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7 Tips for Using Dating Apps

7 Tips for Using Dating Apps

Dating apps are everywhere. You can meet new people in seconds regardless of where you are. And, as the technology becomes more prevalent, it can provide great opportunities to meet someone new. If you are interested in making the most of the dating apps you use, consider these seven tips to get you started.

Lead Off with a Question

When you reach out to someone that interests you, make sure to ask an open-ended question. For example, just saying “hi” doesn’t give them a lot to work with, but asking them a question about a point in their profile gives them a topic to jump-start the conversation. If you see that they have traveled to a place you would love to see, consider asking them about their experience. Or, if they like a musical genre that you are into, see if they have any local bands to recommend (which also segues into a great first date idea). Don’t be afraid to get creative when you ask, just make sure that it gets the conversation going in a positive direction.

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Include Quirky Facts about Yourself

Don’t be afraid to let your true self come through. If you have an interest in learning archery, love 70s kung fu films, or simply can’t say no to egg roll appetizers, throw in that tidbit. Why should you do it? It helps separate you from the pack. And, if a relationship is going to last, they need to appreciate you for everything you are, quirks included.

Don’t Lie about Your Age

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If you lie about your age, and the relationship moves forward, your falsehood will come out. That, and there just isn’t much of a point to hiding your age. Would you really want to be with someone who gets bent out of shape because of your age? Probably not, so lead off with the truth and avoid a mess of trouble later.

Don’t Play Unnecessary Games

A lot of people think they need to follow a set of rules regarding when they should respond to a message from someone. If someone sends a message, answer back when it is convenient. And, if the conversation is going well, feel free to write back and forth at whatever rate works for you. Just remember that everyone’s life is a little different, so don’t get upset automatically if you don’t get replies right away.

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Be Yourself

Some people are tempted to change who they appear to be when trying to attract someone new. While small adjustments might be fine, totally changing a key component of who you are will be hard to keep up. If you are hoping for a long-term relationship, it is better to be forward about your interests, profession, and personality, as faking it can become harder over time.

Tell Someone Where You Will Be

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If you decide to meet up with someone you met online, make sure someone else knows where you will be. Schedule the date for a public place, and drive yourself to the location. While most people aren’t going to pose a threat, it is better to play it safe than to be sorry.

Don’t Lie about Your History

While you don’t have to divulge every detail, if your date begins to become “intimate” it is important to have the conversation about your health and history. STD testing is readily available, so make sure you get yourself checked regularly, especially if you have new or multiple partners. And, if you aren’t comfortable asking your potential partner about their status, maybe it is better to wait until the relationship is further along to cross into this territory.

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Shelly Green

Entrepreneur writer and a blogger

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Last Updated on September 10, 2018

Overcoming The Pain Of A Breakup: 3 Suggestions Based On Science

Overcoming The Pain Of A Breakup: 3 Suggestions Based On Science

We thought that the expression ‘broken heart’ was just a metaphor, but science is telling us that it is not: breakups and rejections do cause physical pain. When a group of psychologists asked research participants to look at images of their ex-partners who broke up with them, researchers found that the same brain areas that are activated by physical pain are also activated by looking at images of ex-partners. Looking at images of our ex is a painful experience, literally.[1].

Given that the effect of rejections and breakups is the same as the effect of physical pain, scientists have speculated on whether the practices that reduce physical pain could be used to reduce the emotional pain that follows from breakups and rejections. In a study on whether painkillers reduce the emotional pain caused by a breakup, researchers found that painkillers did help. Individuals who took painkillers were better able to deal with their breakup. Tamar Cohen wrote that “A simple dose of paracetamol could help ease the pain of a broken heart.”[2]

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Just like painkillers can be used to ease the pain of a broken heart, other practices that ease physical pain can also be used to ease the pain of rejections and breakups. Three of these scientifically validated practices are presented in this article.

Looking at images of loved ones

While images of ex-partners stimulate the pain neuro-circuitry in our brain, images of loved ones activate a different circuitry. Looking at images of people who care about us increases the release of oxytocin in our body. Oxytocin, or the “cuddle hormone,” is the hormone that our body relies on to induce in us a soothing feeling of tranquility, even when we are under high stress and pain.

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In fact, oxytocin was found to have a crucial role as a mother is giving birth to her baby. Despite the extreme pain that a mother has to endure during delivery, the high level of oxytocin secreted by her body transforms pain into pleasure. Mariem Melainine notes that, “Oxytocin levels are usually at their peak during delivery, which promotes a sense of euphoria in the mother and helps her develop a stronger bond with her baby.”[3]

Whenever you feel tempted to look at images of your ex-partner, log into your Facebook page and start browsing images of your loved ones. As Eva Ritvo, M.D. notes, “Facebook fools our brain into believing that loved ones surround us, which historically was essential to our survival. The human brain, because it evolved thousands of years before photography, fails on many levels to recognize the difference between pictures and people”[4]

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Exercise

Endorphins are neurotransmitters that reduce our perception of pain. When our body is high on endorphins, painful sensations are kept outside of conscious awareness. It was found that exercise causes endorphins to be secreted in the brain and as a result produce a feeling of power, as psychologist Alex Korb noted in his book: “Exercise causes your brain to release endorphins, neurotransmitters that act on your neurons like opiates (such as morphine or Vicodin) by sending a neural signal to reduce pain and provide anxiety relief.”[5] By inhibiting pain from being transmitted to our brain, exercise acts as a powerful antidote to the pain caused by rejections and breakups.

Meditation

Jon Kabat Zinn, a doctor who pioneered the use of mindfulness meditation therapy for patients with chronic pain, has argued that it is not pain itself that is harmful to our mental health, rather, it is the way we react to pain. When we react to pain with irritation, frustration, and self-pity, more pain is generated, and we enter a never ending spiral of painful thoughts and sensations.

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In order to disrupt the domino effect caused by reacting to pain with pain, Kabat Zinn and other proponents of mindfulness meditation therapy have suggested reacting to pain through nonjudgmental contemplation and acceptance. By practicing meditation on a daily basis and getting used to the habit of paying attention to the sensations generated by our body (including the painful ones and by observing these sensations nonjudgmentally and with compassion) our brain develops the habit of reacting to pain with grace and patience.

When you find yourself thinking about a recent breakup or a recent rejection, close your eyes and pay attention to the sensations produced by your body. Take deep breaths and as you are feeling the sensations produced by your body, distance yourself from them, and observe them without judgment and with compassion. If your brain starts wandering and gets distracted, gently bring back your compassionate nonjudgmental attention to your body. Try to do this exercise for one minute and gradually increase its duration.

With consistent practice, nonjudgmental acceptance will become our default reaction to breakups, rejections, and other disappointments that we experience in life. Every rejection and every breakup teaches us great lessons about relationships and about ourselves.

Featured photo credit: condesign via pixabay.com

Reference

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