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When Politics Divide Relationships

When Politics Divide Relationships

The 2016 presidential election was historic in many different ways, and a decision of this outcome has left many relationships strained, perhaps even damaged. Modern politics can be much more damaging and invasive, particularly in the age of “fake news” and social media. Because of that, it’s easy to create your own echo chamber that solidifies your own personal beliefs while leaving you closed off to other opinions.

So what do you do when that divide invades your relationship?

When two dissenting views clash without any doors cracked open for outside perspectives, people can take it personally, and it can trickle down into other areas of the relationship.

Assess the Damage

With the election over, it’s time to assess the damage and consider where you may have caused harm in your relationship:

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Disrespect: Did you ever talk to your partner in a disrespectful way? This includes shouting, interrupting, or deflecting/blaming rather than actually listening to their point of view.

Minimizing: Did you ever minimize your partner’s opinion by refuting it through emotion? This is different than debating with facts; in these instances, you’re dismissing a point of view simply because of the subject matter.

Accusations by proxy: Did you ever accuse your partner of being prejudiced in a certain way because of their candidate’s’ perspective? The “Blame Game” immediately puts people on the defensive, and loading up accusations rather than discussing the issues rationally.

Ganging up: Did you ever call out your partner among like-minded friends or family to put them in an awkward situation? This creates an us vs. them mentality that only widens gaps between people.

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Healing Wounds

The first step in healing wounds caused by the election is to look at the points above and consider which ones you may have inflicted upon your partner. The second step is to apologize — and really apologize, not a mere “I’m sorry” but a thorough apology that acknowledges what you did wrong, why it hurt them, what you’d like to change, and if you can have their forgiveness.

Emotions are still running high from this election. The days following the election have shown us that, from media coverage to social media discussions to petitions circulating the Internet. At some point, you’ll probably want to hear your partner out as a means to take the final healing step. This may or may not be the right time to do it. The best way to assess that is to ask your partner if they’d like to talk about it.

Further Discussion

This election highlighted many issues, from social/cultural to economic to foreign policy. Just because the election is over doesn’t mean that the discussion will stop. In fact, given the reaction to the outcome and the overall inflammatory nature of the campaign, chances are the main players and primary issues will continue to be in the spotlight until at least the mid-term elections, and at that point, things will begin pointing to the 2020 campaign.

In short, this will probably come up again between you and your partner. So how can you have an open and constructive talk without descending into division? Consider the following steps to a healthy discussion:

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1) Stay respectful: Never raise your voice, call names (to your partner or your partner’s views), mock, or interrupt.

2) Ask for facts: If your partner cites something that doesn’t sit right, don’t immediately demean it. Instead, cite facts. Tangential to this, there has been much discussion lately about how social media puts a spotlight on clickbait and “fake news”/propaganda. A suggested bonding experience is both sides as a couple researching “fake news” and how to better get facts into the discussion.

3) Keep an open mind: Everyone has an opinion. However, while a two-party system often creates a presentation of binary thinking, the truth is that social and economic situations are infinitely more complex. Don’t just listen to your partner, consider what they’re saying. Even if you disagree with them, search for the one or two elements that you do agree with and start by discussing that.

4) Present your point of view with empathy: Saying that rust-belt workers are hurting or that women face everyday misogyny might be accurate but it’s a clinical description. Instead of presenting it that way, try explaining the person behind the statement. What is at stake when rust-belt workers can’t find jobs? How do women feel when casual misogyny impacts their everyday lives? By putting your partner in the shoes of these examples, it becomes much easier to see.

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Remember, you’re in a relationship because of love, not division. A healthy discussion over differing opinions is good in any relationship. However, if this divide has grown too wide because of politics, please contact a licensed marriage counselor to discuss it — there may be underlying issues causing your relationship to fracture.

Featured photo credit: Nick Fuentes via flickr.com

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Last Updated on November 5, 2018

8 Powerful Reasons to Love Your Enemies

8 Powerful Reasons to Love Your Enemies

We’ve all got our enemies; people who take pleasure in causing us pain and misery. Sometimes, the development of an enemy is due to certain differences in your characters and events have led to that. Other times, some people end up hating you for apparently no reason at all.

Regardless of how you got this enemy, as opposed to the paradigm of fighting fire with fire, consider the following reasons and see why you should actually appreciate your enemies. This article will show you not only how to not be bothered by your enemies, but how to actually foster love for them.

Read on to learn the secret.

1. It’s a practical lesson in anger management

To be honest, your enemies are the best people to help you understand your sense of anger management. When it might be true that your enemies have a way of bringing out the worst in you as regards anger, it is also true that they can help you in your quest to have that anger managed. You can’t get truly angry at someone you love and it is only in that time when you get truly annoyed that you learn how to manage it.

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Anger management is more effective when it is in practice and not in theory

Your enemies are like the therapists who you need, but actually don’t want. Inasmuch as you might want to hate them, they provide you an opportunity to control the anger impulse that you have.

2. It’s an opportunity for healthy competition

You might not know it, but your enemies make for great rivals as they help harness the competitor in you (sometimes, you might not even know or bee conversant with this competitive side until you come across an adversary). You get the right motivation to compete and this can go a long way to spur you to victory.

However, while doing so, it is also essential that you remember not to become a worse version of yourself while competing. Working against an adversary is tricky, and you need to ensure that you don’t cause harm to yourself or your morals in the process. Healthy competition is all you need to get out of this.

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3. Their negative comments can help you make a breakthrough

It is true that your enemies never really have much good to say about you. However, in as much as they might be talking out of a place of hate, there might be some truth to what they’re saying.

To wit, whenever you hear something mean or nasty from an enemy, you might want to take a step back and evaluate yourself. There is a chance that what this enemy is saying is true and coming to face that fact is a major step in helping you to become a better person overall. This is another testament to the fact that enemies can be therapists in their own way.

4. Enemies can also be powerful allies

Loving your enemies can also mean making an effort to interact and make peace with them. In the end, if you are able to establish some common ground and patch things up, you’ll have succeeded in making another friend. And who doesn’t need friends?

This can also help you in working with people in the long run. You get to hone your inter-personal skills, and that can be a big plus to your ledger.

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5. It gives you the ability to realize positivity

In a multitude of negativity, a speck of positivity always seems to find its way through.

Sometimes, a knowledge of the fact that you have enemies will also help you to focus on the many positives and good things that are in your life. A lot of times, we neglect what really matters in life. This can be due to being overly concerned with the enemies we have.

However, it is also possible for this acknowledgement to spur you to take a step back and appreciate the goo things (and people who surround you).

6. There might just be a misunderstanding

Sometimes, the reason why you have an enemy might be something very innocuous. You might not have known the cause of this fractured relationship and your enemy will help complete the picture.

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Simply approaching them will help you to understand the reason for the fracture. This, in turn, can help you to work towards healing your relationship moving forward. Misunderstandings happen, and you need to be able to work around them.

7. You learn to appreciate love as well

A constant reminder of the fact that there are enemies will also help you not to take those who love you for granted. Love and hate are two opposing emotions and it is possible for one to momentarily overshadow the other.

However, while you’ll always have enemies, there will also always be people who love you. These people need to be appreciated for what they do for you. Never let the hate projected to you from your enemies take the place of that.

8. Do you really need the hate?

The truth is that enemies bring only toxic emotions and generate bad reactions from you. If you’re truly to live a prosperous life, you can’t really be carrying all this baggage around.

Hate is bad and you should try all you can to get rid of it. It is a well-known fact that nobody can get really far in life while carrying a lot of emotional baggage. Well, hate is the biggest form of emotional baggage there is.

Featured photo credit: rawpixel via unsplash.com

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