true, honest, real fun, with them.”[10]

Final Thoughts

Spending time with the family is an investment. It is an investment in the happiness, well-being, and security of that system. It can also serve as a way to break out of the daily rut and the constant worldly demands, while at the same time, building a strong family unit.

Even though it isn’t always easy to find the time, finding the time is key to staying close and to providing and receiving love and support. There is no greater gift than the gift of time. That’s what we all seem to be missing nowadays. So, in giving that gift consistently, everyone feels loved and appreciated.

The family that takes the time to interact regularly is typically happy. They know they are part of a tribe, and that’s essential in today’s chaotic world. To know that there are people whom you can count on—people who will have your back in times of need—is invaluable.

Now, go and plan something plan with your family, if you haven’t already.

Featured photo credit: Jimmy Dean via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Pittsburgh Parent: Spending Time Together—Benefits of Family Time
[2] Roots of Action: Integrity: How Families Teach and Live Their Values
[3] Beyond Blue: Healthy Families
[4] Esperance Anglican Community School: The importance of family time
[5] Brandy Drzymkowski: Spending Time With Loved Ones Reduces Stress
[6] Harvard Graduate School of Education: Harvard EdCast: The Benefit of Family Mealtime
[7] The Family Dinner Project: BENEFITS OF FAMILY DINNERS
[8] Parenting NI: The Importance of Spending Time Together
[9] WNY Children: Family Game Night- The Benefits of Game Play
[10] Child Therapy Boston: The Benefits of Sharing a Hobby With Your Child

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