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When Politics Divide Relationships

When Politics Divide Relationships

The 2016 presidential election was historic in many different ways, and a decision of this outcome has left many relationships strained, perhaps even damaged. Modern politics can be much more damaging and invasive, particularly in the age of “fake news” and social media. Because of that, it’s easy to create your own echo chamber that solidifies your own personal beliefs while leaving you closed off to other opinions.

So what do you do when that divide invades your relationship?

When two dissenting views clash without any doors cracked open for outside perspectives, people can take it personally, and it can trickle down into other areas of the relationship.

Assess the Damage

With the election over, it’s time to assess the damage and consider where you may have caused harm in your relationship:

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Disrespect: Did you ever talk to your partner in a disrespectful way? This includes shouting, interrupting, or deflecting/blaming rather than actually listening to their point of view.

Minimizing: Did you ever minimize your partner’s opinion by refuting it through emotion? This is different than debating with facts; in these instances, you’re dismissing a point of view simply because of the subject matter.

Accusations by proxy: Did you ever accuse your partner of being prejudiced in a certain way because of their candidate’s’ perspective? The “Blame Game” immediately puts people on the defensive, and loading up accusations rather than discussing the issues rationally.

Ganging up: Did you ever call out your partner among like-minded friends or family to put them in an awkward situation? This creates an us vs. them mentality that only widens gaps between people.

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Healing Wounds

The first step in healing wounds caused by the election is to look at the points above and consider which ones you may have inflicted upon your partner. The second step is to apologize — and really apologize, not a mere “I’m sorry” but a thorough apology that acknowledges what you did wrong, why it hurt them, what you’d like to change, and if you can have their forgiveness.

Emotions are still running high from this election. The days following the election have shown us that, from media coverage to social media discussions to petitions circulating the Internet. At some point, you’ll probably want to hear your partner out as a means to take the final healing step. This may or may not be the right time to do it. The best way to assess that is to ask your partner if they’d like to talk about it.

Further Discussion

This election highlighted many issues, from social/cultural to economic to foreign policy. Just because the election is over doesn’t mean that the discussion will stop. In fact, given the reaction to the outcome and the overall inflammatory nature of the campaign, chances are the main players and primary issues will continue to be in the spotlight until at least the mid-term elections, and at that point, things will begin pointing to the 2020 campaign.

In short, this will probably come up again between you and your partner. So how can you have an open and constructive talk without descending into division? Consider the following steps to a healthy discussion:

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1) Stay respectful: Never raise your voice, call names (to your partner or your partner’s views), mock, or interrupt.

2) Ask for facts: If your partner cites something that doesn’t sit right, don’t immediately demean it. Instead, cite facts. Tangential to this, there has been much discussion lately about how social media puts a spotlight on clickbait and “fake news”/propaganda. A suggested bonding experience is both sides as a couple researching “fake news” and how to better get facts into the discussion.

3) Keep an open mind: Everyone has an opinion. However, while a two-party system often creates a presentation of binary thinking, the truth is that social and economic situations are infinitely more complex. Don’t just listen to your partner, consider what they’re saying. Even if you disagree with them, search for the one or two elements that you do agree with and start by discussing that.

4) Present your point of view with empathy: Saying that rust-belt workers are hurting or that women face everyday misogyny might be accurate but it’s a clinical description. Instead of presenting it that way, try explaining the person behind the statement. What is at stake when rust-belt workers can’t find jobs? How do women feel when casual misogyny impacts their everyday lives? By putting your partner in the shoes of these examples, it becomes much easier to see.

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Remember, you’re in a relationship because of love, not division. A healthy discussion over differing opinions is good in any relationship. However, if this divide has grown too wide because of politics, please contact a licensed marriage counselor to discuss it — there may be underlying issues causing your relationship to fracture.

Featured photo credit: Nick Fuentes via flickr.com

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When Politics Divide Relationships

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Last Updated on September 20, 2018

7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

What do I want to do with my life? It’s a question all of us think about at one point or another.

For some, the answer comes easily. For others, it takes a lifetime to figure out.

It’s easy to just go through the motions and continue to do what’s comfortable and familiar. But for those of you who seek fulfillment, who want to do more, these questions will help you paint a clearer picture of what you want to do with your life.

1. What are the things I’m most passionate about?

The first step to living a more fulfilling life is to think about the things that you’re passionate about.

What do you love? What fulfills you? What “work” do you do that doesn’t feel like work? Maybe you enjoy writing, maybe you love working with animals or maybe you have a knack for photography.

The point is, figure out what you love doing, then do more of it.

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2. What are my greatest accomplishments in life so far?

Think about your past experiences and the things in your life you’re most proud of.

How did those accomplishments make you feel? Pretty darn good, right? So why not try and emulate those experiences and feelings?

If you ran a marathon once and loved the feeling you had afterwards, start training for another one. If your child grew up to be a star athlete or musician because of your teachings, then be a coach or mentor for other kids.

Continue to do the things that have been most fulfilling for you.

3. If my life had absolutely no limits, what would I choose to have and what would I choose to do?

Here’s a cool exercise: Think about what you would do if you had no limits.

If you had all the money and time in the world, where would you go? What would you do? Who would you spend time with?

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These answers can help you figure out what you want to do with your life. It doesn’t mean you need millions of dollars to be happy though.

What it does mean is answering these questions will help you set goals to reach certain milestones and create a path toward happiness and fulfillment. Which leads to our next question …

4. What are my goals in life?

Goals are a necessary component to set you up for a happy future. So answer these questions:

Once you figure out the answers to each of these, you’ll have a much better idea of what you should do with your life.

5. Whom do I admire most in the world?

Following the path of successful people can set you up for success.

Think about the people you respect and admire most. What are their best qualities? Why do you respect them? What can you learn from them?

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You’re the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.[1] So don’t waste your time with people who hold you back from achieving your dreams.

Spend more time with happy, successful, optimistic people and you’ll become one of them.

6. What do I not like to do?

An important part of figuring out what you want to do with your life is honestly assessing what you don’t want to do.

What are the things you despise? What bugs you the most about your current job?

Maybe you hate meetings even though you sit through 6 hours of them every day. If that’s the case, find a job where you can work more independently.

The point is, if you want something to change in your life, you need to take action. Which leads to our final question …

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7. How hard am I willing to work to get what I want?

Great accomplishments never come easy. If you want to do great things with your life, you’re going to have to make a great effort. That will probably mean putting in more hours the average person, getting outside your comfort zone and learning as much as you can to achieve as much as you can.

But here’s the cool part: it’s often the journey that is the most fulfilling part. It’s during these seemingly small, insignificant moments that you’ll often find that “aha” moments that helps you answer the question,

“What do I want to do with my life?”

So take the first step toward improving your life. You won’t regret it.

Featured photo credit: Andrew Ly via unsplash.com

Reference

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