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What It’s Like to Have Binge Eating Disorder

What It’s Like to Have Binge Eating Disorder

Binge eating disorder looks like…

  • self-control
  • willpower
  • freedom

However, when it sneaks out it transforms itself into restriction and starvation, compulsive eating, and doing shameful, unforgivable things with food.

If you look closely enough, you can recognize it in brittle nails, thinning hair, canceled plans, and frantically raiding the refrigerator or pantry the minute everyone leaves the house. It looks like anorexia on the outside, but food addiction on the inside. It’s major weight swings, food hangovers, purging, and body shame.

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Binge eating disorder feels like empty happiness because you’re finally skinny enough to win society’s approval yet it feels like the scariest, oddest, most inhumane thing imaginable. You absolutely hate it, but yet are attached to it more than anything else.

It’s feeling faint from going a day or two without food before you start bingeing again. It’s shame, anxiety, and depression all wrapped up into the prettiest-looking gift under the Christmas tree.

It’s calm and shame at the same time. It’s love and hate at the same time. It lifts you up but quickly drops you. It’s your best friend and your worst enemy.

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Binge eating disorder sounds like “I’m too fat. I’m not skinny enough. Why am I not good enough? What do I need to do to make my body look better? I hate my body. I hate myself. No one likes me. I’m disgusting. I’m a pig. Don’t eat that; it’s bad. Now I’ve really blown it. So much for toning up this summer!”

All the while you appear perfectly healthy. It’s your dirty little secret. It’s your double life. It’s always planning the next binge. It’s isolation: leaving social gatherings with friends or family knowing your binge awaits you at home; making another trip to the store or restaurant because you didn’t get enough food the first time. It’s eating a week’s worth of calories in one or two days.

It’s canceling plans you have just so that you can crawl back into your shameful world. It’s the only place you feel comfortable. It’s the world where you have less anxiety and less depression.

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It’s that mental tug- that inner voice telling you that you want something. “You need something.” It’s like an insect drawn to a bright light. You learn to disguise it behind the smiles; behind the gaiety; behind the convincing talk that you’re just hungry.

You’re “o.k.”, but how “o.k.” are you when you’re stuffing your mouth as tears stream down your face? How “o.k.” are you when you’re hovered over the toilet crying because you can’t get yourself to throw up? How “o.k.” are you when you’re keeping down fewer than 500 calories a day? When will it be enough?

Recovery from binge eating disorder means learning how to say, “I need help.” It’s learning how to take care of yourself without guilt. It means occasionally confiding in a friend or loved one. It means learning to listen to your body instead of your head when it comes to food choices. It’s meditation to calm anxiety around food. It’s going for walks. It’s putting yourself first. It’s letting go of the desire to lose weight. It’s allowing yourself to eat what you want until you’re satisfied. It’s eating whatever you want, whenever you want- hungry or not. Binge eating disorder is challenging your beliefs about what defines beauty and worthiness. It’s loving your life. It’s loving your body. It’s accepting everything about yourself no matter how negative or imperfect.

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Binge eating disorder is just a bad habit. Recovery is the chance to take back all the power you once gave it.

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Last Updated on February 17, 2020

5 Reasons Why You Should Always Be Who You Are

5 Reasons Why You Should Always Be Who You Are

When it comes to being yourself, there can be a lot of pressure from the outside world as it tries to influence who you are. Living in a society that is constantly developing, it’s important for you to always be yourself from the inside out.

When you deeply know yourself and the boundaries that you have set, you are more likely to experience a fulfilling and rewarding life. Without knowing yourself and establishing those boundaries, you can easily be pushed around and end up on a dirt path.

So how to be who you are and always be yourself?

“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it” – Matthew 7:13-14

You have the option of taking the path that is broad or taking the path that is narrow. You can either conform to what life wants you to be, or have the courage to remain true to yourself throughout the years. It’s definitely a challenge to have a strong sense of self when we are constantly getting distracted and being influenced by the media and society’s way of life. But if you want to reach your fullest potential in life, it all starts with being yourself.

Why should you always be yourself? Because you will:

1. Live in Alignment With Your Values and Beliefs

Being yourself is all about knowing what you believe in and the values that you live by. When you are not yourself, you will take on the values and beliefs of others. This is when you start conforming to other people’s expectations and way of thinking.

When you know your values and why you do what you do, you will live according to your own values and beliefs.

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2. Establish Your Own Identity

When you are able to have a solid foundation of being you, you are establishing your own sense of identity. No matter what happens in your life, you will always know who you are.

There will be times where you may feel lost or distracted, but if you have your own identity you’ll be able to get back on the right path. Without establishing your own identity, you may easily conform and lose yourself.

3. Build Courage

It takes a great amount of courage when you decide to take the path that goes against the crowd. The reason why the majority of people take the broad path is because it’s easy.

It’s easy to just follow the crowd. It’s more of a challenge when you stay true to yourself and establish your own identity. This challenge of always being yourself takes courage and inner strength. No matter what comes your way, you’ll know how to handle it.

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4. Establish Boundaries

When you are always yourself, you know what your limits are and the boundaries that you have set for yourself. When people cross your boundaries, you will know.

But if you don’t establish boundaries, people may very well walk all over you and take advantage of you. If you are always yourself and you establish boundaries, you are more likely to be aware when people start taking advantage of you.

Create and establish your boundaries.

5. Find Focus and Direction

When you are always yourself, you are more likely to have focus and direction in your life. Imagine someone who is constantly conforming to other people’s expectations, do you think this person has focus and direction? I don’t think so.

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When you stay true to who you are, you are more likely to know the goals you want to accomplish and how to go about accomplishing them. You are able to stay focused and know which direction to take in order for you to accomplish your goals.

No matter what you experience in life, the only person that will always remain constant is you.

More Tips about Staying True to Yourself

Featured photo credit: María Victoria Heredia Reyes via unsplash.com

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