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When Things Get Serious: How to Go from “Single” to “In a Relationship”

When Things Get Serious: How to Go from “Single” to “In a Relationship”

Being a member of the singles’ squad is one difficult thing to give up on. People who are fabulously single often fall in love with their independence and they replace that need to be with someone by casually dating several people, each for a month or two tops. This dynamic lifestyle rarely gets boring or dull – each day seems to be another mini adventure you can’t wait to share with the rest of your squad.

Giving this up can be rather difficult, but if you’re thinking about it, this probably means that you have found a person who has the potential to make your “sacrifice” worthy. Chances are that you forgot how to communicate with someone you actually wish to see more of, which is why you should try to switch from a fling to a relationship. No one said serious commitment; you don’t have to become a magician who pulls off an outstanding disappearance act just yet.

Stop Playing Games

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    People who date for fun play all sorts of games – how far you decide to go with this depends on what kind of person you are. The furthest extreme that can serve as an example for what I’m trying to say is Barney from How I Met Your Mother and his Playbook, where he invents some rather creative scenarios to get girls to sleep with him.

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    Personally, I don’t know a person who puts in this much effort, but I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a real-life version of Barney out there. Well, in case you want to even consider being in a relationship, all those games need to stop and you need to be your real self when you go on dates.

    Make Peace with Vulnerability

    Which brings me to my next point – I know that it’s a lot easier to pretend you’re someone else because, if your date doesn’t like you, it doesn’t matter, because that’s not the real you. This is the point when you need to cut the crap and expose yourself. You’ll have to risk not being liked.

    There’s a lot for you to gain, which makes that risk worthy; finding the right person to be in a relationship with is difficult and sure, you can get hurt, but on the other hand, you can find a partner to share your life with.

    Look for a Partner

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      When I say partner, I mean exactly that; you shouldn’t be searching for a protector to take care of you, nor should you do the opposite and look for a project, a person who you will work on. Neither of those scenarios has a happy ending.

      When considering a relationship, you should make sure that your potential special someone is a mature person who shares your vision of what it means to be a couple. That would be enough, for starters, because you shouldn’t think long-term right away.

      The Talk

      This can be a bit awkward for some people, but it’s a matter of your health and it needs to be done. The talk about previous experiences with STDs, if there were any, about their previous partners and similar talks can be done without you sounding like a controlling maniac and looking like you’re crazy with jealousy.

      Just ask them to be honest with you. Let them share their experiences so that you know where you stand and if there’s a reason for you to be worried. There’s no need to go into unnecessary details, like numbers and specifics, if one of you feels that it’s too early for something like that.

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      Slow Pace

      Beginnings of relationships are the most wonderful and the most exciting thing in the world. I love being blinded by a newfound respect for love and feeling like I’m walking on clouds – there’s nothing like the honeymoon period.

      However, this is also the time when boundaries should be set, which is why you need to steer clear from neediness and unnecessary pressure. You need to give your partner some breathing space. I know it’s difficult not to smother and shower with affection, and you should do that, but in controlled conditions and in reasonable amounts.

      One more thing – you’re probably very excited to share your new special someone with your friends and family, but this isn’t something you should force because it builds unnecessary pressure. If things work out, there will be plenty of time for them to get to know your partner and the other way around, so be patient. In the meantime, enjoy the time you spend with your new partner.

      Avoid Compensating

      It’s impossible for you to be completely objective. Sure, you’ll search for a little piece of your previous love in a new partner, or perhaps you’ll go with the exact opposite and look for someone who has nothing in common with your previous partners. If you truly want to enter a loving relationship, you need to leave the past behind.

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      Therefore, if your previous relationship ended due to a lack of ambition, you’ll probably look for someone who has a successful career. However, this might be a bit of a problem in the future, because people who are obsessed with their work don’t have a lot of free time.

      You should look at a person for what they are, as opposed to what they are not, because that’s exactly what you’ll get.

      Don’t Expect Anything

      Having expectations can really ruin things for you. When you first meet a person, it’s in your human nature to award them with a set of characteristics, based on an impression which may or may not be true. You need to do your best to distance yourself from this because that’s how unrealistic expectations are born.

      Instead of imagining a version of your new partner by idealizing them, you should make an effort to get to know that new person in your life and discover who they really are. Learn about their past. It’s a healthier way to start a relationship than daydreaming, although it’s not too bad to let your imagination go wild from time to time.

      The bottom line is that you never know until you try, but it’s not just a matter of whether you’ll dare to make an actual attempt, but it’s also a matter of how. Healthy relations between people, not just lovers, require consideration and understanding. So, you should do your best to let it grow in a healthy atmosphere, without being concerned about the possible outcome.

      Featured photo credit: https://www.pexels.com/u/unsplash/ via pexels.com

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      Last Updated on July 3, 2020

      30 Small Habits To Lead A More Peaceful Life

      30 Small Habits To Lead A More Peaceful Life

      In today’s world, true peace must come from within us and our own actions. Here are 30 small things you can do on a regular basis to increase your overall sense of harmony, peace, and well-being:

      1. Don’t go to every fight you’re invited to

      Particularly when you’re around those who thrive on chaos, be willing to decline the invitation to join in on the drama.

      2. Focus on your breath

      Throughout the day, stop to take a few deep breaths. Keep stress at bay with techniques such as “square breathing.” Breathe in for four counts, hold for four counts, then out for four counts, and hold again for four counts. Repeat this cycle four times.

      3. Get organized and purge old items

      A cluttered space often creates a cluttered spirit. Take the time to get rid of anything you haven’t used in a year and invest in organizational systems that help you sustain a level of neatness.

      4. Stop yourself from being judgmental

      Whenever you are tempted to have an opinion about someone else’s life, check your intentions. Judging others creates and promotes negative energy.

      5. Say ‘thank you’ early and often

      Start and end each day with an attitude of gratitude. Look for opportunities in your daily routine and interactions to express appreciation.

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      6. Smile more

      Even if you have to “fake it until you make it,” there are many scientific benefits of smiling and laughing. Also, pay attention to your facial expression when you are doing neutral activities such as driving and walking. Turn that frown upside down!

      7. Don’t worry about the future

      As difficult as this sounds, there is a direct connection between staying in the present and living a more peaceful life. You cannot control the future. As the old proverb goes, “Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it won’t get you anywhere.” Practice gently bringing your thoughts back to the present.

      8. Eat real food

      The closer the food is to the state from which it came from the earth, the better you will feel in eating it. Choose foods that grew from a plant over food that was made in a plant.

      9. Choose being happy over being right

      Too often, we sacrifice inner peace in order to make a point. It’s rarely worth it.

      10. Keep technology out of the bedroom

      Many studies, such as one conducted by Brigham and Women’s Hospital, have connected blue light of electronic devices before bed to adverse sleep and overall health. To make matters worse, many people report that they cannot resist checking email and social media when their cell phone is in reach of their bed, regardless of the time.

      11. Make use of filtering features on social media

      You may not want to “unfriend” someone completely, however you can choose whether you want to follow their posts and/or the sources of information that they share.

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      12. Get comfortable with silence

      When you picture someone who is the ultimate state of peace, typically they aren’t talking.

      13. Listen to understand, not to respond

      So often in conversations, we use our ears to give us cues about when it is our turn to say what we want to say. Practice active listening, ask questions, process, then speak.

      14. Put your troubles in a bubble

      Whenever you start to feel anxious, visualize the situation being wrapped in a bubble and then picture that sphere floating away.

      15. Speak more slowly

      Often a lack of peace manifests itself in fast or clipped speech. Take a breath, slow down, and let your thoughtful consideration drive your words.

      16. Don’t procrastinate

      Nothing adds stress to our lives like waiting until the last minute.

      17. Buy a coloring book

      Mandala coloring books for adults are becoming more popular because of their connection to creating inner peace.

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      18. Prioritize yourself

      You are the only person who you are guaranteed to live with 24 hours a day for the rest of your life.

      19. Forgive others

      Holding a grudge is hurting you exponentially more than anyone else. Let it go.

      20. Check your expectations

      Presumption often leads to drama. Remember the old saying, “Expectations are premeditated resentments.”

      21. Engage in active play

      Let your inner child come out and have some fun. Jump, dance, play, and pretend!

      22. Stop criticizing yourself

      The world is a hard enough place with more than enough critics. Your life is not served well by being one of them.

      23. Focus your energy and attention on what you want

      Thoughts, words, and actions all create energy. Energy attracts like energy. Put out what you want to get back.

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      24. Assign yourself “complaint free” days.

      Make a conscious decision not to complain about anything for a whole day. It might be harder than you think and the awareness will stick with you.

      25. Surround yourself with people you truly enjoy being in the company of

      Personalities tend to be contagious, and not everyone’s is worth catching. Be judicious in your choices.

      26. Manage your money

      Financial concerns rank top on the list of what causes people stress. Take the time each month to do a budget, calculate what you actually spend and sanity check that against the money you have coming in.

      27. Stop trying to control everything

      Not only is your inner control freak sabotaging your sense of peace, it is also likely getting in the way of external relationships as well.

      28. Practice affirmations

      Repeat positive phrases that depict the life and qualities you want to attract. It may not come naturally to you, but it works.

      29. Get up before sunrise

      Personally witnessing the dawn brings a unique sense of awe and appreciation for life.

      30. Be yourself

      Nothing creates more inner discord than trying to be something other than who we really are. Authenticity breeds happiness.

      Featured photo credit: man watching sunrise via stokpic.com

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