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10 Things You Must Know About Raising a Toddler

10 Things You Must Know About Raising a Toddler

Toddlers are amazing little snot factories, aren’t they? It’s absolutely incredible to watch them pick up new skills, words, and concepts each day. It’s also absolutely incredible to turn around for .0174 seconds, only to discover they can summon the destructive power of a category 5 hurricane in that amount of time.

No matter how wonderful they are, parenting a toddler can still be a frustrating, scary, confusing process. Until such a time as an infallible, infinite, comprehensive owner’s manual becomes available, parents are resigned to simply doing the best they can.

Thankfully, that best can be pretty darn good, if you’ve got the right help. In need of some assistance? Here are 10 things you have to know when raising a toddler.

1. One Size Doesn’t Fit All

This is going to sound trite, and frankly, silly – but kids are like snowflakes.

No two kids are alike. Your sticky little munchkin is not going to react exactly like your BFF’s offspring. Your second child will present totally different infection symptoms than their big brother or sister did. Your little genius will learn at a different pace, and have different skills and strengths than your braggart of a cousin’s obnoxious little Einstein.

While this can make looking for parenting advice and concrete answers more than a bit frustrating, this snowflake revelation should also be a bit freeing. If nothing else, “every kid is different” makes a great mantra to repeat when you’re feeling bombarded by competitive parents trying to turn everything into a contest.

2. Be Crazy Selective

Finding answers for your special snowflake’s latest health or behavioral issue can be difficult, given the aforementioned lack of a comprehensive owner’s manual. This can drive parents from message board to message board, mommy blog to mommy blog in search of an answer. Any answer.

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Although there are amazing, talented, wise, and knowledgeable amateur bloggers out there with healthy and helpful tips, there are also a lot of people who are armed with little more than an internet connection and loud opinions.

That’s why it’s so important to be crazy selective about what resources you turn to. It may seem square, but proven, respected sources like PBS or the American Academy of Pediatrics really are your best bet. Or, to be really boring, you could try talking to your kid’s pediatrician.

3. You’re Living With a Sponge

This one is pretty simple: Your kid is like a little sponge, absorbing everything you say. Whether it’s mimicking the way you answer the phone or repeating the most unfortunate part of your recent road rage rant, whatever comes out of your mouth is going to come out of theirs, too.

Do with that knowledge what you will.

4. Oh, You Should Probably Invest in Sponges

That same little terror that is repeating everything you say will also fly about your house like a hummingbird on speed, making messes you never dreamed were humanly possible.

First, there’s the never-ending stream of bodily fluids – thanks, stomach viruses and potty-training! Then there’s whatever ungodly notion crossed their mind that day that resulted in a SpaghettiO mosaic on your ceiling, or crop-circle-like grooves dug in your expensive hardwood floor.

You’ll learn to keep a creative and extensive arsenal of cleaning supplies on hand, from a never-ending supply of baby wipes, to baking soda, to vinegar, to a spare tube of toothpaste. What’s that? Yeah, I said toothpaste. That goop will give you minty fresh breath and get crayon off your walls, ink out of your clothes, and scuff marks off your floor.

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5. All Work and No Play … Is a Terrible Idea

Kids, especially little kids, don’t need to spend hours a day racking up resume points for their college applications.

Although fear for your child’s future and success is understandable, preschool is way too young to have kids working on a college-prep checklist.

Experts agree, what kids really need is time to play. The sad truth is that kids spend 50% less time playing than they did in the 1970s. And while times they are a-changing, and play helps develop their imaginations and get out all that crazy kid energy, playing is also how kids learn. Letting them play isn’t setting them back, it’s giving them a chance to grow.

6. Structure Is Your Friend

It’s really easy for little kids to get overwhelmed. They’re tiny and still new to the world: They need order and a certain amount of predictability to feel safe.

That’s why one of the best things you can do is try to give them a bit of structure: Regular mealtimes, regular bedtimes, consistent discipline, etc.

Sure, life will get in the way and they’ll stay up too late one night, or you’ll cave and give them that extra cookie even after they threw their dinner in your face. However, occasional breaks are nothing to worry about. It’s a lack of structure and too much freedom that can really throw your kids out of whack.

Providing structure doesn’t have to be complicated. For example, instead of asking what they want for lunch, offer two options to pick between. They’ll still feel grown up and important and involved, but they won’t feel overwhelmed by endless choices, or inspired to throw a temper tantrum when you say no to Fruit Loop encrusted prime rib. Not that it doesn’t sound delicious, you just don’t have the necessary ingredients on hand.

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7. You Need a Poker Face

A good poker face and a game plan are essential when it comes to dealing with tantrums or naughty behavior.

Flying off the handle won’t help, and neither will giving in. Instead, establish a safe spot for your toddler’s time out and then go take your own. You’ll both get a chance to calm down, and you can take that time to reaffirm your parenting views and prepare yourself to re-enter the lion’s den.

Please, pay no attention to the scrambled metaphors behind the curtain.

8. Look for the Roots

Yeah, there’s always a root of the problem.

Sometimes it’s just that kids are selfish little stinkers who want their own way and don’t want to stop playing for dinner, or don’t want to share their toys with Jimmy. Other times, your kid is tired, or sick, or scared, or overwhelmed, or lonely, or dealing with any number of underlying issues.

Some of these will be bad attitudes you need to address, others will be signals that routines need to change – like bedtime needs to be earlier – or emotional needs need to be addressed. Whatever the case, you and your child will both benefit from your willingness to look beyond the surface actions of temper tantrums and bad behavior.

That surface issue still needs to be addressed – hitting a sibling is never okay, even if it happened because the culprit was overtired – but you’ll get more by digging a little deeper.

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9. Your Actions Speak Loudest

Remember that bit about sponges? Not the bit about cleaning, the one about your kids repeating everything you say.

Yeah, that goes double for everything you do.

All your instructions, rules, life lessons, and world-views don’t mean diddly squat if you aren’t living them out for your kids to see. Your kids are going to do what you do, so if you’re saying one thing and doing another, guess which they’re going to imitate?

No one expects you to be perfect. Just keep in mind what you want your kids to see you doing and what you don’t.

10. They Grow Up So Fast

To a new parent, or even a non-parent, that phrase can seem so cliché. At first you roll your eyes and wish well-meaning geriatrics would stop telling you that.

Then you blink and your 2-day-old is now a 2-year-old, and you suddenly get it.

Your little kids will only be little kids for a short period of time. It’s so important to cherish and treasure and make the most of that time while you can.

It may feel impossible with work and other obligations, but there are plenty of ways you can spend time with your kids, even when it feels like you have no time at all.

So don’t wish away those tantrums and boogie stalactites and mysterious stains so quickly. Before you know it, you’ll be looking at lists for 10 Things You Must Know About Surviving Life With a Teenager, or 10 Ways to Get Your Ungrateful 30-Year-Old-Child to Answer Your Texts Sometime This Century.

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Last Updated on August 22, 2019

14 Helpful Tips for Single Parents: How to Stay Sane While Doing it All

14 Helpful Tips for Single Parents: How to Stay Sane While Doing it All

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, over 27% of children under the age of 18 are living with a single parent.[1] That’s over 1/4th of the U.S. population.There is a common misconception that children who grow up in single parent homes are not as successful as children living in two-parent homes.

One crucial detail that was often left out of studies when comparing single and two-parent homes was the stability of the household. There is a correlation between family structure and family stability, but this study shows that children who grow up in stable single-parent homes do as well as those in married households in terms of academic abilities and behavior.

But providing stability is easier said than done. With only one adult to act as a parent, some tasks are inherently more challenging. However, there are a few helpful things you can do to make the parenting journey a little easier for yourself and stay sane while doing it.

1. Don’t Neglect Self-Care

Before anything else can be done, you must be caring for your own needs adequately. Only when you are feeling well-rested and healthy can you be at your best for your children.

Many parents tend to put their kids’ needs first and their owns last, but that will result in a never-ending cycle of exhaustion and feelings of inadequacy. Make time to eat regularly and healthfully, get plenty of rest, and squeeze in exercise whenever you can. Even a short walk around the neighborhood will help your body get much-needed movement and fresh air.

Your children depend on you, and it’s up to you to make sure that you are well-equipped and ready to take on that responsibility.

2. Join Forces with Other Single Parents

At times, it may seem like you’re the only person who knows what it’s like to be a single parent. However, the statistics say that there are many others who know exactly what you’re going through.

Find single parents locally, through your kid’s school, extracurricular activities, or even an app. There are also numerous online communities that can offer support and advice, through Facebook or sites like Single Mom Nation.

Although single moms make up the majority of single parents, there are more than 2.6 million single dads in the U.S. A great way to connect is through Meetup. Other single parents will more than happy to arrange babysitting swaps, playdates, and carpools.

Join forces in order to form mutually beneficial relationships.

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3. Build a Community

In addition to finding support with other single parents, also build a community comprised of families of all different types. Rather than focus solely on the single parent aspect of your identity, look for parents and kids who share other things in common.

Join a playgroup, get plugged in at a church, or get to know the parents of the kids involved in the same extracurricular activities. Having a community of a variety of people and families will bring diversity and excitement into your and your kids’ lives.

4. Accept Help

Don’t try to be a superhero and do it all yourself. There are probably people in your life who care about you and your kids and want to help you. Let them know what types of things would be most appreciated, whether it’s bringing meals once a week, helping with rides to school, or giving you time to yourself.

There is no shame in asking for help and accepting assistance from loved ones. You will not be perceived as weak or incompetent. You are being a good parent by being resourceful and allowing others to give you a much-needed break.

5. Get Creative with Childcare

Raising a child on a single income is a challenge, with the high cost of daycares, nannies, and other conventional childcare services. More affordable options are possible if you go a less traditional route.

If you have space and live in a college town, offer a college student housing in exchange for regular childcare. Or swap kids with other single parents so that your kids have friends to play with while the parents get time to themselves.

When I was younger, my parents had a group of five family friends, and all of the children would rotate to a different house each day of the week, during the summer months. The kids would have a great time playing with each other, and the parents’ job becomes a lot easier. That’s what you would call a win-win situation.

6. Plan Ahead for Emergencies

As a single parent, a backup plan or two is a must in emergency situations. Make a list of people you know you can call in a moment’s notice. There will be times in which you need help, and it’s important to know ahead of time who you can rely on.

Look into whether or not your area offers emergency babysitting services or a drop-in daycare. Knowing who will be able to care for your child in the event of an emergency can relieve one potential source of anxiety in stressful situations.

7. Create a Routine

Routines are crucial for young children because knowing what to expect gives them a semblance of control. This is even more important when in a single parent home.

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If the child travels between homes or has multiple caretakers, life can seem extremely chaotic and unpredictable. Establish a routine and schedule for your child as much as possible. This can include bedtime, before/after school, chores, meal times, and even a weekend routine.

Having a routine does not mean things cannot change. It is merely a default schedule to fall back on when no additional events or activities are going on. When your children know what to expect, they will be less resistant because they know what to expect, and days will run much more smoothly.

8. Be Consistent with Rules and Discipline

If your child has multiple caretakers, such as another parent, grandparent, or babysitter, communicate clearly on how discipline will be handled. Talk to your ex, if you are sharing custody, as well as any other caretakers about the rules and the agreed-upon approach to discipline.

When a child realizes that certain rules can be bent with certain people, he/she will use it to their advantage, causing additional issues with limits, behavior, and discipline down the road.

This article may help you to discipline your child better:

How to Discipline a Child (The Complete Guide for Different Ages)

9. Stay Positive

Everyone has heard the saying, “Mind over matter.” But there really is so much power behind your mentality. It can change your perspective and make a difficult situation so much better.

Your kids will be able to detect even the smallest shift in your attitude. When the responsibilities of motherhood are overwhelming, stay focused on the positive things in your life, such as your friends and family. This will produce a much more stable home environment.

Maintain your sense of humor and don’t be afraid to be silly. Look towards the future and the great things that are still to come for you and your family. Rediscover and redefine your family values.

10. Move Past the Guilt

In a single parent home, it is impossible to act as both parents, regardless of how hard you try. Let go of the things that you cannot do as a single parent, and instead, think of the great things you ARE able to provide for your children.

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Leave behind the notion that life would be easier or better with two parents. This is simply not true. There is a multitude of pros and cons to all family dynamics, and the one you are providing for your kids now is the one that they need.

Don’t get bogged down by guilt or regret. Take control of your life and be the best parent you can by being present and engaged with them on a daily basis.

11. Answer Questions Honestly

Your kids may have questions about why their home situation is different from many of their friends. When asked, don’t sugarcoat the situation or give them an answer that is not accurate.

Depending on their age, take this opportunity to explain the truth of what happened and how the current circumstances came about. Not all families have two parents, whether that is due to divorce, death, or whatever else life brings.

Don’t give more detail than necessary or talk badly about the other parent. But strive to be truthful and honest. Your children will benefit more from your candor than a made-up story.

12. Treat Kids Like Kids

In the absence of a partner, it can be tempting to rely on your children for comfort, companionship, or sympathy. But your kids are not equipped to play this role for you.

There are many details within an adult relationship that children are not able to understand or process, and it will only cause confusion and resentment.

Do not take out your anger on your kids. Separate your emotional needs from your role as a mother. If you find yourself depending on your kids too much, look for adult friends or family members that you can talk to about your issues.

13. Find Role Models

Find positive role models of the opposite sex for your child. It’s crucial that your child does not form negative associations with an entire gender of people.

Find close friends or family members that would be willing to spend one-on-one time with your kids. Encourage them to form meaningful relationships with people that you trust and that they can look up to.

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Role models can make a huge difference in the path that a child decides to take, so be intentional about the ones that you put in your kids’ lives.

14. Be Affectionate and Give Praise

Your children need your affection and praise on a daily basis. Engage with your kids as often as possible by playing with them, going on outings, and encouraging open dialogue.

Affirm them in the things that they are doing well, no matter how small. Praise their efforts, rather than their achievements. This will inspire them to continue to put forth hard work and not give up when success is not achieved.

Rather than spending money on gifts, spend time and effort in making lasting memories.

Final Thoughts

Being a single parent is a challenging responsibility to take on. Without the help of a partner to fall back on, single parents have a lot more to take on.

However, studies show that growing up in a single parent home does not have a negative effect on achievement in school. As long as the family is a stable and safe environment, kids are able to excel and do well in life.

Use these tips in order to be a reliable and capable parent for your kids, while maintaining your own well-being and sanity.

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Featured photo credit: Eye for Ebony via unsplash.com

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