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Emotionally Distant Relationship, It’s Not Over Yet!

Emotionally Distant Relationship, It’s Not Over Yet!

Are You In An Emotionally Distant Relationship?

Many of us have been there, wondering where we went wrong, wondering if your partner has fallen for someone else, and wondering if they’ve become bored. Feelings of paranoia have raced in, pounding you with self-doubt, and endless questions, asking yourself, “Are they distant, or am I misinterpreting?”

You know it wasn’t always like this, and there was a time when the furthest thought from your mind was second guessing your partner. Now you’re searching for an answer to repair your emotionally distant relationship. You may be wondering how this happened, and wish you had a crystal ball to see into the future.

Should you stay and work through it?

The answer will always depend on how deep the distance runs and the amount of effort you are willing to put into your relationship. But before throwing in the towel, consider the actions causing your doubt.

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Lack of Physical Touch

When you’re sitting together on the sofa memories come flooding back of when the two of you were entwined together, his head on your lap, or your feet resting on the ottoman wrapped under his. Yet recently you’ve noticed his lack of physical touch. His arms are now crossed, and you can’t remember the last time you felt the warmth from his hand on your leg.

Feelings of comfort while listening to his excitement over a latest project. Your conversations once felt intimately connected as he faced you on the sofa, not staring straight ahead, talking to an imaginary figure on the wall.

According to the UC San Diego News Center physical touch promotes the release of Oxytocin, the same chemical that is released during sex.  This love chemical is responsible for increasing emotional attachment and an intimate connection.

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Regular touch in a romantic relationship, even an emotionally distant relationship can chemically change your relationship for the better. Regular touch alters your brain pathways affecting facial recognition and affection. Losing touch is a slippery slope toward a non-intimate relationship.

Solution: If he isn’t touching you… then put your hand on his thigh next time you talk to him, or while casually relaxing on the sofa, rub the back of his head. Chances are good that he will soak that in, and inch his way a little closer to you.

Lack of Communication and Understanding

Another sign of an emotionally distant relationship is lack of communication and understanding. You’re no longer on the same page, you may be sitting next to one another, but your thoughts are elsewhere. And the longer this continues, the further those thoughts will wander.

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Solution: Confide in your partner. Casually bring up a topic that perhaps you’re sensitive of, a childhood event or insecurities and fears. Sharing secrets increases intimacy in your relationship.

A Psychology Today article states that one of the most important aspects of intimacy in a relationship is “compassion, trust, and empathy”. The key to repair an emotionally distant relationship with your partner is communication and offering understanding and sincere listening skills. Be ready for when he does open up. Everyone wants to feel connected to another person, but for some it’s difficult to show vulnerability.

Emotionally Distant Relationships and Stress

Men show stress differently than women, they tend to feel helpless when they can’t find a solution to a problem, even if it’s your problem. This shows vulnerability, and for some, it’s a very difficult emotion to accept. If stress is a factor, then space and understanding can go a long way. Let him know that you wish there was something you could do to help. Everyone manages stress differently. Being there for them when they want to talk would be the best way of helping.

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Lastly, keeping yourself busy with your own hobbies and interests is an attractive trait in anyone. According to the Huffington Post it is important to nurture those interests and hobbies. A good partner will see you in a different light, they will admire your independence and hopefully support you.

And in return, don’t forget to support his separate interests as well.  After all, if you do everything together, then what would you have to share at the end of the day? Don’t lose yourself in your relationship, because in doing so, they may feel they’ve lost what first sparked their interest in you to begin with. Remember the old saying, you have to love yourself before others can.

An emotionally distant relationship, as trying as it may be, does not have to equal doom. If you love your partner, then it’s worth trying to get to the root of the problem. Try these steps, because his distance can be a result of several factors. And one thing to remember is that their distance may not be about you at all. Give your relationship time, and give it patience, and in this process you may find your relationship growing closer than ever before.

Featured photo credit: Portishead1/istock via vix.com

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Kathleen Lum

Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on September 28, 2020

How To Study Effectively: 7 Simple Tips

How To Study Effectively: 7 Simple Tips

The brain is a tangled web of information. We don’t remember single facts, but instead we interlink everything by association. Anytime we experience a new event, our brains tie the sights, smells, sounds and our own impressions together into a new relationship.

Our brain remembers things by repetition, association, visual imagery, and all five senses. By knowing a bit about how the brain works, we can become better learners, absorbing new information faster than ever.

Here are some study tips to help get you started:

1. Use Flashcards

Our brains create engrained memories through repetition. The more times we hear, see, or repeat something to ourselves, the more likely we are to remember it.

Flashcards can help you learn new subjects quickly and efficiently. Flashcards allow you to study anywhere at any time. Their portable nature lends them to quick study sessions on the bus, in traffic, at lunch, or in the doctor’s office. You can always whip out your flashcards for a quick 2 to 3 minute study session.

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To create effective flashcards, you need to put one point on each flashcard. Don’t load up the entire card with information. That’s just overload. Instead, you should dedicate one concept to each card.

One of the best ways to make flashcards is to put 1 question on the front and one answer on the back. This way, you can repeatedly quiz yourself into you have mastered any topic of your choice.

Commit to reading through your flash cards at least 3 times a day and you will be amazed at how quickly you pick up new information.

As Tony Robbins says,

“Repetition is the mother of skill”.

2. Create the Right Environment

Often times, where you study can be just as important as how you study. For an optimum learning environment, you’ll want to find a nice spot that is fairly peaceful. Some people can’t stand a deafening silence, but you certainly don’t want to study near constant distractions.

Find a spot that you can call your own, with plenty of room to spread out your stuff. Go there each time you study and you will find yourself adapting to a productive study schedule. When you study in the same place each time, you become more productive in that spot because you associate it with studying.

3. Use Acronyms to Remember Information

In your quest for knowledge, you may have once heard of an odd term called “mnemonics”. However, even if you haven’t heard of this word, you have certainly heard of its many applications. One of the most popular mnemonic examples is “Every Good Boy Does Fine”. This is an acronym used to help musicians and students to remember the notes on a treble clef stave.

An acronym is simply an abbreviation formed using the intial letters of a word. These types of memory aids can help you to learn large quantities of information in a short period of time.

4. Listen to Music

Research has long shown that certain types of music help you to recall information. Information learned while listening to a particular song can often be remembered simply by “playing” the songs mentally in your head.

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5. Rewrite Your Notes

This can be done by hand or on the computer. However, you should keep in mind that writing by hand can often stimulate more neural activity than when writing on the computer.

Everyone should study their notes at home but often times, simply re-reading them is too passive. Re-reading your notes can cause you to become disengaged and distracted.

To get the most out of your study time, make sure that it is active. Rewriting your notes turns a passive study time into an active and engaging learning tool. You can begin using this technique by buying two notebooks for each of your classes. Dedicate one of the notebooks for making notes during each class. Dedicate the other notebook to rewriting your notes outside of class.

6. Engage Your Emotions

Emotions play a very important part in your memory. Think about it. The last time you went to a party, which people did you remember? The lady who made you laugh, the man who hurt your feelings, and the kid who went screaming through the halls are the ones you will remember. They are the ones who had an emotional impact.

Fortunately, you can use the power of emotion in your own study sessions. Enhance your memory by using your five senses. Don’t just memorize facts. Don’t just see and hear the words in your mind. Create a vivid visual picture of what you are trying to learn.

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For example, if you are trying to learn the many parts of a human cell, begin physically rotating the cell in your minds eye. Imagine what each part might feel like. Begin to take the cell apart piece by piece and then reconstruct it. Paint the human cell with vivid colors. Enlarge the cell in your mind’s eye so that it is now six feet tall and putting on your own personal comedy show. This visual and emotional mind play will help deeply encode information into your memory.

7. Make Associations

One of the best ways to learn new things is to relate what you want to learn with something you already know. This is known as association, and it is the mental glue that drives your brain.

Have you ever listened to a song and been flooded by memories that were connected to it? Have you ever seen an old friend that triggered memories from childhood? This is the power of association.

To maximize our mental powers, we must constantly be looking for ways to relate new information with old ideas and concepts that we are already familiar with.

You can do this with the use of mindmapping. A mind map is used to diagram words, pictures, thoughts, and ideas into a an interconnected web of information. This simple practice will help you to connect everything you learn into a global network of knowledge that can be pulled from at any moment.

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Learn more about mindmapping here: How to Mind Map to Visualize Your Thoughts (With Mind Map Examples)

Featured photo credit: Alissa De Leva via unsplash.com

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