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7 Steps To More Love In Your Relationship

7 Steps To More Love In Your Relationship

Love is an emotion that seems wonderful, joyful and elusive all at the same time. We associate love with feelings of happiness, support and strength, yet it can be the hardest thing to keep alive in a relationship. Simply put, love takes hard work in every relationship.

Social psychologists and neuroscientists have longed tried to understand this emotion. Here are insights from the world of science to navigate the world of love.

1. Celebrate the differences

It’s natural to think we might enjoy the company of a person with tastes and likes similar to our own. Yet, studies show the opposite. The book, A Book About Love, features a 2010 study of twenty-three thousand married couples. The study showed that matching people who have the same likes and preferences hardly accounted for 0.5 percent of spousal satisfaction. In short, having a spouse with tastes different than yours made no difference at all.

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2. How you handle those differences makes a difference

John Gottman, the world’s foremost expert in the study of relationships suggests that differences in our styles of handling emotions play a very important part in the relationship. If you believe in venting, but he believes in letting it cool off without ever raising the topic, it is an indication of trouble.

3. Give out gold stars generously

The thing about relationships is that, after a while, they pervade our lives so much that we stop noticing even important things. Appreciation is a fundamental human need and the lack of it can gradually lead to a decline in the quality of the relationship simply because everything seems taken for granted.

Also, women seem to seek more of it. Gretchen Rubin, in her book, Happier at Home, points out that the opposite is true. Men also seek approval and appreciation, and while women draw support from a larger community, men are often left with only the spouse to appreciate their efforts. Which means, the gold stars need to come out more, especially from women.

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4. Snuggle up

It is an irrefutable fact that a good sex life helps in keeping the relationship alive. However, the honeymoon phase in relationships does not last forever because, well, life happens. Having kids and managing work can be big contributors to stress which doesn’t take too long to start showing its effects on the relationship. Taking time every day to hug and snuggle can release happy hormones that can help in keeping the relationship alive through the tough times.

5.  Use Real Facetime

It might be tempting to plonk yourself in front of the television to wind down after a hectic day. However, A 2007 study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that women are generally happier the more they communicate with their partners face-to-face.

It kindles connection and understanding, which leads to planning your days better since we know more about each other’s work and schedules.

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6. Stare into each other’s eyes

Vulnerability is scary, but if it mutual, it fosters closeness. In a study by Arthur Aron (and others), the psychologists issued a set of 36 questions that were designed to accelerate intimacy between a couple. The questions were designed to open up both partners in the most difficult areas of their lives.  “One key pattern associated with the development of a close relationship among peers is sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personal self-disclosure.” This is an exercise that forces openness and vulnerability.

7. Put in the hard work

Just like everything else, relationships take work too. Working out differences with mutual respect, doing chores, wading through everyday life requires the deliberation of intention and the ability to sift through the mundane stuff.

Angela Duckworth, the world’s leading researcher on grit demonstrated that relationships that had gritty individuals (especially men) were about 17% more likely to last in a marriage.

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Featured photo credit: Alice Donovan Rouse via Unsplash via unsplash.com

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Devishobha Chandramouli

Writer & Founder @ www.kidskintha.com

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4 Proven Ways to Strengthen Relationships

4 Proven Ways to Strengthen Relationships

While people have special days for relationship or love celebrations, true love really goes beyond that.

This article is specifically not for any special one-time love celebration or romance but it’s about all kinds of relationship. It’s about building all kinds of relationships with loved ones, colleagues, family members, and friends; to anyone who has proven to be someone worthy to share a part in the history of our existence.

When it comes to relationships, no one is really an expert. Everyone has lacking points which often starts so little and with time could cost much more than just a separation, it can lead to a complete loss of the relationship. Siblings may end up fighting with each other, families torn apart, co-workers against each other and even elderly couples ending up in divorce or worse.

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There should be a way for redemption, to build back the lost trust and to build the bridges again linking relationships for a greater bond and for a better relationship. And the best way to do this is by being honest with ourselves, knowing what relationships need to survive and knowing that everyone has to give what it takes. Being perfect may not be the solution, but being self-aware is.

1. Take care of yourself first

Relationships are not easy and anyone who has tasted one can tell. Whatever happens in relationships is a mirror of everything about us. Have you imagined anytime we have bad and stressful days, our relationships seem to be more difficult? Our relationships suffer when we are not happy with ourselves and we can feel it. We feel the lacking, the difficulties, but the one thing we really don’t take into consideration is that we are the cause of the relationship’s shortcomings.

Have you ever seen yourself in a fight, only to wonder later, what you really were up against? Have you sometimes felt disappointed of your expectations when they were not met by people you expected? I really hope this post  helps you overcome all that. Everyone has needs and your instincts should be your perfect guide.

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Whatever needs to be done for someone else and if your instincts tell you to make yourself happy first, please do so. Everyone has needs and everyone can make sacrifices but our happiness should be first. This doesn’t mean you don’t make some sacrifices but sometimes it’s best to make yourself happy first before you can make others happy.

2. Distance shouldn’t be a barrier

“If the vehicle can’t take the messenger, it could at least take the message”. This beautiful aged proverb implies that the message is more important than the sender.

Beautiful relationship quotes can help brighten the cloudy storm around your relationship. The greatest relationship mistakes made over time is the belief that only showers of gifts and being together are what sustains relationships. Well, this has been proven wrong.

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A beautiful message to a loved one like inspiring love message on their profile can break any distance barrier. Little things matters and this is one thing people often neglect. However the distance, people feel special knowing they are remembered, knowing someone somewhere is thinking about them.

3. Remember seasonal celebrations

Many seasons of a year bring holidays periods for families, friends and loved ones to come together and have a wonderful time. Keeping these moments memorable must be your focus – birthdays, weddings, marriage anniversaries and all.

A great feast among the numerous feasts celebrated every year “Christmas” is a perfect time to reach out to families and friends, to have a merry filled moments that makes up for the times of separation, to exchange gifts and inspiring messages with those we sincerely care about. If we can’t be together with those we love in these special seasons, Christmas messages shouldn’t be beyond our reach too.

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If keeping our relationships with people especially those we hold most dear matters much to us, these seasons should be kept in our minds. Remembering seasons and sharing happy moments is one of the proven ways to keep our relationships with loved ones.

4. Take the responsibility

Most times, it’s very easy to find something wrong with a relationship when we are unhappy. Blaming other people for our own feelings we expect them to come up with solutions for the problems and we give them total control over the relationship. Well, expecting a solution from this kind of situation is simply expecting something that will never come because you haven’t actually found the cause of the problem.

Before blaming someone else for what you feel,or for something you/they should have done earlier, the best solution is to look deeper into the problem to see if there is something you could have done to savage the situation, something that could have prevented the problem. Taking responsibilities for problems gives us the creative power for their solutions but if we blame someone else, we shouldn’t be surprised if they don’t do anything to find a solution and the problem becomes even worse.

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