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6 Questions That Will Deepen Your Connection

6 Questions That Will Deepen Your Connection

A well-connected relationship needs to be nurtured and pampered on a daily basis. Romantic movies and social media platforms do not necessarily set the best examples on how to show your love and affection in the most authentic and down-to-earth ways. Many couples are worried that they have to make big fancy plans to keep each other connected and make their partner feel loved. While many others are scared of making not-good-enough date night plans, so they end up not doing anything in order to avoid failure and disappointment. However, keeping the spark in a relationship does not necessarily require fancy restaurants or expensive gifts. You can create a deeper connection with your partner and make each other feel loved and valued by asking these 6 simple questions daily:

1. What does your day look like today?

Create a morning ritual to check in with your partner before you leave for work or school. This can be done through face-to-face conversation, an email, or a text message, whatever works for you. This is the time for you to share the outline of your day, things that you are excited or worried about, or people you are going to meet. The idea is to keep each other updated with your life and stay connected throughout the day even when you are far away from each other.

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2. What are you looking forward to today?

Share some positivity with each other. It can be anything, nothing is too small: the project you are working on, a scheduled meeting, your homemade lunch, the food truck you are planning on visiting during your break, a laid back relaxing day, or simply coming home after work. It also gives you an opportunity to find excitement and something to look forward to for the day.

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3. How was your day today?

If you have established a routine for the morning check-in, you can use this time as an opportunity to follow up with your partner. By asking questions about what they shared with you in the morning, it shows that you really listened with your heart and you are thinking of each other. Follow-up questions always make us feel valued and cared for; it is the magic of “you remembered”. This can also be a good time to check in with each other if you didn’t have time to do so in the morning.

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4. What was your favorite and least favorite part of the day?

Share your ups and downs with each other. Life is not all sunshine, but two people can share one umbrella and survive the storm together. You can really use this time to be there for each other, to listen, to connect, and to support.

5. What made you laugh today?

Don’t forget to share laughter together. Share what you saw, heard, and read that made you laugh during the day. By asking each other this question daily, you both will start paying more attention to the fun things and people around you. You will not only have more positivity to share at the end of the day but also catch those sweet moments throughout the day more.

6. Would you like to hear about my day?

Open the door for more conversation and connection. Instead of rambling about your day or talking at each other, you are politely inviting your partner to spend time and review the day together with you. When your partner feels invited, he or she is less likely to multitask while you are talking and more likely to dedicate the next 5-10 minutes to hear about your day. You will be surprised how the 5-minute undivided attention will magically bring a sense of deeper connection and love between you and your partner.

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More by this author

Moni Tang

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Associate

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Last Updated on October 22, 2019

How to Get “I Can’t Do It” Out of Your Vocabulary

How to Get “I Can’t Do It” Out of Your Vocabulary

When someone says, “I can’t do it” . . . I say to myself, “What do you mean you can’t do it?” Maybe you don’t want to do it, but saying you “can’t” do it is a completely different story.

With the right mindset, positive attitude, and a clear vision of what you want to accomplish, the only thing that is holding you back is yourself.

Can’t is a terrible word and it has to be taken out of your vocabulary.

By saying you can’t do something, you’re already doubting yourself, submitting to defeat, and you’re making that barrier around your life tighter.

So today, right now, we are going to remove this word for good.

From now on there is nothing we can’t do.

“Attitude is Tattoo”

Your attitude is everything; it’s your reason, your why and how, your facial expression, emotions, body language, and potentially the end result. How you approach an opportunity, and the result of it, is solely based on you — not your boss or your co-worker or friend.

If you enter a business meeting with a sour attitude, that negative energy can spread like wildfire. People can also feel it — maybe even taste it. This is not an impression you want to leave.

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Now imagine you enter a business meeting with a positive attitude, that whatever happens in here is going to be your result, in your control, not someone else’s. Of course, we can’t always win, but even if the outcome is negative, your attitude and perception can turn it into a positive. The question is: can you do it?

Of course you can, because there is nothing in this world you can’t do.

It’s much better to be known for your positive attitude — your poise, your energy, the reason why things go so well because you are able to maintain such character. A negative attitude is easy. It’s easy to complain, it’s easy to be mad, and it’s even easier to do nothing to change it.

When I say your “attitude is tattoo”, it sounds permanent. Tattoos can be removed, but that’s not the point. Your attitude is like a tattoo because you wear it. People can see it and sometimes, they will judge you on it. If you maintain a negative attitude, then it is permanent until you change it.

Change your attitude and I guarantee the results change as well.

Believe You Can Do It

Do you know why most people say “can’t” and doubt themselves before trying anything?

It’s our lack of self-confidence and fear on many different levels. The one thing we have to purge from ourselves is fear — fear of bad results, fear of change, fear of denial, fear of loss, the fear that makes us worry and lose sleep. Worrying is the same as going outside with an umbrella, waiting for rain to hit it. Stop worrying and move on.

Confidence is fragile: It builds up slowly, but can shatter like glass. Project your confidence and energy into believing in yourself. This is a very important and groundbreaking step — one that is usually the hardest to take. Start telling yourself you can do something, anything, and you will do it the best to your ability. Remove doubt, remove fear, and stick with positive energy.

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Embrace Failure

Do not fear failure. Do not run away from it. Face it, learn from it, grow, and take action. Just remember: You will never know success if you have never failed.

Your confidence will bolster after embracing these facts. You will be immune to demoralizing results, and instead you will find ways to fix it, improve upon it, and make it better than before. You will learn to never say “can’t,” and will realize how many more opportunities you can create by removing that one word.

Don’t let one simple and ugly word plague your confidence. You’re better and stronger than that.

Start Making the Change

But to actually start the process of change is very challenging.

Why is that?

Fear? Time? Don’t know how — or where — to start?

It’s hard because what we’re doing is unlearning what we know. We are used to doing things a certain way, and chances are we’ve been doing them for years.

So here are some ways that I avoid using the word “can’t”, and actually take the steps to put forth the change that I wish to see. I hope you can incorporate these methods into your life.

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Write down What You Want to Change

Write it on post-its, notecards, whatever makes you comfortable — something you will always see. I usually write mine on post-its and put them all over the wall behind my monitor so I always see them.

Tell a Friend and Talk About It

Discussing your goals, what you want to change, is very effective when you say it out loud and tell another person other than yourself. It’s almost like saying, hey, I bet I can do it — watch me.

When you fulfill that goal and tell your friend, it feels rewarding and will motivate you to do it again in a different aspect. Who knows? Maybe your friend adopts the same mindset as you.

Stop Yourself from Saying the Forbidden Word

Sometimes,I can’t control myself in public when I’m with friends, so I have to be careful with the words I use so I don’t embarrass or insult anyone.

Treat the word “can’t” as the worst word you can possibly use. Stop yourself from saying it, mid-sentence if you must, and turn your whole perspective around — you can do it, you will do it, and nothing is impossible!

Repetition, Repetition, Repetition

You think this change will be overnight? No way. This is a practice. Something you’re going to be doing for the rest of your life from now until forever.

As I said earlier, you are unlearning what you know. You know how easy it is to say you can’t do something, so by unlearning this easy practice, you’re self-disciplining yourself to live without boundaries.

Practice this everyday, a little at a time, and before you know it, the word can’t will not be part of your language.

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Do Anything That Can Relieve Your Uncertainty

When I catch myself saying I can’t do something or I don’t know something, looking up information on that action or subject, doing research, educating yourself, relieves that uncertainty.

Sometimes, we think we can’t do something because the whole idea of it seems too large. We skip the small steps in our head and only focus on the end.

Before you say you can’t do something, rewind and slow down a little bit. Focus on what the first step is, then the next. Take it a step at a time, and before you know it you will have done something you previously thought you couldn’t do.

Final Thoughts

You know what you must do. The first step is right now. Once you begin this habit, and really start noticing some change, you’ll realize the door to opportunity is everywhere.

The funny thing is: Those doors have always been there. The evil word that we no longer use put a veil over our eyes because that’s how powerful that word is.

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Featured photo credit: Cata via unsplash.com

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