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3 Ways to Support Your Loved Ones Through Tragedies

3 Ways to Support Your Loved Ones Through Tragedies

Life, like the ocean, is versatile. It is ever-changing and unpredictable – we might be amazed in a moment for its tranquility and peace, but intimidated the moment after for its storms and tantrums. It is from such unpredictability of life which gives us the capability to stay strong in the midst of adversity, and be sympathetic to the ones around you who are hit and overwhelmed by a tragedy because in a way, we feel that we understand each other.

Yet, it is often that this feeling of sympathy – or empathy – comes and goes. We care about the person who was affected by the tragedy, but we are unsure of how we are able to offer them our support without offending them. In the end, aside from saying “I’m sorry for your loss”, we have done little to make our friends, or family feel better. This brings us to the question: how can we sympathize and support our loved ones through tragic events?

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1. Listen to their stories.

Before anything – we need to sit down and listen to what they have to say because it is their stories instead of ours. By simply listening to their perspectives, stories and memories, we are giving them space and time to grieve, and gradually pick up the courage to stand up once again. We seem to be bounded by the idea that people who were wounded by a tragic event require our counselling and advice. Yet, more often than not, our advice sounds scathing, unhelpful and downright disrespectful. Our desire to help has sometimes, unknowingly and unconsciously, caused more pain to the victims instead of being truly helpful. If we really wish to be of any assistance, we must first disregard our opinions, hold back our comments, and lend them our shoulders and our ears. After all, it is them – and only them who could pick themselves up, recover, and grow even stronger than before. 

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2. Understand that there are more than tangible ways to contribute.

Sending a large bouquet of flowers is one way of showing your care. But it is equally, if not more meaningful to drive up to their house, give them a warm hug and really listen to them. Offering to help pick up the kids from school, or bringing some food over so they would not have to worry about making dinner are also good alternatives. We need to understand that both physical and mental support is crucial to the victims of tragedies – letting them know that they have the world behind them as they fall, grieving, and praying for them and their family would already make a huge difference.

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3. Accept that you could not care about everything about everyone.

It is important to note that above all, we are still humans. There is only so much we could care – before we crack. Diluting our empathy a thousandfold so we can listen to, understand, and grieve for everything that happens to every single person around us would only wear us down eventually, rendering us exhausted and wary. How can you inspire hope in others when you extinguish the one inside yourself? In the end, there are times when we could only let our loved ones be, and allow them to take care of themselves and move on.

The amount of sorrows in the world could be truly suffocating sometimes; but it is only in darkness when you see the brightest light, when the support from friends, family members and the community gives out the warmest glow. Simply be present as your loved ones fight through adversity, and you will be surprised at how much better they will fare.

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Eamon Suen

Student, The Hong Kong University of Science and Technology

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Last Updated on January 21, 2020

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.

Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.

So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.

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1. Listen

Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”

“Why do you want to do that?”

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“What makes you so excited about it?”

“How long has that been your dream?”

You need this information the help you with the following steps.

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3. Encourage

This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”

4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be

After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.

5. Dream

This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.

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6. Ask How You Can Help

Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.

7. Follow Up

Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.

Final Thoughts

By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …

Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!

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Featured photo credit: Thought Catalog via unsplash.com

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