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Ten-Year Mental Suffering Taught Me Ten Lessons to Be Mentally Strong

Ten-Year Mental Suffering Taught Me Ten Lessons to Be Mentally Strong

I never thought of sharing the same class with school juniors in my wildest dreams. I never thought of leaving my college degree after clearing the first year with highest marks. I never thought of visiting the psychiatrists and psychologists for my bipolar syndrome and recurrent depression treatment.

I never thought of giving some thought to ending my life in an unnatural way. I never thought of sealing myself in a room to avoid human interactions. Though my journey was full of unexpected events, it left behind some valuable lessons which I’ll cherish.

Here are ten lessons from my ten-year mentally traumatic journey to become a mentally strong person:

1. Take Some Time for Self-Examination

I was fed up with the hide-n-seek game in my personal life because I was the one who was always hiding away from the embarrassing questions. I was the one who was screaming within without making any audible noise.

I was the one who was hurting myself without showing any signs of pain. Most of the times, I was playing the torture game with no seekers because I wrapped myself in self-made fear. I was so afraid that I didn’t get the time to seek within.

power_of_mind

    I coated myself with thick layers of self-doubt. After going through several internal beating, I realized the importance of self-examination. Disconnect from the outer world to observe your real emotions. Analyze your mental state by just keeping you at the center.

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    2. Make Children Your Mentor

    There was a point in my life when I became over-cautious about other’s opinions. ‘If I smile too much, how people are going to interpret my behavior.’ If I talk casually with them, they might ask me depressing questions.’

    Though I refrained myself from the social gathering to face the awkward reactions, I felt comfortable in kid’s company. I used to laugh at their silly jokes wholeheartedly without any fear of judgment.

    mental_strength_future

      Kids don’t have time for judgment because they are too busy in enjoying the present moment. Spend quality time with children to simplify your life. Take their guidance on how to boost the spirit despite repeated failures.

      3. Stay away from the Comparison Trap

      When I was planning to quit my life, my friends were planning to join a company to settle in life. When my junior cousins came ahead of me on academic grounds, I felt insecure while interacting with them. I became inactive on social media because I felt bad for myself after reading the success stories in my page feed.

      keep_going

        After wasting my quality time in baseless comparison, I understood the relevance of directing all energies on our personal growth. Instead of radiating negative thoughts, recollect the positive memories and have a gratitude list. Devote time on carving your beautiful path.

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        4. Never Display Your Pitiable Side

        Never portray yourself as a pitiable soul. Strip off the attention-seeking attitude. “I feel sad for your current state because you have the potential.” This statement became a routine affair for me. But, I didn’t feel the same thing.

        four_is_one

          Never feel sad about your current state because everything happens for a good reason. I couldn’t picture myself as a writer if I haven’t gone through the traumatic phase of my life. A constant struggle shows your patience to face the odd winds, not your weak side.

          5. Only the Wearer knows Where the Shoe Pinches

          You can’t expect others to experience your mental state. In my dark phase, most of the conversations ended up with this statement, “Yatin, it’s time to get serious in life. Increase your willpower.” At that point, I want to punch all of them right in their face due to frustration. Am I a fool to ruin my life deliberately?

          mental_toughness

            After some time, I realized that it was not their fault. It’s hard to understand how much others are suffering. People can just imagine your mental state, but you are the one who feels it actually.

            6. Choose Your Listeners Properly

            I realized this important lesson when I was interacting with my school friend. As soon I was about to disclose my true feelings, he shocked me with this statement, ‘A drop year won’t affect your growth because you are a bright student. I know you did this deliberately to gather the sympathy from teachers.’ I was on the verge of crying, but I gathered the confidence to reply him with a fake smile.

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            indomitable_will

              It feels good to share the feelings but choose the listeners correctly. Share close things with those who care for you. Don’t break down in front of anyone because people, who take you casually, don’t give a fu*k about your mental state.

              7. Have Faith in Your Work

              Whenever there was a discussion related to career building among my friends and relatives, I felt myself in the freeze position waiting for the right time to take an exit. I didn’t know how to express my nature of work. “How will you generate income?” “Is there any scope?” What else, for sustenance, are you doing apart from writing? My self-confidence hit a major blow after facing these fearsome questions.

              what_you_do

                Today, I proudly call myself as a positive blogger who is on a mission to help people rediscover their source of positivity. I don’t care about those individuals who don’t respect my cause. Do what you love without caring about others. Why? One day, the same people will appreciate your patience and hard work for choosing the unique path.

                8. Let It Be

                Some of my relatives thought I was just wasting my time while sitting at home. As they didn’t know anything about my blogging work, they asked me to stay at their home for mood upliftment. ‘What important work you do at home, apart from just sitting?’, was the usual reply after my refusal to stay at their home.

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                shines_from_within

                  I never felt the urge to explain them the reason for my refusal. To them, success meant visible achievement. The struggle to overcome the mental barriers had no relevance in their dictionary. No use of draining your energy on these individuals. Just let it be.

                  9. Beware of Stress Eating

                  Who faced the beatings of my stress? My digestive system. I didn’t eat to satisfy my physical hunger, but for cursing my fate. Indulgence in high-fat, sugary foods became my silent punishment. Though my mom was concerned about my weird demands, she couldn’t find the exact reason for my changing eating habits.

                  true_mental_strength

                    You won’t gain anything, except more tension and weight, by punishing your body. Keep a track on your eating patterns. Fill your tummy for nourishing your body, nothing else.

                    10. Ask Yourself: At What Cost?

                    With time, I realized a graduation certificate couldn’t decide my fate. I’m not against any college degree. It’s good to have a proof to showcase your expertise, but I asked myself the same question. When I was at the lowest point in my life, I took the tough decision to drop my college degree. The decision took away my four valuable years because I was not ready to face the harsh questions. If I have taken this step earlier, I would have concentrated on other aspects of life.

                    quality_life

                      Before putting your foot in any work, understand the cost of leaving other tasks for the same time and effort. Don’t just do things for the sake of fulfilling the expectations of the society. Don’t do stuff which is expected from you. Focus on those things what you expect from yourself.

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                      Yatin Khulbe

                      Positivity Advocate

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                      Last Updated on March 14, 2019

                      7 Questions to Ask in a Job Interview That Will Impress the Interviewer

                      7 Questions to Ask in a Job Interview That Will Impress the Interviewer

                      Recruiters might hold thousands of interviews in their careers and a lot of them are reporting the same thing—that most candidates play it safe with the questions they ask, or have no questions to ask in a job interview at all.

                      For job applicants, this approach is crazy! This is a job that you’re going to dedicate a lot of hours to and that might have a huge impact on your future career. Don’t throw away the chance to figure out if the position is perfect for you.

                      Here are 7 killer questions to ask in a job interview that will both impress your counterpart and give you some really useful insights into whether this job will be a dream … or a nightmare.

                      1. What are some challenges I might come up against this role?

                      A lesser candidate might ask, “what does a typical day look like in this role?” While this is a perfectly reasonable question to ask in an interview, focusing on potential challenges takes you much further because it indicates that you already are visualizing yourself in the role.

                      It’s impressive because it shows that you are not afraid of challenges, and you are prepared to strategize a game plan upfront to make sure you succeed if you get the job.

                      It can also open up a conversation about how you’ve solved problems in the past which can be a reassuring exercise for both you and the hiring manager.

                      How it helps you:

                      If you ask the interviewer to describe a typical day, you may get a vibrant picture of all the lovely things you’ll get to do in this job and all the lovely people you’ll get to do them with.

                      Asking about potential roadblocks means you hear the other side of the story—dysfunctional teams, internal politics, difficult clients, bootstrap budgets and so on. This can help you decide if you’re up for the challenge or whether, for the sake of your sanity, you should respectfully decline the job offer.

                      2. What are the qualities of really successful people in this role?

                      Employers don’t want to hire someone who goes through the motions; they want to hire someone who will excel.

                      Asking this question shows that you care about success, too. How could they not hire you with a dragon-slayer attitude like that?

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                      How it helps you:

                      Interviewers hire people who are great people to work with, but the definition of “great people” differs from person to person.

                      Does this company hire and promote people with a specific attitude, approach, worth ethic or communication style? Are the most successful people in this role strong extroverts who love to talk and socialize when you are studious and reserved? Does the company reward those who work insane hours when you’re happiest in a more relaxed environment?

                      If so, then this may not be the right match for you.

                      Whatever the answer is, you can decide whether you have what it takes for the manager to be happy with your performance in this role. And if the interviewer has no idea what success looks like for this position, this is a sign to proceed with extreme caution.

                      3. From the research I did on your company, I noticed the culture really supports XYZ. Can you tell me more about that element of the culture and how it impacts this job role?

                      Of course, you could just ask “what is the culture like here? ” but then you would miss a great opportunity to show that you’ve done your research!

                      Interviewers give BIG bonus point to those who read up and pay attention, and you’ve just pointed out that (a) you’re diligent in your research (b) you care about the company culture and (c) you’re committed to finding a great cultural fit.

                      How it helps you:

                      This question is so useful because it lets you pick an element of the culture that you really care about and that will have the most impact on whether you are happy with the organization.

                      For example, if training and development is important to you, then you need to know what’s on offer so you don’t end up in a dead-end job with no learning opportunities.

                      Companies often talk a good talk, and their press releases may be full of shiny CSR initiatives and all the headline-grabbing diversity programs they’re putting in place. This is your opportunity to look under the hood and see if the company lives its values on the ground.

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                      A company that says it is committed to doing the right thing by customers should not judge success by the number of up-sells an employee makes, for instance. Look for consistency, so you aren’t in for a culture shock after you start.

                      4. What is the promotion path for this role, and how would my performance on that path be measured?

                      To be clear, you are not asking when you will get promoted. Don’t go there—it’s presumptuous, and it indicates that you think you are better than the role you have applied for.

                      A career-minded candidate, on the other hand, usually has a plan that she’s working towards. This question shows you have a great drive toward growth and advancement and an intention to stick with the company beyond your current state.

                      How it helps you:

                      One word: hierarchy.

                      All organizations have levels of work and authority—executives, upper managers, line managers, the workforce, and so on. Understanding the hierarchical structure gives you power, because you can decide if you can work within it and are capable of climbing through its ranks, or whether it will be endlessly frustrating to you.

                      In a traditional pyramid hierarchy, for example, the people at the bottom tend to have very little autonomy to make decisions. This gets better as you rise up through the pyramid, but even middle managers have little power to create policy; they are more concerned with enforcing the rules the top leaders make.

                      If having a high degree of autonomy and accountability is important to you, you may do better in a flat hierarchy where work teams can design their own way of achieving the corporate goals.

                      5. What’s the most important thing the successful candidate could accomplish in their first 3 months/6 months/year?

                      Of all the questions to ask in a job interview, this one is impressive because it shows that you identify with and want to be a successful performer, and not just an average one.

                      Here, you’re drilling down into what the company needs, and needs quite urgently, proving that you’re all about adding value to the organization and not just about what’s in it for you.

                      How it helps you:

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                      Most job descriptions come with 8, 10 or 12 different job responsibilities and a lot of them with be boilerplate or responsibilities that someone in HR thinks are associated with this role. This question gives you a better sense of which responsibilities are the most important—and they may not be what initially attracted you to the role.

                      If you like the idea of training juniors, for example, but success is judged purely on your sales figures, then is this really the job you thought you were applying for?

                      This question will also give you an idea of what kind of learning curve you’re expected to have and whether you’ll get any ramp-up time before getting down to business. If you’re the type of person who likes to jump right in and get things done, for instance, you may not be thrilled to hear that you’re going to spend the first three months shadowing a peer.

                      6. What do you like about working here?

                      This simple question is all about building rapport with the interviewer. People like to talk about themselves, and the interviewer will be flattered that you’re interested in her opinions.

                      Hopefully, you’ll find some great connection points that the two of you share. What similar things drive you head into the office each day? How will you fit into the culture?

                      How it helps you:

                      You can learn a lot from this question. Someone who genuinely enjoys his job will be able to list several things they like, and their answers will sound passionate and sincere. If not….well, you might consider that a red flag.

                      Since you potentially can learn a lot about the company culture from this question, it’s a good idea to figure out upfront what’s important to you. Maybe you’re looking for a hands-off boss who values independent thought and creativity? Maybe you work better in environments that move at a rapid, exciting pace?

                      Whatever’s important to you, listen carefully and see if you can find any common ground.

                      7. Based on this interview, do you have any questions or concerns about my qualifications for the role?

                      What a great closing question to ask in a job interview! It shows that you’re not afraid of feedback—in fact, you are inviting it. Not being able to take criticism is a red flag for employers, who need to know that you’ll act on any “coaching moments” with a good heart.

                      As a bonus, asking this question shows that you are really interested in the position and wish to clear up anything that may be holding the company back from hiring you.

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                      How it helps you:

                      What a devious beast this question is! On the surface, it looks straightforward, but it’s actually giving you four key pieces of information.

                      First, is the manager capable of giving you feedback when put on the spot like this? Some managers are scared of giving feedback, or don’t think it’s important enough to bother outside of a formal performance appraisal. Do you want to work for a boss like that? How will you improve if no one is telling you what you did wrong?

                      Second, can the manager give feedback in a constructive way without being too pillowy or too confrontational? It’s unfair to expect the interviewer to have figured out your preferred way of receiving feedback in the space of an interview, but if she come back with a machine-gun fire of shortcomings or one of those corporate feedback “sandwiches” (the doozy slipped between two slices of compliment), then you need to ask yourself, can you work with someone who gives feedback like that?

                      Third, you get to learn the things the hiring manager is concerned about before you leave the interview. This gives you the chance to make a final, tailored sales pitch so you can convince the interviewer that she should not be worried about those things.

                      Fourth, you get to learn the things the hiring manager is concerned about period. If turnover is keeping him up at night, then your frequent job hopping might get a lot of additional scrutiny. If he’s facing some issues with conflict or communication, then he might raise concerns regarding your performance in this area.

                      Listen carefully: the concerns that are being raised about you might actually be a proxy for problems in the wider organization.

                      Making Your Interview Work for You

                      Interviews are a two-way street. While it is important to differentiate yourself from every other candidate, understand that convincing the interviewer you’re the right person for the role goes hand-in-hand with figuring out if the job is the right fit for you.

                      Would you feel happy in a work environment where the people, priorities, culture and management style were completely at odds with the way you work? Didn’t think so!

                      More Resources About Job Interviews

                      Featured photo credit: Amy Hirschi via unsplash.com

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