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Emotionally Distant Relationship, It’s Not Over Yet!

Emotionally Distant Relationship, It’s Not Over Yet!

Are You In An Emotionally Distant Relationship?

Many of us have been there, wondering where we went wrong, wondering if your partner has fallen for someone else, and wondering if they’ve become bored. Feelings of paranoia have raced in, pounding you with self-doubt, and endless questions, asking yourself, “Are they distant, or am I misinterpreting?”

You know it wasn’t always like this, and there was a time when the furthest thought from your mind was second guessing your partner. Now you’re searching for an answer to repair your emotionally distant relationship. You may be wondering how this happened, and wish you had a crystal ball to see into the future.

Should you stay and work through it?

The answer will always depend on how deep the distance runs and the amount of effort you are willing to put into your relationship. But before throwing in the towel, consider the actions causing your doubt.

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Lack of Physical Touch

When you’re sitting together on the sofa memories come flooding back of when the two of you were entwined together, his head on your lap, or your feet resting on the ottoman wrapped under his. Yet recently you’ve noticed his lack of physical touch. His arms are now crossed, and you can’t remember the last time you felt the warmth from his hand on your leg.

Feelings of comfort while listening to his excitement over a latest project. Your conversations once felt intimately connected as he faced you on the sofa, not staring straight ahead, talking to an imaginary figure on the wall.

According to the UC San Diego News Center physical touch promotes the release of Oxytocin, the same chemical that is released during sex.  This love chemical is responsible for increasing emotional attachment and an intimate connection.

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Regular touch in a romantic relationship, even an emotionally distant relationship can chemically change your relationship for the better. Regular touch alters your brain pathways affecting facial recognition and affection. Losing touch is a slippery slope toward a non-intimate relationship.

Solution: If he isn’t touching you… then put your hand on his thigh next time you talk to him, or while casually relaxing on the sofa, rub the back of his head. Chances are good that he will soak that in, and inch his way a little closer to you.

Lack of Communication and Understanding

Another sign of an emotionally distant relationship is lack of communication and understanding. You’re no longer on the same page, you may be sitting next to one another, but your thoughts are elsewhere. And the longer this continues, the further those thoughts will wander.

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Solution: Confide in your partner. Casually bring up a topic that perhaps you’re sensitive of, a childhood event or insecurities and fears. Sharing secrets increases intimacy in your relationship.

A Psychology Today article states that one of the most important aspects of intimacy in a relationship is “compassion, trust, and empathy”. The key to repair an emotionally distant relationship with your partner is communication and offering understanding and sincere listening skills. Be ready for when he does open up. Everyone wants to feel connected to another person, but for some it’s difficult to show vulnerability.

Emotionally Distant Relationships and Stress

Men show stress differently than women, they tend to feel helpless when they can’t find a solution to a problem, even if it’s your problem. This shows vulnerability, and for some, it’s a very difficult emotion to accept. If stress is a factor, then space and understanding can go a long way. Let him know that you wish there was something you could do to help. Everyone manages stress differently. Being there for them when they want to talk would be the best way of helping.

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Lastly, keeping yourself busy with your own hobbies and interests is an attractive trait in anyone. According to the Huffington Post it is important to nurture those interests and hobbies. A good partner will see you in a different light, they will admire your independence and hopefully support you.

And in return, don’t forget to support his separate interests as well.  After all, if you do everything together, then what would you have to share at the end of the day? Don’t lose yourself in your relationship, because in doing so, they may feel they’ve lost what first sparked their interest in you to begin with. Remember the old saying, you have to love yourself before others can.

An emotionally distant relationship, as trying as it may be, does not have to equal doom. If you love your partner, then it’s worth trying to get to the root of the problem. Try these steps, because his distance can be a result of several factors. And one thing to remember is that their distance may not be about you at all. Give your relationship time, and give it patience, and in this process you may find your relationship growing closer than ever before.

Featured photo credit: Portishead1/istock via vix.com

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Kathleen Lum

Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on September 20, 2018

7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

What do I want to do with my life? It’s a question all of us think about at one point or another.

For some, the answer comes easily. For others, it takes a lifetime to figure out.

It’s easy to just go through the motions and continue to do what’s comfortable and familiar. But for those of you who seek fulfillment, who want to do more, these questions will help you paint a clearer picture of what you want to do with your life.

1. What are the things I’m most passionate about?

The first step to living a more fulfilling life is to think about the things that you’re passionate about.

What do you love? What fulfills you? What “work” do you do that doesn’t feel like work? Maybe you enjoy writing, maybe you love working with animals or maybe you have a knack for photography.

The point is, figure out what you love doing, then do more of it.

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2. What are my greatest accomplishments in life so far?

Think about your past experiences and the things in your life you’re most proud of.

How did those accomplishments make you feel? Pretty darn good, right? So why not try and emulate those experiences and feelings?

If you ran a marathon once and loved the feeling you had afterwards, start training for another one. If your child grew up to be a star athlete or musician because of your teachings, then be a coach or mentor for other kids.

Continue to do the things that have been most fulfilling for you.

3. If my life had absolutely no limits, what would I choose to have and what would I choose to do?

Here’s a cool exercise: Think about what you would do if you had no limits.

If you had all the money and time in the world, where would you go? What would you do? Who would you spend time with?

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These answers can help you figure out what you want to do with your life. It doesn’t mean you need millions of dollars to be happy though.

What it does mean is answering these questions will help you set goals to reach certain milestones and create a path toward happiness and fulfillment. Which leads to our next question …

4. What are my goals in life?

Goals are a necessary component to set you up for a happy future. So answer these questions:

Once you figure out the answers to each of these, you’ll have a much better idea of what you should do with your life.

5. Whom do I admire most in the world?

Following the path of successful people can set you up for success.

Think about the people you respect and admire most. What are their best qualities? Why do you respect them? What can you learn from them?

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You’re the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.[1] So don’t waste your time with people who hold you back from achieving your dreams.

Spend more time with happy, successful, optimistic people and you’ll become one of them.

6. What do I not like to do?

An important part of figuring out what you want to do with your life is honestly assessing what you don’t want to do.

What are the things you despise? What bugs you the most about your current job?

Maybe you hate meetings even though you sit through 6 hours of them every day. If that’s the case, find a job where you can work more independently.

The point is, if you want something to change in your life, you need to take action. Which leads to our final question …

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7. How hard am I willing to work to get what I want?

Great accomplishments never come easy. If you want to do great things with your life, you’re going to have to make a great effort. That will probably mean putting in more hours the average person, getting outside your comfort zone and learning as much as you can to achieve as much as you can.

But here’s the cool part: it’s often the journey that is the most fulfilling part. It’s during these seemingly small, insignificant moments that you’ll often find that “aha” moments that helps you answer the question,

“What do I want to do with my life?”

So take the first step toward improving your life. You won’t regret it.

Featured photo credit: Andrew Ly via unsplash.com

Reference

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