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New Year, New You

New Year, New You

The holidays are moving fast and by the time Christmas rolls around you’ll be wondering how to make the New Year less stressful than the one you just came out of. You’ll be budgeting and planning and running in circles trying to keep everyone else happy and somehow forget about your own happiness.

But you have kids, a husband, bills to pay, a life to control, and several other excuses that stop you from being truly happy as the year comes and goes.

New Year’s Resolution… Does anyone actually stick to this?

Yes, it sounds great when you see it on TV. When the ball drops and you and all your friends shout and toast and kiss. It sounds ideal; You wake up on Monday and start working out, start eating healthy, start doing whatever it was you were supposed to do last year and three years before that. But those jeans still don’t fit the way they used to…

Scratch that! Stop doing what you’ve been doing because it’s not working!

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New Year New Way… Start by finding out who you ARE. You have grown, changed, matured.

Google a personality test and take the time to answer the questions honestly. Find out who you have become since high school, college, or working at the same place for five years. Read the description of what your personality is and divide your results into four categories. Take this serious because it will help you find out just what you want.

Category 1: What makes you YOU – What do you love about yourself.

Category 2: What do you think other people love about you?

Category 3: What do other people love about you; that bothers you to some degree

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Category 4: What do you dislike about yourself? What do you do that you wish you’d stop doing? (procrastination, angered easily, disorganized, etc.)

Once you’ve done this… yes I know it’s A LOT of questions. Do it again. – Don’t answer for how you currently do things, answer for who you want to be. Focus on those areas you’ve highlighted to change. Focus on the parts of your personality you love and the ones you find annoying.

The answers that will change are from category 3 and 4. Stop doing what makes you uncomfortable for other’s satisfaction (Do they go out of their way for you?). You should never have to feel uncomfortable in your skin, doing what others want you to do.

Once you finish make some kind of personal display to remind you that EVERYTHING is a choice. The life you have now is based on choices you’ve made. If you are letting someone else make decisions about your life, that’s a choice you made for not saying how you feel. If you are very outspoken and feel like you are too selfish at times, it’s a choice to let your managerial skills define every relationship.

Think about these questions that could define who you want to be:

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What time do you wake up / What time you want to wake up?

What do you spend your money on / What you want to spend your money on?

Do you save money or spend it?

Do you have the career you want or are you looking for something new?

Does your relationship fulfill all of your wants and needs?

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Do you feel conflict with people who you consider family?

If you can, ask more questions that are important in your life. Focus on the things that make you feel uncomfortable and find the reasons why. Once you know why, you’ll know how to change it.

All of these can be simple or easy. Certain activities and responsibilities take precedence over others, but it doesn’t always have to. Sometimes you can splurge. Just make sure that when you do, it’s right for the place you want to get to.

Make choices in your life that make you happy. Make decisions based on where you want to go and who you want to be. Don’t let people take your time if they don’t give you a good vibe.

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Last Updated on January 3, 2020

The 10 Essential Habits of Positive People

The 10 Essential Habits of Positive People

Are you waiting for life events to turn out the way you want so that you can feel more positive about your life? Do you find yourself having pre-conditions to your sense of well-being, thinking that certain things must happen for you to be happier? Do you think there is no way that your life stresses can make you anything other than “stressed out” and that other people just don’t understand?  If your answer is “yes” to any of these questions, you might find yourself lingering in the land of negativity for too long!

The following are some tips to keep positive no matter what comes your way. This post will help you stop looking for what psychologists call “positivity” in all the wrong places!  Here are the ten essential habits of positive people.

1. Positive people don’t confuse quitting with letting go.

Instead of hanging on to ideas, beliefs, and even people that are no longer healthy for them, they trust their judgement to let go of negative forces in their lives.  Especially in terms of relationships, they subscribe to The Relationship Prayer which goes:

 I will grant myself the ability to trust the healthy people in my life … 

To set limits with, or let go of, the negative ones … 

And to have the wisdom to know the DIFFERENCE!

 2.  Positive people don’t just have a good day – they make a good day.

Waiting, hoping and wishing seldom have a place in the vocabulary of positive individuals. Rather, they use strong words that are pro-active and not reactive. Passivity leads to a lack of involvement, while positive people get very involved in constructing their lives. They work to make changes to feel better in tough times rather than wish their feelings away.

3. For the positive person, the past stays in the past.

Good and bad memories alike stay where they belong – in the past where they happened. They don’t spend much time pining for the good ol’ days because they are too busy making new memories now. The negative pulls from the past are used not for self-flagellation or unproductive regret, but rather productive regret where they use lessons learned as stepping stones towards a better future.

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4. Show me a positive person and I can show you a grateful person.

The most positive people are the most grateful people.  They do not focus on the potholes of their lives.  They focus on the pot of gold that awaits them every day, with new smells, sights, feelings and experiences.  They see life as a treasure chest full of wonder.

5. Rather than being stuck in their limitations, positive people are energized by their possibilities.

Optimistic people focus on what they can do, not what they can’t do.  They are not fooled to think that there is a perfect solution to every problem, and are confident that there are many solutions and possibilities.  They are not afraid to attempt new solutions to old problems, rather than spin their wheels expecting things to be different this time.  They refuse to be like Charlie Brown expecting that this time Lucy will not pull the football from him!

6. Positive people do not let their fears interfere with their lives!

Positive people have observed that those who are defined and pulled back by their fears never really truly live a full life. While proceeding with appropriate caution, they do not let fear keep them from trying new things. They realize that even failures are necessary steps for a successful life. They have confidence that they can get back up when they are knocked down by life events or their own mistakes, due to a strong belief in their personal resilience.

7. Positive people smile a lot!

When you feel positive on the inside it is like you are smiling from within, and these smiles are contagious. Furthermore, the more others are with positive people, the more they tend to smile too! They see the lightness in life, and have a sense of humor even when it is about themselves. Positive people have a high degree of self-respect, but refuse to take themselves too seriously!

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8. People who are positive are great communicators.

They realize that assertive, confident communication is the only way to connect with others in everyday life.  They avoid judgmental, angry interchanges, and do not let someone else’s blow up give them a reason to react in kind. Rather, they express themselves with tact and finesse.  They also refuse to be non-assertive and let people push them around. They refuse to own problems that belong to someone else.

9. Positive people realize that if you live long enough, there are times for great pain and sadness.

One of the most common misperceptions about positive people is that to be positive, you must always be happy. This can not be further from the truth. Anyone who has any depth at all is certainly not happy all the time.  Being sad, angry, disappointed are all essential emotions in life. How else would you ever develop empathy for others if you lived a life of denial and shallow emotions? Positive people do not run from the gamut of emotions, and accept that part of the healing process is to allow themselves to experience all types of feelings, not only the happy ones. A positive person always holds the hope that there is light at the end of the darkness.  

10. Positive person are empowered people – they refuse to blame others and are not victims in life.

Positive people seek the help and support of others who are supportive and safe.They limit interactions with those who are toxic in any manner, even if it comes to legal action and physical estrangement such as in the case of abuse. They have identified their own basic human rights, and they respect themselves too much to play the part of a victim. There is no place for holding grudges with a positive mindset. Forgiveness helps positive people become better, not bitter.

How about you?  How many habits of positive people do you personally find in yourself?  If you lack even a few of these 10 essential habits, you might find that the expected treasure at the end of the rainbow was not all that it was cracked up to be. How could it — if you keep on bringing a negative attitude around?

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I wish you well in keeping positive, because as we all know, there is certainly nothing positive about being negative!

Featured photo credit: Janaína Castelo Branco via flickr.com

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