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6 Questions That Will Deepen Your Connection

6 Questions That Will Deepen Your Connection

A well-connected relationship needs to be nurtured and pampered on a daily basis. Romantic movies and social media platforms do not necessarily set the best examples on how to show your love and affection in the most authentic and down-to-earth ways. Many couples are worried that they have to make big fancy plans to keep each other connected and make their partner feel loved. While many others are scared of making not-good-enough date night plans, so they end up not doing anything in order to avoid failure and disappointment. However, keeping the spark in a relationship does not necessarily require fancy restaurants or expensive gifts. You can create a deeper connection with your partner and make each other feel loved and valued by asking these 6 simple questions daily:

1. What does your day look like today?

Create a morning ritual to check in with your partner before you leave for work or school. This can be done through face-to-face conversation, an email, or a text message, whatever works for you. This is the time for you to share the outline of your day, things that you are excited or worried about, or people you are going to meet. The idea is to keep each other updated with your life and stay connected throughout the day even when you are far away from each other.

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2. What are you looking forward to today?

Share some positivity with each other. It can be anything, nothing is too small: the project you are working on, a scheduled meeting, your homemade lunch, the food truck you are planning on visiting during your break, a laid back relaxing day, or simply coming home after work. It also gives you an opportunity to find excitement and something to look forward to for the day.

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3. How was your day today?

If you have established a routine for the morning check-in, you can use this time as an opportunity to follow up with your partner. By asking questions about what they shared with you in the morning, it shows that you really listened with your heart and you are thinking of each other. Follow-up questions always make us feel valued and cared for; it is the magic of “you remembered”. This can also be a good time to check in with each other if you didn’t have time to do so in the morning.

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4. What was your favorite and least favorite part of the day?

Share your ups and downs with each other. Life is not all sunshine, but two people can share one umbrella and survive the storm together. You can really use this time to be there for each other, to listen, to connect, and to support.

5. What made you laugh today?

Don’t forget to share laughter together. Share what you saw, heard, and read that made you laugh during the day. By asking each other this question daily, you both will start paying more attention to the fun things and people around you. You will not only have more positivity to share at the end of the day but also catch those sweet moments throughout the day more.

6. Would you like to hear about my day?

Open the door for more conversation and connection. Instead of rambling about your day or talking at each other, you are politely inviting your partner to spend time and review the day together with you. When your partner feels invited, he or she is less likely to multitask while you are talking and more likely to dedicate the next 5-10 minutes to hear about your day. You will be surprised how the 5-minute undivided attention will magically bring a sense of deeper connection and love between you and your partner.

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More by this author

Moni Tang

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Associate

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Last Updated on December 3, 2019

10 Life Lessons You’d Better Learn Early on in Life

10 Life Lessons You’d Better Learn Early on in Life

There are so many lessons I wish I had learned while I was young enough to appreciate and apply them. The thing with wisdom, and often with life lessons in general, is that they’re learned in retrospect, long after we needed them. The good news is that other people can benefit from our experiences and the lessons we’ve learned.

Here’re 10 important life lessons you should learn early on:

1. Money Will Never Solve Your Real Problems

Money is a tool; a commodity that buys you necessities and some nice “wants,” but it is not the panacea to your problems.

There are a great many people who are living on very little, yet have wonderfully full and happy lives… and there are sadly a great many people are living on quite a lot, yet have terribly miserable lives.

Money can buy a nice home, a great car, fabulous shoes, even a bit of security and some creature comforts, but it cannot fix a broken relationship, or cure loneliness, and the “happiness” it brings is only fleeting and not the kind that really and truly matters. Happiness is not for sale. If you’re expecting the “stuff” you can buy to “make it better,” you will never be happy.

2. Pace Yourself

Often when we’re young, just beginning our adult journey we feel as though we have to do everything at once. We need to decide everything, plan out our lives, experience everything, get to the top, find true love, figure out our life’s purpose, and do it all at the same time.

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Slow down—don’t rush into things. Let your life unfold. Wait a bit to see where it takes you, and take time to weigh your options. Enjoy every bite of food, take time to look around you, let the other person finish their side of the conversation. Allow yourself time to think, to mull a bit.

Taking action is critical. Working towards your goals and making plans for the future is commendable and often very useful, but rushing full-speed ahead towards anything is a one-way ticket to burnout and a good way to miss your life as it passes you by.

3. You Can’t Please Everyone

“I don’t know the secret to success, but the secret to failure is trying to please everyone” – Bill Cosby.

You don’t need everyone to agree with you or even like you. It’s human nature to want to belong, to be liked, respected and valued, but not at the expense of your integrity and happiness. Other people cannot give you the validation you seek. That has to come from inside.

Speak up, stick to your guns, assert yourself when you need to, demand respect, stay true to your values.

4. Your Health Is Your Most Valuable Asset

Health is an invaluable treasure—always appreciate, nurture, and protect it. Good health is often wasted on the young before they have a chance to appreciate it for what it’s worth.

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We tend to take our good health for granted, because it’s just there. We don’t have to worry about it, so we don’t really pay attention to it… until we have to.

Heart disease, bone density, stroke, many cancers—the list of many largely preventable diseases is long, so take care of your health now, or you’ll regret it later on.

5. You Don’t Always Get What You Want

“Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans.” – John Lennon

No matter how carefully you plan and how hard you work, sometimes things just don’t work out the way you want them to… and that’s okay.

We have all of these expectations; predetermined visions of what our “ideal” life will look like, but all too often, that’s not the reality of the life we end up with. Sometimes our dreams fail and sometimes we just change our minds mid-course. Sometimes we have to flop to find the right course and sometimes we just have to try a few things before we find the right direction.

6. It’s Not All About You

You are not the epicenter of the universe. It’s very difficult to view the world from a perspective outside of your own, since we are always so focused on what’s happening in our own lives. What do I have to do today? What will this mean for me, for my career, for my life? What do I want?

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It’s normal to be intensely aware of everything that’s going on in your own life, but you need to pay as much attention to what’s happening around you, and how things affect other people in the world as you do to your own life. It helps to keep things in perspective.

7. There’s No Shame in Not Knowing

No one has it all figured out. Nobody has all the answers. There’s no shame in saying “I don’t know.” Pretending to be perfect doesn’t make you perfect. It just makes you neurotic to keep up the pretense of manufactured perfection.

We have this idea that there is some kind of stigma or shame in admitting our limitations or uncertainly, but we can’t possibly know everything. We all make mistakes and mess up occasionally. We learn as we go, that’s life.

Besides—nobody likes a know-it-all. A little vulnerability makes you human and oh so much more relatable.

8. Love Is More Than a Feeling; It’s a Choice

That burst of initial exhilaration, pulse quickening love and passion does not last long. But that doesn’t mean long-lasting love is not possible.

Love is not just a feeling; it’s a choice that you make every day. We have to choose to let annoyances pass, to forgive, to be kind, to respect, to support, to be faithful.

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Relationships take work. Sometimes it’s easy and sometimes it’s incredibly hard. It is up to us to choose how we want to act, think and speak in a relationship.

9. Perspective Is a Beautiful Thing

Typically, when we’re worried or upset, it’s because we’ve lost perspective. Everything that is happening in our lives seems so big, so important, so do or die, but in the grand picture, this single hiccup often means next to nothing.

The fight we’re having, the job we didn’t get, the real or imagined slight, the unexpected need to shift course, the thing we wanted, but didn’t get. Most of it won’t matter 20, 30, 40 years from now. It’s hard to see long term when all you know is short term, but unless it’s life-threatening, let it go, and move on.

10. Don’t Take Anything for Granted

We often don’t appreciate what we have until it’s gone: that includes your health, your family and friends, your job, the money you have or think you will have tomorrow.

When you’re young, it seems that your parents will always be there, but they won’t. You think you have plenty of time to get back in touch with your old friends or spend time with new ones, but you don’t. You have the money to spend, or you think you’ll have it next month, but you might not.

Nothing in your life is not guaranteed to be there tomorrow, including those you love.

This is a hard life lesson to learn, but it may be the most important of all: Life can change in an instant. Make sure you appreciate what you have, while you still have it.

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Featured photo credit: Ben Eaton via unsplash.com

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