Advertising
Advertising

How To Stop Emotional Abuse And Communicate Effectively

How To Stop Emotional Abuse And Communicate Effectively

Stop Emotional Abuse So You Can Build Better Relationships

I have a story to share with you today.

Something happened this morning that made me reflect rather deeply about myself. I gained a new perspective on emotional abuse.

The weather was freezing out, but I had to take the train to work. I was running late, because I never know what to wear and was wasting time in front of the mirror trying to decide. (Yup—I’m one of those people.)

As I got to the station, the train I wanted to catch was just pulling away! Gosh, why today?

Well, it was only a 10-minute wait until the next one but when you don’t enjoy the bitter cold it can feel like taking a stroll in Antartica naked.

I observed a guy in his 30s, texting intensely on his phone. He kept sighing and tapping his right shoe against the metal pole of the seat in the waiting area. Never looked up for a single second. He was fixated on what he was doing. Frustrated as ever.

Advertising

We got on the train and funny enough we ended up sitting across from one another. I watched him intently as he dialed a number. This made me curious (and nosy). I was interested in eavesdropping, hoping to hear what had gotten him so worked up.

I heard the beep sound—it has gone to voicemail. DRAT! He spoke into the phone saying these exact words: “I know you still don’t want to talk, it has been two days. I said I was sorry. I was wrong, but you ignoring me is far more painful than what I did to you.”

He hung up the phone, lifted his head and made eye contact with me.

His deep green eyes looked sad and tired, red and swollen from tears or, perhaps, lack of sleep. I thought gosh, whoever is doing this to him must be a real jerk.

I don’t approve of psychological punishment.

Why Am I Telling You This?

Well, just like a slap in the face—it hit me. I was guilty.

Advertising

I have done the exact same thing! Maybe even hurt someone the same way as the guy was hurting.

Giving the silent treatment for long durations of time is a form of emotional abuse. It is a good weapon of choice because it’s powerful. A form of inflicting pain without visible bruising.

If you are regularly giving your friends, partner, and/or family members this type of treatment, you need to stop.

Reasons People Give The Silent Treatment:

  • Deliberately trying to hurt or punish you
  • Want full control of the situation
  • Are avoiding a confrontation

How Do You Deal With And Practice Effective Communication?

If one or both of you need space, establish it.

You need to have patience, which is hard when you are hurt and angry.

Advertising

If someone is purposefully trying to hurt you through the silent treatment and acting out of malice, analyze the situation. Remember, this is emotional abuse and is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.

There is a lack of effective communication and you need to decide whether it is a relationship you want to grow or walk away from.

This does not only apply to your spouse, but friends, colleagues, and acquaintances as well. Don’t ever let anyone tell you or make you feel like you don’t matter.

You do.

5 Ways To Stops Emotional Abuse And Practice Effective Communication

We say one thing, the other person hears something else, and misunderstandings, frustration, and conflicts ensue.

Fortunately, you can learn how to communicate more clearly and effectively by:

Advertising

  • Agreeing it’s okay to disagree
  • Actively listening
  • Being present
  • Finding your voice
  • Being honest but mindful of the feelings of others

It is important for you to understand the emotions and intentions behind the information.

Practice Effective Communication Daily

It is a learned skill and the glue that helps you deepen your relationships and connections to others.

By practicing effective communication, you and those around you will be more respectful to one another and you will see your relationships flourish.

Are you able to convey information to people clearly and simply in a mature and fair way?

How do you practice effective communication? Please share in the comments section below.

Featured photo credit: Pixabay via pixabay.com

More by this author

Sheri Leinfellner

Lifestyle, Self-Improvement & Travel Blogging

How To Stop Emotional Abuse And Communicate Effectively How To Stop Emotional Abuse And Communicate Effectively emotionally bullied 4 Ways To Identify An Emotional Bully

Trending in 20-Something

1 One Solid Practice for Tackling Low Self-Esteem 2 If You Want To Get Help From Others Easily, Remember To Avoid This Mistake 3 7 Tools to Optimize Your Next Long-Term Traveling Experience 4 What GoT Would Be Like if the Characters Used Social Media 5 How To Go Through College And Stay Sane

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on April 11, 2019

How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

Possessing strong communication skills will help you in every phase of your life. This is especially true in the workplace.

I have personally worked with several leaders who were masters of communication. A few were wonderful speakers who could tell a great story and get everyone in the room engaged. Those of us in attendance would walk away feeling inspired and eager to help with what came next. Others were very skilled at sharing a clear direction and job expectations.

I knew exactly what was expected of me and how to achieve my goals. This was the foundation of an energized and vibrant role I was in. What I have found is strong communication skills are incredibly helpful and sometimes critical in how well we perform at work.

Here we will take a look at how to improve communication skills for workplace success.

How Communication Skills Help Your Success

Strong communication skills pave the way for success in many ways. Let’s look at a few of the big ones.

Create a Positive Experience

Here are two examples of how well developed communication skills helps create a positive experience:

When I first moved to the city I now live in, I began a job search. Prior to my first live interview, I was told an address to go to. Upon arriving at the address provided, I drove around and around attempting to find the location. After 15 minutes of circling and looking for the address, I finally grabbed a parking spot and set out on foot.

What I discovered was the address was actually down an alley and only had the number over the door. No sign for the actual company. The person that gave me those very unclear directions provided a bad experience for me.

Had they communicated the directions to get there in a clear manner, my experience would have been much better. Instead the entire experience started off poorly and colored the entire meeting.

As a recruiter, I frequently provide potential candidates with information about a job I’m speaking to them about. In order to do this, I also provide a picture of the overall company, the group they might be joining, and how their role fits in and impacts the entire company.

Time and time again I have been told by candidates that I have provided the clearest picture of a company and role they have ever heard. They have a positive experience when I clearly communicate to them. Even when the position does not work out for them, often times they will want to stay in touch with me due to the open communication and beneficial experience they had during the interviewing process.

Advertising

Strong communication skills will provide a positive experience in virtually any interaction you have with someone.

Help Leadership Skills

It’s certainly a skill all its own to be able to lead others.

Being a mentor and guiding others towards success is a major hallmark of great leaders. Another characteristic of effective leaders is the ability to communicate clearly.

As I referenced above, having a leader who can plainly articulate the company’s mission and direction goes a really long way towards being the Captain of the boat that others want to follow. It’s like saying “here’s our destination and this is how we are going to get there” in a way that everyone can get on board with.

Another critical component of everyone helping to sail the boat in the right direction is knowing what your portion is all about. How are you helping the boat move towards its destination in the manner than is consistent with the leaders’ vision?

If you have a boss or a manager that can show you what it takes for not only you to be successful, but also how your performance helps the company’s success then you’ve got a winner. A boss with superior communication skills.

Build Better Teams

Most of us work in teams of some sort or another. During the course of my career, I have led teams up to 80 and also been an individual contributor.

In my individual contributor roles, I have been part of a larger team. Even if you are in business for yourself, you have to interact with others in one manner or another.

If you have strong communication skills, it helps to build better teams. This is true whether you are in an IT department with 100 other fellow programmers or if you own your own business and have customers or vendors you communicate with.

When you showcase your robust ability to communicate well with others while interacting with them, you are building a better team.

Now let’s jump in to how to improve communication skills to help you pave the way for your workplace success.

Advertising

How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

There are many tips, tricks, and techniques to improve communication skills. I don’t want to overwhelm you with too much information, so let’s focus on the things that will provide the biggest return on your time investment.

Most of these tips will be fairly easy to become aware of but will take time and effort to implement. So let’s go!

1. Listen

Ever heard the saying you have two ears and one mouth for a reason? If you haven’t, then here’s the reason:

Being a good listener is half the equation to being a good communicator.

People who have the ability to really listen to someone can then actually answer questions in a meaningful way. If you don’t make the effort to actively listen, then you are really doing yourself and the other person a disservice in the communication department.

Know that person who is chomping at the bit to open his or her mouth the second you stop talking? Don’t be that person. They haven’t listened to at least 1/2 of what you’ve said. Therefore the words that spill out of their mouth are going to be about 1/2 relevant to what you just said.

Listen to someone completely and be comfortable with short periods of silence. Work on your listening skills first and foremost.

2. Know Your Audience

Knowing your audience is another critical component to having strong communication skills. The way you interact with your manager should be different than how you interact with your kids. This isn’t to say you need to be a different person with everyone you interact with. Far from it.

Here is a good way to think about it:

Imagine using your the same choice of words and body language you use with your spouse while interacting with your boss. That puts things in a graphic light!

You want to ensure you are using the type of communication most relevant to your audience.

Advertising

3. Minimize

I have lunch with a business associate about 3 times a year. We’ve been talking for several years now about putting a business deal together.

He is one of those people that simply overwhelms others with a lot of words. Sometimes when I ask him a question, I get buried beneath such an avalanche of words that I’m more confused than when I asked the question. Needless to say this is most likely a large portion of why we never put the deal together.

Don’t be like my lunch business associate. The goal of talking to or communicating with someone is to share actual information. The goal is not to confuse someone, it’s to provide clarity in many cases.

State what needs to be stated as succinctly as possible. That doesn’t mean you can’t have some pleasant conversation about the weather too.

The point is to not create such an onslaught of words and information that the other person walks away more confused than when they started.

4. Over Communicate

So this probably sounds completely counter intuitive to what I just wrote about minimizing your communication. It seems like it might be but it’s not.

What I mean by over communicating is ensuring that the other person understands the important parts of what you are sharing with them. This can be done simply yet effectively. Here’s a good example:

Most companies have open enrollment for benefits for the employees in the fall. The company I work for has open enrollment from November 1 to 15. The benefits department will send out a communication to all employees around October 1st, letting them know open enrollment is right around the corner and any major changes that year. There’s also a phone number and email for people to contact them with any questions.

Two weeks later, we all get a follow up email with basically the same information. We get a 3rd communication the week before open enrollment and another one 1 day before it starts.

Finally we get 2 emails during enrollment reminding us when open enrollment ends.

There’s minimal information, it’s more of a reminder. This is effective over communication.

Advertising

5. Body Language

The final critical component to how to improve communication skills for workplace success is body language. This is something most of us have heard about before but, a reminder is probably a good idea.

When I am in a meeting with someone I am comfortable with, I tend to kind of slouch down in my chair and cross my arms. When I catch myself doing this, I sit up straight and uncross my arms. I remember that crossing arms can many times be interpreted as a sign of disagreement or conflict.

In general, the best rule of thumb is to work towards having open body language whenever possible at work. This means relaxing your posture, not crossing your arms, and looking people in the eye when speaking with them.

When you are speaking in front of others, stand up straight and speak in a clear voice. This will convey confidence in your words.

Conclusion

Possessing strong communication skills will help you in many facets of your life and most certainly in the workplace.

Good communication helps create better teams, positive experiences with those we interact with, and are critical for leadership.

There are numerous tactics and techniques to be used to improve communication skills. Here we’ve reviewed how to improve communication skills for workplace success.

Now go communicate your way to success.

More Resources About Effective Communication

Featured photo credit: HIVAN ARVIZU via unsplash.com

Read Next