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Mind-Reading Is Detrimental To Your Relationship: 5 Actions You Should Take Instead

Mind-Reading Is Detrimental To Your Relationship: 5 Actions You Should Take Instead

“Assumptions are the termites of relationships” ~Henry Winkler

Most people realize that it is unreasonable to expect others to read their mind, yet they still feel hurt and outraged when their innermost, unexpressed thoughts go unheard. In intimate relationships, there exists a fallacy and erroneous expectation that mind reading [1] is not only a legitimate supposition, but that a partner who fails to adeptly interpret thoughts and to take appropriate action is unloving.

Mind Reading: Don’t try this at home

Effective communication that is clear, concise and transparent is the best way to avoid the missteps and pitfalls of faulty assumptions. Communication often goes awry when partners expect each other to pick up on hints, innuendos and veiled messages.

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Here are five common mindreading mistakes and things to do to avoid making them:

1. Saying something without actually saying it.

You know people who do this–they use words that are veiled and vague to communicate something to you without directly saying it. You are supposed to “get” the message. And most times you don’t. People believe that saying something without directly saying it is a gentler way of communicating something that may be considered rude, politically incorrect or even hurtful. The truth is–it’s not. It leaves people confused and left to come up with their own interpretation of the message and could be much worse than intended.

If you have something to say–say it. No mixed messages, no hidden meanings–be honest and have the courage to say exactly what you mean as clearly as possible.

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2. Equating romance with mind reading

These two are not synonymous. This ideology originates from romance novels, romantic comedies and fantasy land where unicorns are the official mascot and it rains pixie dust year round. Kill that type of thinking. A spouse or partner who deeply loves and cares about you cannot guess your innermost desires. The truth is determining your own thoughts and desires is difficult so expecting someone else to do it is plain ludicrous.

The most romantic thing in the world is telling your lover your exact desires at that moment and having them hear you and give you what you verbally expressed. It doesn’t get any sexier than that.

3. Believing that an attentive spouse knows your needs

This is an easy mistake to make. You believe that as you and your mate grow closer and your relationship solidifies, your significant other knows you–inside and out. Nothing could be further from the truth.

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As humans, we are constantly evolving and changing–daily. Life experiences, maturity, and the accumulation of wisdom change who we are and how we think. There is no way your partner can know exactly where you are emotionally and intellectually, anticipate your needs and deliver precisely the right thing in that moment. You must articulate what you need–every time–and then assist your mate in making it happen.

4. Dropping hints

If you want something–ask. It is so simple, yet so hard for many people to do. We believe that asking for things is somehow wrong and being direct is unattractive. Do you know how much time, energy and brain strain you could save your partner if you simply took them to the store and pointed to the exact item you wanted–and said I want that exact thing right there? Being direct saves so much hassle for everyone and frees you to move on and tackle bigger things.

5. Assigning meaning to their actions

You have no idea why they did what they did. None. So, instead of manufacturing your own reason, which is always much worse than the truth, just ask. Then be open and accepting to the response. Most things are not as calculated and intentional as we believe they are. Your mate’s mistakes are probably a simple error in judgment or an oversight of some sort and not a well-organized conspiracy to hurt you.

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Your mate is not a mind reader. Your mate’s ability to read your mind is colored by their own emotional state and perspective–and therefore is inherently flawed. You are responsible for telling them exactly what they need to know.

Reference

[1] Mind Reading: Psychology Today

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Denise Hill

Denise shares about psychology and communication tips on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on July 15, 2019

41 Beautiful Pictures That Show What True Love Is All About

41 Beautiful Pictures That Show What True Love Is All About

Some things in life are hard to describe, yet we can recognize them when we see them.

Love is one of those things.

True love comes in many different forms, but here are some that many of us know well.

True love means supporting those who can’t support themselves

supportive couple

    A young man comforts his date in Times Square, New York City. Image by mbtrama

    strong hug

      A young man holds his significant other close to him. Image by Brad Fults

      running help

        A young track competitor helps one of her injured opponents over the finish line. Image from ViralNova.com

        feeding kitten

          A soldier in the Korean War takes time to feed a baby kitten. Image from US Naval Insititute

          It’s having the perfect selfie partner

          mom and daughter selfie

            A mother and her daughter take a selfie together. Image by Andrew Fysh

            girlfriends

              Two young girls pose for the camera. Image by Rolands Lakis

              selfies

                A happy couple takes a picture together. Image by Kayla Heineman

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                selfie

                  Two best friends take a selfie together. Image by Jason Wahido

                  dude selfie

                    Friends take a selfie together. Image by Glenn Scofield Williams

                    It’s all the warm fuzzies

                    12748262703_84c008f4e5_z

                      A young man spends time with his dog on a beach. Image by Magdalena Roeseler

                      DSC06952

                        A pet owner hugs his dog while on a day trip in San Francisco. Image by Taro the Shiba Inu

                        It means having a friend to photobomb you

                        photobomb

                          A boy makes a funny face as he poses for a picture with his brother. Image by Michael Bentley

                          old man photobomb

                            A man photobombs his wife while their grandson snaps a picture. Image by Frank

                            family photobomb

                              Family members photobomb their relatives’ Thanksgiving day family photo. Image by Beth Scupham

                              boyfriend photobomb

                                A friend photobombs the photographer and their friend, the woman in the foreground of this photo. Image by Lachlan Hardy

                                True love means being there even when life gets unbearably hard

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                                shoulder to cry on

                                  A family watches the Vermont National Guard depart for Afghanistan. Image by The U.S. Army

                                  flood dog

                                    During a monsoon in the Philippines, a boy carries his dog to safety. Image by Romeo Ranoco

                                    A woman is rescued from flood waters by a resident standing on top of her car during heavy rain in Chalandri suburb north of Athens

                                      A man helps a woman out of her vehicle during a flood in Chalandri, Greece. Image by John Kolesidis

                                      lunch

                                        A woman has lunch with her husband every day, even after he’s passed away. Image from ViralNova.com

                                        hug

                                          A woman hugs the mother of 6-year-old Noah Ponzer, who was one of the victims of the Sandy Hook shootings. Image by Spencer Platt

                                          rubble

                                            An Oklahoma couple pauses while trying to salvage belongings from a family member’s home after a tornado. Image by Adrees Latif

                                            sister and brother

                                              A girl puts her arm around her little brother as they wait outside of Sandy Hook Elementary after gunshots are fired. Image by Reuters.

                                              headstone

                                                A woman sits at her husband’s grave the day before their wedding anniversary. Image from NBC news

                                                It means taking the time for long goodbyes

                                                110321-N-BT887-100

                                                  A man says goodbye to his son before deploying. Image by Official U.S. Navy Page

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                                                  national guard goodbye

                                                    A South Carolina man says goodbye to his son before deploying for Afghanistan. Image by The National Guard

                                                    saying goodbye

                                                      A Sergeant hugs both of his sons before being deployed to Afghanistan. Image by The National Guard

                                                      And cherishing reunions

                                                      husband home

                                                        A woman hugs her husband as she sees him for the first time since his deployment to Iraq. Image by The U.S. Army

                                                        boyfriend home

                                                          A young  woman hugs her significant other as he returns home for Kuwait. Image by The National Guard

                                                          mother hug

                                                            A mother drops to her knees as she hugs her son on her return home from the Persian Gulf. Image by The National Guard

                                                            True love is letting yourself feel young when they’re around

                                                            elderly women

                                                              Two friends on their smartphones. Image by Robert Neff

                                                              feeling young

                                                                A young couple getting their picture taken. Image by db Photograph

                                                                sprinkler dad

                                                                  A father plays in a sprinkler with his daughter at Millennium Park in Chicago. Image by Ben Forsberg

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                                                                  subway couple

                                                                    A young couple on a subway enjoys sharing time together, while the girlfriend’s father sneaks a photo of them. Image by Gareth Williams

                                                                    wheelchairs

                                                                      A couple holds hands on a fall day. Image by David Amsler

                                                                      It’s letting yourself be silly… just because they’ll enjoy it

                                                                      silly faces

                                                                        A grandfather makes faces at the camera with his granddaughters. Image by Tim Pierce

                                                                        vote for pedro

                                                                          A woman’s father wears a Napoleon Dynamite t-shirt to make his daughter laugh. Image by emdot

                                                                          True love is allowing yourself to show how you really feel

                                                                          date night

                                                                            A young couple kisses in the back of a restaurant in Washington, D.C. Image by Derek Key

                                                                            playing violin

                                                                              Violinist Nancy Dinovo plays at a memorial service for the victims of 9/11. Image by Christopher Morris

                                                                              True love is timeless

                                                                              old friends

                                                                                Friends spending some time together. Image by Cristian Bortes

                                                                                sitting around a fire

                                                                                  A group of friends sits around a campfire eating. Image by New Old Stock

                                                                                  elderly couple

                                                                                    An elderly couple walks down a street together. Image by Matteo Paciotti

                                                                                    Featured photo credit: Matteo Paciotti via flickr.com

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