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Finding Hope For Childless Couples: Understanding Options For Fertility Treatment

Finding Hope For Childless Couples: Understanding Options For Fertility Treatment

Babies and children are everywhere. And while it is, of course, a massively happy event when friends or family members happily announce they are about to start or grow their family, the painful truth is that pregnancy is not as easily achievable for every couple who wants a family. And many couples can find themselves in a difficult and upsetting situation where they may have to find that having a family will not be possible for them at all.

Today however, the situation is not as bleak as it was some years ago. Now couples facing a struggle to start a family either medically or biologically have options available to them. Remaining childless or having an incomplete family does not always have to be the only option anymore.

This article will take away the mystery and confusion about fertility treatment and help you have the family you’ve always dreamed of having. Each option is different and a clinician will ultimately be the best person to help you select the right path to take. However, it may help you to understand a little more about the options beforehand and what is involved with each.

In vitro fertilization (IVF)

IVF is a process proven by considerable amount of time. It has been almost forty years since the birth of the first baby, Louise Brown in 1978, in a process created by Nobel Prize winner Robert G. Edwards. Often known as “test tube babies”, there are well over five million children born by this process.

The IVF process involves eggs being extracted from the donor and fertilized in the lab with the partner’s sperm before being implanted in the uterus.

Before the process, your doctor will monitor your ovaries and the timing of the egg release, ensuring that your ovaries are producing eggs, and that your hormone levels are normal. It is normal to take fertility drugs during IVF. These are used to stimulate the ovaries into producing eggs, which is crucial to the process because having more than one egg available will increase the chances of becoming pregnant. In the case that the woman cannot produce eggs, it is possible to use a donor to supply eggs to make IVF possible.

The process may cause some discomfort, but generally no pain is felt and the process can be completed quickly. Typically, it will take between four to six weeks to complete a single IVF cycle and it may take two or three attempts before pregnancy occurs. However, after this, it is a normal pregnancy.

Fertility treatment - IVF

    Pros and Cons of IVF

    As with any fertility treatment, there is not a 100% guarantee of success. The success rate is dependent upon age with younger women being more likely to have a successful pregnancy via IVF. The chart below displays the success rate of IVF procedures in women by age.

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    Fertility Treatment - IVF Success Rates
      IVF Success Rates

      As you can see from the graph, the success rate drops off at higher ages. However, IVF can still be an option for older women to become pregnant.

      One of the potential advantages of IVF is it allows screening of donors not only for genetic conditions, but also for the selection of characteristics, including ethnicity and physical attributes.

      The average cost of IVF is $12,000 to $30,000 per cycle and in most cases, up to three cycles are required for a successful pregnancy.

      Fertility drugs

      Women with infertility issues may be suitable to use fertility drugs, which work by causing your body to release reproductive hormones that control the ovulation process. Fertility drugs can be effective with a success rate of about 40–50% in women who ovulate, helping them get pregnant typically within three cycles. They are often used as a first option for women who have fertility issues.

      Fertility Treatment - Drugs

        Fertility drugs should be avoided if the recipient has damaged Fallopian tubes or endometriosis.

        A course of treatment can cost between $10 – $100 per month for pills, or up to $6,000 per month for a course of injections. Generally, it will take between three to six months before either conception occurs or another treatment should be considered.

        Fertility drugs can cause more than one egg to develop in a process called multiple gestation. This can affect 1 in 3 women who are taking the treatment.

        Surgery

        Surgery may be used in cases when there are blocked Fallopian tubes, to remove endometriosis tissue, to treat PCOS, or for other anatomical abnormalities. It can also increase the chances of becoming pregnant using natural conception.

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        The success of any surgical procedure depends on the damage to the Fallopian tubes. There is an estimate that between 21–59% of women who undergo Fallopian tube surgery and 40% who undergo laparoscopic surgery do conceive. In addition to the usual risks associated with surgery, there is a small risk of an ectopic pregnancy, where the fertilized egg implants outside of the womb.

        The cost for surgical procedures varies depending on the surgery required and can be between $2,000 and $10,000.

        Fertility Treatment - Surgery

          Artificial Insemination

          This is a process where sperm is deposited directly into the uterus using a thin catheter in a process called intrauterine insemination (IUI). Artificial insemination is especially used when the couple are unable to have vaginal sex, perhaps due to disability or for same-sex couples.

          For a woman to undergo successful artificial insemination, her Fallopian tubes, which connect the ovaries to the womb, must be open and healthy because this is where the sperm will fertilize the egg and how the embryo moves down into the womb. The Fallopian tubes can be checked using a laparoscopy where a fiber optic camera is inserted through a small cut in the stomach. Alternatively, an X-ray or an ultrasound may be used.

          The success rate for artificial insemination depends on age. There is usually a 10% to 20% chance of conception per cycle. However, this increases to 60-70% with six cycles of treatment. The average cost is $865 per cycle.

          Doctors may recommend fertility drugs in addition to the procedure to ensure a safe pregnancy. As with other fertility treatments, artificial insemination can increase the chance of multiple births.

          Intrafallopian Transfers

          There are two main types of intrafallopian transfers:

          • Gamete intrafallopian transfer (GIFT): the egg and sperm are placed in the Fallopian tubes to allow fertilization to occur naturally.
          • Zygote intrafallopian transfer (ZIFT): multiple eggs are collected from the ovaries and mixed with sperm. During ZIFT, fertilization occurs in a lab and the zygotes (fertilized eggs) are inserted in the Fallopian tubes rather than the uterus, which is the main difference between ZIFT and IVF.

          Intrafallopian transfers can be used in cases when the woman’s Fallopian tubes aren’t blocked or damaged and the man has a low sperm count, or there are problems with the sperm in general. It is also used where there the couple object to IVF, for example, for religious reasons or where previous attempts at IVF have failed to result in pregnancy.

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          It will typically take 4 to 6 weeks to complete one cycle at a cost of between $15,000 and $25,000 per cycle. Again the success rate varies with age, but generally it is around 22%. The process is considered more invasive than IVF as it does require use of a laparoscope inserted through a small cut in the stomach.

          Surrogacy

          Surrogacy is when another woman carries and gives birth to a baby for a couple who otherwise could not have a child. The surrogate becomes pregnant either via IVF using the intended parents’ embryo, or through artificial insemination using either the father’s sperm or a donor’s sperm.

          Surrogacy has one of the highest success rates when there is a healthy egg, sperm, and surrogate. However, it can take about one and a half years to complete the process of matching, IVF, and pregnancy. The cost of the process varies between $130,000 and $200,000.

          The surrogacy process allows for extensive screening where you can select a surrogate that will provide the best match and be the best surrogate to carry your baby.

          In addition to surrogacy being suitable for couples who are unable to safely carry a pregnancy to full term, it can also allow gay couples to have children. In the US, there are specific LGBT surrogacy agencies who can provide advice and assistance through the process.

          How to approach fertility treatment as a couple

          Of course, fertility treatment is more than just a surgical procedure or arrangement for surrogacy. It is vital that the emotions involved with any form of treatment be considered and that the emotional stress not be overlooked for couples involved.

          Amanda and her husband had been trying to conceive for over a year before they were referred for treatment. They found her husband had a low sperm count and so IVF was suggested as a way to have the family they so desired.

          “Finding out was awful and came close to breaking us apart. I could not envision going through the ordeal of treatments and Tony just felt like a failure.” However, Amanda found the medical staff were able to provide the support they needed. “The medical people were very good at telling me all the stages and everything involved. I also found online communities to find out more details.”

          After the initial trepidation, they went ahead with the procedure and she found that approaching it together helped and built a stronger relationship between them. “We got through it and thankfully, we were lucky by having our daughter with our first treatment. We became a great team.”

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          Of course, not everyone can be as lucky as Amanda and Tony were with being successful in the first cycle. It was a truth she learned herself as they tried for a sibling and had two failed cycles. “We hit the rocks again as we both felt like failures. It was pretty tough,” she recalled. Thankfully, their next cycle was a success and they have two beautiful children to show for it.

          Amanda has the following advice for couples facing fertility treatment: “Get as much advice as possible. You need to remember to never play the blame game. It’s no one’s fault you’re going through treatment. It’s no one’s fault if your treatment does not work first time. Remaining positive is the only way to get through it.”

          Preparing for fertility treatment

          Your doctor or specialist can help you find the best fertility treatment for you. However, there are things you can do before you attend your first meeting to ensure they have the clearest information to help you.

          • Keep a detailed chart noting when your periods start and finish. You can use a spreadsheet or one of the many apps to help you record information.
          • Record if/when you are ovulating.
          • If you experience any pain or PMT.
          • Note how often you are having sex with your partner and when this takes place in your cycle. This will give your gynecologist vital clues to your whole cycle, which will help in the choice of the fertility treatment that will be best suited for you.

          Other things you can do to help your fertility include reviewing your diet to give you the best chance of conceiving. Look closely at your alcohol intake and give up smoking, strive to eat healthily with lots of fruit and vegetables, and, if either of you are overweight, see if you can lose a little. Even a 10% weight loss can greatly improve chances of successful conception. Think about possibly going to the gym together. It is a great way to spend time together and it will build up your stamina for when you do have children!

          Children for LGBT couples

          Only in recent years has the option been available for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people to raise their own biological children. Scientific research conducted by organizations like the American, Australian and Canadian Psychological Associations consistently show that gay and lesbian parents are as fit and capable as heterosexual parents to raise children and that their children are as psychologically healthy and well-adjusted as those reared by heterosexual parents.

          There is the option of adoption and fostering, as well as surrogacy and IVF for couples.

          The United States supports commercial surrogacy for same-sex couples and in the states where it is supported, there is support for surrogacy contracts and automatically naming the couple as the legal parents of the unborn child.

          In conclusion

          Just because you are struggling to conceive does not mean that you will never have a family of your own one day. As you can see, there are numerous tried and tested options available. Take the time to speak to your specialist.

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          Published on October 23, 2020

          How to Help Your Kids to Deal with Bullies at School

          How to Help Your Kids to Deal with Bullies at School

          Sara is in her first year of Junior High. Every day, when Sara walks down the school hallway between her mid-morning classes, there is a group of girls who will tease, push her, or dump her books from her arms.

          She wonders daily what she did to deserve their meanness. She doesn’t even know these girls as they came from a different primary school than her own. Every evening, she lays in bed and cries just thinking about having to encounter these girls in the hallway the next day.

          Jeremy used to be good friends with Bill until Bill started calling Jeremy names. At first, it started as what seemed to be Bill trying to get a laugh from the other boys on his soccer team. He would make fun of Jeremy to get a laugh from the other boys. He has continued with the behavior for weeks, but it has gotten worse and Bill now calls Jeremy hurtful names at their soccer practice every day. Jeremy is thinking about quitting soccer because the situation has become so bad.

          Renee was born with a congenital defect. Her arm is malformed and she only has three fingers on one hand. She is in her first year of primary school. There is a little boy in her class who makes fun of her arm and mimics her arm movements and shortened arm effect anytime they are together and a teacher isn’t watching. Renee cries at home after school saying that she doesn’t want to go to school anymore. Her parents are bewildered as she has been begging to go to school for years. Now that she is old enough to be enrolled in primary school, she doesn’t want to attend anymore after just one month of school. Her parents have no idea what is causing her to be upset and not want to go to school.

          These are just three examples of bullying. Bullying can vary widely in behavior and context. Parents must know the difference between “kids just being kids” and bullying.

          Bullying Defined

          Bullying involves repeated behavior that harms another child. For example, the girls who continually pick on Sara in the hallway are bullying her by dumping her books, pushing her, and shoving her every day.

          Bullying is not always physical, though. For example, in the situation of Jeremy, his teammate Bill is bullying him by calling him names repeatedly.

          StopBullying.gov is a website about bullying that is hosted by the United States government. This website provides a clear definition of bullying as the following:[1]

          Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time. Both kids who are bullied and who bully others may have serious, lasting problems. In order to be considered bullying, the behavior must be aggressive and include [an imbalance of power and repetition].

          An Imbalance of Power: Kids who bully use their power—such as physical strength, access to embarrassing information, or popularity—to control or harm others. Power imbalances can change over time and in different situations, even if they involve the same people.

          Repetition: Bullying behaviors happen more than once or have the potential to happen more than once. Bullying includes actions such as making threats, spreading rumors, attacking someone physically or verbally, and excluding someone from a group on purpose.

          Bullying is aggressive, mean, and/or unwanted behaviors that happen repeatedly to a child.

          Intervention

          Bullying, especially for kids, requires immediate intervention. If your child suddenly decides that they no longer want to go to school or that they want to quit an activity, then a discussion should occur. Sit down with your child, and ask them what is going on in their life.

          Have compassion, understanding, and care in your words and tone of voice so that your child can open up to you. You never know if they are being a victim of bullying unless they open up to you and share what is occurring in their life.

          Some children don’t share immediately because they are embarrassed by the bullying. Others don’t tell their parents because they are afraid of the bully. They worry that if they tell, the wrath of the bully may get worse. This should also be a concern for the parents.

          Any intervention must be effective in removing the threat of the bully. If reporting the situation makes the bully’s behavior worse, then the intervention has failed.

          Talk to School Leadership

          Parents should talk to school leadership, such as the teacher, counselor, or principal when a bullying situation is occurring. If the bullying is happening at school, then the staff should be made aware so that they can intervene.

          Most schools have policies and protocols in place for handling bullies. Such things may include separating the students so that they aren’t interacting anymore.

          For example, with the situation of Renee, the boy who makes fun of her arm may be moved away from the school table they currently share. He would be moved to a separate side of the classroom so that he couldn’t easily communicate or make fun of Renee.

          Then, the counselor would talk to the boy about how his actions are hurtful and why he shouldn’t be making fun of anyone. The teacher and principal may have to implement consequences, such as removal from class or suspension, that are made clear to the student and his parent if he continues his behavior.

          In many instances, removing the opportunity for the students to interact is the best way for the bullying to stop. If the bully doesn’t have the opportunity to interact or communicate with the victim, their bullying behavior is stopped. This is the reason why in many instances of bullying parents need to involve school staff members (if it is happening at school).

          Parents can’t control where the students sit in the classroom. However, the school can change where students sit in the classroom. Parents should speak to the school about the bullying to ensure that appropriate interventions are made, including separating the bully from their victim.

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          Parents

          Parents are advocates for their children. If parents do not stand up to protect their child, then who will? When a situation of bullying is revealed by a child, the parents need to take the information seriously.

          Unfortunately, many parents of bullies don’t want to admit that their child is a bully. It can look and feel like they failed as parents. When a child is being bullied, that parent may reach out to the bully’s parent for intervention only to be put off. The bully’s parent may claim it is the other child’s fault, or they may insist that their child is innocent.

          This is why intervention should happen at the school if possible. Parents must advocate protecting their children as bullying can leave mental and emotional scars. The sooner they can get the bullying to cease, the better.

          Bullying Can Have Serious Effects

          Victims of bullying can develop depression and anxiety. The ongoing bullying can impact a child mentally and emotionally long term. The Suicide Prevention Resource Center cites research that shows that both bullies and their victims are at an increased risk for suicide.[2] In recent years, suicide has been increasing among teens and pre-teens. Bullying, including cyberbullying, is one of the primary causes for the increase in suicide among our youth.

          The serious—and sometimes even deadly—effects of bullying should be considered by all parents. If a child comes forward to reveal a situation of bullying, affecting either them or someone else, then parents and adults must intervene. Schools are set up to handle these situations, with policies and protocols in place. The consequences of bullying can be quite serious, which is why most schools have taken steps to institute bullying policies.

          Signs of Bullying

          Not all kids will come forward to tell their parents that they are being bullied. Parents should be aware of behavioral changes in their child, such as depression, anxiety, sadness, loss of interest in activities or school, sleeping issues, not eating, irritability, and moodiness. If your child exhibits any of these behaviors for a period of two weeks or more, then it is time to talk to the child about what is happening in their life.

          A parent who suspects bullying may be happening can talk to their child about bullying in general. The parent can explain what bullying can look like, or they can provide an example that has happened in their own life. They can explain that it is not the victim’s fault.

          Let the child know that if they see other children being bullied or if they are experiencing bullying, then they need to tell an adult (preferably you as the parent). When the child believes that telling can help the situation, that child is likely to then talk about it.

          How to Help Your Kids

          If your child is being bullied, you can and should help them. You can do it not only via intervention within the school but also by helping them cope with the situation.

          The first step is talking—having the child open up and talk about what is happening so that you can help them with strategies to stop the bullying. You can’t help them unless you know what is actually happening.

          Here are some more ways that you can help your child who is dealing with a bully:

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          1. Advise Them to Avoid the Bully

          If they aren’t exposed to the bully, then the bullying often stops. This is often why school intervention is needed so that the kids are separated and no longer have interactions.

          If it is cyberbullying taking place (e.g., your child is being bullied on social media) then they may need to block the person who is bullying them or put their own account on hold.

          2. Advise Them to Walk Away and Not Engage

          Many bullies thrive on reaction. The reaction from the person being bullied is what fuels their behavior. They may be doing it to make others laugh, or they do it to feel power over another person. If the reaction from the one being bullied goes away, then the bully may become less interested.

          You should advise your kids to not engage with a bully. Walking away without reacting is a good way of handling the bully.

          3. Let Them Know It Is Okay to Get Help

          The child should feel empowered to get help when they need it. For example, if Jeremy stays in soccer and the coach is informed about what is happening and the bullying happens again, Jeremy should tell the coach.

          He can do it confidentially after practice, or he can talk to the coach off to the side during practice if possible. If Jeremy needs intervention for Bill to stop, then he needs to ask for help when it happens.

          4. Build Their Confidence

          Often, a bully chooses to bully someone because they see the person as a weak or easy target. Other times, a child is picked on because there is something about them that is different. Building up your child’s confidence and self-esteem is important to helping them prepare for handling bullying in the future.

          For example, if another child makes fun of Renee’s arm next year in her new class, she would be prepared to shut it down by defending herself confidently with calm words that deter the child from making fun of her again.

          Every situation is different. But if your child has something that makes them different or stand out from others, then they can be prepared to handle the situation better if they know in advance what they would say to someone who picks on them for this difference.

          5. Encourage Them to Have Positive Friendships

          Children and youth need peer relationships. This helps them live a balanced and healthy life. A child without peer relationships and friendships is more likely to be a target of bullies.

          Encourage your child to make friends with others who are positive and kind. Help your child develop these skills as well. You can’t get friends unless you can be a friend.

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          Be There for Your Child

          One of the worst things that a parent can do when their child is being bullied is for them to say “tough it out” or “kids will be kids”. Not taking their situation seriously and not helping them is failing them. Parents must be willing to not only listen to their child and allow them to express things openly, but they must also be ready to help their child.

          If your child comes to you because they are being bullied, then take the situation seriously. The lasting effects of bullying are not something you will want to deal with in the future. Deal with the situation at hand so that the bullying can cease today.

          Be prepared to take serious action. If your school principal is not taking the situation seriously, then take it to the next level. Inform the school board or school administrators about what is happening. Keep the facts, and let them know you want the bullying to stop immediately.

          If the school doesn’t take any action and the bully continues to be a threat to your child, then be prepared to remove your child from the situation or the school, so you can protect your child from harm. Above all else, our job as parents is to protect our children.

          Bullying is not a one-time instance of someone saying something mean to your child. Bullying is a repeated act, whether physically or verbally, that is harming your child. Don’t allow your child to be repeatedly harmed. Once you know that bullying is happening, it must be stopped immediately through appropriate interventions.

          Get Additional Help if Needed

          If your child has been bullied and is suffering from depression, anxiety, or other emotional turmoil because of bullying then they should get professional help. You can go to Psychology Today and enter your location to find a qualified therapist near you. This website allows you to search by issue and treatment age as well. This can help you find a therapist near you who can help your child with their specific issues.

          Stomp Out Bullying is another website with additional support and information about bullying. They offer a free chat line to teens who are experiencing bullying. If your teen is being bullied and needs additional support check out their website today.

          Final Thoughts

          Bullying, especially for kids, is a serious matter that should be addressed as soon as possible. It can bring long-term psychological and physical damage to your children if you don’t act on it immediately. Your primary role as a parent is to protect your child from harm. This guide can help you help your kids to deal with bullies to get them out of harm’s way.

          Featured photo credit: Annie Spratt via unsplash.com

          Reference

          [1] StopBullying.gov: What Is Bullying
          [2] Suicide Prevention Resource Center: Suicide and Bullying

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