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Hindsight is 20/20: 5 Lessons From Your Life

Hindsight is 20/20: 5 Lessons From Your Life

It was an evening unlike any other; sitting at my laptop with a glass of wine and I found myself rereading old thesis papers from college. I started to skim one that involved the personality breakdown through the bio-psychosocial theory, with my analytical subject being my then husband. I was stunned at the findings I had comprised. I had completely picked apart his personality and revealed all the ticks that hindered our marriage. How I delightfully gazed over these words 2 years ago, baffles me. Within the paper, I had defended my bias to the relationship. I tried to convince the reader that it was not intended to be a personal reflection, but strictly clinical. After all this time, however, I realized I was unconsciously venting my frustrations; airing them within this paper and convincing myself that these features were in no way detrimental. Now months after our divorce, here I was staring at the red flags in the face. Our entire relationship was scripted in forms of behavioral impulses and environmental factors that I avoided for so long until I couldn’t any longer. Why did this not resonate within me in the moment? I feverishly texted one of my closest friends who bluntly stated to me, “Ya know, hindsight is 20/20 they say.”

This is when it all makes sense.

You hear idioms such as these constantly, but once it makes a mark with you on a personal level, that is when it all makes sense. The definition flooded me yet instead of becoming angered with my previous lack of insight, I had to step outside and assess what I had gathered from those moments. I needed to understand that my capacity for knowledge was so different than now. At that point in my life, I was stuck in a cycle of compressed unhappiness veiled with security. I guarded my feelings for the sake of others and for the purpose of upholding an image. As I sat at my desk that night, I understood that I needed to live that experience. I had to fight through the troubles to fully grasp who I was and what I needed from my relationships with others and myself. Society might not appreciate the idea of hindsight, yet deeply embedded within it is a lesson, which should transform into a ritual.

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Accept what has happened and learn from it.

Of course, we are all familiar with this idea, yet how many of us actually put this into practice? It’s not easy but it can come with time and a few helpful ideas. Ultimately, you cannot stress over your past decisions, but be humbled by them and reflect because there is absolutely nothing you can do about them now. At the same time, those who are on the outside of your choices cannot criticize. You did what you could at the time, with the knowledge and faith in the situation that you had to work with.

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Plain and simple. The deal is done.

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Take the following 5 steps into consideration next time you are faced with disapproval against your past:

  1. Take each interaction as a lesson; and a valuable one at that.
  2. Don’t regret situations, use them to build the future.
  3. Do not agonize over the “IF”. The situation has passed and there has been a resolution. Regardless of the ending, we lived it, we must accept it and move on. If it was a negative outcome, take it as you have grown from that – simply placed another stone on your strong foundation.
  4. Negatively harboring on your hindsight is too exhausting and mentally wearing. It will bruise your chances for a positive outlook on life to the point of depression. Hindsight is your reflection of the situation, embrace it and focus your perspective for the next time.
  5. And finally, always look back, but never in anger.

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    Jillian Skoczylas

    Clinical Liaison for Intensive Care Management at Beacon Health Options

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    Last Updated on October 22, 2019

    How to Get “I Can’t Do It” Out of Your Vocabulary

    How to Get “I Can’t Do It” Out of Your Vocabulary

    When someone says, “I can’t do it” . . . I say to myself, “What do you mean you can’t do it?” Maybe you don’t want to do it, but saying you “can’t” do it is a completely different story.

    With the right mindset, positive attitude, and a clear vision of what you want to accomplish, the only thing that is holding you back is yourself.

    Can’t is a terrible word and it has to be taken out of your vocabulary.

    By saying you can’t do something, you’re already doubting yourself, submitting to defeat, and you’re making that barrier around your life tighter.

    So today, right now, we are going to remove this word for good.

    From now on there is nothing we can’t do.

    “Attitude is Tattoo”

    Your attitude is everything; it’s your reason, your why and how, your facial expression, emotions, body language, and potentially the end result. How you approach an opportunity, and the result of it, is solely based on you — not your boss or your co-worker or friend.

    If you enter a business meeting with a sour attitude, that negative energy can spread like wildfire. People can also feel it — maybe even taste it. This is not an impression you want to leave.

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    Now imagine you enter a business meeting with a positive attitude, that whatever happens in here is going to be your result, in your control, not someone else’s. Of course, we can’t always win, but even if the outcome is negative, your attitude and perception can turn it into a positive. The question is: can you do it?

    Of course you can, because there is nothing in this world you can’t do.

    It’s much better to be known for your positive attitude — your poise, your energy, the reason why things go so well because you are able to maintain such character. A negative attitude is easy. It’s easy to complain, it’s easy to be mad, and it’s even easier to do nothing to change it.

    When I say your “attitude is tattoo”, it sounds permanent. Tattoos can be removed, but that’s not the point. Your attitude is like a tattoo because you wear it. People can see it and sometimes, they will judge you on it. If you maintain a negative attitude, then it is permanent until you change it.

    Change your attitude and I guarantee the results change as well.

    Believe You Can Do It

    Do you know why most people say “can’t” and doubt themselves before trying anything?

    It’s our lack of self-confidence and fear on many different levels. The one thing we have to purge from ourselves is fear — fear of bad results, fear of change, fear of denial, fear of loss, the fear that makes us worry and lose sleep. Worrying is the same as going outside with an umbrella, waiting for rain to hit it. Stop worrying and move on.

    Confidence is fragile: It builds up slowly, but can shatter like glass. Project your confidence and energy into believing in yourself. This is a very important and groundbreaking step — one that is usually the hardest to take. Start telling yourself you can do something, anything, and you will do it the best to your ability. Remove doubt, remove fear, and stick with positive energy.

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    Embrace Failure

    Do not fear failure. Do not run away from it. Face it, learn from it, grow, and take action. Just remember: You will never know success if you have never failed.

    Your confidence will bolster after embracing these facts. You will be immune to demoralizing results, and instead you will find ways to fix it, improve upon it, and make it better than before. You will learn to never say “can’t,” and will realize how many more opportunities you can create by removing that one word.

    Don’t let one simple and ugly word plague your confidence. You’re better and stronger than that.

    Start Making the Change

    But to actually start the process of change is very challenging.

    Why is that?

    Fear? Time? Don’t know how — or where — to start?

    It’s hard because what we’re doing is unlearning what we know. We are used to doing things a certain way, and chances are we’ve been doing them for years.

    So here are some ways that I avoid using the word “can’t”, and actually take the steps to put forth the change that I wish to see. I hope you can incorporate these methods into your life.

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    Write down What You Want to Change

    Write it on post-its, notecards, whatever makes you comfortable — something you will always see. I usually write mine on post-its and put them all over the wall behind my monitor so I always see them.

    Tell a Friend and Talk About It

    Discussing your goals, what you want to change, is very effective when you say it out loud and tell another person other than yourself. It’s almost like saying, hey, I bet I can do it — watch me.

    When you fulfill that goal and tell your friend, it feels rewarding and will motivate you to do it again in a different aspect. Who knows? Maybe your friend adopts the same mindset as you.

    Stop Yourself from Saying the Forbidden Word

    Sometimes,I can’t control myself in public when I’m with friends, so I have to be careful with the words I use so I don’t embarrass or insult anyone.

    Treat the word “can’t” as the worst word you can possibly use. Stop yourself from saying it, mid-sentence if you must, and turn your whole perspective around — you can do it, you will do it, and nothing is impossible!

    Repetition, Repetition, Repetition

    You think this change will be overnight? No way. This is a practice. Something you’re going to be doing for the rest of your life from now until forever.

    As I said earlier, you are unlearning what you know. You know how easy it is to say you can’t do something, so by unlearning this easy practice, you’re self-disciplining yourself to live without boundaries.

    Practice this everyday, a little at a time, and before you know it, the word can’t will not be part of your language.

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    Do Anything That Can Relieve Your Uncertainty

    When I catch myself saying I can’t do something or I don’t know something, looking up information on that action or subject, doing research, educating yourself, relieves that uncertainty.

    Sometimes, we think we can’t do something because the whole idea of it seems too large. We skip the small steps in our head and only focus on the end.

    Before you say you can’t do something, rewind and slow down a little bit. Focus on what the first step is, then the next. Take it a step at a time, and before you know it you will have done something you previously thought you couldn’t do.

    Final Thoughts

    You know what you must do. The first step is right now. Once you begin this habit, and really start noticing some change, you’ll realize the door to opportunity is everywhere.

    The funny thing is: Those doors have always been there. The evil word that we no longer use put a veil over our eyes because that’s how powerful that word is.

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    Featured photo credit: Cata via unsplash.com

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