Advertising
Advertising

5 Changes in The First Year of an Autism Diagnosis

5 Changes in The First Year of an Autism Diagnosis

Having a child diagnosed with Autism is life changing. This neurodevelopmental condition is so prevalent, yet many parents struggle with the changes ahead.

After noticing the subtle signs of a developmental delay in our child, we reached out to a psychologist who performed an evaluation in our home and diagnosed our son at just over two years old with Autism.

Here are some of the changes I’ve noticed in the first year of the diagnosis and, hopefully, can help you:

Advertising

1. Your appreciation for life grows

Suddenly, as you watch a child grow and struggle in life you come to realize how valuable life is.

As the parent of a “non-verbal” three-year-old I can now see how the little things begin to matter more. My three-year-old son saying “box” and pointing to a box means more to me than you could imagine. Every effort he makes to verbally communicate is a blessing. Life is so fragile; once you come to terms with this diagnosis you can begin to let go of expectations and appreciate reality.

2. Your perception of everything changes

I suddenly hear, feel and see things differently. My mind is hyper aware and I’m hyper sensitive to everything. I can walk into a room and tell what will cause a meltdown, frustration or great joy to my son.

Advertising

This ability has been evolving since my son’s diagnosis one year ago and I know it will continue to change as he grows. I may not always be able to control the environment around him, but at least I know I can help him navigate every day life.

3. You don’t care about material things

Suddenly, I do not own many valuable items. My clothing is extremely inexpensive. The decor in my house is minimal. The toys are everywhere but never for a long time, as we like to keep the home decluttered.

Valuable collectives simply don’t stand a chance here and if we happen to have them, like an antique child’s toy piano, it’s okay that my son broke it. As a family we find little real value in expensive items; we prefer to spend our hard eagerned money on making memories.

Advertising

4. You admire other special needs parents 

Once you become a special needs parent you will begin to find suppport groups and organizations that can help you and your family. When I meet these parents I can connect to their struggles so easily; we don’t even have to say a word. If I know you have a special needs child, I am on your side. The stress of daily life for special needs parents is real; we never know what challenges lie ahead of us. We also are constantly worrying about the future—will our child be able to enjoy his/her life? It’s comforting to know we are not alone, so I always urge these relationships with other special needs parents to grow as we provide support to one another.

5. Your hopes and dreams will change

Not long ago, I imagined running a business and getting back into the work force to alleviate the financial stress of having a single income family. Because of my son, that has changed. My current dreams are to help families of children with special needs and disabled people.

I do hope to join the work force in a freelance field, but realistically as my son grows and his younger sibling grows as well, I am forever focused on their wellbeing first. I believe my dreams have completely changed but I am excited to see where it takes me.

Advertising

I hope these steps help you gain greater perspective about your child and yourself.

More by this author

Marlene Patti

Stay at home mom/Real Estate

5 Changes in The First Year of an Autism Diagnosis 10 Lessons I’ve Learned Since Becoming A Mom

Trending in Child Development

1 Want Your Kids To Be Happy For A Lifetime? Make Them Feel Secure In The Early Days 2 Necessary Steps When Teaching Your Teenager to Drive 3 5 Tips For Teaching Money Management To Children 4 7 Effective Tips for Your Child’s Positive Growth 5 5 Ways to Ease Back to Work Without Nanny Anxiety

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Published on January 30, 2019

How to Support a Working Mother as a Working Father

How to Support a Working Mother as a Working Father

In roughly 60 percent of two-parent households with children under the age of 18, both parents work full time. But who takes time off work when the kids are sick in your house? And if you are a manager, how do you react when a man says he needs time to take his baby to the pediatrician?

The sad truth is, the default in many companies and families is to value the man’s work over the woman’s—even when there is no significant difference in their professional obligations or compensation. This translates into stereotypes in the workplace that women are the primary caregivers, which can negatively impact women’s success on the job and their upward mobility.

According to a Pew Research Center analysis of long-term time-use data (1965–2011), fathers in dual-income couples devote significantly less time than mothers do to child care.[1] Dads are doing more than twice as much housework as they used to (from an average of about four hours per week to about 10 hours), but there is still a significant imbalance.

This is not just an issue between spouses; it’s a workplace culture issue. In many offices, it is still taboo for dads to openly express that they have family obligations that need their attention. In contrast, the assumption that moms will be on the front lines of any family crisis is one that runs deep.

Consider an example from my company. A few years back, one of our team members joined us for an off-site meeting soon after returning from maternity leave. Not even two hours into her trip, her husband called to say that the baby had been crying nonstop. While there was little our colleague could practically do to help with the situation, this call was clearly unsettling, and the result was that her attention was divided for the rest of an important business dinner.

This was her first night away since the baby’s birth, and I know that her spouse had already been on several business trips before this event. Yet, I doubt she called him during his conferences to ask child-care questions. Like so many moms everywhere, she was expected to figure things out on her own.

Advertising

The numbers show that this story is far from the exception. In another Pew survey, 47 percent of dual-income parents agreed that the moms take on more of the work when a child gets sick.[2] In addition, 39 percent of working mothers said they had taken a significant amount of time off from work to care for their child compared to just 24 percent of working fathers. Mothers are also more likely than fathers (27 percent to 10 percent) to say they had quit their job at some point for family reasons.

Before any amazing stay-at-home-dads post an angry rebuttal comment, I want to be very clear that I am not judging how families choose to divide and conquer their personal and professional responsibilities; that’s 100 percent their prerogative. Rather, I am taking aim at the culture of inequity that persists even when spouses have similar or identical professional responsibilities. This is an important issue for all of us because we are leaving untapped business and human potential on the table.

What’s more, I think my fellow men can do a lot about this. For those out there who still privately think that being a good dad just means helping out mom, it’s time to man up. Stop expecting working partners—who have similar professional responsibilities—to bear the majority of the child-care responsibilities as well.

Consider these ways to support your working spouse:

1. Have higher expectations for yourself as a father; you are a parent, not a babysitter.

Know who your pediatrician is and how to reach him or her. Have a back-up plan for transportation and emergency coverage.

Don’t simply expect your partner to manage all these invisible tasks on her own. Parenting takes effort and preparation for the unexpected.

Advertising

As in other areas of life, the way to build confidence is to learn by doing. Moms aren’t born knowing how to do this stuff any more than dads are.

2. Treat your partner the way you’d want to be treated.

I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve heard a man on a business trip say to his wife on a call something to the effect of, “I am in the middle of a meeting. What do you want me to do about it?”

However, when the tables are turned, men often make that same call at the first sign of trouble.

Distractions like this make it difficult to focus and engage with work, which perpetuates the stereotype that working moms aren’t sufficiently committed.

When you’re in charge of the kids, do what she would do: Figure it out.

3. When you need to take care of your kids, don’t make an excuse that revolves around your partner’s availability.

This implies that the children are her first priority and your second.

Advertising

I admit I have been guilty in the past of telling clients, “I have the kids today because my wife had something she could not move.” What I should have said was, “I’m taking care of my kids today.”

Why is it so hard for men to admit they have personal responsibilities? Remember that you are setting an example for your sons and daughters, and do the right thing.

4. As a manager, be supportive of both your male and female colleagues when unexpected situations arise at home.

No one likes or wants disruptions, but life happens, and everyone will face a day when the troubling phone call comes from his sitter, her school nurse, or even elderly parents.

Accommodating personal needs is not a sign of weakness as a leader. Employees will be more likely to do great work if they know that you care about their personal obligations and family—and show them that you care about your own.

5. Don’t keep score or track time.

At home, it’s juvenile to get into debates about who last changed a diaper or did the dishes; everyone needs to contribute, but the big picture is what matters. Is everyone healthy and getting enough sleep? Are you enjoying each other’s company?

In business, too, avoid the trap of punching a clock. The focus should be on outcomes and performance rather than effort and inputs. That’s the way to maintain momentum toward overall goals.

Advertising

The Bottom Line

To be clear, I recognize that a great many working dads are doing a terrific job both on the home front and in their professional lives. My concern is that these standouts often aren’t visible to their colleagues; they intentionally or inadvertently let their work as parents fly under the radar. Dads need to be open and honest about family responsibilities to change perceptions in the workplace.

The question “How do you balance it all?” should not be something that’s just asked of women. Frankly, no one can answer that question. Juggling a career and parental responsibilities is tough. At times, really tough.

But it’s something that more parents should be doing together, as a team. This can be a real bonus for the couple relationship as well, because nothing gets in the way of good partnership faster than feelings of inequity.

On the plus side, I can tell you that parenting skills really do get better with practice—and that’s great for people of both sexes. I think our cultural expectations that women are the “nurturers” and men are the “providers” needs to evolve. Expanding these definitions will open the doors to richer contributions from everyone, because women can and should be both—and so should men.

Featured photo credit: NeONBRAND via unsplash.com

Reference

Read Next