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6 Silly Things that You Must Avoid Doing on Your First Date

6 Silly Things that You Must Avoid Doing on Your First Date

Dating is fun, isn’t it? We all have been indulged into dating at some point in time. Whether you are dating multiple partners or a single person, the cringe and nervousness that you feel when you meet someone on an official date for the first time is memorable.

These pangs of nervousness are common and timeless. They restrain us from giving our best impression ultimately leading to a chaotic experience. Here are several ‘don’t(s)’ that you’d better avoid on your first date.

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1. Talking about your ex

No matter how much are you missing your ex, no matter how boring your first date with the new person is, no matter how emotional you are, just do NOT puke everything out about your ex. This night should wholly and solely belong to you and your date.

Experts say the individual growth that leads to healthy, stable relationships begins with heartbreaks. One of the best ways to turn past disappointments into future relationship successes is to share these experiences with your friends. Not necessarily with your new date.

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2. Talking about future

Okay, relax! You have met him or her for the first time and you need to calm down. It is okay to chalk down your potential future with your date in your mind. Do not intimidate the person by telling them how serious you are. Your feelings might be genuine but take it slow, give your date time to settle their thoughts too.

3. Get Drunk

Each one of us is aware of our own capacity of drinking and yet sometimes we let loose. Boozing on a first date is a fun idea but hey, who is going to like someone who seems like a drunk, or becomes inebriated? This is certainly a good way to spoil the date and bid farewell to the person forever.

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4. Become a victim

Perhaps you are facing all the difficulties of the world and it is heart wrenching, however, do not bore your first date with your problems. We all go through certain downfalls in life and not everybody is interested in listening to it. You can, however, wait for the comfort zone to get established in the following dates and then brick by brick break the walls. But, when it comes to the first impression, please avoid.

5. Show timeliness

Be on time, even if it seems silly. Coming on time sets a good impression. If you have an ingrained habit of coming late then start getting ready earlier and leave early to avoid delay caused by unforeseen incidents like traffic.

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6. Tireless attempts to impress

You must relax first. Be confident and do not over do things. If you wish to compliment your date, do it subtly. Keep the manners up and show that you care but do not do things that appear desperate. There is a thin line between being excited and desperate, keep an eye on that line.

Meeting and dating someone for the first time can be confusing but you need to take it slow. The chances are that the two of you are in for a good run. There isn’t a person in this world that doesn’t have an annoying, irritating, downright bizarre quirk or two. Being with someone whose chinks and cracks you find endearing is an added bonus that not a lot of people get to enjoy. Pay attention to your date’s body language, pay attention to what they talk about, pay attention to their likes and dislikes. Your basic aim should not be to impress them, but for you both to decide if you’d like to see each other again.

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Abhay Jeet Mishra

Writer at Lifehack & Enterested.com

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Last Updated on September 10, 2018

Overcoming The Pain Of A Breakup: 3 Suggestions Based On Science

Overcoming The Pain Of A Breakup: 3 Suggestions Based On Science

We thought that the expression ‘broken heart’ was just a metaphor, but science is telling us that it is not: breakups and rejections do cause physical pain. When a group of psychologists asked research participants to look at images of their ex-partners who broke up with them, researchers found that the same brain areas that are activated by physical pain are also activated by looking at images of ex-partners. Looking at images of our ex is a painful experience, literally.[1].

Given that the effect of rejections and breakups is the same as the effect of physical pain, scientists have speculated on whether the practices that reduce physical pain could be used to reduce the emotional pain that follows from breakups and rejections. In a study on whether painkillers reduce the emotional pain caused by a breakup, researchers found that painkillers did help. Individuals who took painkillers were better able to deal with their breakup. Tamar Cohen wrote that “A simple dose of paracetamol could help ease the pain of a broken heart.”[2]

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Just like painkillers can be used to ease the pain of a broken heart, other practices that ease physical pain can also be used to ease the pain of rejections and breakups. Three of these scientifically validated practices are presented in this article.

Looking at images of loved ones

While images of ex-partners stimulate the pain neuro-circuitry in our brain, images of loved ones activate a different circuitry. Looking at images of people who care about us increases the release of oxytocin in our body. Oxytocin, or the “cuddle hormone,” is the hormone that our body relies on to induce in us a soothing feeling of tranquility, even when we are under high stress and pain.

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In fact, oxytocin was found to have a crucial role as a mother is giving birth to her baby. Despite the extreme pain that a mother has to endure during delivery, the high level of oxytocin secreted by her body transforms pain into pleasure. Mariem Melainine notes that, “Oxytocin levels are usually at their peak during delivery, which promotes a sense of euphoria in the mother and helps her develop a stronger bond with her baby.”[3]

Whenever you feel tempted to look at images of your ex-partner, log into your Facebook page and start browsing images of your loved ones. As Eva Ritvo, M.D. notes, “Facebook fools our brain into believing that loved ones surround us, which historically was essential to our survival. The human brain, because it evolved thousands of years before photography, fails on many levels to recognize the difference between pictures and people”[4]

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Exercise

Endorphins are neurotransmitters that reduce our perception of pain. When our body is high on endorphins, painful sensations are kept outside of conscious awareness. It was found that exercise causes endorphins to be secreted in the brain and as a result produce a feeling of power, as psychologist Alex Korb noted in his book: “Exercise causes your brain to release endorphins, neurotransmitters that act on your neurons like opiates (such as morphine or Vicodin) by sending a neural signal to reduce pain and provide anxiety relief.”[5] By inhibiting pain from being transmitted to our brain, exercise acts as a powerful antidote to the pain caused by rejections and breakups.

Meditation

Jon Kabat Zinn, a doctor who pioneered the use of mindfulness meditation therapy for patients with chronic pain, has argued that it is not pain itself that is harmful to our mental health, rather, it is the way we react to pain. When we react to pain with irritation, frustration, and self-pity, more pain is generated, and we enter a never ending spiral of painful thoughts and sensations.

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In order to disrupt the domino effect caused by reacting to pain with pain, Kabat Zinn and other proponents of mindfulness meditation therapy have suggested reacting to pain through nonjudgmental contemplation and acceptance. By practicing meditation on a daily basis and getting used to the habit of paying attention to the sensations generated by our body (including the painful ones and by observing these sensations nonjudgmentally and with compassion) our brain develops the habit of reacting to pain with grace and patience.

When you find yourself thinking about a recent breakup or a recent rejection, close your eyes and pay attention to the sensations produced by your body. Take deep breaths and as you are feeling the sensations produced by your body, distance yourself from them, and observe them without judgment and with compassion. If your brain starts wandering and gets distracted, gently bring back your compassionate nonjudgmental attention to your body. Try to do this exercise for one minute and gradually increase its duration.

With consistent practice, nonjudgmental acceptance will become our default reaction to breakups, rejections, and other disappointments that we experience in life. Every rejection and every breakup teaches us great lessons about relationships and about ourselves.

Featured photo credit: condesign via pixabay.com

Reference

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